A casting about someone I never met

[karl]

Hello,

I just found this wonderful website while looking for an interpretation of a casting I did this morning. It was the first since a long time and I'm far of having any real knowledge about I Ching. Here's my story:

About three weeks ago I wrote an email to an ad in a local magazine of a woman looking for a partner. As I did this before in a nice way, but never got an answer, I took a somewhat blunt approach (critisizing some lines of her ad) just to get her attention. She replied in an equally blunt manner critisizing my way of courting for her. As she was right, I backed down and more or less apologized.

Since then we exchange emails nearly every day. It turned out, that we are very similar in our thinking and in what we are expecting from life. We exchanged pictures. She said that I'm not her type, but that she likes my smile and that I look likeable. I said something similar about her picture. Two days ago, we phoned for the first time. There was instant rapport. She said, that she felt a great intimacy, and it was the same to me. We will meet for the first time on sunday.

In an email two weeks ago, she told me, that her last boyfriend left her, shortly before she wanted to move in with him, in a situation where she didn't feel good and had injuries from exercise. I said, that she probably did not screen him enough for his ability for a relationship.

Yesterday in another email she came back to that and asked me how I screen a woman for a relationship. I told her that I try to use my intution and mentioned things like astrology, NLP and I Ching. This was the cause that I did a casting this morning.

As I considered this not too much serious at first, I asked a funny question from one of her emails. Basically the meaning was: Do we still like us, when we meet for the first time?

The result was:

Primary #24
Nuclear #2
Final #25

I already found an old post about #24 and two of the moving lines, especially the somewhat critical "Above 6", with comments from Chinuajin and Hilary, which gave me a lot of insight. I would appreciate a comment with regard to my special situation, that is, that we still haven't seen us in person and probably both are afraid of not liking our looks and thus ending the acquaintance. One point for me is also, that I was looking for a younger partner. She is somewhat older than me.

Thanks for listening
Karl

 

[hilary]

Hi Karl,

Nice to have you

It is really hard to read this as a 'lightweight' answer to a casual question: it sounds as though there must be a lot lurking behind your question. The picture of 24 leading towards 25 is of your sense of yourself and your own direction re-emerging, and inspiring you to separate from past disasters.

Being 'Without Entanglement' as a background and direction makes me think that one or both of you are still in the process of getting over past (bad!!) relationship experiences: disentangling your sense of who you are from what happened to you. That might create a certain spontaneity in forming new relationships, but it's quite different from the kind of commitment to step-by-step growth required for a long term relationship.

Looking at 24, I expect that the rapport created between the two of you on the phone will last. For the moment, you're walking in the same direction, and you're finding what you have in common. So naturally you have a meeting of minds and this wonderful sense of recognition.

But... I think that most of the change and growth in this meeting is on the inside: in other words, you promote one another's development and change, without necessarily establishing in-depth communication between the two of you.

Looking through the lines...

'Walking in the centre, returning alone.'
On the face of it, this sounds pretty clear: it's right for you to be by yourself at the moment. This is all part of stripping away things that no longer have a useful purpose, and starting afresh. I don't think this line totally rules out a relationship, but it does make it clear that staying on your own path, true to yourself, is far more important than any relationship.

'Generous returning, no regrets.'
Would you say this connection really started when you apologised for the nature of your first approach to her? This line suggests more of the same feeling: not apologies, necessarily, but the sense that there is such a lot you don't know about her, you can so easily be wrong. This means being big-hearted about changing your direction completely. Whether that means travelling towards her or away from her, you will be able to do it with the same generosity, no ill-feeling at all.

Then, suddenly, the sixth line - maybe the most disastrous in the whole book! Yikes! You urgently need to work out what this points to in your own life in order to prevent the disaster.

Some hints: the problem is delusion, and not just disaster that strikes from outside but also the kind that comes from faulty vision. You are wondering what will happen when you actually see one another; the I Ching seems to be saying that appearances are the one thing you should not trust. (For instance, I think age is probably about 80% to do with the spirit, not how long the body has been around!)

Another hint: this is Returning's Nourishment, that is, this line points over to Hexagram 27. It sounds as if you could be driven by very basic needs. Perhaps there is some old lesson here to remember about where you start from, the basic underlying reality, far deeper than responses to appearances. You have to stay awake, stay in touch with that returning sense of yourself and your personal direction. You can't make things happen if they go against that, no matter how much energy you waste.

Or in other words... stay in touch with your centre, with your natural generosity and willingness to change, and whatever you do, don't confuse your reaction to appearances, or your needs, with your real inner voice. That way your returning energy stays 'disentangled', and can find its own direction.

I hope this is some help! Let us know how it goes on Sunday

 

[candid]

Hilary, thanks for an incredibly good reading! Perfect timing and advise for me as well as Karl. You ever thought about doing this professionally? *grins teasin*

Welcome, Karl. I don't think it gets any better than what Hilary's put forth as your answer. Thanks for stepping up with your question.

