Alcohol Hex 3>7

[goddessliss]

I'm hoping to work with someone, on what will be a long term project, but I do not wish to be around people with substance abuse issues in my life in any way.
Just a niggling suspicion with this person though I may be just be extra cautious -

What is G relationship with alcohol

Hex 3.1.2.5>7

Interesting, I'm not sure it's answered my question, although others definitely have more insight and a deeper understanding of what is being said with each hexagram and changing lines than me.

Hex 3 - ‘Sprouting: seeing, and not letting go your dwelling place.
Not knowing: disordered and also clear.’

He's in mid renovation, knowing he has to sell it in the end to pay off some debts.

Line 1 - he is having trouble getting his partner to help him finish the reno's (failing relationship)
Line 2 - He's not letting that stop him and he's not rushing things (though she's insisting he hurry up but won't help him) nor has he stopped work - he's just doing the best he can. Definitely no children nor will there be anytime soon.
Line 5 - Not much hope of it being fully renovated but small things will get done.

So not really answering the question I would like answered or does anyone else understand the lines in respect of my question.

thanks Liss

 

[ginnie]

What is G relationship with alcohol

Hex 3.1.2.5>7

The yang change pattern is hex 60, as if you had asked about how much alcohol he drinks. The yin change pattern is 56, which implies (to me) that his use of alcohol is temporary, maybe due to frustration.

 

[blue_angel]

Hi Liss,

Ginnie may be correct. Here's what I seen incase it may be of some help.

Sometimes less is more for me. 3 difficulty with 7 discipline. I see the lines advising you to gain the help of others needed with this project. So not to throw in the towel, but only the small will be accomplished with him.

I wonder if the yin and yang pattern shows you 56 wandering about 60 his limitations.

And then aside from the reading, this comes to mind... If the shoe were on the other foot, what would Liss tell me. Liss would say "Blue_Angel trust your intuition, it wasn't given to you for nothing."

 

[goddessliss]

3 difficulty with 7 discipline.

And then aside from the reading, this comes to mind... If the shoe were on the other foot, what would Liss tell me. Liss would say "Blue_Angel trust your intuition, it wasn't given to you for nothing."

Thanks Blue_Angel when I read the underlined I thought, 'That's it' He may have trouble just stopping at one or two drinks'. Although I wonder about alcoholism here. He had throat cancer some years back and didn't drink at all through his treatment and another time didn't drink for 5 years - what does this all mean?

Of course, thank you for throwing back my own advice - haha, love it.

 

[goddessliss]

Thank you Ginnie - that makes me think maybe he does just drink when the going gets tough - like it's his coping mechanism, not the best one of course but we all gotta have something. I guess the question is more how it affects others around him particularly at close quarters when working closely together.

 

[precision grace]

I think sometimes that Yi is like those gold fishes from fairy tales - you have to be super careful how you word the question, else the crafty thing finds a loophole and answers what it wants and not what you wanted to know - as you point out in your post above.

The guy's relationship with alcohol may be that he feels it gets him through tough times but he has has it under control; however, the truth may be the same or may be different. So perhaps rephrase so that you are clear in your mind - will you endure inconvenience or upset from this person (who cares what is the cause at the end of the day?)

 

[goddessliss]

Thanks Grace - hmmm well maybe that's a good question but enduring inconvenience can be caused by many things. For me alcohol can cause more than just mere inconvenience. Something for me to ponder on though. - Liss

 

[rosada]

It occurs to me you are assuming that if he has a drinking problem this will be hard on you and that if he does not then you can go ahead. But how about just leaping past all that and asking a question directly focusing on the work? Like, "How would it be for me to work on this project with this person?"
Rosada

 

[goddessliss]

Thanks Rosada - Leapt and asked, How would it be for me to work on this project with this person?

Hex 33.2.4>57

My first response is withdraw very quickly and stick to my own truth - which in this instance is keeping away from someone who may have alcohol abuse problems. I'm fine if I'm completely wrong about this and value your input. thanks, Liss

 

[rosada]

…or maybe if you did work together you would retreat within yourself while you sort of let the winds blow about a bit - kinda like giving him the benefit of the doubt or maybe that if you're having to hold back your work together won't be strongly anchored.

Not very encouraging. Well maybe it's mirroring what you say you are doing right now, 59 asking around seeking answers to the drinking issue is already part of the working on the project together and while you are asking you remain ready to Retreat if necessary.

