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64.3.5.6>28

deedeebird

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I have gotten the message that a romantic interest is not so interested in me, so have recently backed off completely. I am not doing this in hopes of having an influence, but because it's the right thing for me. I can only guess he is happy for the breathing space. Today I asked, Does he like the silence? ("Like" in my mind encompassed both enjoyment and need.)

The answer: 64.3.5.6 > 28.

Insights?

Thank you!!
 

my_key

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Today I asked, Does he like the silence? ("Like" in my mind encompassed both enjoyment and need.)

The answer: 64.3.5.6 > 28.
Hi deedee bird
You have stepped back from this relationship because it is the right thing for you as he was not so interested in you as you were in him. You say you do not want to influence him in any way and are interested to know whether the space you have given him is making him happy. Does he like the silence?

64
64.3 - He was not sure emotionally what was best to do. He has used the silence to come to a new understanding.
64.5 - He has put 2 and 2 together and now is clearer on where he stands.
64.6 - He is feeling quite confident about how he sees things now.
28 - There is a new flexibility and open mindedness in how he stands on things.

Be well

Mike
 

deedeebird

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Thanks, Mike.

It's interesting that you interpret the changing lines in the past tense. I could see doing that for hexagram 63, but how do you know to do that for 64? (I'm a beginner, no doubt.)

Also, how do you see 28 in a positive light? In other words, you seem to be saying that my friend's time might be bringing him to a positive conclusion (or am I just reading that into your words?) about us--that there might be possibilities for a future--but do you get that purely on your own intuition or is it obvious from the changing lines?

I appreciate your time!
 

willowfox

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Does he like the silence? ("Like" in my mind encompassed both enjoyment and need.)

The answer: 64.3.5.6 > 28.

It appears that he is quite satisfied with your withdrawal from the scene.

Hex 28 speaks about the situation reaching its breaking point but the guy is happy to be alone, or away from you.
 

deedeebird

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Ouch.

I asked, Is it time to say goodbye to my feelings for him?
I got 18 unchanging. My guess for this is that I should work on my emotions concerning him, keep it real yet not put out every flame?

I asked, Has the relationship evolved to its end point?
I got 15.1.5.6>37.

I take this as a 'no,' but I don't really understand 15 or how to read the changing lines?
 

willowfox

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Hex 18 suggests that you try and repair the damage done, it seems that you may have made some mistake that upset him in the pat, so now you have a chance to make amends by taking action.

It suggests no, but line 15.6 cautions you to look to yourself for the problem that lies between you and not him. Did you get over exuberant or just come on to strong with him, whatever, the solution lies with you to repair.
 

deedeebird

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I am completely aware that I have damage to repair, but I withdrew because I knew he wanted me to. So I cannot in effect repair anything outside of myself until or unless he wants to interact. Therein lies the confusion with those lines, which you didn't really speak to.
 

deedeebird

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When I met him, I was going through a tough personal time and could not properly communicate about it, which had a snowball effect. I have wanted to talk to him for some time, to let him know what happened, but the opportunity has not arisen.

When I asked how I could best use the silence between us, I got 41.4. This seems to go along with 18. I just don't understand how 15>37 is read or how the situation, now dead, has an ability to come back to life.
 

willowfox

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Do you have an I Ching book?

If so, then read the advice of line 15.6 it is very applicable to your situation and I have already told you what it said. The whole of Hex 15 is about behaviour and Hex 37 even says the perseverance of a woman holds the relationship together. I have answered what you asked. He needs to see a change in you before this gets back on track.

And Hex 18 says that you don't need to say goodbye providing you repair the damage. But you are perfectly aware of that so I wonder why I am telling you again.
 

deedeebird

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"He needs to see a change in you before this gets back on track. And Hex 18 says that you don't need to say goodbye providing you repair the damage. But you are perfectly aware of that so I wonder why I am telling you again."

I believe, Foxy, that it's all about asking the right questions, which perhaps I have failed to do. I get that I have to repair the damage and that nothing will be on par until I do. However, we are in a withdrawal state, lives completely unicorporated right now, so what I was really trying to ask is how do I repair anything if he's not interested in talking.

So to follow-up with all this, I asked, What change in the situation will allow me to show him I have changed? I got 40.4.5>29.

I mostly understand the lines, but have a hard time putting the whole thing together. For instance, 40 is like a rebirth, yes? And yet 29 is the pits. I could understand this reading better if it went from 29 to 40, but have a hard time getting it this way.

I will be looking up 15.6 per your suggestion. Thanks again for all your time.
 

willowfox

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So to follow-up with all this, I asked, What change in the situation will allow me to show him I have changed? I got 40.4.5>29.
Line 40.4 talks of dependency while line 40.5 talks of inner resolve to overcome your shortcomings.