 

[willow]

Adding my admiration!

One thing I might suggest for reconsideration in light of line 6 is your confidence in "screening." I'm not saying it isn't valuable, or that it hasn't served you well (including, in a way, being the vehicle the interaction-to-date rides in), but if there's advice that something you profoundly rely on urgently needs to be questioned (as to whether it is really you or is really more of an outside influence), then maybe your beliefs about faulty and accurate screening are a candidate. Just a thought - it may be way off.

 

[karl]

Thanks, Hilary and Willow, for your advice. It helped me very much.

We both had indeed bad relationships not long ago. She had been left by her partner, when she was seriously sick. I was somewhat blind in my relationship. I did expect things that I could never get from her. And I could have known that rather early.

So my screening was indeed far from perfect, Willow. But it was different at that time. Now I'm trying to improve my intuition and rely more on that instead of on facts or common sense or advice from other people. What I told her also is that screening for a relationship is really not that important until one has to decide about moving together.

Your advice on the 6th line, Hilary, could be really the danger that threatens me. I tend to forget my own needs when I'm courting for a woman. I usually adapt to her wishes and preferences. I'm changing myself into another person in order to appeal to her. This often also leads to her not doing much for me and I feel miserable after a while.

Today I did another casting for a different reason and the result was surprising. I also have an ad in that magazine in order to look for a partner. Occasionaly I have appointments with the women, that wrote me a letter. Also today in the evening. I don't know her, just phoned with her three times. She was very direct about what she is looking for. She wants to have children and a man to marry her. As I already have grown-up children, I don't really know if i want this. But while I like the freedom to do arousing activities and trips, I'm considering from time to time to change this lifestyle somewhat and settle down.

In preparation for the appointment I asked the question: "How will my life be with a wife and children?"

The result was:

Primary: #2

Nothing else. No moving lines. This is exactly the nuclear from my previous question. Does this have a special meaning.

I understand #2 as to be open-minded, while developing an idea as this is not yet the actual doing. In the sense of: the map is not the territory.

But I really wonder about the coincidence with my previous question.

Karl

 

[willow]

Yes, sometimes a hexagram can keep popping up. One way to look at that is to step back from your questions a little bit and wonder what *else* you're not paying attention to as you focus on your questions. Imagine maybe you're in intent conversation with someone and a little kid keeps tugging at your leg. "Not now," you say...until you smell the smoke, and realize the kid was trying to tell you the house is on fire!

One attribute of #2 is "devotion" - which is the positive aspect of the trait that you've experienced in a negative and codependent way. The difference is, with devotion you give of yourself to nurture the other, and with codependence, as you say, you change yourself to please the other. The earth doesn't change; the seed it nurtures and supports changes.

When you're in that space of dating/seeking, it's easy (and to some extent quite appropriate) to get into a perspective of having the key question be, "What's in this for me?" Maybe #2 is reminding you that there is always also the companion question of, "What do I have to give?"

 

[candid]

Or, 2 could be saying: you will have to bear (with) and support the children. I'd examine closely how that feels to ponder before persuing a relationship with a single Mom.

 

[hilary]

It seems that the receptive earth is at the centre of the relationship question for you - and it comes to the forefront when you think about settling down and devoting yourself to a wife and child.

#2 is easier to grasp when you think about #1 - what it isn't. #1 is creative initiative, #2 is the space for things to become real in practice. #1 by itself might sometimes be an abundance of energy that isn't realised in anything tangible. #2 is solid and - well - earthy...

I imagine it as being like the earth for your family: providing everything needed to sustain their growth, with no limits. It also means responding, following their initiatives or the demands of the moment. Exactly what the cliches say a woman wants in a man: a 'good provider'!

Hm - her dream (or her enduring drive, maybe?) is marriage and children, and you would be a way of providing what's necessary to make that real for her. Being the 'earth' for someone's growth and the realisation of their dreams is a wonderful, loving thing to be. I doubt it would be humanly possible to be only that, though, for very long.

 

[karl]

Here is the outcome of the two dates.

Firstly the evening with the woman who wants to have children and is looking for a man to marry her. We had an interesting conversation, but are too different to continue that.

Next, the date on sunday with the woman, I exchanged a lot of emails beforehand, and about whom I did my initial casting.

We spent 6 hours together while making a long walk and sitting in a beer garden. We had a very interesting and inspiring conversation. As anticipated we are not exactly each others type, but are very similar in our attitude towards many things in life and I think we like us mutually. Where we are different is, how we spend our leisure time. She's an enthusiastic runner, while I am a hiker and mountaineerer. That could be a problem.

She wants to continue our acquaintance in a friendly and respectful way, without yet knowing how the outcome will be. That's also what I am thinking. But she also knows my primary objective, which I told her earlier in an email, namely that I'm looking for a relationship and that I have other appointments regarding this.