One question always leads to another…Rosada

 

[sooo]

I've never had a successful relationship of any kind with an alcoholic, be they family, business, or so-called spiritual associates. Negativity and inflated and momentary courage make for bad mates in any endeavor.

 

[goddessliss]

I've never had a successful relationship of any kind with an alcoholic, be they family, business, or so-called spiritual associates. Negativity and inflated and momentary courage make for bad mates in any endeavor.

Exactly my point, me neither - hence my question. - Liss

 

[goddessliss]

This was the outcome of this situation
http://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/frie...-the-male-Hex-8-2-4-gt-47&p=192543#post192543.

My next question now is What steps can I take to attract a healthy positive male to help me with this project
Hex 42 unchanging

Create the right conditions

What steps can I take to create the right conditions

Hex 22.6>36

Come out of the darkness and into the light. OK gotta think on that one.

- Liss

 

[ginnie]

I think it means to attach less importance to the outward appearances and behaviors of men and give more importance to your own spiritual values. Valuing, for example, simplicity and plain adornments.

 

[sooo]

Woops, that wound up in the wrong thread, but it was an extension of this one, I think, and included the 22.6 reading here.

 

[rosada]

I think 22.6 is saying there isn't anything you need to do beyond just being yourself!

 

[goddessliss]

Thanks Rosada and Ginnie - my spiritual values are strong so I will continue in this way but perhaps I've lost some of my femininity, as pointed out in my other thread, by sooo.

I realise now I'm always looking for that thing that will let me down when I meet a new guy, just like my father and exhusband did, and inevitably I find it. Need to change that thinking and perception real quick if I'm going to meet a long term partner. - Liss

 

[ginnie]

Well, we all let each other down, don't we? I mean at first we can be projecting our hopes and dreams on the other person, and only later do we get a more realistic view of them. Nobody's perfect and we all have both strengths and weaknesses. Maybe the key word here is tolerance. A person who is tolerant sees the weaknesses of other people but loves them anyway.

 

[goddessliss]

Yes agreed Ginnie - the only thing is at what point do you stop tolerating some behaviours - some weaknesses are not tolerable, for me anyway. I stayed in a marriage full of substance abuse behaviours for way too long because I fell in love with this man before all these behaviours developed to an intolerable level.
- Liss

 

[ginnie]

For me, a man who won't or can't do housework would be intolerable and unlovable, but I know many women who carry the whole burden, even when they work outside the home. I guess it's an individual thing, what we find intolerable . . . I don't think I could put up with a substance abuser either.

 

[rosada]

Hi Liss,
I was thinking about this thread and hexagram 53.2.3 came to mind…

53.2 sounds like a typical dating scene - dinner out at The Hard Rock Cafe.

But if a fun evening out progresses too far too fast...

53.3 The couple discovers they can't keep it together.

Anyway, I thought you might appreciate seeing there's a whole hexagram about enjoying dinner with guys who are charming for dating but not necessarily right for entrusting further.

 

[goddessliss]

oh gosh Rosada - this is a story of my dates over the last 5 years. The last one being ummm I think maybe this time last year. Having managed to work my way to a place of high self esteem made me look back at these 'dates' and every single one of them had low self esteem in some way - oh my talk about what you attract is a projection of yourself.
I'm so interested to see what sort of guy I attract next now I feel so much better about myself. - Liss

 

[sooo]

I'm so interested to see what sort of guy I attract next now I feel so much better about myself. - Liss

 

[goddessliss]

Oh my Lord sooo, No please no! Pruddy boys just don't do it for me!

 

[sooo]

So, no Favio? Wow, I guess you are a little bit fussy! chuckle

 

[goddessliss]

So, no Favio? Wow, I guess you are a little bit fussy! chuckle

Ah well this could be true - I'm more interested in the prettiness(beauty) people have within - Liss

 

[sooo]

I can dig that. At the same time, to me, a person who is beautiful within will care enough about themselves to care for their appearance too. I hear it often said how terrible a man is for objecting to his wife becoming obese or just letting her appearance fall apart, or that a woman is no longer turned on by her husband because he's grown a big beer belly or smells, but to me such things do not reflect inner beauty and are rather a reflection of their inner condition. Things like poor personal hygiene and destructive and unhealthy habits are not signs of inner beauty. Not talking about having to maintain a perfect body or the natural aging process, but someone who is beautiful within will treat what they have with care and effort, and that includes the person they love, and if they don't love themselves, how can they possibly love another? They may need the other, but that's not the same as love.

