9 > 32, almost but, yet, not

[klann]

Hello everyone!

I have a longlasting...well, situation with this guy I like very much. He lives in another town, we see each other occasionally, according to circumstances (we never create them) and it's a kind of a friendly, no expectations kind of thing. We enjoy each other very much, have excellent communication BUT there is also a very intense erotic atraction that has been thwarted by both of us. Why? Well... no idea. When we first met, four years ago, it sparkled right away but I was with someone else, he was with someone else and since then things have been the same: we meet, enjoy each other's company, it slowly moves into passon area and we move away from each other. And it is painful both emotionally and physically.

I have asked IC how to approach the situation if I want to create an emotional relationship with him, and I got 9 > 32.

Does it mean:

a) this as it is now is an enduring pattern. It will always remain as it is now: this "almost" relationship which never actually comes to be will have the eternal duration, or

b)the way to create an enduring union is to let things develop naturally.

The thing between us is very strong and I would appreciate your answers so that I know should I expect something real or just move away from this "valley of vulnerability".

Thank you.

 

[willowfox]

I have asked IC how to approach the situation if I want to create an emotional relationship with him, and I got 9.1,4,5,6 > 32

Line 9.1 says that you want to move forward with this relationship but there are obstacles in the way, so the wise thing to do is to back off for the moment. Then think the problem through carefully and then you will know what to do.

Line 9.4 After you have seen the situation for what it is you will realize that there is no need to fear or worry, so speak with your friend and discuss what you would like to do.

Line 9.5 So, this line is about helping and cooperating with each other to form that emotional bond that you so want, and if you can and do work together on this then the result is very positive.

Line 9.6 Now, this line says that you will indeed achieve that emotional relationship providing all the previous steps have been followed but now the warning comes, do not take the relationship any further otherwise it could all end in tears, so just strengthen what you have achieved and thats it.

Hex 32 The relationship will endure providing that you listen to the advice of line 9,6 and don't stretch it beyond its limits.

 

[petrosianii]

sometimes I look at the nuclear hexagram for help

I agree pretty much Willoxfox's interpretation. Very succint, to the point, and textually consistent and coherent.

Just to add a few observations:

1. There's a lot of volatility, movement, change in your reading, as evidenced by so many change lines in the first hexagram. Usually this means the answer is not fixed, there are a lot of variables to consider, the answer is not simple, but more complex, etc. It seems clear that you have to act with propriety and caution, as there are many potential pitfalls in this situation, if you don't.

2. Hexagram #9 means you're in a RESTRAINED atmosphere. The time is not yet ripe for full consummation of the relationship. Willowfox is right, I think: Don't push, take small steps, use caution, and, as you stated, work more to let things develop in accordance with the tao, and the times.

3. As for #32, CONTINUING ... This has always been a difficult hexagram for me to plumb. Sometimes, when I receive a perplexing hexagram, I will "look deeper into its heart," so to speak, by examining its nuclear hexagram (NH). In this case, the NH of #32 is #43 RESOLUTION. I think this emphasizes the "heart" of #32, two lines of which stand out in regard to your situation:

"You cannot engage your adversaries in battle for, in acknowledging their strengths, you engage them and give them power."

'In personal relationships, you must now make a RESOLUTION to overcome difficulties by making progress in constructive directions. THis will surely strengthen the bonds between you."

I think this is true, but as Willofox said, only after the other preliminary steps of #9 have been taken. It seems that Willowfox's counsel is right on the money when she says:

"... but now the warning comes, do not take the relationship any further otherwise it could all end in tears, so just strengthen what you have achieved and that's it.

Hex 32 The relationship will endure providing that you listen to the advice of line 9,6 and don't stretch it beyond its limits."

Once these preliminary steps are taken, I think the oracle is counseling that the time for RESOLUTION (Willofox's "cooperative communication of needs and objectives") will ripen of its own accord. You just need a bit of patience and Li Te (propriety, virtue) until that time comes.

God's blessings

 

[klann]

Thank you so much for giving some of your time to my problem.

