9.2.6 > 63 & some unchanging casts: burnout/fresh start???

[kestrelw1ngs]

hello again,

a few might remember the relationship difficulties i posted about previously.
well lots has changed in an inner sense. being 'done' with certain patterns, no longer engaging in arguments. both my partner and i have been putting much effort into being kinder. it has relieved the sense of urgency. i have been confronting my own negative behaviors, problems and pains in a more mature manner.
and sensing how far cut off from my joy & creativity my spirit is. just anxious, depressed.

asked "what truth are my feelings pointing to"

received 47 uc.
burnout.
in the house there is a sense of boredom & exhaustion, as if life has lost its 'spark.'
i have been pushing to do fun things, rekindle friendships, and trying to 'fix' this sense of drudgery while riding a emotional rollercoaster. trying to include partner, but she is exhausted and told me quite firmly she wants to be "left alone" for at least this week. recently she keeps telling me how she is afraid to move out away from her parents' home where we live.

i am tired of feeling & being alone & going in circles. i want to make plans, move ahead, out of this dead end place. find a source of money -

asked Yi "where can I find a source of money in my circumstances?"
received 50 uc. interpreted it as "big things are brewing, hang on"

i miss my family and consider visiting to get a change of scenery. they have been attempting to reconnect a bit, over mundane and pleasant ways like texting pictures of the sunset. but still haven't addressed the enormous pain & falling out we have had over my "life choices" - the thought of being around them OR cutting them off entirely fills me with guilt, exhaustion.

today a tarot reading delivered the message to just stop. stop talking and listen. that i have been in intense denial, and am going thru a huge rebirth, but will need to cut people off who are draining my energy. no matter how painful.

i do feel ready to make an enormous change - to move into a new place, kindle new friendships or even romance. dedicate myself to my art.
but having received so many castings to be careful, not make moves too soon, that something big is brewing, i want to make this choice in a way i can put my entire heart into it. so if i fall flat on my face at least its with a sense of joy and commitment, not running away.

also, i do love my partner a lot. part of me still wants badly to include her in this fresh start. another part of me is grieving that she may simply not be ready/ able to provide what is needed in a partnership for such a big change.

so i prepared to receive a hard answer and asked the Yi
"where do I need to make the cut?"
and received 9.2.6

9. Minor Restraint​

Line 2:​

Being pulled back.
Good fortune.

Being forced by the circumstances to go back. This is not much of a problem, things go well.

Line 6:​

It has already rained, it has already settled,
value and virtue are received.
The wife's persistence is dangerous.
The moon is nearly full.
The noble one's expedition has misfortune.

One already has accumulated what one needs. Pressing for more at the last moment is unnecessary and dangerous.

Hexagram is changing to:​

63. Already Across​

Already across.
Progressing.
Little benefit in persisting.
At first good fortune,
eventually disorder.

The situation is ready, so there is no need for putting yet more energy into it. Things are still progressing. Initially things go well. But there isn't a goal to work to any more, so one will become a bit scattered if no new goal is taken up.

well it seems to be advising more restraint. that's all the Yi ever tells me it feels like!
i'm not taking any action for now. this feels like Yi is telling me i've done what i could, sit back. wait for next step to reveal itself.
however i am open to further insight as this whole situation has me feeling like an arrow pulled back tightly into the bowstring ready to launch...
thank you!!!

 

[picklebop]

It sounds like an incredibly frustrating situation! Regarding the 47: burnout, it may be your own effort that is contributing. Feeling you have to feel invigorated is an extra burden to place on yourself and can paradoxically hobble you. The water is there, the sustenance, but is not yet accessible. This could apply to your relationship, your inspiration or your resources.

The Wilhem interprets it as positive, however:

" No blame. When one has something to say, it is not believed".

