Another woman?? Hex 63 unchanging

[becalm]

Today I dropped in to get some personal items I'd left behind at my FWB house and there was a woman there. It was hard to gauge exactly what their relationship is as they weren't exactly hanging out together but it was obvious she was staying there and she only lives about 20 minutes away.

When we were spending time together he said he'd split with someone about 6 months ago, hence why he didn't want to start a new relationship with me or so he said.
Now if this is a new relationship and/or they've just reunited, they certainly weren't looking like much was going on, considering when I was hanging out with him he would always follow me around and want me to be as close as possible to him.
What do I need to know about the Nature or their relationship Hexagram 63 unchanging
They're just feeling their way for now.....

I saw her car out the front of his house when I got there but I saw 2 hats on the dashboard so I just assumed it was some married friends of his staying otherwise I wouldn't have gone in because that's not really fair on her and I wouldn't like it if the situation was reversed.
About an hour after I left I sent her a message telling her he and I had just had a tentative relationship but were no longer and apologising and explaining that I thought it was just friends of his staying otherwise I wouldn't have come in.

What response can I expect from her re my message Hex 55.5>49 - Well that sounds good. Wonder if we'll actually become friends of sorts because we're both yoga teachers as it turns out.

 

[dfreed]

my FWB house

What is an 'FWB' house'? 'Fancy Wife's Boyfriend's house'? It's not helpful when people use acronyms many of is don't know, or have to guess at.

 

[becalm]

Friends With Benefits (description of our relationship)

 

[dfreed]

What do I need to know ... Hexagram 63 unchanging

You've already crossed this particular 'FWB River' and you now have the rest of your own journey that needs your attention. Or ... you can keep looking back in anger and longing at this 'already-crossed-over' river and not get any further in your own journey.

It's not uncommon for us to get stuck like this, (been there, done that) but like any useful recovery program, a good first step is to recognize that we're stuck.

 

[becalm]

You've already crossed this particular 'FWB River' and you now have the rest of your own journey that needs your attention. Or ... you can keep looking back in anger and longing at this 'already-crossed-over' river and not get any further in your own journey.

It's not uncommon for us to get stuck like this, (been there, done that) but like any useful recovery program, a good first step is to recognize that we're stuck

I view our FWB as totally over and recognise it was a catalyst for my own personal healing in other aspects of my life.
I'm grateful it happened but have absolutely no interest in being stuck or going back to it.

 

[diamant]

What do I need to know about the Nature or their relationship 63 unchanging
Either that their relationship is over, or (because you bring yourself into the question, what do I need to know) that your relationship is over and don't look back.

What response can I expect from her re my message 55.5 > 49
It sounds like a positive response. 49 - maybe she'll tell you that he's got another new girlfriend, or, despite her positive response she might be competitive with you (49 shows two sisters fighting with each other).

 

[becalm]

What do I need to know about the Nature or their relationship 63 unchanging
Either that their relationship is over, or (because you bring yourself into the question, what do I need to know) that your relationship is over and don't look back.

What response can I expect from her re my message 55.5 > 49
It sounds like a positive response. 49 - maybe she'll tell you that he's got another new girlfriend, or, despite her positive response she might be competitive with you (49 shows two sisters fighting with each other).

Yes fair enough 63 unchanging or maybe me turning up today pushed them across the river....

Geez really - I'm not competing for him. I lost interest and she's welcome to have whatever relationship she'd like with him. I don't regret the time I spent with him but nah I'm good.

 

[dfreed]

The question wasn't about Me and Him but this 'other' woman and Him .... I view our FWB as totally over and recognise it ....

I may be mistaken, but it seemed to me that the response is about 'what (you) need to know' and maybe one aspect of this is that you shouldn't get caught up in the details (the life) of a river you've already crossed.

I can imagine the Yi or a diviner telling you, 'what you need to know about their relationship, is that you don't need to know about the details of their relationship'.

But if my interpretive shoe doesn't fit, you need not wear it.

However ... when you go into so much detail about the 'clues' of their relationship - and you leave messages for this 'other' women and then ask the Yi how your message will be received - 'over' is not the word which springs to mind to describe what's going on here.

But then again, maybe you're just asking all this out of curiosity .... in which case, can you just ask your former FWB friend what's up between him and this woman?

That seems like a better approach, instead of having people like me mucking up an interpretation of your reading.

 

[Trojina]

When we were spending time together he said he'd split with someone about 6 months ago, hence why he didn't want to start a new relationship with me or so he said.
Now if this is a new relationship and/or they've just reunited, they certainly weren't looking like much was going on, considering when I was hanging out with him he would always follow me around and want me to be as close as possible to him.
What do I need to know about the Nature or their relationship Hexagram 63 unchanging
They're just feeling their way for now....

You are asking about the nature of their relationship and seem to have a reasonably clear answer in 63uc; this is something that's either 'done', complete or settled. This isn't something about to gain a whole new lease of life or something that's mid completion or that's mid -drama. That would probably be why you got quite a non intense vibe when you went in. Perhaps it's all fine with them, they're okay with each other, they've settled into a groove or they may actually be done with one another but not in a 'this is it I will never see you again' kind of a way but far more like 'this is as far as we go together'. I've often had 63uc for decisions already taken, things already put in place and when asking about relationship potential Yi is usually saying here 'this is it, this is what it is'. And of course this can be good news or not. If one wants much more than there already is then 63uc isn't so great but if one is abundantly happy with things as they are that's good

Hence

Now if this is a new relationship and/or they've just reunited, they certainly weren't looking like much was going on, considering when I was hanging out with him he would always follow me around and want me to be as close as possible to him.

I don't feel much has changed between them. Who knows they may think it has but there's a distinct lack of drama here IMO.

About an hour after I left I sent her a message telling her he and I had just had a tentative relationship but were no longer and apologising and explaining that I thought it was just friends of his staying otherwise I wouldn't have come in.

What response can I expect from her re my message Hex 55.5>49 - Well that sounds good. Wonder if we'll actually become friends of sorts because we're both yoga teachers as it turns out.

You texted her so you already know her ? 55.5 looks like a generous response possibly. Also I get the sense this is an answer that may go beyond the bounds of the question. It may refer to some kind of fullfilment for you in the situaiton.

 

[diamant]

or maybe me turning up today pushed them across the river

I didn't say you'll be competitive, she might get competitive towards you, who knows why (or she'll inform you of a new girlfriend of this Don Juan).

 

[becalm]

I didn't say you'll be competitive, she might get competitive towards you, who knows why (or she'll inform you of a new girlfriend of this Don Juan).

Oh okay hahaha - I don't know why she'd get like that except that I'm probably 15 years younger than she is BUT to me she was quite beautiful.

 

[dfreed]

she'll inform you of a new girlfriend of this Don Juan

What makes you say becalm's former FWB friend is a 'Don Juan'? And do you mean that in a good way, e.g. he's her FSM - 'former stud muffin'? And since becalm was the other half of this FFWB - former friends with benefits relationship, does that make her a Don Juanita? - or maybe a black widow who's still lurking around?

 

[becalm]

You are asking about the nature of their relationship and seem to have a reasonably clear answer in 63uc; this is something that's either 'done', complete or settled. This isn't something about to gain a whole new lease of life or something that's mid completion or that's mid -drama. That would probably be why you got quite a non intense vibe when you went in. Perhaps it's all fine with them, they're okay with each other, they've settled into a groove or they may actually be done with one another but not in a 'this is it I will never see you again' kind of a way but far more like 'this is as far as we go together'. I've often had 63uc for decisions already taken, things already put in place and when asking about relationship potential Yi is usually saying here 'this is it, this is what it is'. And of course this can be good news or not. If one wants much more than there already is then 63uc isn't so great but if one is abundantly happy with things as they are that's good

Hence



I don't feel much has changed between them. Who knows they may think it has but there's a distinct lack of drama here IMO.



You texted her so you already know her ? 55.5 looks like a generous response possibly. Also I get the sense this is an answer that may go beyond the bounds of the question. It may refer to some kind of fullfilment for you in the situaiton.

I felt they were friends that knew each other very well and were very comfortable with each other but nothing more than that. The reason I was a bit curious is that she said she was staying there for a few days and yet she only lives about 20 minutes away. We've just gone into serious lockdown so maybe she's just staying there to keep him company because I know he suffers from depression but that's just wild guessing. She did seem a little perplexed about who exactly I was.
He seemed quite happy to see me but it was a quick hi, bye kind of thing.

No I don't know her as such, I just know she does yoga classes in the area. I'd like to meet her outside of that situation - just the vibe I got from her.

 

[Trojina]

We've just gone into serious lockdown

Didn't know that, will check out the news from Australia. Here in the UK the clubs are open, masks optional, party time.....except not quite.

 

[becalm]

Didn't know that, will check out the news from Australia. Here in the UK the clubs are open, masks optional, party time.....except not quite.