I understand completely what you're saying and I do have patience and propriety to wait it out, to let things happen at their own time. I have four years behind me as a proof of my patience.
The thing is that I'm not sure whether that patience is leading things to something or to this everlasting state of the relationship being on the verge of becoming real but never getting there.
That is what I am wondering about...

 

[willowfox]

The thing is that I'm not sure whether that patience is leading things to something or to this everlasting state of the relationship being on the verge of becoming real but never getting there.
That is what I am wondering about...

No, you have been on the verge for ages, soon it will be time to cross over with the help and cooperation of your friend. First the discussion, then the action, so get yourself psyched up for what lies ahead.

 

[diamanda]

Hi klann,

You asked "how to approach the situation if I want to create an emotional
relationship with him, and I got 9 > 32". In short, the answer tells you to
go on as you are, ie, not to take any specific 'action', not to change how
you've been behaving so far. Perhaps the answer is like this because the
question in itself is somewhat strange. We cannot 'create' a relationship,
we cannot force an issue like this, especially if you are a woman, and
under circumstances like this one. You said he already knows that you're
interested, so if he hasn't taken any action in all these years, i'd say that
common sense, as well as the I Ching answer you got, tell us that you
should not be trying to force the issue and try to create a relationship,
but just continue as you've been so far, because you've been on the right
path (32) - so far you've done the right thing, and continue like that.

9 - this describes the situation, lots of 'promising clouds', but no 'rain'.
9:1 - Return to your own path, turn back and pursue your own course.
9:4 - With sincerity you'll manage to get rid of fear and hurt feelings.
9:5 - This line speaks of someone who turns to his 'neighbours'. You
said he lives in another town, so i wouldn't think this refers to him.
9:6 - This line says that if a woman perseveres, she'll be in danger.
And that the superior man must 'remain quiet'.

Somehow all this does not sound as if describing the forming of a union
or relationship. We have 'turn back', ' be sincere', 'turn to your neighbours',
'don't persist', none of which speaks of union. On the positive side, your
question was not "is it possible for the current situation to turn into a
relationship", it was how you should approach the situation. 32 means
duration, not changing one's direction. So, although the answer doesn't
tell us if you two are going to be together or not, at least it tells us that
you are on the correct course, continue as you are, and don't take up any
action. And fingers crossed that he does!

 

[sollina]

We cannot 'create' a relationship,
we cannot force an issue like this, especially if you are a woman, and
under circumstances like this one.

I agree with your interpretation, she should stay on the same path, but I do not understand this thing above. As I see, men are getting more and more confused about their role in the society: we, women, are confusing them. There is a strong movement for the equality yet we want them to take action and "be men".

Confused men waiting for me to take action is an enduring pattern of my life.

To make myself clear: I'm just objecting to the generalisation, I agree with the concrete advice.
Klann, don't take any action, you are on the right path. Go on as you have gone so far and things will develop naturally, in their own time.

 

[diamanda]

Hi Sollina,

I know what you mean, and i did not mean to be 'sexist' by saying that.
This is just a fact i've always seen and observed to hold true, over and
over, everywhere i look. If the man does not make a move, even when
the woman obviously likes him, then this invariably leads to either no
relationship, or (if the woman goes after him and 'strives' and 'creates'
a relationship) to an unhappy relationship.

There is much debate and speculation as to why this is so, but the 'why'
is not so important to me personally; merely that this is what i've always
seen and know to be true, and i just thought i'd mention it because i
thought it was relevant in this case, nothing more than that.

 

[amy luisa]

i just drew this exact Hex and changing Hex

I asked (in my second two part question)

Can This Be the Beginning of a new Union between E and myself that would be better?

I got Hex 9 - Small Taming changing to Hex 32 - Lasting

we have not spoken for a while and now, he has communicated with me. I guess I need definately, to take it slow and be patient as Willow has always told me.

We have not spoken for months and now, since receiving some peaches i sent him, he sent me the sweetest email. I responded back. It indicated that there would be further messages from him at the end of his letter. Well, i guess, since he asked me questions i answered....it is a very very strange and wonderful feeling. But I will not let it be like last time.

Patience and going slow...is what i get out of this....Learning my lesson as i want to see where it can go.

:bows::bows: