Clarity,
Office 17622,
PO Box 6945,
London.
W1A 6US
United Kingdom
Phone/ Voicemail:
+44 (0)20 3287 3053 (UK)
+1 (561) 459-4758 (US).
I'd think the 40 was about you practising really just letting this go. If he wants to return let him take the initiative.
You need some pride here Em. I mean what would Jane Austen advise here
If you can't let go in your mind and theres nothing to be gained from contacting him you will have a waiting attitude which is okay when its just too painful to contemplate a total break. But then while you are waiting stay open to other people etc I think you will need to distract your heart as much as possible.
If he comes back to you in time thats good, if he doesn't hopefully someone else will have taken his place by then
But no, a young lady must not keep contacting a young man when he does not respond to her. That soils her dignity and distresses her heart. She must keep herself calm and beautiful and open to other suitors so if he does return he will rue the day he ever let her go and fall at her feet by which time the fair lady will have given her affections elsewhere..........[/I]oh heck thats heading in to Barbera Cartland, I was aiming for Austen but don't actually know much about Austen
seriously though...I don't think you should contact him again because I feel you need to keep some dignity here. Thats important for your self esteem.
Us older ladies do what the heck we like so etiquette doesn't apply
"Letting go, does not mean to do not take action before leaving"
Plus do you think it is wrong to apologise for yourself when it comes to relationships as it would only negate yourself and reduce your worth even further in their eyes? (I mean in this sort of situation, not if you'd done something really wrong or hurt them). What do you think?
Hehe thank you. That was very Jane Austen! I know not of Barbara though... But I think the holding onto your dignity in this manner would apply to either sex too, especially nowadays where a young man cannot easily presume upon winning the heart of a lady on the merits of his fortune alone Had a look for one on the theme, there were many about a lady's virtue, but this I liked:
But when a young lady is to be a heroine, the perverseness of forty surrounding families cannot prevent her. Something must and will happen to throw a hero in her way.
Jane Austen, Northanger Abbey
One needs to think oneself a heroine
The bits I have emboldened because I realise it must be a defence mechanism. The waiting bit. As much as I hate hope when I think of the tragedy of its unfullfilment, nevertheless it is there But yes I realise that given time, someone else will come along and it'll begin all over again... (only kidding!...) and this guy will no longer have a hold upon me... Isn't it all So Silly!
I have not contacted him you'll be pleased to know, even though I'm so annoyed with myself and feel I made certain mistakes I needn't have... but I guess I have learnt, again. It's also made me more determined to be positive in my thinking. (Finally given CBT a proper look - I fit the ideal candidate to a T!) But my thoughts about myself are rather ingrained, I just have to laugh at them - the negative thoughts - when they come along. And introduce them to Mr Positive and Mrs Neutral (a much better couple and the threesome working together would be more a reflection of reality! Rather than my incestually breeding negative thoughts... as it were. Ah metaphors...)
Thanks very much for taking time to counsel me here. I am eternally grateful.
Ooh and a useful reading I have had (I confess I have helped myself to rather too many I Ching readings about him!) Re what's happening in the relationship? (possibly wrong sort of question, should have asked what's happening perhaps??)
54.4> 19
Carol Anthony: In waiting past what would seem to be the correct time for the situation to clear up, we avoid throwing ourself away. Thus we find happiness and self-respect. One day the situation will clear up.
- reflects my feeling of impatience, wanting to improve things by excusing myself, wanting to make things go my way again. But you can't talk to someone who ain't talking to you (to be fair he hasn't ignored me, just not been as forthcoming - well a fraction of what he was - and we haven't had communications for almost 2 weeks now...)
So I just have to bear with the imperfect situation and I should be more ready next time someone comes along :bag:
Thank you!
:bows:
em, not sure if this is directed to zeishiky but I wonder, would you be 'apologizing' if this was just a friend? And why is it more important to decide on it depending on the amount of appreciation you'll get and not on what will make you feel you've been good to yourself? Not to your need alone, but to the wiser, better, loveable you . . And how about letting go to discover what will survive from this (59/23)?
your 40 reads to me as doing what will ease you . . if that means contacting him, hold on tight and do it, if that stresses you more than relaxes you find a way to unleash your tension and stay close to what flows easier . .
ok, you probably heard and thought this before, nothing new here, just reiterating I guess.
although by the 101st time we have the same dilemma with the 101st person we are just wise to our process which can be even comforting in its predictability.
I can imagine.
yes I think the one place you differ from many other females in this situation is they would have a cut off point where dignity, self esteem, recognition of rejection made them pull back into themselves...a kind of time of retreating and licking the wounds . For you its like you continue putting yourself out there for the approval of the rejector. I'm no therapist though and not especially a fan of it but I think its worth you investing some time on yourself because those bad thoughts about yourself are a real menace to you. heh well I guess we could all do with some therapy
... Hope thats not too patronising...but you are young and talented and this self disaproval really injures you. If you had a bad leg you'd get it fixed
Clarity,
Office 17622,
PO Box 6945,
London.
W1A 6US
United Kingdom
Phone/ Voicemail:
+44 (0)20 3287 3053 (UK)
+1 (561) 459-4758 (US).