about a guy

[syrix]

I asked 2 questions about a guy that I blew off because I realised he's not that much into me. He was surprised, and disappointed and completely unaware why.
So I asked:
What can I expect as a result of turning him down? 18, moving lines 4 and 6, resulting hex 32
What did he want from me? 51, moving line 6, resulting hex 21

Any advices?

 

[syrix]

Anyone? It is important and I have my own opinion on it but I realised that I get more insight comparing my readings with other people experience.

 

[rosada]

What can you expect from turning him down?

18. is Work on What Has Been Spoiled.

18.4
Tolerating what has been spoiled by the father.
In continuing one sees humiliation.

This suggests to me you may have relationship issues based on how your parents related. Was your father someone who didn't seem to give you enough attention? Or did your parents solve their problems by avoiding them? If you recognize your behavior (blowing off a prospect because he didn't seem to be that into you) as mirroring their mistakes, the I Ching urges you not to continue this way. On the other hand, perhaps you recognize that you have been unhappy in this relationship for sometime and the I Ching is agreeing that to continue in it will only lead to humiliation - especially if you or your parents have in the past endured lifeless partnerships and so now it's your chance to change the family karma.

18.6
He does not serve kings and princes,
Sets himself higher goals.

This makes me ask if others have disapproved of your friendship, and is the I Ching encouraging you to ignor them and follow your own heart? Or is it that while your friend may disapprove of your breaking up with him, is the I Ching urging again that you should seek your own happiness?

32. Duration.
The superior man stands firm
And does not change direction.

Makes me wonder if the relationship is truly over. While it may be saying that after breaking off the unhealthy partnership you should stand firm in your decision to leave, it could also be saying that if you Work on What Has Been Spoiled (change an old pattern of simply enduring and then leaving unhappy unions?), hang in there and talk, you could now create 32.,a relationship that endures.

As to what your friend may be wanting, I think 51.6 tells us, yes, you are right, he was shocked to learn you were bored or feeling unappreciated or whatever, and 21. Biting Through, says he'd really like to see if you two could talk and bite through the obstacles between you, or at least bite through the obstacles to his understanding as to why you left.

What does it say to you??

 

[syrix]

Well, about my first question - what can I expect from turning him down - I understood that I ching is telling me that I've done the right thing. First I tought, oh no... I ching is telling me to try to sort things out with this guy, that I made the wrong decision. But that was just by reading hex 18, and when I saw moving lines, than I knew it's telling me that I've done the right thing, and that it will bring me happines in the long run. Do be persistant in that and not to question my decision.

About my second question I had no idea what it says about his toughts, I tought more that I ching is talking about me and decision I made. That it is confirmig his first answer. I asked those two questions in a row. And some of my firends were surprised by the decision I made.

 

[jesed]

Hi Syrix

I think the other way around... aboslutely

Best wishes

 

[syrix]

Sorry, I didn't understand, do you agree with my view on these reading or you think that this other option that rosada suggested was correct - that I shouldn't have done that.
I suppose you ment that it was the right decision. Please explain.

 

[jesed]

Hi Sirix

Hex 18: Neither line 4 nor line 6 is "good" related to this situation.

Turning him down would be correct if you did it beacuse you want to follow higher paths for humanity that demand loneliness(line 6); otherwise, you are runing away to avoid face some issues that you need to solve (line 4).

32 as tendential hexagram points to the ideal goal for you. 32 is the sign for marriage. So, no higher paths for humanity that demand loneliness.

And 51>21 is not talking about you, but about him.

And of course, there is the previous consult (hex 17)

Now, I hope not to be rude. But the answers was some kind of clear answers... rosada's comment pointed out that quite clear... I thought it was clear that my comment was "i cann't agree with your interpretation" (and not about rosada). Somehow, this seems very similar to "avoid to face" (as in 18.4)

I'm aware that maybe you won't agree with that; and you could feel like I judge you (or at least I don't understand you). This happens very often when one is in 18.4. I think a lot before making this comment, because it would be not the first time that explaining 18.4 causes serious troubles. But, I must do it; is an ethical matter.

What I want to say is: I made this comment with sincerity and respect. I really think that facing this interpretation would be in your best interest.

Best wishes

 

[syrix]

Oh, I'm not offended at all, just I really didn't understand what you ment to say because english is not my native language and I was not familiar with the context of using the phrase I think the other way around.

And what is your opinion on the second reading, the one regarding him?

 

[jesed]

He is very confused; uncalm (51). He wants some kind of reconciliation (tendential 21). But he needs to calm first, even don't act before calm himself (51.6); otherwise, he could end like the prisioner described in 21.6

Best wishes

 

[syrix]

If I were not interested in discussing my reading and seeing it from different point of view I wouldn't be posting here. So I really think that facing the possibility of misundersanding would be in your best interest!

O.k. now seriously, I need more input here. What you think of the second reading, and would it be helpfull to get some more background info about situation.
I decided to do so because every single time in the past when I noticed the same signs that this guy was sending things would get wrong. Basicly, guys were interested in having fun, not in serious relationship.

 

[syrix]

I was writing my post and in the meantime you wrote yours, sorry

 

[jesed]

Hi Syrix

and would it be helpfull to get some more background info about situation.

I suggest this dialogue, following this order:
a) General Diagnosis of my Emotional Time
b) General Diagnosis of my relationship with X
c) How is my position within the relation?
d) How is his position within the relation?

Always, one made the first question, and interpret it; then ask the 2nd, and interpret it at the light of the 1st answer; then question 3 and it's interpretation and question 4 and it's interpretation at the light of answers 1 and 2.

The first question talks about you in general (with or without the relation).
The second describes the objective situation of the relationship; and it's moving lines are advices for you (not talking about him)
Question 3 and 4 helps to point how the diferent subjects (I mean: you and him) are moving in that objective situation. This answers can show if he is acting in good will; or searching just for fun; and if you are acting with correct precaution or if you are afraid (just to say some examples)

Putting all this information together, you could made some further decisions.

Best wishes

 

[syrix]

o.k. thanks