an issue 49.4 >63

[innertruth]

Hi all,
my question was about a difficult painful situation with a person close to me..
As a result of our misunderstandings/conflicts in the past, I just feel constant guilt
even after making things up - this person brings in her past grudges against me, or makes me feel guilty. It seems that connection is lost between us.
So I asked Yi what should I do about these hard feelings/uneasiness/guilt - neverending cycles
which stress me out big time because of her attitude to me.

49.4 > 63

Does it mean that I should let go of such feelings, or that everything is over between us (trust)
or? What do you guys think?

 

[butterfly spider]

I have had a lot of experience recently with hex 63. It felt as if I was going round in circles asking the same question and getting the same reply. My instinct on this reading is that things - as you have said just keep going in never ending cycles. Hex 63 indicates that there is a small part of the puzzle missing - and that there is something else in the background causing the problem. I suggest that you look at the problem in small chunks and find out if you are missing some important detail in all of this. Perhaps your feelings of guilt hide something that you can't quite admit to - which is why it's all going round in circles
Hope this helps
X

 

[innertruth]

Thank you, well it's a long story of misunderstanding and conflict and peace. But it just seems that
she only sticks to the past and cannot let it go, while feeling guilty stops me from thinking clearly.
Should I just change my attitude to the issue by being rather humble, not expecting much?

 

[butterfly spider]

I think that whatever is keeping her in the past is fuelling your guilt - and in my own experience this will just keep on circling until either one of you stops I don't think it's about being humble I think it is more about being truthful. From my own experience recently asking small specific questions has really helped - it stops you getting caught in the wheel. You say that she keeps in the past and yet you feel guilty (which is a past event) so perhaps ask how you should begin to heal with her tomorrow say. Look at Hilary's new year take on hex 63. I found it useful.

 

[innertruth]

Guess it will be useful to keep going in trying to mend with her even though she is resistant inside. On the outside she is totally fine, we talk, laugh, but whenever something deeper comes up as a talk - she says she will NEVER forgive. That is what scares me. It is like she will forever keep that attitude, acting superficially okay. And that's why I felt frustrated as if nothing can be done..What is the choice for me then under such conditions was my question..

But guess i shouldn't lose hope completely..I will look 63 up

 

[innertruth]

Thank you so much, Ethelandbertie,
looked up 63 by Hilary. So much to relate. Only solution is to keep forward in my inner change.
You described it so well. THe process of change is ongoing. If I stop - I will get stuck in the mud again.
Only way out is to keep forward either with changing myself and then proceeding to the outer
change with the person for better or for worse. But it should be my continuous change inside that
can lead me out of this "guilt trap".

 

[Trojina]

49.4 is much more important than 63 in this reading. I think 49.4 shows that whether it looks like it or not there is a transformation taking place. If your answer were just about 63, then you would have cast 63,

 

[innertruth]

Thanks Trojina,

does it seem to point that transformation within me is taking place? (personally i feel i've changed a lot inside - like my reactions/views/self-control). It just frustrates me that the other person doesn't seem to see it or
accept it..

 

[Trojina]

So I asked Yi what should I do about these hard feelings/uneasiness/guilt - neverending cycles
which stress me out big time because of her attitude to me.

49.4 > 63

I think Yi may be indicating you have indeed already done it. I looked at the line pathway which can show the 'inner story', how this feels from the inside

It goes

49.4
63.4
64.3
50.3

(The way you do this is
1.change the same line in relating hex
2. turn it upside down
3. change the same line again...which is 50.3 the paired line)

...anyway the reason I think it relevant here is if you look at 63.4 and 64.3 there is much uncertainty, that's how it feels, and yet there has been a transformation, there is a 'new order' and there is 'good fortune' in 49.4. You aren't operating on the same principles as you once may have done with this person. You've done your bit...you have in a sense already moved on from old patterns with them.

what's this person going to do ? I don't know but I feel this answer is one that confirms you can have confidence in this process within you. It might feel never ending but Yi says something has already happened (63) a real change has already happened. You may just need more confidence to know that this is so. I also think 49.4 would indicate the other person cannot fail to 'know' that things have changed. This is quite a clear call for confidence in a new order.

Often an answer will show what you can't quite see yet, especially with 49.

 

[femke]

does it seem to point that transformation within me is taking place? (personally i feel i've changed a lot inside - like my reactions/views/self-control). It just frustrates me that the other person doesn't seem to see it or
accept it..

Reminds me of a story in this book "Why me why this why now" from Robin Norwood (translated by me back into English, sorry):

"This reminds me of something that someone who'd spent many years on the sea once told me about steering a supertanker. "First", he said, "you discover that problems are ahead. Maybe you've gone off course. Maybe there's something ahead of you that's not supposed to be there and you'll have to move around it. So you put off the machines. When the screws are still, you make them turn in the opposite direction to stop the forward movement of the ship. You make the screws turn harder and harder, but still that boat continues to sail on in more or less the same direction with more or less the same speed for a long time. When you're dealing with so much weight and mass and speed, it takes a while before you can notice on the outside that it's even possible to change its course."

Does it make sense? Love, Femke

 

[innertruth]

Thank you Trojina, it really does feel like a RELIEF for me. And brings even more courage to continue
on this path no matter what, not giving up in despair.. The way you laid it out, so down to the point!!

Hugs to Femke...Very illustrative..It perfectly does make sense..

 

[Trojina]

Yes great illustration from Femke. BTW your inner change may even ultimately lead to leaving this person behind. If so then that is not wrong. Often when people change who they are others resist and want them to stay as they were. So if they cannot embrace your change you may have to go on without them. Maybe you won't, I'm just saying that is a possibility.

Don't be afraid to move on from someone that is hindering you on a long term basis. Confidence in your own change is needed to do that without fear.

 

[butterfly spider]

Thank you Trojina in fact I have recorded exactly the same reading back in January 2013. Similar situation in a relationship. At the time I got fixated on 49.4 and knew that I had to really re focus my own feelings towards this person before things could progress. I ignored the 63 hexagram because at the time it seemed to be too complicated. Just to say that the issue I had was solved by my realisation that I needed to readjust my own behaviour. Looking back it is easy to see how this reading should have been taken. It was me who needed to move forward and accept a new set of rules. I accept the other person and that they acted with best intentions. I also think however that 63 has a strange concept of time scale.

Two years later my relationship with this person is still changing perhaps that is why 63 is so prominent for me. I had a real need for this relationship to continue and changed the way I viewed the other person. I think that this person was also changing too. Today this person texted me to say thank you for finding their bag. Two years ago this would just not have happened. I think that the shift in one person causes a shift in the other - at least that is what it feels like.

I am not as eloquent or experienced as others but just thought you might like my thoughts.
Hope things go well I think the reading is a positive one whichever way it goes

 

[butterfly spider]

Thank you Trojina in fact I have recorded exactly the same reading back in January 2013. Similar situation in a relationship. At the time I got fixated on 49.4 and knew that I had to really re focus my own feelings towards this person before things could progress. I ignored the 63 hexagram because at the time it seemed to be too complicated. Just to say that the issue I had was solved by my realisation that I needed to readjust my own behaviour. Looking back it is easy to see how this reading should have been taken. It was me who needed to move forward and accept a new set of rules. I accept the other person and that they acted with best intentions. I also think however that 63 has a strange concept of time scale.

Two years later my relationship with this person is still changing perhaps that is why 63 is so prominent for me. I had a real need for this relationship to continue and changed the way I viewed the other person. I think that this person was also changing too. Today this person texted me to say thank you for finding their bag. Two years ago this would just not have happened. I think that the shift in one person causes a shift in the other - at least that is what it feels like.

I am not as eloquent or experienced as others but just thought you might like my thoughts.
Hope things go well I think the reading is a positive one whichever way it goes

 

[butterfly spider]

Inner truth
You have posted about someone being bipolar possibly
Is this the same person may I ask? If so then this may be the missing part of the puzzle that I felt in your first casting. If not then sorry for bothering you. I have had very recent experience of bipolar - but my advise is to contact the bipolar UK website which is so useful - they can help your friend negotiate the NHS mental health minefield and point her in the right direction Trying to second guess with such issues - and also trying to understand a casting get furry when things are not clear.
Best of luck for your friend -
X

 

[innertruth]

Hey ethelandbertie,
Nope thats not her...i appreciate your concern.
The one who is likely to have bipolar visited this website and her pre-screening showed she is high on the scale to have it. It is indeed a very very resourceful website. However she lives
Abroad now and simply cannot get an access to qualified specialists face to face...

 

[innertruth]

Hey ethelandbertie,
Nope thats not her...i appreciate your concern.
The one who is likely to have bipolar visited this website and her pre-screening showed she is high on the scale to have it. It is indeed a very very resourceful website. However she lives
Abroad now and simply cannot get an access to qualified specialists face to face...