Clarity,
Office 17622,
PO Box 6945,
London.
W1A 6US
United Kingdom
Phone/ Voicemail:
+44 (0)20 3287 3053 (UK)
+1 (561) 459-4758 (US).
- Joined
- Oct 22, 2014
- Messages
- 30
- Reaction score
- 5
So, I have extremely longstanding issues with jealousy and insecurity in relationships, that crop up quickly in every relationship I've been in. It's almost like a true phobia - I always am deeply afraid that my partner will either cheat on me or leave me for someone better. I realize it's my issue so try not to put it on them, but it feels internally terrible for me, with strong feelings of panic or dread that overwhelm my rational thoughts. It's been with me my whole life, did not stem from a real life incident, and feels irrational but intractable. I'm reasonably attractive and smart, but I always am fearful that whomever I'm dating will find someone else more desirable.
I asked the I Ching, "How can I feel less jealous/scared/insecure in relationships?"
The result was Hexagram 9, changing lines 1 and 4, relating hexagram 44. Here are some ideas I find relevant; I'd love to hear any further insights on this advice.
Hexagram 9 is 'Small Taming. In Hilary's book, she associates this with self-cultivation in small ways, and also self-restraint. I already definitely try for self-restraint in the fear, but it runs pretty rampant, and I already try for restraint in expressing my fear. Self-cultivation makes sense as a general idea here, but not sure more specifics.
Changing line 1 is about returning to your own path. I've realized even more lately that's where I need to focus when I get fearful about someone else seeming potentially appealing, is to focus on myself instead of comparison, and what is good about me. That idea only goes so far, though.
Changing line 4 seems to really capture what I need, but not sure how to achieve it. It advises being true and confident. Hilary says, "Be more present, act with confidence, and the fear will go away by itself." That would be awesome - but not what I've experienced so far. Any advice on how to better enact this line?
Relating hexagram is 44, which is interesting in a couple of ways. First, I've heard that sometimes associated with a sort of temptress or affair-type energy, seductive but not lasting, and I guess that represents some of my fears. I've also seen it associated with something that throws you off your normal/rational balance, which is how I experience this sort of irrational fearful energy.
Anyone have any other insights about practical advice I can take from this to improve this issue? I would totally appreciate any input! This is like a several decades-long issue at this point, and I'd love it to not have such a hold on me.
I asked the I Ching, "How can I feel less jealous/scared/insecure in relationships?"
The result was Hexagram 9, changing lines 1 and 4, relating hexagram 44. Here are some ideas I find relevant; I'd love to hear any further insights on this advice.
Hexagram 9 is 'Small Taming. In Hilary's book, she associates this with self-cultivation in small ways, and also self-restraint. I already definitely try for self-restraint in the fear, but it runs pretty rampant, and I already try for restraint in expressing my fear. Self-cultivation makes sense as a general idea here, but not sure more specifics.
Changing line 1 is about returning to your own path. I've realized even more lately that's where I need to focus when I get fearful about someone else seeming potentially appealing, is to focus on myself instead of comparison, and what is good about me. That idea only goes so far, though.
Changing line 4 seems to really capture what I need, but not sure how to achieve it. It advises being true and confident. Hilary says, "Be more present, act with confidence, and the fear will go away by itself." That would be awesome - but not what I've experienced so far. Any advice on how to better enact this line?
Relating hexagram is 44, which is interesting in a couple of ways. First, I've heard that sometimes associated with a sort of temptress or affair-type energy, seductive but not lasting, and I guess that represents some of my fears. I've also seen it associated with something that throws you off your normal/rational balance, which is how I experience this sort of irrational fearful energy.
Anyone have any other insights about practical advice I can take from this to improve this issue? I would totally appreciate any input! This is like a several decades-long issue at this point, and I'd love it to not have such a hold on me.
Last edited: