Clarity,
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London.
W1A 6US
United Kingdom
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kestrelw1ngs
visitor
- Joined
- Apr 4, 2021
- Messages
- 342
- Reaction score
- 202
I find myself in a strange land of relationship as of late... exploring non-monogamy and friendship while feeling out various dissatisfactions and facing up to my relationship with my own self, it's all felt sort of tumbled around like nobody is quite in the right spot or theres a change I have yet to make.
A few weeks ago in distress I asked how to make things feel right again, 37.1.4>33
" Enriching the family.
Much good fortune."
which I read as to make sure everyone who is connected understands their place with eachother.
The situation:
I have been seeing a couple for the past several months, who have been kind and generous in many ways, without them my life would be much lonelier and lacking. And some other long distance close friendships also toy with romance...the thing is I am reaching a point of seeing error in looking for meaning & fulfillment in romance rather than in my own creative life, but also happy to have challenged the solipsistic isolation of making myself be alone "for the sake of art" or because of perfectionism or fears of intimacy. It's been nice to flirt and enjoy company instead of pushing it away all the time.
Now, a little more relaxed, I am beginning to feel deeply restless with surface pleasures, lust, relaxation, food, and comfort. Feeling myself pull away emotionally from this couple in particular, who live a pretty material life, socializing often, enjoying collecting, shopping, sex, and so on.
I need to communicate something of this angst, or adjust the relationship but not to judge them for their lifestyle. They are very fond of me but in some ways I feel like a pet, or sort of diminished by the comfortableness of it all.
I also feel averse to some other friendships right now due to needing to spend quality time alone, or if with others to be creating, writing, making music and pursuing more education & spiritual development (studying for conversion) and maybe organizing or some kind of purposeful work, it's been neglected for years of survival mode and my soul is crying for substantial, disciplined living.
Now I asked the Yi "where do I stand with X&Y" and received 58.4>60
And "how can I correct or come into right relationship with them" 42 unchanging
Yesterday I was feeling so restless after a night out w them and cast general advice as 34.1.3>40
It seems, due to my lack of financial resources, not wise to bite the hand that feeds but that's not exactly a good way to think about /romance/.
When I began seeing them I was a mess and in a bad way emotionally, so perhaps there was a bit of a power dynamic with resources but not unpleasant. This feeling is almost adolescent like needing to break away from something nourishing and individuate. While
So the readings feel mostly descriptive it's hard to parse action out of them. I was hoping for a bit more concrete advise as this is a very unusual kind of relationship to navigate.
Thank you in advance,
Kestrel
A few weeks ago in distress I asked how to make things feel right again, 37.1.4>33
" Enriching the family.
Much good fortune."
which I read as to make sure everyone who is connected understands their place with eachother.
The situation:
I have been seeing a couple for the past several months, who have been kind and generous in many ways, without them my life would be much lonelier and lacking. And some other long distance close friendships also toy with romance...the thing is I am reaching a point of seeing error in looking for meaning & fulfillment in romance rather than in my own creative life, but also happy to have challenged the solipsistic isolation of making myself be alone "for the sake of art" or because of perfectionism or fears of intimacy. It's been nice to flirt and enjoy company instead of pushing it away all the time.
Now, a little more relaxed, I am beginning to feel deeply restless with surface pleasures, lust, relaxation, food, and comfort. Feeling myself pull away emotionally from this couple in particular, who live a pretty material life, socializing often, enjoying collecting, shopping, sex, and so on.
I need to communicate something of this angst, or adjust the relationship but not to judge them for their lifestyle. They are very fond of me but in some ways I feel like a pet, or sort of diminished by the comfortableness of it all.
I also feel averse to some other friendships right now due to needing to spend quality time alone, or if with others to be creating, writing, making music and pursuing more education & spiritual development (studying for conversion) and maybe organizing or some kind of purposeful work, it's been neglected for years of survival mode and my soul is crying for substantial, disciplined living.
Now I asked the Yi "where do I stand with X&Y" and received 58.4>60
And "how can I correct or come into right relationship with them" 42 unchanging
Yesterday I was feeling so restless after a night out w them and cast general advice as 34.1.3>40
It seems, due to my lack of financial resources, not wise to bite the hand that feeds but that's not exactly a good way to think about /romance/.
When I began seeing them I was a mess and in a bad way emotionally, so perhaps there was a bit of a power dynamic with resources but not unpleasant. This feeling is almost adolescent like needing to break away from something nourishing and individuate. While
So the readings feel mostly descriptive it's hard to parse action out of them. I was hoping for a bit more concrete advise as this is a very unusual kind of relationship to navigate.
Thank you in advance,
Kestrel