6.3.4.5 > 18 (Arguing!) for how to approach person X

[Scribbles]

I asked what the best approach would be to take towards person X and received 6.3.4.5 > 18. I first thought this is a Yi joke—why would I want to approach this person, who I care about, by arguing?

Then I read Hilary’s blog about hex 6 (link below) and thought maybe it’s the idea of arguing as recognizing this relationship is not as I want it to be (though I’m loathe to disturb a somewhat delicate balance for...the unknown). I’ve had the feeling recently of being tired of repeating the same conversations over and again. It feels stale—and truly like we’re blocked from getting to more intimacy and vulnerability, which are necessary for a deeper friendship.

Since I’m tired of the same thing over and over, perhaps it’s time to talk about what’s going on between us that’s causing the block. As noted, I’m hesitant to do that, as I’ve literally no idea how this person would react. We’re both quite good at avoidance. But then if talking about it upsets the friendship (or this friend) so much that it can’t bear that, well, that also gives information about a direction to go, doesn’t it?

Am I anywhere close to being on the right track? Or is Yi telling me altogether something different? Input appreciated—thank you!

The blog I referenced:

Contrasts of Hexagram 6

También disponible en español Hexagram 6 is called Conflict, or Arguing; its name also means bringing to court and calling for justice. Fittingly enough, it's best understood through contrasts and oppositions. The authors of the oracle seem to have thought so, too: its Oracle is laid out

www.onlineclarity.co.uk

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[breakmov]

Hi Scribbles

"I asked what the best approach would be to take towards person X"

response: 6.3.4.5>18

There is a conflict situation that needs to be resolved:

hex6: conflict, conflicting interests that need to find common ground

hex18: work on what has become unproductive, do something about a situation that has become unproductive

imagine the relationship of these two hexagrams this way:

the hex6 has a disease that needs the remedy hx18 to be cured

The situation described by 6.3.4.5>18 is the action of taking the "hex18 remedy" to solve hex6 disease.

Going into more detail on the action of "taking the remedy" and its context:

Action: There is a need for you both to be in a situation where there is a common value to both of you which, at the same time, is a point of reference above both. This action of sharing this common point of reference is something that, in order to function, needs a predisposition/intuition between you on how to aspire to a stable relationship, free of excesses or defects.

context: a situation where learning, lack of experience and experiencing will go hand in hand. be always ready to correct the learning of this common point of reference by diminishing the excesses or defects in that learning


cheers,

breakmov

 

[Scribbles]

Thanks, Breakmov. I’m pondering your action/context sections thinking about how that applies. It’s helpful to think of hex 18 as the thing that needs to be addressed for hex 6 to be resolved. I’ve add the 18 to the title of my original post as well.

I was so caught up with my ?!? reaction to getting hex 6, I forgot to say that my reaction to seeing 18 was “that part makes sense at least.” We each remind the other of someone significant from our pasts, which means we both get along well and also trigger some (old) issues for each other. Or I should say that is the case for me and it definitely seems to be the case for them. Since 18 addresses habitual patterns (and it seems like dysfunction as well), this would make sense.

I’m thinking on what exactly this means in context of 6, as we’d don’t actually argue, though we are quite opposite. We just seem to have hit this plateau, this habitual way of interacting, and while it’s obvious there’s a strong shared affinity, we seem to be...stuck...with a lot that could be said but isn’t.

Being that our interactions are limited to online due to distance, I don’t know what a hex 18 cure for our hex 6 stuckness would look like. For me, this would be something I’d talk about over a cup of coffee—which simply isn’t possible.

 

[breakmov]

Hi Scribbles
I notice that the action/context section is very dense and much likely confusing for others. I will return as soon as I can, with a more understandable content .

Cheers,

breakmov

 

[breakmov]

Hi Scribbles,


I'm going to start with a situation that happened a few years ago in the place where I live and that will help to exemplify, at length, quite well the answer I left above:

The situation happened in the church in my area with a conflict between a Priest, who came to replace another who died, and the Deacon.
The population of my zone is made up of simple people and very attached to religion. The old Priest who died was very charismatic and dear to the people.
We also had a Deacon, a very respected and dear man among the population who, to help the old Priest, took care of the various tasks of the church with the help of his family, groups of supporters and catechists. He organized the church's deligences, with heart and soul, for several years because the old Priest lost the mental conditions to do his job efficiently.
The old Priest eventually died and was replaced by another Priest.
The new Priest, now responsible for the church, with responsibility above the Deacon wanted to implement his project and that is where the conflict started.

- The Priest, being the hirarchic superior, thought that outlining the direction of the church was his job.

- The Deacon felt that although he was in an inferior position, he had been an "almost Priest" for several years and that he had the support and cart of the population and his whole group.

Can you imagine the situation?

Two church figures who were there to provide a religious service to the population. they had to show an example of the values that the church provides...support, understanding, love, friendship, organization, ... and yet they were in conflict - not an open conflict but a growing malaise that could be seen in their faces and attitudes and those of the people who attended the church.
- This situation was resolved with dignity and a sense of responsibility because both needed it...as well as the population.





...continuation


breakmov

 

[breakmov]

Now using the situation as an example in your reading:

notice that here both people are trying to give their best and yet the conflict was inevitable
The new Priest being the superior and starting his function in a new place, wanted to give his best and win the affection and confidence of the population.
The Deacon had been the "executive Priest" for several years, he had the consideration, the affection and the support of the people.
Both were there for a common purpose, of great responsibility and above both. There was a church, the focus of a very devoted population, which needed to be managed and this was above the particular interests of each of them.
The reading that came out 6.3.4.5>18 clearly shows that the resolution of the conflict has to be built on a basis of mutual influence, a common feeling, a kind of affective symbiosis complemented by a more efficient behaviour of both, a kind of sacrifice of their separate visions in favour of the main objective that is above them.

"Action: There is a need for you both to be in a situation where there is a common value to both of you which, at the same time, is a point of reference above both. This action of sharing this common point of reference is something that, in order to function, needs a predisposition/intuition between you on how to aspire to a stable relationship, free of excesses or defects. "

Notice that a conversation, like a meeting, where there is a debate full of reasons and demands on both sides, and where there is no affection and consideration for the common focus only leads to what everyone knows...a conflict that never ends.

Thus, the Priest and the Deacon had to learn to work together, with many attempts and mistakes, trying to use what they were learning and, with the experience of their lives, always return to the main objective that united them - the church and their community.

"context: a situation where learning, lack of experience and experiencing will go hand in hand. be always ready to correct the learning of this common point of reference by diminishing the excesses or defects in that learning"

Anyway, I hope this helps you to do something...yijing only helps to open up a path that can be walked wisely, but the walk has to be done by the person



cheers,


breakmov


Translated with www.DeepL.com/Translator (free version)

 

[Scribbles]

Thank you for your replies, Breakmov. Busy week and just had time to read them thoroughly. I think the hidden conflict resolved through a mutual understanding that we need to work together to achieve is probably correct.

This “clicked” for me this week during a conversation where I told X I would be sad about a colleague leaving, and X responded by changing the subject quickly. That was not a surprise—similar has happened before And is always frustrating. Instead of letting the frustration stay hidden, I have to address it. I know X is not comfortable with feelings—a simple “yeah that sucks” would be enough acknowledgement rather than just changing the subject. If X isn’t willing/able to do that, then I suppose the friendship is not going anywhere no matter how fond I am of X.

Having had this recent experience, I think hex 18 coukd be pointing to my pattern of not speaking up for myself in favor of making the other person comfortable, and hex 6 is that I need to state what I need, whatever that outcome of doing so.