A mistake

[em ching]

Hello,

It's been a while since I last used this sight - I posted a while ago about volunteering in a poor country and what to expect - the advice I received from the Yi definitely applied! I had a great time, learnt a lot and made some good friends. It also opened my eyes to new cultures and the important things in life that seem to have been over-shadowed in this country by money and egos (in some cases not all!)

So that experience was great for me, as I suffer from low confidence etc - the country was so beautiful and the experience so stimulating that I could hardly be depressed - although of course there were low moments.

However I have now returned to Britain, and my worries, anxieties and problems are back - not to mention the return of my insomnia which completely disappeared when I was halfway across the world! Anyway, the reason I am posting is that for a few months, and while I was away I have been worrying about the prospect of living with a group of people. owever I decided that, though it probably wouldn't be perfect, it was my best option. I now feel that was a mistake as I don't feel I have a proper connection with those I am living with so I'm worried flat-sharing will turn to resentment (as they are also a tight group - I don't fit in).

Basically, I should have listened to my instincts and taken a chance on the unknown! But I am here now, so perhaps I should try and make the best of it - I will be starting a new job soon which may help. I do like the people I am living with, but I dn't think I klick with them or on the same wavelength as them - and travelling and making new friends has reminded me how great and freeing that is! I don't feel comfortable or like I can be myself and I'm also finding it very hard to sleep here. But I feel like it may be to late and I should stick it out for the next 6 months? As moving out would a) cost me financially and b) be awkward - definitely lose me friends, albeit not close ones - I'm sure they wouldn't take real offence but they would probably feel scornful.

So I'm asking - Should I up sticks and cut my losses before it gets worse or stick it out? I suppose it may get easier - but I've known these people a while and if a proper friendship hasn't arisen perhaps it never will. It's just that I am happiest when I have people around me who I feel understands me...

I have completely rambled here...
So the answer I received was 35 Unchanging - progress.

Does that suggest things will get better here? Or should I heed the last line 'perseverance in such overenergetic behaviour, especially towards persons with whom there is no close connection, will lead to humiliation'.

Perhaps I am being a coward - not wanting to move out because I don't want the humiliation and bad feeling of it... I just feel like kicking myself for not listening my instincts and willfuly not accepting the truth - I knew this would happen!

 

[em ching]

Just to add - though it doesn't make me feel better, I do have greater respect for the Yi and that when it articulates something that you yoursef deep down feared - speaking sense and pointing you to the right path even if your ego, or wishful thinking side does not like it - you should seriously consider taking a gulp, being brave and listening - in a sense - to yourself - put greater trust in yourself! That is where I always let myself down - not doing what I feel I should deep down for fear of upsetting others - though I compromise myself and probably make others uncomfortable by not being natural!

Anyway - on many previous posts - which a couple of you - diamanda, willowfox and others helped me with - I asked whether I should live with them - and the answers pointed in the negative - one pogniant one saying that my happiness relies on surrounding myself with people who are good for me - such an obvious point that most people can manage but I seem to find difficult!

Anyway - I guess I went against the Yi, and myself - because I thought it may not be that bad, and perhaps better than taking a chance on strangers again and as I had a job to go to it seemed sensible - but now I just feel stifled and foolish.

 

[solun]

HI em ching,

I get from the last line of the hex only that you shouldn't try too hard to get along with themI maybe?

What if you stuck it out for the remaining months and were just yourself, making no apologies. It's up to them to be tolerant of other wavelengths too , isn't it? Unless you are so vastly different from them, that it would be unhealthy or dangerous in some overt way. But as far as your soul goes, maybe you are more of a stranger to yourself still, being newly back and might need to re acclimate so to speak. There's a period of adjustment. I think it may be good for you to be around othersl instead of alone now. Follow your gut. If you feel too vulnerable, it may be best to not be around that much.

Good Luck. Try meditating or some form of really relaxing activity that helps you center yourself. It can be helpful.

 

[willowfox]

Should I up sticks and cut my losses before it gets worse or stick it out?

So the answer I received was 35

This hex is not about moving at all, it is about your willingness to cooperate and work together with your fellow mates. You need to join in with them more, much more, it appears that you have an inferiority complex that you need to overcome, these people are not better than you, they are only different. You are all co dependent upon each other while you live under the same roof but you are still an individual with your own ideas, so don't suppress your feelings or desires because you "think" the others will disapprove, to hell with it, be what you want to be, nobody here is telling you how you should be or frowning upon your way of life. You need to find harmony in yourself, then you will find it in your surroundings. So, join in, talk, be an asset and they will respond in kind.

 

[em ching]

Hello,

Thanks so much for your replies - gave me new gusto and positivity after I read it and since I have remained centred and contributed as myself with an attitude of - if I try too hard to fit in and put myself in uncomfortable situations it would be bad for them as well as me - So eventhough I still think it isn't perfect, and I do feel the odd one out, I am not going to let that be a blameful thing. Like you said Willowfox I need to remain myself and to hell with it if they don't like it - it is the only way to get through all social encounters cause anything else is just not that worthwhile!

So I''m feeling positive and determined about it now - I know there will be ups and downs but it beats living alone and I know there's fun to be had too - hopefully - and I also have outside friends and activities so don't have to be dependent etc..

Anyway thanks a lot and have a good weekend!
( I will try harder not to hit rock bottom/ always jump to the worst conclusions before giving these sorts of situations a try...)

 

[maremaria]

Hi em ching,

You said :

Anyway - I guess I went against the Yi.

Not sure if i have undertand it corect but I don’t think Yi demands you to do something by giving you an answer. I’m a novice but so far I understand an answer as a clearer view of a situation that we can’t see in a specific moment. I believe, but maybe I’m not that correct, that Yi just says “if you do this is good , if you do that is not good”. Respect doesn’t mean, at least to me, that we have to follow what Yi says. We choose what we want to do. Sometimes maybe we choose to do something that Yi says its pitfall. The choice is ours, me thinks.

Maria

 

[diamanda]

Totally agree with Maria. Similar to when people give us advice. We listen but
sometimes we take it, sometimes not. Some of the advisers are easy going,
and don't take it personally when you don't follow exactly what they said. I've
met quite a few who do take it personally though (i bet we have all met such
people), and they get angry if you don't do exactly as they advised. I just can't
believe that the Yi is similar to those petty people. And so what if you didn't
follow the advice. You're still here to tell the tale, and even perhaps gained
an amazing lesson in the process!

 

[em ching]

Yes thanks for that. It's better to live challenging experiences perhaps sometimes, as long as you do learn from it... otherwise I'm sure if I had shyed away from it I'd have regretted it as the other option would probs have been far less stimulating.. leaving too much time to get bored....

One more thing - I asked the Yi whether it would be a good idea to go somehwere as I was in two minds (a bad habit that seems to be ingrained in my character!)

Anyway I received 47.6 - 6 / Oppression - Conflict.

Interestingly 47.6: 'as soon as he grasps the situation... makes a decision, he masters the oppression.' (Yep too true!) changing to Conflict which I thought suggested it would be a bad idea. Not least because I was very tired - as 47 Exhaustion implies...

Would you read that like that?
Or was the changing line just saying I should make a decision one way or the other - illustrating that my indecisiveness and inability to listen to myself sometimes, or act with conviction is causing an inner conflict? Or that physically going would attract conflict?

 

[willowfox]

Hex 47.6 is you all over, as it says that you are in doubt mode yet again, you feel that anything you do will end up being a negative experience for you, but once you understand that your question is really about something rather trivial then you will realize there is nothing actually to worry about.

The only conflict I see is in your head.