Another Complicated Relationship.. 32.1.2

[ariel13]

Hi all,
I'm back again with another complicated relationship question. Ugh. It has been a really exhausting spring. I'm not really sure why anyone I ever had a flirtation or couple of dates with has suddenly come out of the woodworks, but they are pretty much all out in full force messing with my head. lol

Anyway, this one is a tough one. He is a friend who I see occasionally out at events. We have a lot of the same friends and sort of run in the same circles. I've known him for a couple of years but don't see him that often. A few months back we had a drunken make-out session. We exchanged numbers after that, and a few days later I asked him if he wanted to hang out. Then we texted on and of for a couple of weeks and the meet-up never materialized. After a month he also sent me a really weird text saying that he thought we should hang out but just as friends. I was like yeah, we are friends so.. of course we can hang out as friends. It was perplexing bc the text came out of nowhere after we hadn't spoken for like 10 days. Anyway, I just took the whole interaction to mean that he wasn't that interested in me and chalked it up to drunkenness, although I was fairly annoyed bc I do feel like he initiated the whole thing. And friends corroborated that he was sort of following me around all night. It was kind of confusing.

Fast forward to a few months later, I ran into him at an event that we were both involved in. It was a benefit art show that we both had work in. Anyway, at this point I was totally over the thing so just happy to say hi and chat with him a bit. We were friendly, but of course I was also talking to other people all night. Funny enough I was talking to a really cute guy for a little, and then was kind of circling around in a weird way. There again, very perplexing behavior imo. Then I decided to go home without really chatting with him more (wasn't really thinking of it). But as I was leaving I ran into my neighbor outside of a bar, and he asks me if I want to get one more drink as some of our friends are inside. So I go in, and there are like 8 of our friends sitting at a table. By this point, the guy in question was really drunk. And all of the sudden he is basically trying to climb over someone to get to me and pawing at me and touching my hand and saying my name over and over! Ahhhh! He apologized for not being in contact before, and told me the reason was because he has a girlfriend! Ugh. That explained so much!

But here is what I did that I should not have. I made out with him again. And this is terrible but the reason was, because I was so upset about my last break-up (this was a few days later) that I just thought it would make me feel better. And it did! For a while.. But since then I got kind of tangled up with this guy in a weird way that he was perpetuating. We never slept together or anything like that, but somehow I got roped into doing some design work for him. Then somehow he ended up with my hat.. then one of my shirts. Then he owed me a drawing in return for the design work. I feel like he kept coming up with reasons to see me. And there would be some kissing and cuddling but mostly just talking but really intense talking and hanging out. And he kept inviting me to stuff... I declined. And I kept trying to make the hang out sessions more of a group thing.. inviting other people, etc. But then somehow it would always end up just me and him. And obviously I was participating in this and/or playing along with it too. But in the process I got to know him a lot more, and I've developed some feelings for him which really sucks. And he did spend the night one night, which there again there was no sex but just a lot of intimacy.

I really feel like he has feelings for me too, but he says he plans to stay with this girl he is seeing. To make matters weirder, one of the reasons I didn't feel super guilty about hanging out with him despite the girlfriend is bc of the backstory there. Which is just that the two of them dated for about 7 or 8 months, then were on a 2-3 month break and just recently got back together like 2 months ago. And the reason they broke up to begin with is, because she is a recovering alcoholic, and her sponsor said they needed to break up bc he drinks too much!

Soooo, their relationship sounds kind of tumultuous and fraught, but I came to a conclusion the other day that I still really think I shouldn't mess with it. Because I have no idea the reality of it since I'm not in it, and I'm no one to judge. So we met up again for him to return my shirt and so he could give me the drawing. And of course it turns into an all night hangout, very intimate and date-like but without any hooking up bc we both agreed that it isn't right.

But I feel really close to him now and still upset about the whole thing. Like I really want to hang out with him, but I just don't think it's a good idea. I ended up getting upset towards the end of that night. I kicked him out of my house, and when he asked when he'd see me again I said "at some point." lol Then he asked what if I don't like that drawing, and I said that I'd just put it in a drawer and not hang it up if I don't like it hahaha. I was kind of mean, but maybe he needs it?

He admitted to everything. To perpetuating things and to being confusing and to starting the whole thing. He apologized quite a bit. I think he feels pretty bad about it. So I don't think I should totally cut him out or anything, but I do think we need to stay away from each other or at least avoid spending time alone for awhile.

