A

[candyross]

hi,

i often use Online Clarity to help me with my readings and most of the times i get someone's thread with the lines that i'm looking for and end up not asking for advice, because i get the insight i was looking. But for this one i couldn't find it so if anyone could help me it would be much welcomed.
I have a childhood friend and we always hanged out, but we grew in different paths, i becomed more "spiritualized", i'm always trying to overcome my limitations and trying to deal with my emotions and so on and although i don't want to make a kind of reset to her head, everytime she asks my advice i try to make her see that most of her problems (mainly regarding relationships) happen because of her low esteem issues, of her not liking herself, meaning i try to make her to see that most of the times we are responsable for what happens to us because we allow it to happen and when our esteem is very weak all sorts of parasites appear. Yesterday i had a big argument with her cause we where talking as usual about her problems and i was listening her recurrent talk and i exploded, i said terrible things to her, all true but in the most cold and direct way and she was deeply hurt.
In the moment i said those things i didn't felt guilty nor felt i was being too direct (it reminded me of hex 51, that i was giving her a shake, so that she could wake up and smell the coffe), bottom line i totaly flipped .
Today when i saw her it all came down to me, i felt horrrible for some of the trues i said and mostly how i told them.
And so i asked the I ching if any good would come of it and it came hex 62 line 3 and 6 changing to hex 35 and i'm very confused caused the lines from hex 62 are all kind of bad omens and then it changes to hex 35 wich is of progress, although the outcome of hex 35 is very auspicious the lines of hex 62 are very bad.

What do you all think of this? I wouldn't like loosing her friendship but i don't know, i'm feeling lousy.

THANK'S

CANDY ROSS

 

[meng]

Hi Candy,

First, I appreciate where you're coming from. You seem very sincere and transparent about this.

Second, please put this good and bad idea on a shelf, along with the idea of the IC telling you how it's going to be. Rather, try seeing the potentials that the IC is presenting to you about this.

I think 62 is pointing to a contrite disposition, as a result of your question: “if any good would come of it.” That doesn’t necessarily imply regret, only that it brings both of your spirits down a notch or two. Try viewing this as an important and necessary thing, rather than as a bad thing, and as a prerequisite for there to be progress.

Bruce

 

[dobro p]

And so i asked the I ching if any good would come of it and it came hex 62 line 3 and 6 changing to hex 35 and i'm very confused caused the lines from hex 62 are all kind of bad omens and then it changes to hex 35 wich is of progress, although the outcome of hex 35 is very auspicious the lines of hex 62 are very bad.

62 is all about not walking past something, but looking it straight in the eye, looking at every detail of it. That's where you're at with this issue right now, you're looking right at every detail.

62.3 talks about how a defensive/aggressive attitude has a bad result, and that's exactly what happened with you and your friend. You allowed yourself to be angry and judgemental, and it did some damage.

62.6 talks about how if you walk away from this, if you ignore it, it's a disastrous mistake. Okay, you know that, I think. In most cases, if you hurt somebody you love, you apologize and hope they forgive you. If you don't acknowledge what you've done and how you feel to your friend, you're making the disastrous mistake that 62.6 warns you about. I think it goes beyond just apologizing to your friend, though. I think you have to look at *every* detail of the explosion. What does it tell you about yourself? One reason I ask is because I think the Yi is suggesting it. Another reason I ask is because I've been in your situation more than once myself.

35 talks about progress and advancement and being honored. My take on it is this: if you look at every detail of this situation, go over it in your mind and heart in every detail, you will learn things about yourself that will aid your personal evolution both in terms of self-awareness and in terms of seeing your personality more clearly so that you don't have such serious explosions in the future. That's 35!

 

[willowfox]

if any good would come of it and it came hex 62 line 3 and 6 changing to hex 35

I suppose you are referring to the home truths that you told her the other day but the lines simply say it was a waste of time because she is going to carry on with her ways whatever you said or did not say, nothing is going to shake her loose from her beliefs. She is on a downward spiral and nothing will change that.

