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[shefa]

OK, this has a Part I and Part II. First, the Part I I wrote but never posed a couple days ago. Then Part II is from today.

Part I
I thought things were good because we were having such good communication but then he went missing in action. I was patient until I decided I was hurt. Then I decided I would just cut things off with him because I don't need this crap. Then I got really sad because I like this guy alot and do not want to run away unless necessary.

I asked a bunch of questions to help me sort things out. Please know I only seek to know what is really best and healthy for me. I am not about changing him or anything like that. Thanks.

1 - What effect on me if just totally walk away from him? (No contact, etc.) 59 unchanging.

I would have understood this if the questions was about the relationship, but it wasn't. The question was about me. So I guess obstacles within me will melt if I walk away? Does this mean he has been an obstacle for me?

2 - What if I try to sit down and really talk through everything with him - really get some answers and express all my concerns, etc.? 2.3 > 15

3 - What about the idea of just being distant, not totally walk away and end contact as above, but just disengage 8.1.4 > 17

4 - Please give me a clear sign, is he being truthful with me or not?
12.4.5 > 23

I am clueless here because the lines sound great, and perhaps the 23 is about nakedness, such as he is being truthful because he is exposed? But I am not sure. I want to believe him and when I am with him I feel that I do believe him. But when he disappears my mind starts working overtime.

5 - How does he see me?
8.2.5 > 7

I know this was a bad questions to ask, because only he can tell me, blah, blah. I also believe I understand the meaning of these lines, but not as it relates to him seeing me. Line 5 certainly is about letting someone go if they aren't coming together naturally. Because of how I asked the question I am not sure of the answer. Does this suggest he wants to let me go? Or that he is letting me go because we aren't naturally coming together? I must admit that I have been so LAID BACK with him, and making NO DEMANDS at all, that he could think I am not all that interested. Then again, he would be blind if he didn't know how I feel. Line 2 looks good.

6 - What's going to happen next between us?
51.6 to 35

Now I know this is all about sex, but I'll tell you, there had better be lots of roses and good, honest, and open dialogue before anything physical happens. This for sure.

Part II
OK, there is another woman loosely in the picture. I ask more questions:

1- What is going on with them? 18.2 to 52

2- How does she effect he and me? 30.6 to 18
Does this mean I should be the one to get rid of her, or that she will be doing that to me? Assuming it meant me, I asked:

3- What if I tell him to get rid of her? 51.1.3 to 62

4- What if I tell him I can do an open relationship with certain conditions? 42 unchanging

5- What approach should I take with him for my highest good? 44.2.6 to 31
This is the same answer I received to this same question awhile ago. But in between, I have received 2 as the answer.

6- What if I just totally walk away form him? 24 unchanging
Remember the other day I got 59 as answer to this question.

7- What if I tell him the kind of relationship I would like to have with him? 58 Unchanging

8 - What kind of effect would having such a relationship have on me? 2 Unchanging.

9- What are his intentions toward me 7.1.2 to 24

10- Why didn't he tell me about her? 56.3.4 to 23

11- What is his intention toward her? 8.5 to 2
Notice I got a similar 8.2.5 to 7 when asking how he sees me.

12- What am I supposed to be learning in this situation? 58.2 to 17

OK, go for it. Give me your honest feedback. I know I asked a million questions, I just need some help seeing myself and seeing the situation so I can decide what's best for me. Thank you!

 

[rosada]

Well I'll tackle question 2.

What would happen if I had a straight talk with him? 2.3 >15.
I think this sounds really positive, 15 makes me think you would get honest answers. I think 2.3 "Seek not works, but bring to completion" emphasizes the importance that this talk not be about making plans for the future but should stick with the here and now, or filling in the blanks about the past.

Having said that, it now occurs to me that "Seek not works" could indicate that you wont be able to get him to have this talk. 15 then could indicate you must adjust your expectations of this friendship.

 

[willowfox]

`1 - What effect on me if just totally walk away from him? (No contact, etc.) 59 unchanging.

It calls for cooperation between you.

2 - What if I try to sit down and really talk through everything with him - really get some answers and express all my concerns, etc.? 2.3 > 15

Yes a great idea.

3 - What about the idea of just being distant, not totally walk away and end contact as above, but just disengage 8.1.4 > 17

No, tells you to hold together.

4 - Please give me a clear sign, is he being truthful with me or not?
12.4.5 > 23

This suggests yes.

 

[ben_s]

Please know I only seek to know what is really best and healthy for me. I am not about changing him or anything like that.

That sounds like a positive place to start, Shefa.

59 If you just walk away, Wind blowing over water disperses it, dissolving it into foam and mist. The oracle predicts your heartbreak will literally "just blow over." In the future? If more emotional storms arise in your heart, they will also just blow over. The king approaches his temple. Your success is to be found by your own spiritual inner life, your own emotional strength. It furthers one to cross the great water. There are more fish and treasures in the sea than this one guy.

2.3 > 15 talking things through. From a receptive, womanly heart, Hidden lines. One is able to remain persevering. If by chance you are in the service of a king, Seek not works, but bring to completion. You can read between the lines. If there is some unfinished business here, resolve it.

You can be persevering, but if you are not "in the service of a king" (just another ordinary guy), it's not worth that much effort.

The outcome of your persistence? 15 An appropriate balance between you and him. Also, an appropriate balance within your own heart. A comfortable situation in which you don't have to blow your own horn just to get recognized.

8.1 loyalty, 8.4 loyalty > 17 someone worth following. If you are loyal to what is right for you, you will have someone worth following.

The questions about him contradict your original intention to keep this about you. From a guy's point of view (not the oracle), he would be blind if he didn't know how I feel is the kind of emotional-thinking double-standard that drives men to become Eminem fans. It's unethical to blame someone for not responding to the contents of your heart which YOU failed to express in a way that can be heard. (That goes for talking with women too!)

51.6 There's a hell of a catastrophe. Hope it hits other people before you. to 35 In the sunshine of life, you get to meet the prince three times a day. If you endure the catastrophe, you get three dates a day with Prince Charming - what gal wouldn't like that? What's not clear is if the catastrophe turns your current guy into the prince, or gets him out of your life so you are free to meet the prince (or maybe discover you already know him).

Part II is a bunch of questions about interfering with another person's life in the way you said you wouldn't do at the start of part I!

What am I supposed to be learning in this situation? 58.2 to 17
58.2 Quit wasting your time with people who are not good for you.

Do you have a Yi edition with Wilhelm's commentary? We often find ourselves associating with inferior people in whose company we are tempted by pleasures that are inappropriate for the superior man. To participate in such pleasures would certainly bring remorse, for a superior man can find no real satisfaction in low pleasures. When, recognizing this, a man does not permit his will to swerve, so that he does not find such ways agreeable, not even dubious companions will venture to proffer any base pleasures, because he would not enjoy them. Thus every cause for regret is removed.

Isn't this clear enough? If you finally learn the lesson, 17 you will be courted by someone worth following. Isn't that better than chasing after someone who leaves you confused?

Keep it about you! I recommend you explore and meditate on "The road less traveled" by M. Scott Peck, "Getting the love you want" by Harville Hendrix, and "Are you the one for me?" by Barbara D'Angelis.

This last book is not enough on its own, because in all the concern for the ideal partner's emotional style, physical style, etc. nothing at all is said about the ideal partner's spiritual maturity, ethical integrity, skillful wisdom, and compassionate conscience style. This is the most important quality of a person and of a partner. If it's not present, is absolutely guaranteed to turn all the other pieces of perfection into bitter heartbreak, sooner or later!

 

[shefa]

Thank you for the great info. There is so much here to think about. Some initial comments and questions, I am sure there will be more:

Rosada, WF and Ben: Yes, I definitely plan to talk with him following me sorting out my own feelings. I am glad Yi supports this conversation with 2.3 to 15. Not sure about the comment, "bring to completion." In what context/attitude does this point to an ending?