I do really like him though. And I feel a strong connection with him. And I think he has feelings for me. But I just wonder if anything will come of them. We talked really extensively about everything, and I told him that I think there is something lacking in that other relationship since he is actively seeking me out and that he should really think about it and that he should also think about how and why he did what he did and what it is really doing to her if he doesn't really love her. Which, he told me he did not. Which makes no sense to me. Why would you seek out a difficult relationship like that if you are not in love??

Anyway, I've asked too many questions of course. But I'm muddling through the answers. Sometimes I chatter with the IChing for a long time. I used to think it wasn't very healthy but have started to realize that I get similar answers over and over, and sometimes I need to keep hearing them in a different form before I figure them out.

So last night I asked why he perpetuated a relationship with me and got 32.1.2. I asked if he has feelings for me and got 58 unchanging. I also asked "What are the chances we will end up together?" and got 37 unchanging. 37 sounds promising, but I wonder if it's just about him being correct with the girlfriend...

I don't know I'm not holding my breath but just wonder if the connection I feel is as strong as I think it is or if this is just another blip on the relationship highway..

I appreciate any insights you guys may have.

:bows:

 

[mulberry]

Well, I know plenty of great romances have started in a muddle, but the readings aren't giving much promise for this one. 32.1.2->55, you asked from his perspective ("Why is he perpetuating a relationship with me?") which is harder to untangle and interpret, but neither line is encouraging-- 32.1, he's being far too hasty (or you are), which makes sense, he's already in a relationship! If he's serious about you, he has to end that one first. Otherwise he'll lose you, or you'll lose out on something. Being too hasty brings misfortune. 32.2, the only way out of this is restraint. He want something that's beyond what he can have, if he's serious about it needs to hold back. Can he hold back? Doesn't seem like it.

55 is a hallmark of too much hectic activity going on, something's peaking, something's reaching it's pinnacle. Is it his primary relationship? Is it his relationship with you? Is he about to crash? Whichever it is, it's maxing out.

58 unchanging is a friendly reading, but nothing much more than that. You should read the Your Experiences with Unchanging Castings thread for it over in Exploring Divination. It tends to mean talk, talk, talk, with no materialization behind it. I think he finds you stimulating, but either can't or won't get serious.

Chances of you ending up together--37 unchanging shows some kind of discipline and order has to be introduced for this to go anywhere. 37 and 7 have a lot in common, but I've found 37 shows up specifically for interpersonal dynamics that require some kind of hierarchy, organization, and firm boundaries. Everyone should know their place in 37 and respect it. Right now neither of you are doing that. He isn't, because he's wishy-washily cheating on both his girlfriend and you, and you aren't respecting boundaries either, because you're letting yourself be led along by someone who is inconsistent.

Outside of the readings (though I feel they back this perception up), I get the sense you're intrigued by him but not totally bowled over. Is he merely physically attractive, or do you also feel the tug of something deeper. It's completely fine to have relationships with people that are based on physical attractiveness alone, but those should be chosen carefully; they shouldn't be emotionally draining, confusing, and bruising like this one. It's far too much work! You're worth more than that, and if you focus your energies on someone this muddled--in the absence of a deep sense of soul connection, the feeling of some kind of responsibility towards each other--you're wasting your energies, energies that you want available someone more compatible, when they come along.

I'd ask a follow up question like, "What's my best attitude and strategy in dealing with him?" and take it from there.

 

[ariel13]

Hi Mulberry,

Still thinking on some of this... hmm... maybe you are right that I don't like him enough? I don't know.. the thing is that I think I liked him at first, because it seemed like he like ME so much. But now it's clear that is not necessarily the case, although despite was the I Ching says, I think he has feelings for me.

Of course it is hard to describe human interaction through text, but like I said there's been a lot of sharing and deep connecting at least in terms of talking to each other. Outside of that I wouldn't say I'm merely physically attracted to him, and to be honest I don't think I was actually very physically attracted to him at first. I think I began to like his way if that makes sense. Despite his bad behavior he is actually a very kind hearted, bashful guy. He gets nervous around me and does a lot of blushing and stammering, and it's kind of adorable.