 

[rosada]

Will any good come of it?
I'm seeing the I Ching as answering your question in terms of whether YOU will have learned anything from this experience:

62 says, "Small things may be done; great things should not be done."
I see this as saying the key mistake here was that as her friend you could give her a few suggestions, but that it was not the time or place for you to give her a full life reading.

Wilhelm says of 62.3:
"At certain times extraordinary caution is absolutely necessary."
You spoke at a time and in a way that your friend was not able to get what you had to say.
"..strong personalities who, conscious of being in the right, disdain to hold themselves on guard, because they consider it petty.."
You knew you were right in your analysis of her problem, but you blew it because you neglected an important detail: she didn't want to hear it.

Wilhelm on 62.6:
"If one overshoots the goal, one cannot hit it."
At a time when just a word or two was all that needed to be said, you went on and on and on. Oops.

So I think the I Ching is outlining what happened and where you got off track but concludes with the encouraging advice of 35:
"The superior man himself brightens his bright virtue."
This says to me that your friend herself can figure out her issues so you need not worry she will be lost without you to point out her mistakes.

It also sounds to me like the I Ching is assuring you that if you can recognize where you went overboard you need not repeat this lesson again. So yes, if you let this be a lesson to you - brighten your bright virtue - some good can indeed come of all this.

 

[ben_s]

Hi Candy,

I think 62.3,6 shows your friend's situation. 62 says she relies on her weaknesses - her emotional impulsiveness - to guide her life. Instead of finding inner strength, she uses her fragile and frayed edges to deal with her situations. 62.3 this carelessness puts her at risk she'll get stabbed in the back. 62.6 says she is reckless, ignores her opportunity for safety with contentment, heedlessly presses on until she falls off the cliff.

If she gets some humility inside herself, she can have 35 progress. You cannot push hard enough to make her change inside her own heart. It has to come from her. You'd like to see her not have to hit rock bottom. How far she falls is up to her.

 

[candyross]

Hi everybody,

first of all thank's for your replies, all make perfect sense now, either the ones relating my friend and the ones relating myself. I came to acknowledge that i was impulsive, perhaps knowing deep down that as been said in the your replies that "she didn't want to hear it" i used extreme force in what i said, cause as she doesn't show self respect, nobody does and sometimes even i don't, i went overboard in the discussion perhaps trying her to act, to "fight" back at me, to stop victimizing and to take a stand, making it short, to see an attitude from her, but unfortunetly i saw nothing, the only thing she said was that she always gave me lot's of support and help and i said that wasn't the issue, she really doesn't want to face her real issues.
And yes i already apologise for my direct and cold words but i said that i didn't took back the things i said if i could but rather i would said them in a more polite manner.
It's hard to see the one's we love hit the bottom and when trying to do something to see that people don't want to be helped. I myself been in something like that, the scenario and the issues were a bit different but thank's to a friend of mine i grew stronger but growing took me a great deal of pain and loss but this was only possible cause that friend of mine had the balls to tell me the truth and to shake my world, my beliefs, it was a phase i often link to the tarot card "the tower" my world went caotic but then slowly it started to become resilient and ended up being replenished with new qualities and i myself was like sprouting a new way of seeing, feeling and tasting things, persons and life. And i like to pass that to her, let's see how it goes.

Thank's once more.

Kisses

Candy Ross

 

[ben_s]

perhaps trying her to act, to "fight" back at me, to stop victimizing and to take a stand

To show that she's not a victim :bag:, to prove she could fight back, it's time to push her hard enough until she fights back against the victimization? Hmm, a clever plan!

i myself was like sprouting a new way of seeing, feeling and tasting things, persons and life.

That's awesome! But the only way it could happen for you was after The Tower collapsed. She needs life to bring her a lightning bolt powerful enough to smash The Tower in her own life. Then she will be ready to get the rubble out of the way, and plant new seeds.