Clarity,
Office 17622,
PO Box 6945,
London.
W1A 6US
United Kingdom
Phone/ Voicemail:
+44 (0)20 3287 3053 (UK)
+1 (561) 459-4758 (US).
MuffinButton
visitor
- Joined
- Sep 2, 2020
- Messages
- 1
- Reaction score
- 0
So this is my(M) first post so I will warn you now of the chaotic cyclone that is my brain, and therefore my writing.
So like many that approach the I Ching, I asked a question about a potential relationship. The person of interest from this point will be called Ally. Here is where I must place my second warning, any situations I am involved in tend to be frustratingly complex. My most recent questions were, "What are the consequences of attempting to advance my relationship with Ally(F) within the next 8 months?" and, "What are the consequences of pursuing a romantic relationship with Ally?" I used an online resource for the interpretations but used physical coins to cast the hexagram. What I received was unchanged Hex 27 Nourishing Vision and then Hex 24.1.6 Return which turned into Hex 23 Splitting Apart respectively. Yes, I am aware that both questions are extremely similar that they seem redundant but the reason for that was learning a new piece of information that greatly complicated things on my end.
Here are the details and history myself and Ally.
So Ally and I have a mutual friend(F), who I will refer to as Callie. Ally has been friends with Callie since 2nd grade. I met Callie in my junior year of high school, her freshman year, and dated her until we broke up last October. In order to get to my history with Ally, I must give you my history with Callie. Callie is in no shortage of mental hang-ups and mental illness that in our shared time I did my best to help her with. Without going into the small thesis worth of background, Callie is horrible when it comes to any sort of major change and has parents that care more about how their family views them rather than the children's happiness. (I say none of that out of spite, I admit I have not moved on from Callie but that is for reasons I will sort of answer later in this wall of text.) Quarantine could not have been any more of a change for all of us and has kept Callie with nowhere to escape from her emotionally abusive and manipulative parents. As quarantine went on, Callie's mental health deteriorated, and about mid-July, she sounded more agitated than usual and refused to talk to me so I became afraid for her safety. Unfortunately, I am Callie's only confidante meaning that there is no one else she would turn to for any sort of support. So if Callie was to do something drastic that night, I did not whom she would contact. I quickly sought out to contact some mutual friends to check on Callie and see if they would be the ones to get some notion ofsuicide. Most of the people I contacted I was already close with but not all of them. One of those friends I contacted was Ally whom I had known for just as long as I have known Callie but not nearly as well. With that all out of the way we can now move onto my history with Ally.
Since that July night, Ally and I have talked back and forth and have gotten surprisingly close. We have revealed things that we have told so few people that we could count them on our fingers. Despite the rather short amount of time since we have opened up to each other, we have come to find emotional safety within each other's presence even if it has only been through Discord messages. To my knowledge, I have not made any explicit move to express my deep interest in Ally nor has she made any for me. This situation sounds pretty straight forward, I hear you say, and aside from relation to Callie it doesn't sound too complex, does it? Well buckle up and get ready for this all to become the Zodiak Killer's final cipher levels of complicated.
So to answer the lingering cliffhanger from earlier, the reason I have not moved on from Callie is due to my self-worth issues, my interest in polyamory, and how I view my role in a romantic relationship. This role is comparable to a demon offering a deal, I am in the service of the other party until certain conditions have been met. However unlike a demon, what I ask for in return has no monkey paw-esque twist or catch to it. For better or worse, I am very low maintenance and ask for much. Yes I know this sounds like a Nice Guy TM sentence but I really don't know how else to put it without making this single post longer than your average R.R. Tolkien book. Moving on to Ally, she has a rocky history with Callie that Ally wishes to address. I am unaware of how Callie would react if I were to make a move on Ally since Callie has a superiority complex with Ally. To my knowledge Ally has never had romantic feelings for anyone else and has only ever dated once a relationship did not last long due to the previously mentioned lack of romantic interest. Again, I say none of this as a slight or criticism of Ally but to fill in some history that inevitably will be important later. Oh yeah, speaking of important history Ally is a lesbian. Something I didn't discover until last week after I had asked the question that gave me the unchanging hex 27 but before I asked the question that gave me the hex 24.1.6 turning into hex 23. In my limited understanding of the meanings of these to hexagrams, I am to either turn back from this current endeavor because the opportunity to start anew had been missed OR that I am at the end of a cycle and that my efforts for this outcome are wasted as this is the wrong path. I search this forum to see if anyone else had a similar outcome, in hexagrams, however, that situation sounded like a long term(?) relationship with a will they/won't they ending where she consulted the I Ching to see whether to win him back. Whereas mine is a sudden opportunity with little history with the person of interest and me asking whether or not I should pursue this. I should probably mention that my interest in this girl is purely out of compassion and a want to make her happy and not driven by petty or malicious intent. The only other background needed is that the reason I asked the second question was the sudden learning of Ally's sexuality. About a day after that I had a small mental breakdown not because, "Oh I didn't get what I want" but because my life has been spent in servitude of others by choice. At my core, I proioritze myself last even against the will of a complete stranger. If someone I truly care about has a will or wish that I can fulfill I will do the best of my ability to do it. I've come to loathe selfish thoughts my small breakdown was caused by my hatred for selfish thoughts, those being the want for, well some sort of reconsideration to her choice in partners. A want that by itself is already scummy and would make anyone look like an asshole but thanks to how I view my own self-centered thoughts, I was thrown into more turmoil. So I gave in an decided to narrow down my question which is how I ended up with hex 24.1.6 > hex 23.
Tl;dr - I fell in love with a lesbian who has known my most recent ex-girlfriend for most her life and both have their own fair share of mental illness but the ex-girlfriend is worse off. I panicked because I wanted to be able to love her but to ask for that is an asshole move even if I didn't value my self-worth based on how much help I can provide for those I care about.