WF, I am afraid I already have become distant with him. I don't react well to missing in action unless it's an established pattern that includes a return.

WF, I am interested that 59 talks about cooperation needed between us. Where do you see this and how can I apply this to the possibility of me walking away? Does it suggest that I should not walk away before connecting with him further? Ben talks about 59 also, and its a good reminder that there are "other fish in the sea."

Ayone care to tackle the 44 to 31 answer above? Thank you. I am continuing to absorb these words and will have more to add.

 

[ben_s]

44.2.6 to 31

I overlooked that, sorry.

Present:
44 There is a pushy young temptress who is bad news for an ethical gentleman!
44.2 There is a problem person. Don't invite this person to be a guest.
44.6 Sometimes a person stands up for what is right in their life, and the crowd boos because they think the person is snooty and aloof. Actually, they're just trying to do the right thing and stay out of trouble.

Future if you get things right:
31 There is an honorable courtship in which the man appropriately pursues the woman.

For your highest good, quit chasing after this guy. Don't play hard to get, but do insist that you only get involved with people who have high ethical standards and respect your boundaries in your life. If a guy is good for you, he will return and show interest in you. If you have to guess whether or not the guy is interested in you ("I don't need this crap"), there is no point in chasing after him.

"I do not want to run away"... but notice that you are not running away, you are simply not chasing after someone who has already made himself distant from you!

Some of the advice comes from Confucian views about social roles - but I think in your case there is a lot of wisdom for a modern gal too.

 

[willowfox]

5- What approach should I take with him for my highest good? 44.2.6 to 31

The lines suggest the need to keep in contact with him but done in a non committal and non overly interested fashion, better to remain seemingly aloof in your contact with him, like to show him that you just don't care anymore, that you have now gone beyond the caring stage.

 

[shefa]

OK, thank you for these words. He is definitely interested (but he has been inconsistent, true) and I have never asked for more from him than what we have (but true that I have at times wanted more so that energy has been present.) Now the question for me would be how to do 44 to 31 as you have both described above, but also still talk with him. It would seem that initiating a conversation might appear assertive, unless I am very careful.

 

[ben_s]

Shefa,

I have at times wanted more so that energy has been present

This is my own personal opinion, not from your reading. I believe the above quote is a very dangerous assumption. If you have not actually talked with him about your wanting more, that energy might only have been present within you... and not have reached his awareness.

 

[shefa]

OK Ben, for you I asked these questions:

What if I tell him I could fall in love with him? 25.4.5 to 27
What if I just tell him I would like to be in a romantic relationship with him? 51 unchanging.

Unlike you, I do not see 51 as catastrophe at all. My experience has been more like what Karcher describes, sudden sexuality, shocking, fertility, etc. But the problem here is that I have already decided to walk from this relationship. It is not working for me, and even if that's partly due to my lack of self expression, so it is. I care for this man, and we have enjoyed some great times together. But as we got closer, the weird parts in him started to come out. If I felt he was willing and able to be open, honest, and work through this stuff together, I could have been there. But I do not have the energy for both of us.

I also asked how he thinks I feel about him - 21.6 to 51. Interesting.

 

[shefa]

And, What kind of relationship does he think I want with him?
9.2.3.5.6 to 24

I asked this because I think the 21.6 above is hard to interpret. I am not sure if it means he thinks I am not listening, or if it means he thinks I see him as not listening? So I thought I would try a more clear question.

 

[Trojina]

21.6 maybe its you not listening to what he is showing you by his actual behaviour.

 

[shefa]

Trojan, I think I am listening to his behavior and that's why I need to walk away. But I am sad, because there is also so much good in him and us. I do welcome feedback on my recent readings above. I am not thinking clear on my own with this one. Thanks.

 

[willowfox]

I also asked how he thinks I feel about him - 21.6 to 51.