Which makes me wonder if action is more likely to bring about change than persuasion. Perhaps the people in your life are more amenable to follow by example. However your later Minor Restraint suggests it would ideally be small actions- it looks like there are people who require recovery before proceeding. It could be a good time to really clarify your intent- doing this can make action far more forceful when the time is right. It's kind of like a volcano storing up pressure. It feels horribly uncomfortable but can give a huge amount of motivation to change things. It's really a very active state much like a critter waiting to pounce on its lunch- but the timing has to be right to catch it.

Might it be worth asking when would be the correct time to act? Or how to spot it when it arrives? I find it's worth observing dreams carefully at such times as they can offer clues as to the turning-point.

Passive restraint is akin to a buildup of rainclouds, where no rain yet falls, but with the relief of a breeze. This links in with the idea of 'stuck' flow and frustration you are experiencing and suggests something will give you partial relief. Nurturing the self is important in such times, when external events and people aren't cooperating. It would be worth identifying ways you could refresh and meet some of your needs in the near future, even if different to the big changes you want. ( I personally find when I want urgent change I get a bit frantic about doing it all at once, lose track of specific projects and goals and thus come to a standstill.)

The changing 2 implies holding true to your beliefs, in returning to yourself and withdrawing from argument. This will preserve your vision for better times. Is there anyone else you could talk to besides your partner, perhaps a good friend?

At the risk of being overly literal, the changing 6 via Wilhelm states:

" The rain comes, there is rest. This is due to the lasting effect of character. Perseverance brings the woman into danger. The moon is nearly full. If the superior man persists, misfortune comes."

This is interesting given your relationship challenges. It may relate to it, or perhaps to the yin principle as opposed to an actual woman. It's a difficult state where both hesitating and moving has risks. But it does suggest a degree of improvement. It may be that rest could help your progress, perhaps by incubating artistic projects. Things are improving here but it warns against the urge to force it.

Already Across could imply things going well but at risk of some disorder later, so it's wise to continue to be careful as you progress. Equally, it could also suggest the tumult is necessary and can be predicted and prepared for in this calm transitional period. Even if you reach a new state that too will need work to grow it.

I hope this helps at least a little bit as I am definitely no expert! When the I Ching suggests you wait it tends to be very accurate. However I have previously been very pig-headed and acted anyway, which invariably creates chaos and terrible stress. This has admittedly broken me through to a new state, but often then I just find the same problems reappearing again in a different form and the pressure building up again....a lot of these kinds of state will just remanifest themselves again if you didn't 'get' it initially.

 

[kestrelw1ngs]

Thank you for your reply, thinking of it as a tense and active state like a creature ready to pounce actually is quite helpful.

And I see your point about the pressure to act, or to be a positive force, itself creating the exhaustion.

I do know many improvements that are within my power to make. The voice of worry insists that making any small improvement is pointless because this whole situation is for the dogs (literally, as many of our problems are aggravated by the untrained anxious dogs that neither of us have time or energy to properly care for). That small actions are not enough, like wiggling around trying to get rest on an uncomfortable pile of blankets that really need to be entirely shaken out and arranged properly, if that makes sense.

However, if I shift to thinking of small actions as a way to build momentum and tension, like a tiger crouching awaiting prey- his muscles are not inert, but making slight movements to keep energy flowing - that's a good alternative story to combat anxious desire for rash action.


I have also acted against the advice of the Yi before and learned my lesson by ramming my head against the inevitable.

The Yi has also specifically communicated with this situation that were I to just bounce, the problems I'm running from would just recur in another form (29 has also been coming up). Far too exhausted to even think about repeating a similar scenario whatever transformation is cooking I want to stick it out so as never to encounter this kind of frustration again! On to new challenges, PLEASE.



line 6 turned out to be quite literal:
the day I cast this, it began to rain shortly after. A cleansing autumn storm. And my partner loves rain, she came home happy and had a very cozy night in, went to bed early.
Meanwhile I was boiling with tension and pent up energy, and trying my best to keep Yi's advice in mind, not "push it" and ruin the mood


I think I will join a gym and start making plans with friends again. Went out tonight with some old acquaintances despite misgivings.....it was a mediocre event but refreshing to just be around other people having fun.

