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59.2.4>12 and 52.2>18 in post-breakup?

sallybb

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what do I really feel about him, this person for my life? 59.2.4>12

I am in post-breakup and trying to figure out what was going on with the ex.

After the breakup, I only read without replying to emails and messages from ex.
After several times without replies, he stopped to send me messages. I told myself that after I really figure out what I really want, stop to be obsessed with things about him and really let go things, I will email him and talk to him again.

I use the way to understand is that 59.2>20.4>12
59 Dissolution is totally about the situation of breakup,
59.2: about the separation between people that leads to
20.4: one decided to act independently and should not be used as a tool. That is what I feel I have been put in a back-up position as a tool in the previous relationship. so I decided to go back to myself to rethink what I really want and need in a relationship.
12:Stagnation, earth and heaven are moving far way. The creative powers are not in relation.
so, it means what I really feel about him is that he is not good for me and two people cannot grow together anymore.

Am I correct?


What can I expect his approach to me and this situation? 52.2>18


52.2 I am not sure how to relate the leg and body in 52.2 to my situation?

Does it mean something like his relationship with me and his other affairs.I knew he had at least two or three affairs with other girls while he was in the relationship with me, even though he said these other affairs were not serious at all as that with me. He told me this after I found out his affairs.
Or does it mean after the real break-up, do leg and body mean the relationship between his intention and his behavior now?


Please help me to understand these two? Thank you very much. :bows:
 
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sallybb

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Dear members,

I asked about my approach to my ex, how can I do to let go things and really move on, because I think I am still in heartbreaking and trying to get rid of the negative feelings(betrayed and cheated).
I don't want to hurt anyone and myself more and want to find a balance to forgive, so I ask:


with respect, what can I expect that keep silent and ignore him? 60.5>19

It suggests don't contact ex right?
Sweet limitation= not contact ex,
this approach would bring me my self-esteem and self-confidence.

What can I expect that if I contact him? hex 46.

But I don't understand this. does Iching also suggest it is good to contact ex?
it is good and successful in terms of my goal is really to let him go, move on?
Does iching say either way is good?
Or should I read the 46.6 : one blindly advances, not retreats.If one keeps advancing(=contact ex), one will exhaust oneself. I should avoid the impulse to contact ex.

Thank you for any help!
 

rosada

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Dear Sally,
You asked, "How do i really feel about him?" 59.2.4> 12
59. Dispersion is about dissolving walls between people, so I think the I Ching is saying you are feeling uncomfortable about the fact you have decided not to return his emails. You feel this is a tactic you have adopted, rather than your true lack of interest, but it doesn't really bring you peace. 59.2 says you really would like to be connected, but 59.4 says you know it's not in your best interest to go back to a relationship that did not treat you with respect. So you are at a 12. Standstill. You feel for your higher good you should end this relationship, but you do like the guy so refusing to answer his emails doesn't feel right. You would like to Disperse this sense of separation, but you don't want to go back into the old relationship. Auugh.
"What can I expect his approach to me?" 52.2 > 18. He has sent you several emails - run after you - but you do not respond so there is nothing he can do. 18.He would like to heal things between you.
"What can I expect?" 60.5 > 19. Limiting your contact may serve you best for now, but ultimately you will have to find a way to move forward in life that doesn't require such effort. That is, "Sweet limitation" does not demand constant vigilance. I think the I Ching is saying it's okay to end things as you have but you may find yourself in a similar circumstance again because there is a need to find a way to be able to part without hard feelings.
"What can I expect if I contact him?" 46. Heap up small things.
As he has tried to reach out to you and you are feeling a twinge of uncomfortableness about refusing to respond I think IC is advising you could contact him for a very small message. Perhaps a note to say you have read and appreciated his emails but that you are feeling it is best you move on. Something to give a kind sense of closer rather than just the silent treatment.

Best wishes,
Rosada
 
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sallybb

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thank you very much Rosada.

what do I really feel about him, this person for my life? 59.2.4>12
I misunderstand 59's meaning of dispersion and what you said it is totally the paradox I feel.

59.2 I feel I should respect him as a person. I also can relate to that he wants to find other girls, the desiring flowing to all the places and people, since we were in the long-distance relationship.
My higher self feels no matter what, I should not hate a person or block a person.
My higher self tells me I should take all these obstacles between two people away.

"He must rouse himself inwardly, hasten to that which supports him. Such support is never found in hatred, but always in a moderate and just judgment of men, linked with good will"

It is totally what my higher self keeps telling me. Don't go to the extreme and link with a person no matter what he did with kindness and consideration. It is not this person DID makes you feel bad. It is your own perception. Like if this person is not your lover, you don't feel anything about his behavior. I see this, my human tendency and perception and how it brings my own pain.
I should turn inward after judgment without blame.

20.4 It is in the contemplation.

"Six in the fourth place means:
Contemplation of the light of the kingdom.
It furthers one to exert influence as the guest of a king.

This describes a man who understands the secrets by which a kingdom can be made to flourish. Such a man must be given an authoritative position, in which he can exert influence. He should be, so to speak, a guest--that is, he should be honored and allowed to act independently, and should not be used as a tool. "

Can I read the kingdom as my own inner world and my heart kingdom?

Or I can read 59.4
It indicated that I dissolve the bond with this person, give up this relationship, but this approach leads to accumulation. "This is something that ordinary men do not think of."
So this means that some lost and some gain.

59.2.4 lead to 12

12 is saying no to wrong person. according to <http://www.yijing.nl/i_ching/hex_1-16/hex_e_12.htm> " "Saying no seems a negative thing, but without the art of saying no one is a victim of everything that one passes on one’s road. But receiving a ‘no’, being denied something – even those are necessary things in life. They make strong, one learns there are borders and best of all: one learns to cope with them or to overcome them.
The right reaction to a ‘no’ or the power to overcome obstacles are the base of a strong character. Saying no is the prerequisite for individuality, for inner peace and for a rich and creative existence.
Sometimes you need a time of no. After a hectic time with worldy pursuits, you have to come back, and then 12 feels like a clear glass of water after a hot dusty day
."

In short, Iching says what I really feel about this person is
saying no to this wrong relationship but to respect him as a person and a human, some love, relating or desiring may be still there, but saying no is what I SHOULD do for the best.
I think again after reading Rosada's reply. Do I understand correctly?
Thank you very much.
 
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sallybb

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Quote:
"What can I expect?" 60.5 > 19. Limiting your contact may serve you best for now, but ultimately you will have to find a way to move forward in life that doesn't require such effort. That is, "Sweet limitation" does not demand constant vigilance. I think the I Ching is saying it's okay to end things as you have but you may find yourself in a similar circumstance again because there is a need to find a way to be able to part without hard feelings.



dear Rosada,
Where do you read that "but you may find yourself in a similar circumstance again because there is a need to find a way to be able to part without hard feelings" in 60.5>19?

Is it because the nature of 60? 60 is bitter limitation and imposed forcedly not naturally? So this limitation(chose not to contact him) is not natural, so my uncomfortable feelings will come again and again?
Thank you!:bows:
 
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sallybb

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"What can I expect if I contact him?" 46. Heap up small things.
As he has tried to reach out to you and you are feeling a twinge of uncomfortableness about refusing to respond I think IC is advising you could contact him for a very small message. Perhaps a note to say you have read and appreciated his emails but that you are feeling it is best you move on. Something to give a kind sense of closer rather than just the silent treatment.

Best wishes,
Rosada

Your reply about hex 46 is about heeping up small things and one confronted to the obstacles step by step right? If I ignore his emails, it is not to heep up small things.
I took your suggestion and sent him a short message, still no reply from him. But I feel at least I don't totally block him away but still I am true to my rule.
Thank you!:bows:
 

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