Am I supposed to try to work this out?

[layla_b]

Hi Everyone,

My boyfriend and I are on a hiatus since January when we made the mutual decision to split because he didn't know what he wanted. The history is that he is a divorcee, the divorce is due to be final in April and back in January after he finally moved from living with a roommate to living in his own apartment, alone for the first time in ten years..he began to be confused and depressed and not sure if he should carry through with his divorce.

Considering that when we met he was already seperated and that we had the biggest romance I have ever had..it was gutting to me that he started to have doubts. He had spent the previous six months telling me that I am the love of his life.

He had asked for time to figure things out back in November and we took two weeks off. But I couldn't handle the insecurity so I told him "now or never". He broke down in tears and said "now! will you take me back?"

We got back together but it wasn't right. I realize now that I should not have pushed this at that time. But I was hurt and confused and wanted to protect myself.

So in Jan when this behaviour started again I told him "I can't take this. I feel that you are misleading me and being dishonest and it's killing me".

He left his office that day and came home to his apartment where I was and we spent three hours having our "breakup" discussion. He cried hard and so did I. But he said he feels unable to make a clear decision.

Since then we talked once on the phone in Feb. During the conversation I told him that perhaps we were not meant to be together. He said "it's not all over yet, we can't know that yet". I asked him if he wanted to meet for coffee and he said, "no, it is too soon. If I see you I won't be able to clear my mind and that is what I need to do".

Now friends are telling me to move on, to forget about him. One friend tells me "oh I feel you will meet someone special soon"

I finally wrote to him this past Sunday and told him that I need closure. That I can't keep living in this limbo, lingering. That we should meet to have final closure. He answered that if that is what I need, OK but that he doesn't see how anything he can say could make a difference because he has already told me that he needs time.

I think he missed the point? That I need FINAL closure? Or maybe he just doesn't want to acknowledge it.

He told me "ok we can meet in about three weeks".

So I have been focusing my mind on moving on and on imagining a new person who will be good for me.

But when I asked the I ching

"Will I meet someone new who I will have a relationship with soon?" It answered

"HOlding Together - subject seeks union but no chance" and something about moving forward with the toes"

I got frustrated and asked again "Will I meet someone new?"

And it said "the subject is not up to the task ..there will be no success"!! (I forgot what hex this was)

This took the wind out of my sails as I needed something to give me a confidence boost.

But then I thought I would enquire a bit more and ask the Iching what I should do then.

So I asked, "Are you telling me that I should be open to working this relationship out if possible?"

And it said

26 Taming the Power of the Great leading to 19 Approach

The lines

3 and 6

3 shows the subject urging his way with good horses. It will be advantageous for him to realize he difficulty of his course, and to be firm and correct, exercising himself daily in his charioteering and methods of defense; then there will be advantage in whatever direction he may advance

6 The sixth The time of obstruction is past. The energy long dammed up by inhibition forces it's way out and achieves success. This refers to a man who is honored by the ruler and whose principles now prevail and shape the world.

"One attains the way of heaven." Truth works in the great.

So I am confused because I thought that line six is about moving on. But considering the total context and the very clear negative answers I got about trying to move on..

I am really confused.

I love him for sure but if he loved me so much, how could he do this?

Everytime I ask the iching it says "he insist on his restfulness"

Okkee dokee

So should I move on or not?

 

[willowfox]

For a start I don't see anything to suggest moving on but I do see that you should try one more time to see if you can actually work it out but always be mindful of who you are dealing with, someone rather unpredictable, and hence a need for caution on your part.

Anyway, April is now only a few weeks away, and that could indeed be weighing very heavily on his mind.

Time will tell.

 

[layla_b]

You're very intutive, Willowfox. Thank you!