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barriers to starting a relationship? Hex 5.4 > 43

Magnus

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Hi All,
I was looking for other threads with this hexagram result of 5.4 > 43 but found none.

I had this sense that a girl who I'm interested in and who is interested in me is perhaps involved in abusive interactions with a guy who she had as a boyfriend before but broke up with awhile ago. I've noticed things in conversations with her like her saying the guy is "protective" of her, and today she mentioned being stressed out by friends and him. So for what it's worth, I asked "What are the barriers to her and I starting a relationship?" and hex 5.4 > 43. I'm wondering if I'm accurate in thinking that this means I'm not in a position to see barriers clearly and I need to be patient until I can see them and work through them with her to "break through" as it seems hex 43 is about more or less?
 

Trojina

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5.4 'waiting in the pit' counsels one to get the heck of waiting in dangerous or painful situations . Don't be patient....get out !

I am wondering if it is her who needs to get out of there....and fast, or if it's you who needs to stop waiting. I don't know but waiting in a pit of blood is waiting where one is much troubled by emotional pain or any kind of suffering really . The line carries some urgency, don't wait in such a painful place, it's harmful.

I have found this line to be pretty clear and the one thing it does not counsel is patience. It turns up at times one needs to move, to get out, but hangs on. Is that her do you think ? If she is in an abusive relationship and it applies to her Yi says she's hanging around when she needs to go....right now !
 

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It would seem to me that if someone has to make a move to get out of a situation, to get out of a painful and harmful place, it must be her. I'm in no way really harmed except in the sense that seeing her suffer does bother me, because I care about her. She's been friends with this guy a majority of her life, her family and his family are friends... its sort of a relationship both families would approve of happening, but these hints of an abusive relationship just don't seem right, and they aren't necessarily things that would be obvious to other family members I'm guessing and if they aren't obvious to others then I'm guessing they wouldn't see any reason to think anything is wrong. She's the kind of person that likes to put on a strong face and not show weakness/emotion if she can help it too. The difficulty I have with the whole thing is that I see it from somewhat of a distance being that I only know her through the internet, so I wonder what I'm physically able to do, if anything.
 

Trojina

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I think then we suffer from a lack of clarity in your question...'what are the barriers...?' If a relationship is not going to happen at all Yi may simply be advising you not to hang around waiting for this relationship because it puts you in a dark place in some way. Maybe instead of hanging about for this one you need to move on to something more actual...with someone you actually know.

Harm for you may not be anything overt but the sense of waiting can be draining so one is advised not to wait here.

Anyway if you have never even met her I really don't see how you can impact on her situation anyway...
 

Magnus

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We have a strong connection, even through the internet. I don't know if I should just move on to someone else or not, maybe. But it's almost like we're much the same person sometimes, like same personality, same sorta outlook on life. We both are basically people pleasers too. I just find it hard to even think of letting go of what feels like such a strong connection, taking breaks of weeks maybe, but we always end up talking again and the connection never waivers. It's kind of confusing sometimes how the Yi can be interpreted differently based on any detail of a situation. Something is telling me to just stick by and be there for her if she needs anything, not for self-interest on my part, but to make sure she's OK. If that ends up with us getting together at some point, that'd likely be nice though I'm more interested in her being happy and having what she wants/needs in life than anything about me.
 

Magnus

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I decided to ask "What are the consequences of continuing to be a support for K?" and received 31.5 > 62. It seems like the result could be saying something like "Sticking together will allow you to cross the small barriers that exist, to enable you to mutually influence each other" if the two hexagrams are seen as relating hexagrams as I've seen some posters in other threads consider them to be when there's a main hexagram and a "future hexagram". Does it seem like there is more to this reading than I'm interpreting?
 

Trojina

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I decided to ask "What are the consequences of continuing to be a support for K?" and received 31.5 > 62. It seems like the result could be saying something like "Sticking together will allow you to cross the small barriers that exist, to enable you to mutually influence each other" if the two hexagrams are seen as relating hexagrams as I've seen some posters in other threads consider them to be when there's a main hexagram and a "future hexagram". Does it seem like there is more to this reading than I'm interpreting?
The second hexagram, that which the primary changes into is not 'the result'. It's more fluid than that. Can indicate the backdrop to the question, containing aspects of past present and future. It is never simply the result.

31.5 I think shows the connection moves you quite instinctively, quite deeply. It isn't really a prediction, just shows how it is. When just one line moves much can be taken from it so the relating hexagram, here 62 is less important IMO. 31.5 is a line somewhat mysterious to me but I currently take it as it's quite a deep seated intention or orientation that moves you and so is fairly stable and reliable. This I guess would link in to the cautiousness of 62. As you are quite clear, firm, in your connection to her, this is reflected in the 31.5.


In 5.4 a person may stay in a bad situation for all kinds of reasons. maybe they are afraid to leave, or think they should stay.....but actually they don't have to and shouldn't.

I wonder if when you asked about barriers this line was referring to her quite literally, ie she is staying on in some place that is bad for her ? if so the best you can do is perhaps to gently suggest or support the idea that if others abuse her she is free to leave. Often fear of leaving abusive partners is down to low self esteem. Perhaps you could help her with that ? Help her see she can escape a bad place ?

Given the level of commitment you have perhaps you really can help her break free of a bad situation through your talks together. One thing is clear, someone needs to get out. from the 31.5 I don't think it's about you moving on I think it's more likley about her.