Many thanks for your kind reply!

 

[diamant]

what truth are my feelings pointing to
47 uc
That you're trapped.

where can I find a source of money in my circumstances?
received 50 uc
In cooking? In any case, there's no quick money to be had, aim for something that can be built upon slowly.

where do I need to make the cut?
9.2.6 > 63
She has you on a leash (9.2), keeps you with sex and makes you believe that if you leave it will be a misfortune (9.6). This needs to end (63).

You're unhappy and fearful with her, and have been for a while. Treasure your own life and happiness, the situation doesn't sound worthwhile.

 

[kestrelw1ngs]

what truth are my feelings pointing to
47 uc
That you're trapped.

where can I find a source of money in my circumstances?
received 50 uc
In cooking? In any case, there's no quick money to be had, aim for something that can be built upon slowly.

where do I need to make the cut?
9.2.6 > 63
She has you on a leash (9.2), keeps you with sex and makes you believe that if you leave it will be a misfortune (9.6). This needs to end (63).

You're unhappy and fearful with her, and have been for a while. Treasure your own life and happiness, the situation doesn't sound worthwhile.

curious where you are getting the idea of "keeping with sex" from the line 6?

I don't think the fear of leaving is coming from her so much as my own past experiences with being "dumped" in extremely painful destructive ways. I don't want to do that to her. I value her and would like to keep a friendship.

Things have shifted again even in the past few days...she apologized for snapping, has been very affectionate, and reassured me she does not expect me to do everything alone in the house.
I processed some old relational trauma with my therapist, began connecting with new people over art. And feel much lighter, less trapped. I'm almost happy, not carrying the weight of how I "should" care for her and the dogs, and knowing this situation will not last forever.

There still is the question of what the "next move" is, and for me of how to tell her I need something different.....at the end of the day I just don't want to hurt her and myself by lying. My motivations are simply that, I want to do the most honest and sincere thing in the situation and it has been difficult because my own feelings have been so clouded and unstable (I have a mood disorder & OCD, and lost almost all my friendships, outlets, and financial independence during the pandemic).

There is so much energy stored up in the life we have built together. She still has my heart, and has truly grown and become a gentler person as I have become a more honest and capable one, the effects of that growth finally feel like they have 'taken hold'.

But I have lost romantic interest through exhaustion, of the effort it took to get here, and dove off into fantasies of stable future romances. Not the kind you just jump into, but where you wait to meet someone who has more in common and share an easy, natural understanding.

I want to honor her, tell the truth, that I had given up on my needs being met here, and like you said, choose my own happiness.

I asked "how do I deliver the truth kindly?"
14.1.2.5 > 33

seems to be about releasing need for control, being the "guest" of life, just being myself

14.1 - avoid negativity, go forward with caution, basically "get my own life" stop obsessing and worrying about the outcome of this, just enjoy the pleasantness that is present (changes to 50, the cauldron)
14.2 - others are in accordance, remain true to myself
14.5 - many blessings are available if relationships can be kept balanced and sincere, act with dignity
33 - step back, give the situation room to breathe, maybe my thinking on this isn't clear or sound

and "what is the best outcome of connection between X and I?"
12.4 >20

12. Obstruction​

Line 4:​

Having a higher purpose.
Without fault,
but it is a category separate from happiness.

Working on something that's important to you, perhaps regarding your personal or spiritual development. There is nothing wrong with that. It is no pleasure to go through this development, but it really needs to be worked with.

Seems to be that we serve a higher purpose in each other's lives, not necessarily happiness but a sort of spiritual development.