Hex 29 says that if you are truly sincere then you will succeed at bringing about the necessary changes that he will see for himself. So, do the right thing and I'm sure by now you know what it is.
 

deedeebird

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This thread made me re-think whether or not my withdrawal is smart since yes, I know reconcilliation depends on me yet I hear loud and clear (no phone calls, quick text responses) that ole boy is closed off to me right now.

Feeling confused about the best way to proceed, I asked the Yi, What's the most important thing for me to know at this time? The Yi said 2.5>8.

I take this to mean that I should not rent a plane and write I LOVE YOU, WHAT ARE YOU DOING AWAY FROM ME? in the sky, but that I should acknowledge those feelings and allow them to mold me from the inside.
 

willowfox

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It's not about giving up at all, but it suggests that you be tactful and careful, not to go looking for attention from him, so be discreet in your dealings with him.
 

deedeebird

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Thanks...keep doing what I've been doing...until hopefully something pops.
 

bamboo

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in the context of great pressure, he is thinking things over, but it isnt over for him yet. 64>28

it isnt time for you to let this go, because there is something rotten here that needs to be repaired.

use the silent period to rid yourself of faults, self-examination. agree with Wf that you may well know what it is you need to look at/change.

you can show you've changed by being independent and strong, able to face the music and get yourself free of bad habits.

the most important thing to know is 2.5....that if you are willing to be a partner and to be receptive to this man and his needs, there is a good chance for reconciliation. Bear this in mind when he contacts you, because I feel that based on your first reading that he will eventually. be open to that. but I personally wouldnt make any moves on your own behalf just now. JMHO!
 

deedeebird

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Thanks, Bamboo.

I agree with most everything you've said. The only nice thing about this is that I do indeed take full responsibility for repairing what I've spoiled, and I hope to have the opportunity with him to prove it. I do think he will eventually contact me, but I wonder why you think that? (I'm just trying to learn how others do interpretations so I can get better at it.) How does 64 play into the question I asked, as far as you are concerned? Does it signify "before making a decision" or something else? And when I read the changing lines, I basically thought they meant something like this..."He is somewhat conflicted about how to proceed, but in the meanwhile he is happy to be with whoever he's with, having a good time."

Perhaps I'm not taking 28 into account enough? That hex is a tough one for me, as is 29. Actually, I think it is just hard when the more challenging situations appear as the resulting hexagrams because we tend to think of them as the future. I think maybe I would be better off viewing resulting hexes as stage scenery and the first hex as the actual play?

Your insights are certainly welcome, and thanks for piping in.
 

bamboo

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you could read the 64 >28 the way you did also, and I think it it is valid read. But I always tend to see 64 as saying the matter is not done yet, and the 28 in that case seemed to fit as a possible backdrop. sometimes I have found the relating hex to mean the context of the situation, but not always. In this case, my intuitive feeling/image was a guy thinking it over, maybe enjoying himself somewhat but still mindful of unfinished business, and feeling the growing sense of having to do something .

I never actually see relating hex as "future" but sometimes as the trend, the way things are heading. that would almost be the same thng here because the longer someone waits to attend to unfinshed business, the more the pressure builds. In either case, it is as if he is waiting to make a move of some kind, 28 is about the pressure building to some kind of culmination

In general, none of your readings point to a finished matter. and esp 64. those are reasons I think he will contact you.

For me, 29 as a relating hex seems to be the backdrop of the situation most of the time. And your question's wording was relevant to that. Delivering yourself from what holds you back requires a 29 like effort, something that has to be faced and plunged through even though it is difficult. So yes, your doing that may well be a 29-like trend as you follow through, do the work, be courageous. BUt it could also be seen as what he needs to see in you..the ability to be independent and to face the music, to meet your difficulties.

yeah "stage scenery" may be a good way to look at relating hex, imo. maybe as the "texture" of the whole situation, the kind of atmosphere you are operating in or asking about, and surely the "texture" of the future trend if you folow through. 40 is a very active hex, about deliverance, getting free...29 speaks to the challenge of this ( the setting) as well as to how it may feel and look when you are actually making the effort.
 

deedeebird

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Thank you! The "texture" or essence of how something might seem and feel when it happens--that is very helpful. In a way then, the two hexagrams produce friction, so you have to visualize their surfaces, like the various coarseness of different nail files, and then think about how one surface would change the other...some scratch and others smooth.
 

bamboo

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You have an interesting way of visualizing things! I like it.

must say though, it wouldnt be always that the two hexagrams produce friction. they can be 'hand in glove' just as readily. I think 40 and 29 tend to compliment each other. It isnt hard to imagine that 'getting free' could require a crisis or a difficult passage. Other readings might need more imagination.
anyway, I wish you the best with the situation!
 

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