8.5.6 > 23 relationship question

[Happytogrow]

Dear Community,
there’s a guy I’ve met a few times, and we’ve been chatting daily for over two months now. We live in different cities, and both of us are in the process of moving to new places, so the situation is not straightforward. Unfortunately, I’ve focused too much on him, and with my desire, I feel like I’ve either pushed him away, or maybe he just doesn’t like me as much. I’m not sure. Two weeks ago, I asked him when we would meet because this uncertainty is hard. He replied that he needs more time for himself and that, for him, it’s more of a friendship, and he knows that I’m not looking for that. After that, we didn’t talk for a week, but then he started writing again, asking how the move is going, etc.

I asked the I Ching what advice it has regarding him. The response: 8.5.6 > 23.


Hexagram 23, "Breakthrough," relates to the dissolution of my negative feelings — so, rigidity/strong desire, false illusions, or the breakdown of the relationship. I’m unsure how to interpret this. Thank you in advance for your advice.

 

[Piasa]

8.5 is counseling to only pursue those who are interested, and let the others go.

8.6 This tends to mean you are not on someone's radar for whatever reason. Sometimes it means they are preoccupied with other parts of their lives, and sometimes it means they are not interested in the same things you are. This situation sounds like the latter, but maybe it's some of both. He expressed to you that he is looking at this as a friendship -- I would believe him, let go of the uncertainty (23) because he has both told and shown you (8.5).

It may not have been anything you did or didn't do, just that he is not interested in a romantic relationship with you. He has shown respect by being up front about this, and giving you some time without writing to process feelings, and reached out again perhaps because he values your friendship and would like that to continue. Only you know if that is worthwhile and sustainable for you.

 

[Happytogrow]

Thank you for your reply.

 

[thisismybody]

Echoing Piasa's response.

I'll add, you demonstrated a desire for union (8.5) with someone who isn't seeking union with you romantically, that is, no head (8.6). So split apart from him or the idea of romance (23).

59 concerns dissolution of negative feelings, imo. Breakthrough isn't really 23. I've had 23 for things that die and split off from me, like an old old friendship that had played out and we could no longer meet on the same wavelength bc the dynamics that created the union had changed. That relationship never came back. And it was good bc we learned what we needed and moved on.

In 23, rocks turn to sand. The sand doesn't turn back into rocks. Can be dead grass that becomes manure to fertilize something new. That's what happens at 23.6.

23 seems to be about the prospects of romance, not friendship. What does Yi think about staying friends?

 

[Dr Daunt]

I've experienced 8.5 as a message of both "don't force connection/relationship with someone who isn't showing reciprocal interest and commitment" and "don't force connection with someone you don't feel a real affinity toward". Either way, I think it advises to let this game go and take the game that both presents itself to you AND that you yourself want. 8.6 might indicate a need for smarts or leadership in the process of seeking union, which could relate to seeking union in an intelligent and organized way, and/or seeking union with people that it's smart or makes sense to pursue. 8.6 could also relate to the guy seeking union without a head, but it might be best to apply it to yourself. Maybe it would be good to think of the most important qualities you want in a partner, and be pretty uncompromising until you have that. One of those, I would think, should be someone who shows reciprocal interest and is clear that they want a relationship in the same way you do.

 

[Lakewater]

It's interesting that you are both moving. You are both going places. It reminds me that your life is larger than this one relationship. In hexagram 8 there is questions of belonging. You might be asking where this relationship belongs in your life. In 8 people of common interests stick together and in 23 there is a splitting apart, a cutting back, it is a time of accepting the way things are and not trying to push any direction but to be receptive inwardly and composed outwardly so that in time you can return to a stronger sense of yourself and you're own centre.

This is reflected in the lines, line 5 is very confident, whoever naturally belongs with you will naturally be attracted to you, there isn't any doubt or confusion, and whoever doesn't belong is free to go. Line 6 may be asking you to look at what really holds you both together, there's a sense with the line there might be something missing, even a friendship will have something that keeps both participants in fellowship.