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58.2>17 - what did "I" do wrong?

masami

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hello dear ones,

my boyfriend left me 2 days before my birthsday while i was sick and
i asked
what did "I" do wrong so my relationship failed?
answer:
43 unchanging (i have difficulties in understanding unchanging hex)

... because i did not get this answer at all :(
but i really want to do better in my next relationship one day
i said…. PLEASE i ging i don't understand this … can you please give me the same answer
but in other words so i can understand better and got:
58.2>17

i could pretend how i understand the answers but i do not... maybe one of you can help me.
thank you.
masami
 

moss elk

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Masami,

Who said you did something wrong?

Sometimes, even when we do everything right, the other person may not.
 
B

blue_angel

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I empathize with you. You were sick, it was your birthday, and he left. Not the best time to leave. But I do not know the background. What had been happening or what transpired when he left.

So I will give you this from LiSe and maybe you can see yourself in it or your situation. 43- " Speaking out one’s conviction, or holding up one's dignity, can be a dangerous venture, but it is necessary for a clean and healthy heart – and it may also benefit the rest of the world. Don’t keep still, but take care. Evaluate the possibilities and if it is necessary. Avoid fighting; there are better ways that give more results. Reckon with people’s ability to understand – or their not being able to. And especially with the reactions of those in power. Nobody will benefit by your losing your head."
http://www.yijing.nl/i_ching/hex_33-48/hex_e_43.htm

58.2>17- "Inspiring confidence in exchanging, auspicious. Regrets go away. Deep and relaxed exchange makes all heaviness go away. Talking or even only feeling the others presence puts everything in perspective. A shared heavy heart weighs only half as much, a shared happy one is twice as happy." Again LiSe - http://www.yijing.nl/i_ching/hex_49-64/hex_e_58.htm


It may help to read and reflect in order to see the message you need to receive. How does it fit with your situation? I do not believe the answers are showing you did anything "Wrong" but perhaps what you did do, or could do differently.
 

Liselle

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Hi Masami,

After discussing one of my own 43 unchanging readings in the 43 unchanging thread, we concluded it probably meant "it speaks for itself." As Blue Angel mentions, this is an oft-quoted idea of LiSe Heyboer's (she calls hexagram 43 "The Speaking Staff"). Is there something about your break-up that might speak for itself? Had there been indications that the two of you were having problems? Had he said anything earlier which may have indicated he was considering breaking up with you?

It might be noteworthy that what happened was a "break-up," and one name for hexagram 43 (Wilhelm, for example) is "Breakthrough."

Hilary's name for 43 is "Deciding" - maybe he simply made the decision at that particular moment to break things off. Decisions have to be put into effect at some specific moment, although as Blue Angel said, the timing here was not good :(.

I have heard, though, that sometimes someone will break up with someone right before a birthday or holiday, in order to avoid having to celebrate the birthday or holiday with the person, and/or avoid buying them a gift.

That is sad, but on the other hand, sometimes people need a shove to finally actually do what was going to happen anyway. Sort of like a deadline: "Gee, I really don't want to date this person anymore...and if I don't break up with her Right This Instant, I'll have an awkward situation on my hands in a couple days!"

(Would it actually have been any better if he'd waited until shortly after your birthday to break up with you, after - presumably - pretending to celebrate it?)

It could be that 58.2 > 17 was encouraging you to post about this here on the forum, and get more ideas about it from fellow members ("diviners of many kinds," as Hilary puts it in her book).

One more thing...did you ask your question in that way because of divining advice which says it's best to ask questions about what you can do or change (versus asking what the other person thinks or feels, etc.)? That is excellent advice, but like most advice, it's probably not meant to be followed 100% of the time. In this case, as Moss Elk pointed out, your question made an assumption that you did something wrong, which may not be at all true. There is other divining advice which says not to build assumptions into your questions - I think those two "rules" may have collided here :).

Maybe there was a more neutral question you could ask. Um..."Why did our relationship fail?," maybe? Or something like, "What do I need to know about this?" or "What can I learn from this?"
 

bellaball

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I don't think you did anything wrong. Sometimes the truth hurts...
 

masami

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thank you moss elk, lisa, blue angel and bellaball !
 

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