Do I like the way he has been acting though? NO. Not at all. I felt almost trapped for a moment there... it was really strange. I mean obviously, like I said I do take credit for sort of going along with it. But yeah there was just some weird exchanges where I felt a bit manipulated. But at the core of it he actually is a good guy, so yeah it was like he was exercising some weird compulsion with me, and I was floating along with it. That's why I started to feel trapped for a minute, because I was like oh shit we are just going to keep doing the same thing... saying one thing and then doing another.

I did our astrology charts too, and it's one of the craziest charts I've ever seen. I don't know if you're an astrology person, but we have like almost all of our planets in the 7th house like a big fat finger pointing to it. It's wild. But anyway, not to go onto a tangent about other divination things. But anyway, it corroborated a lot of the weird pull I was feeling. And then there was also, like I said the weird level of intimacy that was going on in a really automatic way. Like I made him a sandwich and then lent him my dead father's shirt when he came over??? What the hell. So weird. WHY did I do that? Maybe he doesn't know why he is doing stuff either, but I think you are right about the boundaries. We need to set clear boundaries, and if we can't honor them, we need to try to avoid each other I think.

I will ask another question about how to deal with him...

 

[mulberry]

Oh, interesting. There's more here than I thought from what you wrote at first, and maybe this does have some deeper potential? I do think 32.1.2 show he's interested in you, just disorganized and not being very effective about it. Does that make sense? What you describe in your most recent post makes me want to hone in on 37. If there's an answer to making it work, it's in there I think. He's got to clean house, relationship wise, and really get his act together. You have to hold him to the standards of a family, where each member is accountable to each other. There's potential in this, but otherwise it goes nowhere. And of course, 37 is family and families can be dysfunctional too. So there's that possibility. This could drag on awhile.

I do know quite a bit about astrology. Did you do a composite chart, or synastry? 7th house is great for a marriage but terrible in a divorce (second worst to having a heavy 12th house emphasis). It's the house of partnerships but also the house of enemies and opposites. It's a fine line sometimes! I don't mean to sound overly negative, I think a 7th house is often really promising, but it calls for work. Do you have any harmonious Saturn aspects with each other? They can inject a measure of resilience and stability.

I don't think you should quite give up on him yet, but maybe take a step back, be a little more distant and unavailable. Friendly but firm. Definitely don't let him get away with just not talking about the girlfriend. I think if he sees you as solid, self-sufficient, and requiring accountability for him to get anywhere with, you'll actually be doing both of you a favor.

 

[ariel13]

Hi Mulberry,
Thanks again for your response. Yep, yep. The things you are saying make sense. I know all about the 7th house. That's why I thought it as so shocking that almost all planets are there in the composite. I looked at the composite and the synastry. The other weird thing is that I guessed his birth time. He later confirmed. We don't know each other that well, but I guess I know him better than I thought. I can sometimes make guesses about birth times, but they're not accurate that often unless I know the person pretty well. We have a south node conjunction. There is a lot of bad saturn on the chart too– lots of oppositions. Saturn opposite venus to be exact– of course he has a girlfriend! Geez. Also there's a pluto-moon and pluto-venus opposition! Ugh... really, really not good aspects in my experience. But then there's a moon/sun conjunction, moon/mars, venus/venus. It just goes on. There are a lot of trines, also w like ascenedant, etc. but not really any good stabilizing saturn aspects except saturn trine neptune, which doesn't feel very personal or stabilizing enough. That's why I say it's like the craziest chart I've ever seen. Anyway, I think it is very, very bad overall. If he were unattached I might dip a toe in the water, but this is the type of situation where I think all of those bad aspects have the potential to explode in our faces. I still think what you said about 37 and boundaries is super important. I have a lot of issues with boundaries in my life bc one of my parents was borderline. So I have a really hard time setting clear boundaries. I think I need to be really, really careful with this person– keep him at arms length unless something drastically changes with his situation and his approach to me. He's a good person. I don't want to hate him. It might just mean that we can't be as close as we feel compelled to be.

Just for good measure I did ask the IChing today (with a fresh mind) "Please tell me how to handle my relationship with X moving forward."

I got 56.3.4.6. I think this is just about being a stranger to how to deal with the situation. I'm not sure about 2 in this context. I also asked yesterday and got that line about letting your ram go without regret. I think that is apt actually considering all the Aries on his chart lol. I think that reading was 34.2.3.5. (oops edited the ram line is line 5)

Thanks again for your insights. I'm already feeling a little better about this. Sometimes I just have to ruminate and talk it out for a little to figure it out..

:bows: