after leaving unhealthy relationship 53.5 to 52

[folledeschiele]

I recently made a painful but very necessary decision to leave a relationship that started out very well but had become unhealthy and frankly abusive in many regards. I am still in love but have never felt such a resolve to not stay in something that feels wrong, and with someone who can veer from being loving and understanding and fun to condescending, blaming, belittling and cruel, and has major anger issues. However despite all this I'm having a very hard time letting go, even though I broke it off (and she keeps asking me to come back and give it another try, though won't entirely/wholeheartedly own up to her abusive behavior.)

I asked, what do I need to do to let her go and get over this? Drew 53.5 moving to 52. So staying still is part of it (not letting my heart run past the situation), and patience, perhaps in knowing that the right person for me will eventually come along? I don't interpret it as things working out between us eventually (I might have done a few weeks ago, but she's really not very repentant and still blames almost everything on me.)

Many thanks to anyone who can offer some insight. I've never broken up before when I was still in love, and it's tremendously difficult, part fo me just wants to run and see her again. I know in my bones that this wouldn't be right though.

 

[elias]

Hang in there! After a long wait -- "three years" -- plans will come to fruition. I don't know that the three years should be taken literally, but the indication is that this is a lengthy process, and what the outcome will be is not clear. Perhaps this partner will change her ways, or perhaps you will achieve the independence you want/need and will be ready to move into something new and better. Meanwhile, there is no short-cutting the grieving process. The usual post-relationship advice prevails -- meet new people, take up new activities, avoid situations that will cause you to dwell on the past.

52 Mountain -- moving into a time of stillness and introspection. This is necessary for deep healing, as opposed to leaping into a new relationship on the rebound and, consequently, duplicating mistakes of the past.

Wishing you all the best in this.