 

[goddessliss]

Oh yes agreed but we all know just because someone is beautiful on the outside doesn't mean they are beautiful from within. I find it's more the 'aura' of beauty that I'm attracted to which is usually a reflection of their inner self.
Agreed someone who lets themselves go or obviously does not look after themselves - yuk and no thanks. Some of the profiles (of men) i see on online dating - oh dear.....Liss

 

[sooo]

Hi Liss,

I've been thinking about this today. We talk about inner beauty being our priority, yet your reaction to Flavio wasn't something like, 'well, it would depend what he's really like inside,' it was "Oh my Lord sooo, No please no! Pruddy boys just don't do it for me!" And I think it's natural that someone's appearance is the initial impression we are concerned with. Of course there's more, but I don't believe all the talk women give about inner beauty being most important, at least not unless they really get to know someone who they give a chance to discover their inner beauty. Otherwise it's more like, inner beauty, so long as he's 6' and has (color eyes) and (type of hair) and (style of dressing), and let's not forget that he's employed and/or well-heeled financially.

I had two interactions with women today.

The first is a friend who is 10 years younger than me and looks about 15 years older than me. I see her inner beauty, and I relate with her inner beauty, and always give her a big hug before I leave. She has my number and calls when she needs someone to talk to. She's had and still has a tough life. I'll always be her friend, but I can't see that I'd ever woo her to be more than that.

Later, I was shopping, and had just turned the isle and was looking to my right at the stocked shelves, when I heard a voice call out, "hey Bruce!" I turned around to see another friend, also about 10 years my junior. She's no knockout, a little extra padding, but she's a nice looking gal. She said, loud enough so the entire isle of people could hear, "I recognized your butt!" I laughed and said, well I'll take that as a compliment. She laughed and said, it is! We stood there talking for a little while, having some business matters to discuss (she's also a client). She said, well I'll call you. She didn't have my number so we got out our cell phones right there and input each other's number, as passers by just smiled. There's some mutual interest there that's been slowly building over months. She probably sees some inner beauty in me or she wouldn't have bothered to even stop me in the store to chat and exchange phone numbers, but what was the initial thing that caught her interest? My butt!

There's an old classic I've mentioned here before, called "The naked ape." I think the heart of the matter is contained therein, at least as far as initial impressions and attraction. Only after we know someone do we learn what's inside. The outside matters, a lot, where intimate relationships are concerned. I think we have to start there, not ignoring the rest, but neither ignoring nor downplaying physical attraction.

 

[goddessliss]

Howdy there stable boy

Ah half ya luck goin' to do ya shoppin' and you butt gets hit on!!

Well the thing is I'm just not attracted to pretty boys, the ones other seem to drool over like Brad Pitt and Fabio. I mean I recognise their prettiness/handsomeness but it just doesn't hit me in the right spot/s.
My exhusband was extremely good looking but before I met him I went out with a man one would call plain looking, didn't stop any sizzle in the bedroom or any other place in the relationship.
Sure I'm attracted to a man's looks first and foremost but it doesn't matter to me what they look like it's whether I feel attracted to their looks.
Of course you don't really know what they're like inside until you get to know them, there's no doubt about that, and you're right that's not all there is to what a girl desires from a man, particularly at my age.
Best way to put it I guess is being healthy relative to our 7 chakras. Sometimes we are weak in areas relative to these chakras but I'm talking generally speaking overall kinda thing.
So a healthy bank balance is good but it's more about how you manage your money that interests me. I went out with a man 18 months ago, good looking, spiritually inclined, earning big bucks and creative. Hmmm...nice combination!
The truth was he was so far debt that he had to work almost every day with every daylight hour he could grab and then there was no money left over for fun - at all! Not even a decent bottle of wine.
When we did have a drink, he draaaaaaaaaaaaaaaank and was extremely compulsive, emotionally immature and had absolutely no idea how to manage money nor had any assests. Still had a negative emotional attachment to his exwife and an estranged relationship with his kids.
I seem to attract the same sort of guys - unavailable at some level. Could be emotional, could be cause they're work alcoholics, could be they live far away but at some level they're unavailable. Gotta wonder about that in myself of course but so far I haven't had any luck working it out.
Perhaps my next question for yi.

Yeeha!! - Liss