Clarity,
Office 17622,
PO Box 6945,
London.
W1A 6US
United Kingdom
Phone/ Voicemail:
+44 (0)20 3287 3053 (UK)
+1 (561) 459-4758 (US).
So I got involved in something with a guy I came to fancy recently. I had met him about a decade ago, apparently at that time he was interested in me, never really made a move. I wasn't interested in him then.
He has always been sensitive and shy at times, moody even, though also a really nice guy as well. I know it's difficult for him to get started with women although also they like him too, he's a sensitive artist type. He recently has been making a lot of positive changes for his physical and mental health and this was very attractive to me.
I had moved to another city 2 or 3 years after we met, only coming back recently. I see him once a week at an activity we do with others. We ended up hanging out and then hooking up (he asked me out, though I had to basically ask him to make the first move). Just cuddling, though for couple hrs (we had been hanging out already all day, really deep conversations learning a lot more about each other). He was hesitant the next morning what to do, I said I thought we should just see how it goes, we're adults, just communicate with each other. He seemed to be into that.
The next time we hung out it was really great, again super deep conversations he again said he wasn't sure if he was ready for a relationship. He didn't explain why, but he got hit again with quite a bit of grief still from dad passing away (almost 1 yr now) due to a holiday, also in the background I think his ex was stirring up a lot of stuff (she was basically stalking him- got job next door to him, had showed up to his apartment that day that she shouldn't have known where, started showing up out of nowhere to our activity. He was really stressed by this.).
Also he is working on a personal project and kinda just adulting stuff. Again I thought and then said, this is pretty soon to DTR, I am liking the hanging out part, I don't care what it's called right now. Also I was going away for a month and wouldn't have cell service much, and that would give us time to reflect and work on personal projects.
We had like 6-7 dates over 3 weeks which all were chill/fun/awesome. I don't have a lot of physical experience which I wasn't explicit about- tho hinted at- and he was super cool with boundaries and exploring that at my pace. Couple sleepovers, lots of making out and great talks. I left for my trip, we hadn't really said anything about what will happen, there were people around when we last saw each other and he just gave me a kiss. He sent one text wishing me a safe and exciting trip, which I got a few days later. We had a short talk via text. I never heard from him again, it's been over a month now.
About two weeks after that text he wrote all of us in the activity to say he was quitting for 8 months. He hasn't responded to anyone else's calls/texts/emails either. It was a group he was in for over a decade and also some of his best friends are in it. When I got that I wrote to say I was sad and things I'd miss from him in the group, but wanted to support him with all that was going on. Wrote when I'd be back and also another time that I knew I'd have cell service, he didn't reply. Sent just one other text that was a lil goofy, about something we were both interested in, nothing. I guess I just wanted to emphasize that I was trying to mirror his interest, I wasn't over contacting or something.
I asked Yi for advice on what to do now about the burgeoning relationship, Yi gave me 61.2.5 going to 27.
I am thinking that even though I really want to, I shouldn't contact, just be patient? He will contact when he's ready? I think I can accept that he needs the space right now, though I would have preferred for him to tell me that he needed it for our personal situation and not just the group.
OR is it that I need to say, hey, my actual goal is to be in a healthy relationship, and focus on that, and to prepare myself for someone who is ready for that?
Line 5 maybe too could be to just state what I need clearly which is I want a relationship with him at this point, to make that known. And accept the consequence? OR is it even to be there for him, to remind him I can provide that nourishment? People with grief often withdraw in exactly the way he is doing.Yesterday I was at a friend's wedding and it was a rough day, as I had to take care of (emotionally and medically) a guest who was having an anxiety attack and food poisoning the whole time. I went to an afterparty, and after all of that, and it was at the site of first 2 dates with guy, I got pretty upset. Then when I came home my roommate was asking 20 questions about him and it got me even more emotional.