Victoria's had perpetual lockdown but most of the other states in Australia have had mediocre lockdowns. NSW, where I live, has just gone into a state lockdown for 7 days. Sydney has the most serious rules.

 

[diamant]

What makes you say becalm's former FWB friend is a 'Don Juan'? And do you mean that in a good way, e.g. he's her FSM - 'former stud muffin'? And since becalm was the other half of this FFWB - former friends with benefits relationship, does that make her a Don Juanita? - or maybe a black widow who's still lurking around?

When becalm has more than 1 partners, I'll call her Don Juanita.
When she eats one of them, I'll call her black widow.
Don't worry, I'm keeping an eye on her

 

[becalm]

I may be mistaken, but it seemed to me that the response is about 'what (you) need to know' and maybe one aspect of this is that you shouldn't get caught up in the details (the life) of a river you've already crossed.

I can imagine the Yi or a diviner telling you, 'what you need to know about their relationship, is that you don't need to know about the details of their relationship'.

But if my interpretive shoe doesn't fit, you need not wear it.

However ... when you go into so much detail about the 'clues' of their relationship - and you leave messages for this 'other' women and then ask the Yi how your message will be received - 'over' is not the word which springs to mind to describe what's going on here.

But then again, maybe you're just asking all this out of curiosity .... in which case, can you just ask your former FWB friend what's up between him and this woman?

That seems like a better approach, instead of having people like me mucking up an interpretation of your reading.

Initially I just misunderstood your response but then I realised what you meant.
Actually the real reason I messaged her was watching another woman's back and trying to find a way to do that.
I could ask him but I don't trust he'd be honest.
I appreciate your responses always dfreed.

 

[dfreed]

When becalm has more than 1 partners, I'll call her Don Juanita.

I am curious then; does your use of the terms 'Don Juan' and 'Dona Juanita' carry any moral judgment, or any other kind of judgment? Or are these just your words for people whom have had more than one sexual partner in their lifetime? (I prefer the terms 'stud muffin' and 'babe' but potato, potato.)

In other words, by your definition there are tens of millions of us walking around whom are Don Juans and Dona Juanitas and there is nothing at all wrong with that, and you pass no judgement on it?

I'll go out on a limb here, and guess that this particular FWB Don Juan wasn't Becalm's first rodeo, and she too is a Juanita ( which as I understand it, is a few steps up from being a 'Karen'). In fact, I think Becalm has talked about her children, so unless they were adopted or she had them via artificial means she too is a Juanita!

Becalm, is this true, that you too are a Juanita, or maybe a Sheila (and hopefully not a Karen)? Don't worry, I won't judge you for it if you are (wink, wink, I'm also a Juan Stud Muffin)!

 

[dfreed]

Actually the real reason I messaged her was watching another woman's back and trying to find a way to do that. I could ask him but I don't trust he'd be honest.

Okay, so all this is about your concern for your sisters' well being, just telling her that your former FWB is not to be trusted; and that there was/is no hint of jealousy or envy, or meddling on your part. I wasn't picking up on that, but thanks for clarifying this.

 

[dfreed]

the Nature or their relationship Hexagram 63 unchanging

Or ... maybe what you are being told is they have 'already crossed the river' - which is a term I've never though of to describe having had sex, but I think it works. And now comes the next step - as is most often the case: they'll either have to care for one another and for the relationship, or not ....

 

[diamant]

If you don't know what Don Juan means, look it up in a dictionary.

 

[dfreed]

If you don't know what Don Juan means, look it up ....

I get it. Without any evidence, and not having been there, and despite the Yi saying nothing of the sort, your calling becalm's former FWB (which itself defines a loose, noncomitted relationship) the female version of a whore. I wonder what that makes his current and former FWBs? As Don Juan once said, it takes two to tango.

 

[Trojina]

Okay, so all this is about your concern for your sisters' well being, just telling her that your former FWB is not to be trusted; and that there was/is no hint of jealousy or envy, or meddling on your part. I wasn't picking up on that, but thanks for clarifying this.

So are you making out there is jealousy, envy or meddling then ?

 

[dfreed]

So are you making out there is jealousy, envy or meddling then ?

No. I'm saying those are some of the ways I'd describe what I thought was going on, based on what becalm was saying about the situation. You know, if it walks like a duck and quacks like duck .... but obviously I was wrong and there are no jealous, envious ducks involved here - only a male ex-FWB who turns out to be a whoring don Juan (or that's what some of the interpretations are implying).