He thinks that you think that he is a very troublesome person who just will not listen, will not see the reality of the situation, a man who is determined to make a mess of his life, a no hoper.

 

[shefa]

Wow Willowfox, this is interesting. I am not sure I see all this in the reading itself, but I previously went to a spiritual healer who told me something similar (I also had a hard time believing her) basically that he thinks I think he is a dweb, and advised me to correct that viewpoint with him, which I am sorry to say I have not.

Did you happen to see the readings I did earlier today, the one's prompted by Ben's comment, that he may actually not know how I feel about him? There are two above and I would really welcome your feedback on these. I am still deciding what's best for me to do here. Although I believe I need to walk away, I have not decided how I will do this. I have been considering what I am going to say to him, and I welcome all the help I can get with this because this feels like such an important learning for me. Thanks.

 

[willowfox]

What if I tell him I could fall in love with him? 25.4.5 to 27 Basically this is saying stay still and don't say anything, just be very patient and let nature/life take its course without your intervention.

What if I just tell him I would like to be in a romantic relationship with him? 51 unchanging.

Very surprised?

 

[ben_s]

Shefa, I agree that 51 overall must be surprising but not necessarily bad news. I don't see a way to interpret line 51.6 without the concept of catastrophe. "Shock brings ruin and terrified gazing around. Going ahead brings misfortune." What is a way to interpret this line as a positive omen, while respecting what it says?

I completely agree with Willowfox about 25.4,5. 25.4 "We cannot lose what really belongs to us, even if we throw it away. Therefore we need have no anxiety. All that need concern us is that we should remain true to our own natures and not listen to others." 25.5 "Use no medicine in an illness incurred through no fault of your own. It will pass of itself." If you are not the reason for the distance between you and him, you do not have to rush to close the distance.

I also agree with WF about your view of him as somewhat dense. That fits what you've already said: "He should know what's inside of me that I haven't communicated."

Some follow up questions you could explore might include -
What is the best source of wisdom for me as I decide what to do next?
Is there a way I've unfairly assumed that love means someone reads my mind?
What is the life lesson I can get right with this relationship, so I don't have to go through this painful uncertainty again?
Of course any questions should be adapted to what really speaks to your heart.

 

[shefa]

Yesterday I asked a question similar to what you suggest - What am I supposed to be learning in this situation? I was trying to discern what this whole thing is about, anyway. The answer was 15.3 to 2

I think this means to relax, that things will work themselves out and I do not need to try so hard. But I would welcome your thoughts also.

 

[shefa]

Ok, maybe you all agree with my interpretation of 15.3 to 2, not sure. But now I really need your input because I just got the EXACT same reading again. This time, it was when I asked about going forward on a business project with him. Again, 15.3 to 2 -- now I really want to be sure I listen to Yi. I am generally feeling so uncertain about him and this whole situation. Uncertain about my own feelings, I mean. I think some of my disappointment is because I have expectations that aren't being met. But, are those expectations reasonable? If yes, then OK. But if not, then I need to get over myself. I know, I know, I just need to talk with him, but Yi gives me conflicting advice about that, too. And, I really want to have a sense of what I want before I go into that conversation. ARRGH!

 

[ben_s]

15.3 The modest worker, a leader through attention to detail, creates completion which is beneficial.

What do you think this means in your situation?

I really want to have a sense of what I want

Well, what do you want? Is the conflict that you want your expectations fulfilled, but that only counts if you don't have to communicate them? If this isn't the issue, then what is the root of the uncertainty? If you have contradictory drives inside of you, how can either the oracle or Mr. Right (or a bunch of oracle fans online, for that matter) turn off half of your own inner conflicts?

 

[shefa]

I also asked:

How does he feel towards me now? -- 7.2 to 2!

How do I "do" 15.3? -- 4.2 to 23!

This is it. I am not asking more questions. I just need to turn inward and reflect on these answers and then take the action that needs to be taken: I will actually talk with him.