Clarity,
Office 17622,
PO Box 6945,
London.
W1A 6US
United Kingdom
Phone/ Voicemail:
+44 (0)20 3287 3053 (UK)
+1 (561) 459-4758 (US).
Trojan! how great to hear from you... the MOST bizarre thing, i was just sitting here and thinking, now what would i Truly like to be involved in...ok, long term I appreciate, but what inspires me? and its always back to the study of consciousness, spiritual psychology, creative expression... symbols, feelings, touch, writing, journaling, biblical studies...ok, the list is long, but its what i feel I belong to and is always a part of my life..so I just put in for the hell of it as the interview is tommorow, - is there a way forward with any of this? (ie the above list) and got the very one you said... 45:2! Now I appreciate its much too much to ask in one question, but I just 'felt' the sense of it as opposed to all those things separately.
When I read your much appreciated insight, I felt HUGE relief initially. Yes, then the fear kicked in in a big way, with but what else?? but yes, i did get the initial relief to be sure. I think that says something. I can't tell you what a journey its been, totally unexpected because I had no idea of the extent of pain all this past months of separation & no base would cause.
I'd like to think that there is a tunnel out - which of course there is, but even my dreams are now giving such big clues. ie last boss (house-keeping) in her new house and i went to visit, but she became very impatient with me because i was hanging around and I was no longer employed there. I kissed paul there, and lady came up with some runes and threw them - they said ' he is no longer here'... 'BUT he IS! I cried, he's here right now' then i woke up.
Last night i dreamt of being in a tall building and there was an earthquake... i was fascinated by the way the building was moving so much from side to side quite violently and really felt as if it could be the beginning of something massive and was secretly thrilled that somehow it might cause the end of my life. Nobody else in the quake seemed that bothered by it though! then i refused to get into my friends car who could drive us away as they were all drunk and I felt safer in the unknown than getting into that car. I couldnt believe that they all drove off and left me though.
anyway, that was just for your interest, not a need for a reply! Could be that I am consciously drawing the beginning of the end and the arrival of the new...ie DEATH of this phase.
I will check my instincts as you say, and could ask after interview the question you suggested...I am sure that they will be lovely but I will feel kind of under valuing my ability and sense that I should be doing more intelligent professional work and discovering my unique talents PLUS will probably be exhausted by the physical of it. I can get hired help in, that is no problem, and she is very sensitive and kind, but the bottom line is twofold: one its money and a place (but no real place to let go) and two, its ta choice ...so yes, its picking up towels, doing laundry, cooking, cleaning... chopping wood do I hear someone say?
I'll see how tomorow unfolds, although to a great extent its how i play it.
Thanks trojan, hebe
Hi Trojan,
Thank you very much for your response and thoughts... it's good to be heard on that level and somehow feel the strength from a supportive opinion, although if ever I write about these experiences I will never ever forget the powerlessness of not being able to form, let alone stick to, my own opinion and insight. Must be a huge lesson in all of this of finding my own power - and the words that you wrote about needing 'permission' have also come up in reading I had done with alan bridges a while ago, who doesn't know me, but told me that I am carrying my husband around energetically like a weight behind me and although I may not appreciate it, am running every decision and choice by him. 'STOP IT'. he said. Easier said than done. BUT there is a lesson here that I imagine many of us are going through, especially those who have been to a large or small degree, dependant on their partner for their own 'wholeness' or perhaps, as I think we did, got married before being happy at being single, ie not actually NEEDING another to make them happy. anyway, that is all an aside.
So, I threw 42:1 for letting go of the job. It felt good to read as much as I could initially read from my books and suggests, from Karcher, that even with slim resources, which mine now are, real possibilities are there. Relating hexagram suggests exactly what you suggest in the sense of not panicking, being contemplative but at the same time seeing what is really there - and in a state of panic that just hasn't been possible. Again easier said than done.
I liked the idea of increase and liked alot about the hexagram and again helped me to feel better about turning down a job that provided money and a roof when I am obviously in need. A part of me feels as if I am just barking to let it go, but then another part grabs hold of that hexagram and after so much that I have read from what others say, that the I ching always says the truth. So, just to confirm, would you agree, that it is encouraging... I mean it does seem obvious to me, but being an amatuer at this, it might be something else that I am not aware of either. In one of the threads willowfox says that the user has a great deal of potential, so use it. Makes sense... I now need to find the way forward with this. Open the doors wider than I've been prepared to. See what's beyond my thinking. I keep coming back to thinking outside of the box - but have been for a while and just can't get out of the box. (YET).
I loved Hilary's take which asked those questions : What would you do if you had no limits? no restrictions... blessings are there... how do you want to use them? all suggestive of thinking outside of my box. Lise, is also encouraging about drawing attention to talents - I keep being told how many talents I have - and this is about using them. Not, from what I read in 12;2, doing something that is limiting and not using your unique talents.
So, the interview went well and I liked her enormously - but that is very different from doing the practical job and the amount of cooking involved is much more than I am able to do anyway. I am not a cook and am a vegetarian! its just a delicious cake sitting there! gosh, alot from a question on a job, but such an important decision to get right. Thanks again for your help, Hebe. Ps are you much better emotionally now Trojan - after how many years?? I can't imagine ever being free of the pain.
Clarity,
Office 17622,
PO Box 6945,
London.
W1A 6US
United Kingdom
Phone/ Voicemail:
+44 (0)20 3287 3053 (UK)
+1 (561) 459-4758 (US).