Feel free to ask any questions because there is no way I didn't miss something. Of course if any further clarification is need than I will do my best to fill in the gaps as necessary. Thank you to in advance to whoever attempts to answer me.
So like many that approach the I Ching, I asked a question about a potential relationship. The person of interest from this point will be called Ally. Here is where I must place my second warning, any situations I am involved in tend to be frustratingly complex. My most recent questions were, "What are the consequences of attempting to advance my relationship with Ally(F) within the next 8 months?" and, "What are the consequences of pursuing a romantic relationship with Ally?" I used an online resource for the interpretations but used physical coins to cast the hexagram. What I received was unchanged Hex 27 Nourishing Vision and then Hex 24.1.6 Return which turned into Hex 23 Splitting Apart respectively. Yes, I am aware that both questions are extremely similar that they seem redundant but the reason for that was learning a new piece of information that greatly complicated things on my end.
Here are the details and history myself and Ally.
So Ally and I have a mutual friend(F), who I will refer to as Callie. Ally has been friends with Callie since 2nd grade. I met Callie in my junior year of high school, her freshman year, and dated her until we broke up last October. In order to get to my history with Ally, I must give you my history with Callie. Callie is in no shortage of mental hang-ups and mental illness that in our shared time I did my best to help her with. Without going into the small thesis worth of background, Callie is horrible when it comes to any sort of major change and has parents that care more about how their family views them rather than the children's happiness. (I say none of that out of spite, I admit I have not moved on from Callie but that is for reasons I will sort of answer later in this wall of text.) Quarantine could not have been any more of a change for all of us and has kept Callie with nowhere to escape from her emotionally abusive and manipulative parents. As quarantine went on, Callie's mental health deteriorated, and about mid-July, she sounded more agitated than usual and refused to talk to me so I became afraid for her safety. Unfortunately, I am Callie's only confidante meaning that there is no one else she would turn to for any sort of support. So if Callie was to do something drastic that night, I did not whom she would contact. I quickly sought out to contact some mutual friends to check on Callie and see if they would be the ones to get some notion of
Since that July night, Ally and I have talked back and forth and have gotten surprisingly close. We have revealed things that we have told so few people that we could count them on our fingers. Despite the rather short amount of time since we have opened up to each other, we have come to find emotional safety within each other's presence even if it has only been through Discord messages. To my knowledge, I have not made any explicit move to express my deep interest in Ally nor has she made any for me. This situation sounds pretty straight forward, I hear you say, and aside from relation to Callie it doesn't sound too complex, does it? Well buckle up and get ready for this all to become the Zodiak Killer's final cipher levels of complicated.
So to answer the lingering cliffhanger from earlier, the reason I have not moved on from Callie is due to my self-worth issues, my interest in polyamory, and how I view my role in a romantic relationship. This role is comparable to a demon offering a deal, I am in the service of the other party until certain conditions have been met. However unlike a demon, what I ask for in return has no monkey paw-esque twist or catch to it. For better or worse, I am very low maintenance and ask for much. Yes I know this sounds like a Nice Guy TM sentence but I really don't know how else to put it without making this single post longer than your average R.R. Tolkien book. Moving on to Ally, she has a rocky history with Callie that Ally wishes to address. I am unaware of how Callie would react if I were to make a move on Ally since Callie has a superiority complex with Ally. To my knowledge Ally has never had romantic feelings for anyone else and has only ever dated once a relationship did not last long due to the previously mentioned lack of romantic interest. Again, I say none of this as a slight or criticism of Ally but to fill in some history that inevitably will be important later. Oh yeah, speaking of important history Ally is a lesbian. Something I didn't discover until last week after I had asked the question that gave me the unchanging hex 27 but before I asked the question that gave me the hex 24.1.6 turning into hex 23. In my limited understanding of the meanings of these to hexagrams, I am to either turn back from this current endeavor because the opportunity to start anew had been missed OR that I am at the end of a cycle and that my efforts for this outcome are wasted as this is the wrong path. I search this forum to see if anyone else had a similar outcome, in hexagrams, however, that situation sounded like a long term(?) relationship with a will they/won't they ending where she consulted the I Ching to see whether to win him back. Whereas mine is a sudden opportunity with little history with the person of interest and me asking whether or not I should pursue this. I should probably mention that my interest in this girl is purely out of compassion and a want to make her happy and not driven by petty or malicious intent. The only other background needed is that the reason I asked the second question was the sudden learning of Ally's sexuality. About a day after that I had a small mental breakdown not because, "Oh I didn't get what I want" but because my life has been spent in servitude of others by choice. At my core, I proioritze myself last even against the will of a complete stranger. If someone I truly care about has a will or wish that I can fulfill I will do the best of my ability to do it. I've come to loathe selfish thoughts my small breakdown was caused by my hatred for selfish thoughts, those being the want for, well some sort of reconsideration to her choice in partners. A want that by itself is already scummy and would make anyone look like an asshole but thanks to how I view my own self-centered thoughts, I was thrown into more turmoil. So I gave in an decided to narrow down my question which is how I ended up with hex 24.1.6 > hex 23.
Tl;dr - I fell in love with a lesbian who has known my most recent ex-girlfriend for most her life and both have their own fair share of mental illness but the ex-girlfriend is worse off. I panicked because I wanted to be able to love her but to ask for that is an asshole move even if I didn't value my self-worth based on how much help I can provide for those I care about.
Feel free to ask any questions because there is no way I didn't miss something. Of course if any further clarification is need than I will do my best to fill in the gaps as necessary. Thank you to in advance to whoever attempts to answer me.