I asked Yi: "Any advice for me today, yi? Yesterday was pretty rough and I was upset about X/being single"
I got 7.3.6 going to 18 and I'm not as familiar with these hexes. Line 3, is it just saying to let it go? Or is it that I need to let go this thing where I feel like I shouldn't contact him, and just do it to make things clear? Taking responsibility for what it is I want to know or establish? Or even that if it was a friend only who is grieving, the right action is to gently remind person I am here for support without intruding too much, but to let go the romantic/emotional element?
Line 6- I don't know if the issue is that I am wanting to support an "inferior" person- ie someone not on same wavelength as me. Or if it's I need to reach out to re-establish that we're a team.
Ending up on hex 18 does not seem doubleplusgood to me. Again I don't know if the issue is that the situation has already decayed, or that I need to take action in order to prevent the decay.Please help, thank you!
Hey-Thanks for the formatting! I kept trying to edit it the post to let it have more readability, but I was unable to.
So I got involved in something with a guy I came to fancy recently. I had met him about a decade ago, apparently at that time he was interested in me, never really made a move. I wasn't interested in him then. He has always been sensitive and shy at times, moody even, though also a really nice guy as well. I know it's difficult for him to get started with women although also they like him too, he's a sensitive artist type.
He recently has been making a lot of positive changes for his physical and mental health and this was very attractive to me. I had moved to another city 2 or 3 years after we met, only coming back recently. I see him once a week at an activity we do with others. We ended up hanging out and then hooking up
(he asked me out, though I had to basically ask him to make the first move). Just cuddling, though for couple hrs (we had been hanging out already all day, really deep conversations learning a lot more about each other). He was hesitant the next morning what to do, I said I thought we should just see how it goes, we're adults, just communicate with each other. He seemed to be into that.
The next time we hung out it was really great, again super deep conversations he again said he wasn't sure if he was ready for a relationship.
He didn't explain why, but he got hit again with quite a bit of grief still from dad passing away (almost 1 yr now) due to a holiday, also in the background I think his ex was stirring up a lot of stuff (she was basically stalking him- got job next door to him, had showed up to his apartment that day that she shouldn't have known where, started showing up out of nowhere to our activity. He was really stressed by this.). Also he is working on a personal project and kinda just adulting stuff.
Again I thought and then said, this is pretty soon to DTR, I am liking the hanging out part, I don't care what it's called right now.
Also I was going away for a month and wouldn't have cell service much, and that would give us time to reflect and work on personal projects.We had like 6-7 dates over 3 weeks which all were chill/fun/awesome. I don't have a lot of physical experience which I wasn't explicit about- tho hinted at- and he was super cool with boundaries and exploring that at my pace. Couple sleepovers, lots of making out and great talks. I left for my trip, we hadn't really said anything about what will happen, there were people around when we last saw each other and he just gave me a kiss. He sent one text wishing me a safe and exciting trip, which I got a few days later. We had a short talk via text. I never heard from him again, it's been over a month now.
About two weeks after that text he wrote all of us in the activity to say he was quitting for 8 months. He hasn't responded to anyone else's calls/texts/emails either. It was a group he was in for over a decade and also some of his best friends are in it. When I got that I wrote to say I was sad and things I'd miss from him in the group, but wanted to support him with all that was going on. Wrote when I'd be back and also another time that I knew I'd have cell service, he didn't reply. Sent just one other text that was a lil goofy, about something we were both interested in, nothing. I guess I just wanted to emphasize that I was trying to mirror his interest, I wasn't over contacting or something.
I asked Yi for advice on what to do now about the burgeoning relationship, Yi gave me 61.2.5 going to 27. I am thinking that even though I really want to, I shouldn't contact, just be patient? He will contact when he's ready?
I think I can accept that he needs the space right now, though I would have preferred for him to tell me that he needed it for our personal situation and not just the group.
OR is it that I need to say, hey, my actual goal is to be in a healthy relationship, and focus on that, and to prepare myself for someone who is ready for that?