Another question might be "how best might I help her at this time ?" see what that suggests.

I see 5.4 as having some urgency to it, so currently I think it would be good for you to give her moral support.
 

Trojina

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OTOH still thinking of 5.4 beware of being dragged in to her troubles with other guys. You can feel you know someone on the internet but I don't think you can really know them till you meet them, see how they operate, what they do and so on. Anyone can say anything about themselves online....and I have a sense of caution when women start telling guys how other guys are badly treating them and vice versa ie when men tell women they like how other women are treating them bad. It's usually not a good thing to get drawn into.

Sorry can't give you much clarity here, but really if she is communicating clearly you should be getting that from her.
 

Magnus

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I'm rather unclear on the idea of someone having to get out now. It turns out she has been hesitant to agree to get back together with the guy I referred to, and she's having thoughts about this other guy who she knows online only. She doesn't know why she's drawn to this guy, and he's never online that much either. He said they should do a video chat the other night, but he never ended up showing up for it.

Anyway, I still thought asking "How best might I help K at this time?" and I received 58.3 > 43. 43 as the relating hexagram for two readings today catches my eye. It seems like the main one 58.3 is maybe more of the focus though. The line doesn't look that great, misfortune.... but I'm not entirely sure if it's telling me something to do with regard to her, or something else. I have an intuitive feeling that not talking to her for maybe a week or so might be wise. I have no idea why that feeling is there or if it has any relationship with what 58.3 says?

Maybe I am the one that should have made a move too, like you first said, Trojan? Her interests are varied, different guys, not really ready for commitment or to make up her mind it would seem.
 

Magnus

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I should have thought of this other guy before, because she had given hint that she was drawn to him by saying how he ditched her for the video chat the other night. I never took it seriously because for months she would say he was just a friend, because I had suspicions about him somehow. She really hasn't said a whole lot about how the boyfriend living near her treats her badly, it was never like she was trying to draw attention to it at all. She actually pointed out good things and not so good things about him. I didn't notice your post #8 when replying in my last post so I thought I'd add a few more points here. :) I'm still thinking of taking a few days or a week of just not talking to her as I'm curious if she'd notice or anything.
 

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Just out of curiosity I asked the Yi, "What are the barriers to her and I starting a relationship together?" basically the same question as I first asked, but this time cast hex 16.3.4 > 15. This result seems to have a different feel to it than the first. At least the whole idea of approval seems to be sort of positive. Looking at www.jamesdekorne.com which includes different translations, it appears line 3 is more negative perhaps whereas 4 seems positive. I read hexagram 15 as a good thing, but how much does it play into this reading with two changing lines? I am wondering if one interpretation I also read where confidence is emphasized in line 4, and 3 being more about working for approval rather than simply expecting it fit more with the answer to my question. Any thoughts?
 

Trojina

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No point asking the same question twice so I would stay with the first answer.

58.3 tends to show up where one expects far more than is really available. You are ready for exchange but it's not really happening....so actually I think your plan of going away for a while is a good one.

I can't see much point on speculating what a person at some distance is doing.....who knows...we will never know so you have only her word on whatever it is.

So haven't much else to add I'm afraid
 

Magnus

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58.3, the way you describe it as expecting far more than is really available kind of seems interesting in light of a reading today. I had planned to go away for awhile, but I had my computer signed in (therefore she was able to see me online, I noticed her status said something about how she actually believed the lies of someone - never asked who, but I think it's a guy she was distracted with thoughts of in recent days) She messaged me immediately after signing in, I saw from the kitchen where I was at that moment. Anyway we had a decent talk, sorta felt like old times when her and I were closer and more focused on each other even though she was driving to a game with a friend. I asked "What are the chances and her and I ever getting together?" The result hex 48.3.4 > 47.

My understanding of 3 and 4 in this are that the well isn't exactly ready, it's being built, not being touched. I feel like the conversation with her today kind of hit on how we used to be, which could be repairing what was there more in the past. Line 3, to me, sort of says the well can be drank from but nobody's drinking... I feel like it's maybe implying to not be shy about taking a sip, or taking little steps, but not going overboard and expecting more than is possible (at this time, the stage isn't fully built for the show to go on, or the well isn't ready to provide everything it needs to for a relationship to flourish). I don't really understand how, if any way, 47 would relate at all. I guess based on looking at some interpretations, it says that through working at it - persevering - success is possible through being correct and continuing on the path? I think the reading overall seems interesting, and I like how I can pick up how it relates to another reading which I don't generally do well on my own.
 

Magnus

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After thinking about it, I feel like 5.4 is about this guy she's been distracted by the last few days. We'll call him J. Anyway, I asked the Yi, "How do I help K with moving past J?" resulting in hex 24.5 > 3.

ifate.com gave this description of line 5: "The changes to line 5 indicate: "Letting go of Remorse"- Forgive yourself for old mistakes. Since you did not consciously choose to make that mistake, there is no reason to be harsh to yourself for it."

This seems relevant, because in a conversation I just had with K, she said how he lies and isn't around when he says he will be, then when he comes back, she forgives him and everything so they talk like normal. She isn't seeming to forgive herself for subconsciously/unconsciously just instantaneously forgiving him, so maybe if she forgives herself and can let go of that "mistake" she can let go of her focus on him so much over time...? Does that make sense? Is there anything else that can be interpreted from 24.5?
 

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