But thanks for asking, and not jumping to any conclusions.

 

[Trojina]

Previous thread/s on this relationship give background and IMO some cause to ask about the woman. From what I have picked up this guy was pretty intense with becalm but it's now over. However given he was intense with her and it's only recently ended she probably would want to know why the other woman was there in order to make sense out of what he told her about this other woman and to make some sense of what happened between the two of them while it was intense.


A man who is very intense in pursuit but says he doesn't want a relationship is often a man who wants his cake and eats it. Not always but often. He's covering all bases, leaving himself free of any emotional responsibility whilst still hoping to enjoy himself with the woman.

This is one reason FWB is rarely of any benefit, it's more like subtle theft.

 

[dfreed]

Previous thread/s on this relationship give background and IMO some cause to ask about the woman.

I wasn't responding to 'previous threads' but to this one.

This is one reason FWB is rarely of any benefit, it's more like subtle theft.

Well, a valuable lesson and a good piece of advice for becalm. Maybe that's what the Yi's responses are talking about here: that becalm needs to stop being a FWB! Or a FFWB - a 'former' ....

But then again, FWB = subtle theft? I kind of assume that it's more friendly and beneficial than that; but like most beneficial things in life, it has the potential to become unbalanced - it's (as we've seen in previous threads) like someone asking the Yi about their marriage, or their living situation, or their relationship with their children ....

 

[Trojina]

And I wasn't responding to 'previous threads' but to this one.

If you don't get what's being asked or you don't get how others are responding to someone sometimes it pays to look back to previous threads.

Maybe that's what the Yi's responses are talking about: becalm needs to stop being a FWB! Or a FFWB - a 'former' ...

I don't feel that interpretation works here.

The question is specifically about 'their' relationship

What do I need to know about the Nature or their relationship Hexagram 63 unchanging

In this instance I think it's such a direct answer, well I think it is answering the question put. She already had stopped being FWB so I don't feel the answer is pointing to that. Given the context it's not really a meddling question is it I think anyone might be curious to say the least if they were in her shoes. Which is why Yi is telling her.

 

[redoleander]

55.5 Lise has this as "the pattern emerges" - maybe you'll get more info on him and his patterns or maybe something about the interaction will reveal more about the situation all around

63UC might be saying that you don't need to know much about it since you've already crossed into new territory

 

[dfreed]

If in the past readings and threads the Yi was saying that this guy is too intense, or that he is a don Juan or that he's a 'subtle thief', I'd ask Becalm: why in the world do you keep going back to his home and involving yourself in his relationships in any way?

My practical advice would be, just steer clear of this dude, he's bad news.

Or, taking a wider view, if it were me, I might want to know, why do I keep involving myself in situations or with people that are not healthy for me? But as you say, this may not be what this reading is about, so why would I or anyone want to know such things? Which leads us to ....

The question is specifically about 'their' relationship

I offered an interpretation that I felt was about Becalm's relationship with the situation, and Becalm acknowledged this when she said " ... initially I just misunderstood your response but then I realized what you meant ..."

And I then offered another interpretation that was about 'their' (these other two FWB folk's) relationship. I assume that someone who spends so much time trolling the threads and paying close attention to what others say would have picked up on that.

In summary, I've responded - both about how I thought (perhaps incorrectly) that the reading was about Becalm's relationship with these people AND also what the Yi is saying about Mr. John ("whoring FWB Juan") and his current yoga instructor FWB. (If nothing else, he seems to have a 'type' of FWB that he's attracted to, and they to him!)

If Becalm finds any of what I said useful, that's great. If not, well, I'll just have to further hone my divination skills - which I assume is part of what we're doing here.

 

[my_key]

What do I need to know about the Nature or their relationship Hexagram 63 unchanging
They're just feeling their way for now.....

What you need to know about the nature of their relationship is that they are comfortable in each others company and that while things may be in the process of being worked out between them neither of them is ready for a full break yet.
For you, this may be confusing or even unsettling. Perhaps, you are wondering about what is really going onto between them and how, if at all, this might impact you.

What response can I expect from her re my message Hex 55.5>49 - Well that sounds good. Wonder if we'll actually become friends of sorts because we're both yoga teachers as it turns out.

The response you can expect with regards to your message will be one that allows you, or even forces you, to see things differently. It may even be harshly worded, or worded in a way you were not expecting. Whatever it contains, it'll be an eye opener that will direct you towards a new, clear and definite course of action.

...or it may be nothing like this at all.

Good Luck