That is accurate to the first set of readings I ever did for our relationship.
Seems like a concise message that ties together many previous readings: if I can set aside personal happiness, and understand there is some larger force that brought us together to help one another out of a bad situation, the work can be finished and I will be 'released.' This thread suggests there is incompatibility or a power imbalance at play.

Or the Yi could be merely reflecting the situation, that this is how I have been viewing our connection, and have already decided we are incompatible.

I also see some interpreting this line as "a situation of separation, some action is needed to reinvigorate, if the other is in alignment they will respond, if not others will come."


Overall, I'm interpreting this as "don't worry about it and just take care of yourself, don't get too big for your britches, act naturally & a solution will come"

 

[diamant]

curious where you are getting the idea of "keeping with sex" from the line 6
'Rain' is often a metaphor for sex.

how do I deliver the truth kindly?
14.1.2.5 > 33
14.1 acknowledge it will be difficult to be alone and to remain friends.
14.2 pack up and leave.
14.5 be steadfast and respected.
33 "the superior man keeps the inferior man at a distance, not angrily but with reserve".

what is the best outcome of connection between X and I?
12.4 > 20
Seems to be that we serve a higher purpose in each other's lives, not necessarily happiness but a sort of spiritual development.
Yes, it looks that way to me too. This connection deserves some serious thinking. It's not a connection based on happiness. Like you put it, you two aren't compatible enough, there isn't enough natural understanding. 12.4 speaks of different categories - you two are perhaps even more different than you want to believe.
I totally understand that you love her, but as you can already see your love cannot and will not change her. This is who she is, even if she has apologised she remains who she is and she'll repeat the unpleasant behaviours.

 

[kestrelw1ngs]

thank you for your interpretations, diamant, i've been up nights thinking about the decision.

past few days I have received a series of casts on this situation with X that basically scream GIVE IT A REST. that there is inner work to be done before any outward changes at all will be possible. will post a separate thread but after will probably take a break from consulting the Yi and put energy into....something....writing, perhaps?


however, a plot twist with this reading :

I should have specified that my question "where do I make the cut?" was intended to clarify whether the message was about "cutting" connection with X, my tenuous relationship with family/mother, or my workplace, as all three have been causing distress.

well, not sure if this was Yi's intention with the 9.2.6 but seems likely?

a few days later, SURPRISE! my mother called.

it ended in a very tense falling out about.....well I'll keep it somewhat private but largely has to do with trouble from my upbringing, her strict religious ideas about gender & sexuality, attempts to manipulate me into giving up my current 'lifestyle.'
she uses my young siblings as a sort of bargaining chip for me to come and visit. (9, line 2?) tho every time i have visited to reconnect, i leave extremely depressed. have been staying away despite missing them...

well, i lost patience and got pushy about the issue, gave an ultimatum that I won't be back until she and my father decide to address these issues. WELL that did not go over well. I let loose with what I really thought - undoing the minimal apparent "progress" we had made. (9, line 6?)

cast 18.1.6 > 11 when asking "what can be done about this situation with my mother?"

seems obvious - line 1 and 6 seeming to represent her and I - yin, yang, not in accordance, opposite ends of the hex. heavy work involved in fixing what has been spoiled (I laughed, that's an understatement). did I have a hand in spoiling it? yes, of course but line 6 "Does not serve kings and princes, sets himself higher goals" and hex 11 lead me to think, well - there's peace in letting that be that!
on to greener pastures.

very 63. i could have returned a la 9.2, (good fortune if you're not ambitious), and not pushed for more a la 9.6, but river has been crossed, no real going back.

think earlier i misinterpreted the 9.2.6 as advice but it seemed more a description of what pattern to CUT- Yi saying hey, you keep going back, holding yourself in because you fear the loss - cut it out!

that cut has been made! the tarot reading advised to "let it all fall apart" and that's very much how this situation ended.

as for the rest....we shall see. could go the same way. anyways I feel less on edge.

thanks!

 

[kestrelw1ngs]

Wilhem's description of The Image for 63 seems to fit pretty well too, thinking of the relating hex as the general environment of the question:

Water over fire: the image of the condition
In After Completion.
Thus the superior man
Takes thoughts of misfortune
And arms himself against it in advance.

basically, the pattern is already set, the misfortune apparent. the situation only goes well with extreme caution - why bother!

 

[diamant]

"cutting" connection with X, my tenuous relationship with family/mother, or my workplace, as all three have been causing distress
The relationship that our parents have created with us fundamentally influences all our other relationships, especially with our partner, and with figures of authority (work). So it's very possible that your reading was referring to your relationship with your mother. Once you manage to metaphorically cut the umbilical cord and become an adult, strong and secure in yourself, you'll then manage to not allow yourself into situations which are causing you distress because others are stepping on you. Or, if you involuntarity find yourself in such situations (e.g. work), to handle them better.

did I have a hand in spoiling it? yes, of course
In my opinion, no, you didn't. The adult is fully responsible on what type of relationship they form with their children - from the moment the children are born. A child cannot be held responsible for that because they can only go along with whatever the parents impose.

what can be done about this situation with my mother 18.1.6 > 11
I agree with your interpretation, nothing much can be done. You can't change the way she thinks, so, no point in arguing with her. Take her off the position of authority in your life. Walk away from her 'authority'. Accept that this is who she is, and pay no further attention in wanting to change her. This is easier said than done. It's not an instantaneous achievement, as this is about changing your whole childhood mind programming. But it's absolutely doable with sustained effort.

 

[kestrelw1ngs]

"cutting" connection with X, my tenuous relationship with family/mother, or my workplace, as all three have been causing distress
The relationship that our parents have created with us fundamentally influences all our other relationships, especially with our partner, and with figures of authority (work). So it's very possible that your reading was referring to your relationship with your mother. Once you manage to metaphorically cut the umbilical cord and become an adult, strong and secure in yourself, you'll then manage to not allow yourself into situations which are causing you distress because others are stepping on you. Or, if you involuntarity find yourself in such situations (e.g. work), to handle them better.

did I have a hand in spoiling it? yes, of course
In my opinion, no, you didn't. The adult is fully responsible on what type of relationship they form with their children - from the moment the children are born. A child cannot be held responsible for that because they can only go along with whatever the parents impose.

what can be done about this situation with my mother 18.1.6 > 11
I agree with your interpretation, nothing much can be done. You can't change the way she thinks, so, no point in arguing with her. Take her off the position of authority in your life. Walk away from her 'authority'. Accept that this is who she is, and pay no further attention in wanting to change her. This is easier said than done. It's not an instantaneous achievement, as this is about changing your whole childhood mind programming. But it's absolutely doable with sustained effort.

I appreciate your perspective.
I do feel that psychological weight and anxiety has lifted since accepting the situation with my mother and moving on. It makes sense that dependency has been at the root of the other distressing situations, as yes the primary caregiver relationship & traumas profoundly shape the choices we make.
You'd think with an education in psychology I'd be aware of this in my own life but when something is so close & subconscious it can be all but invisible!
The understanding that comes with facing fears and making hard decisions turns out to be much more powerful than any formal knowledge.

Can see now that Yi was becoming another umbilical cord to avoid responsibility, and worry about the future.

Weaning myself off doing so many readings, but did one last casting a few days ago to ask "okay, what is my next step, my absolute basic next step?"

Received 20.6 - tough love!

Seems as though the Yi said "i won't help you any more with this question, it is up to you" but also "take a good hard look at yourself and your situation objectively, see if you really are this superior man you think yourself to be"

And so I am doing. It isn't very pretty, or fun, many ugly truths (reminds me of an earlier casting when I asked where i'm lying to myself, 34.6 > 14, the ram caught in the hedge...sort of a situation that needs less thrashing about and more quiet backing-down) but man do I feel lighter.

Many thanks!