About 21 - discernment

[Yasmin]

I have been pondering the meaning of hex 21 in relationships when there are no legal proceedings or divorce or wrong doing. and it occurred to me that it could be about defining the "moral contract" of the relationship, clarifying the underlying values, beliefs, expectations, what each partner is willing to give, their respective needs, the degree of leeway for compromise, and what's non negotiable etc... Often we assume that "it goes without saying" only to get surprises...we bite into something unsavoury or we hit gold...

Any experiences, thoughts which would support this?

 

[bradford]

I like discernment, and contract. Here, with the emphasis on law and legal remedy, it's usually good to have the boundaries clear, simple, and upfront, and not have them arise or be drawn out of conflict resolution.

The gold (probably bronze then) is the arrowhead that killed the beast you are eating, suggesting both firmness and not overdoing it.
it's either good luck or expensive dentistry.

 

[butterfly spider]

Interesting thought
Whenever I get hex 21 I know I subconsciously touch my back tooth-

My boyfriend many years ago was a researcher who obtained pheasant from a local Estate - to do research on. They were shot. When I first met him he gave me one, which I cooked. I had never eaten a pheasant - especially one shot - and duly crunched on the lead shot cracking my tooth.

This incident not only taught me to beware of lead shot in game birds but also epitomised the relationship I had with this boyfriend. The things that lurked beneath... Not obvious or out in the open. Rather like the pheasant - delicious meat or as Brad said expensive dentistry. ...

I like that!

 

[Yasmin]

Brad, I like the idea of clarifying boundaries and expectations upfront rather than letting them arise through conflict."announcing the rules and the penalties, and enforcing them".

I would tend to think of 60 as setting the boundaries of a relationship. But perhaps the meaning is slightly different here. 60 is more about accepting constraints and working around them, whereas in a 21 context it could be about making sure there is an agreement upfront on contentious issues - fidelity, money, raising children, the path the relationship is on...or perhaps less legal, more diffuse ones like the amount of space each person needs in a relationship, how much private information is shared etc...

That said, there is a lot of chewing in 21, which suggests that the issues are deeply buried, not obvious upfront... So it may not be possible to draw up that "moral contract" upfront, maybe these issues csn only be addressed as they come up over time? If so, casting 21 would suggest taking a close look at mismatched assumptions, or rules of engagement, in the situation, and apportioning responsibility/blame/corrective action/punishment with discernment.

We usually interpret the wrong doing in 21 as recognised as wrong by society and possibly legally sanctioned. But perhaps sometimes it could be more relative than that, viewed as wrong or not negotiable by one partner, not the other, a case of mismatched assumptions, which still requires corrective action?

Butterfly, what a litteral example, a cracked tooth ouch! That's what happens when expectations are not matched

 

[peter2610]

I sometimes think of Hex 27 "Corners of the Mouth" as a good starting point for approaching Hex 21. In its purest form Hex 27 could be said to represent a mind free of assumptions, prejudice, unstated conditions etc a pheasant without lead shot, a mind without issues. We often assume our minds to be in this state of pure freedom only to find that hidden in the corners are issues which emerge and demand our attention, demand that we bite through to their essential meaning.
Conflicts in relationships often occur as we go through this process time and again. Initially we often idealise our prospective partner - there's no lead shot in THIS pheasant!!! - only to plunge ahead and crack one tooth after another. With maturity and experience two important levels of identification develop. Firstly we begin to become more aware and more honest about the issues we carry (repeated Biting Through), secondly we become more accurate, more skilful and more tolerant regarding the issues carried by others. All in all there's a great deal of biting through involved and tolerant people have a definite advantage.

 

[Yasmin]

Peter, I like how you summarise that continuous biting through process in relationships, in cycles of maturation. Makes sense. I will remember "this pheasant has no shot!" fallacy, lol!

Interesting comparison of two hexagrams involving the mouth- nurturing (27) and chewing through (21)... I must ponder that. In my mind though, the advice is opposite: when it comes to relationships, my understanding is that 27 advises nurturing and a level of altruism, selflessness, for the highest good. Whereas 21 advises to not tolerate misdeeds and administer justice, in whatever form may be justified.

I don't have any real examples, just trying to see how this could play out...Suppose a partner is caught in some subtly deceitful behaviour. Perhaps in 27, the attitude could be to find a gentle way of "enlightening" them to nurture the relationship "when you do that, it makes me feel x, it affects my ability to trust, and the quality of our relationship. Maybe instead, you could try doing Y?" for example.Whereas in 21 it would be about clarifying the rules of engagement and penalties: "this is really is not good enough, it makes it difficult for me to continue to trust you. If you keep doing this, it's not going to work out between us, 3 strikes you are out", for example.

Maybe if the gentle nurturing educational way fails, it's time for the 21 sanctions? Like a parent using different approaches to discipline?

 

[peter2610]

Thanks Yasmin, yes, providing wholesome nourishment to others is certainly an important aspect of hexagram 27 but before this can be done we must select the correct nourishment in our own minds. A mind riddled with conflict, prejudice or aversion is unlikely to provide a beneficial influence on others hence Hex 27 provides repeated guidance and warnings as to the correct source of nourishment - the correct content for our minds and the danger we will face if we turn away from true nourishment.
If the content of mind is not correctly aligned or if it carries hidden issues which we have not yet addressed then we will repeatedly have to "bite-through" as we mature. Interestingly, the concept of the pure mind is regarded in Taoism and some Buddhist sects as being "No Mind" or "Empty Mind" and I believe the symbolism of Hex 27 represents this perfectly.

 

[Yasmin]

I was looking through my past readings and found a case where the advice is 27.4>21. I suppose it exemplifies what you are saying: 27.4: It is no error to unselfishly provide nurturing, nourishment, but 21 one needs to have discernment about what is correct nourishment and have clear boundaries within ourselves, and with one another.

I had been struggling with 21, it is starting to clarify, make more sense under its multiple facets...

By the way, the concept of empty mind to me would be exemplified by 25, innocence...but that is another thread

 

[peter2610]

If you receive Hex 21 in a confusing manner look first at your present view/understanding of the situation. Be prepared to look on two levels: firstly examine your factual understanding to see if that reveals any factual mistakes. Secondly, and more commonly, examine your underlying attitude to a situation, try to remove any negative assumptions, keeping your mind as open and clear as possible. Be patient, humble and persevering. Good luck.