Line 5 maybe too could be to just state what I need clearly which is I want a relationship with him at this point, to make that known. And accept the consequence? OR is it even to be there for him, to remind him I can provide that nourishment? People with grief often withdraw in exactly the way he is doing.
Yesterday I was at a friend's wedding and it was a rough day, as I had to take care of (emotionally and medically) a guest who was having an anxiety attack and food poisoning the whole time. I went to an afterparty, and after all of that, and it was at the site of first 2 dates with guy, I got pretty upset.
Then when I came home my roommate was asking 20 questions about him and it got me even more emotional. I asked Yi: "Any advice for me today, yi? Yesterday was pretty rough and I was upset about X/being single" I got 7.3.6 going to 18 and I'm not as familiar with these hexes. Line 3, is it just saying to let it go? Or is it that I need to let go this thing where I feel like I shouldn't contact him, and just do it to make things clear?
Taking responsibility for what it is I want to know or establish? Or even that if it was a friend only who is grieving, the right action is to gently remind person I am here for support without intruding too much, but to let go the romantic/emotional element? Line 6- I don't know if the issue is that I am wanting to support an "inferior" person- ie someone not on same wavelength as me. Or if it's I need to reach out to re-establish that we're a team. Ending up on hex 18 does not seem doubleplusgood to me. Again I don't know if the issue is that the situation has already decayed, or that I need to take action in order to prevent the decay.Please help, thank you!
It may be that we see relationships very differently to Yi. Our culture has made some kind of religion out of romantic relationships as if they were the purpose of all life but often Yi answers our own development within all those feelings...or something.
What does DTR mean ?
There is a part of me that thinks maybe I was unclear about wanting to stay in contact- the email I sent definitely did indicate this, but the text I sent was more joking and vague.
Thanks guys for your viewpoints. I think I have to just take it one day at a time and with time, it will get easier to be doing my own thing. I think he really did not mean to be a jerk, the grief thing is very real for him at this time, let alone everything else, but it's not satisfying my needs presently. PS - No, we did not have sex, as I said we did things physically at my pace, it felt very loving but who even knows. It did feel like we had an emotional/intellectual/friends connection, but again, nothing doing now.I am in my 30s and never had a relationship nor sex (don't even get me started on that, plenty of times I've asked Yi about this over the years) so it's easy for me to slip into the "not enough" mode, yeah, definitely my upbringing echoed that as well. Men never pursue me, anything I've had has been from me initiating, most of my dating experiences as of late (other than this- all from online) have ended with the guy in first date or two catching onto my inexperience and dumping me/even lambasting me for it. I think your guys' interpretations helped me focus my interpretation of 7/18, thank you guys for the guidance.
I have the suspicion that this may be -- in some cases -- because people who ask the Yi on their relationships or non-relationships do this often very frequently. And then they take the most hopeful casts and share it here for discussion, because they want to hear something, well, hopeful. (Generally said, I am not talking about you, jawnwilliams.)
But if you ask the Yi repeatedly on the same matter it will give conflicting answers -- maybe rather mirroring an emotional rollercoaster than the "real life" situation. That's at least my impression.
Anyway then I find out apparently my love interest had put up resistance to me rejoining the group when I moved back, he had told another friend in the group (his best friend in the city) that it took him a long time to get over the "thing we had" in the past...um....what? We never had any sort of thing, though I had a vague suspicion he might have liked me or wanted to hook up or something. We never had a date, we are talking ten years ago, we had always hung out in a big group. Thankfully the rest of the group who were aware of this were like, uh, no, she really knows how to do this, we need extra people especially with a flexible schedule, she was in the group before and always when people left they could come back no problem.
Clarity,
Office 17622,
PO Box 6945,
London.
W1A 6US
United Kingdom
Phone/ Voicemail:
+44 (0)20 3287 3053 (UK)
+1 (561) 459-4758 (US).