Being too nice - 21.2,4 > 41

[em ching]

Hello again

Just wanted to share this one; because the relevance just blows me away (though I am continually blown away )

Well, in my life, whenever I have felt wronged by someone I've covered it up - unfortunately allowed the bullies to make me feel I brought it on myself, rather than seeing that it's just their problem. Basically I'm always outwardly nice regardless, can't express the anger I may feel, which must come across as fake sometimes, or at least lacking a backbone

Do I need to discipline my niceness?
21.2,4 > 41

Well that says it all - highlighting the importance of administering justice (what kind of world would we be living in if everyone glossed over injustices and criminal behaviour?)

21.2> It is easy to discriminate between right and wrong in this case.. But one encounters ahardened sinner, and, aroused by anger, one goes a little toofar. The disappearance of the nose in the course of the bitesignifies that indignation blots out finer sensibility. However,there is no great harm in this, because the penalty as such is just.

Saying sometimes anger is needed, however uncomfortable.

21.4> There are great obstacles to be overcome, powerful opponents are to be punished. Though this is arduous, the effort succeeds. But it is necessary to be hard as metal and straight as an arrow to surmount the difficulties. If one knows these difficulties and remains persevering, he attains good fortune. The difficult task is achieved in the end.

So again, should be acknowledged and not shyed away from.

But then, 41 is about sacrificing the self for the whole?

So maybe at the same time saying don't take everything to heart so much and harbour resentment (more self damagaing)
Maybe 41 is saying not everyone is bad, but there are definitely still opponents to be aware of. In another shared reading I read this :

41 relinquishes individual benefit for the sake of the whole, or in other words, think beyond yourself. That is the offered sacrifice. In this case that could say 'consider the benefit to everyone if you go, not limiting the consideration to you or the person you'd like to avoid.' Then good fortune comes.

BUT if you do come up against opponents, don't back down, bite through...

As I understand 21 its a time when you are advised to take corrective action if someone has abused you in any way - its not a time to sit back and let it go. However line 2 did suggest you may be being just a little harsh, and as others have said 41 does advise a reduction in negative emotions.


We'll see what happens..

:bows:

 

[diamanda]

The way it sounds to me, justice is indeed needed when dealing with bullies (21),
and it's totally justified to get angry and tell them off (21:2). However, that will
not deter them or change them in any way. A constant hard battle is needed to
deal with such people (21:4). In the end, not even that will make any difference,
so, best to lose them altogether (41).

 

[em ching]

Yes that is what I am heading towards doing.. just this stupid party to contend with...
I am trying not to let the thought of it oppress me, perhaps there will be some good in it and I should weather the last storm..

I asked should I remain in the background and let it happen or try and turn it around ie enlisting other friends?
48.3, 6 > 59

Perhaps saying I am in a weak position atm and so not recognised (48.3) or that I should open it up? (48.6) But I don't know if I'd have the backing - perhaps better to disperse with the idea (59) or flood it ie get more involved?

Is it worth taking action? (In a last ditched attempt to make this 'party' a positive?
47.1, 3, 6 > 1

Saying I am letting this oppress me when it needen't and take action?
Or know that the whole thing spells 'disgrace' (47.3) and that I have nothing stable to lean on to make it a success? I.e be strong in my resolve to stay out of it as much as I can, perhaps even leave before it kicks off.. OR master the oppression and attempt to turn it around?

Can't help but think of 48.3 though, and hex 59...

Thanks diamanda. I suppose I've kept wanting to see the best in some of these people even when signs warned otherwise, and now I don't know whether to see it through or cut my losses and show my feeling that they have wronged me and I should no longer take part?? (history repeating eh...)

:bows:

 

[diamanda]

In my experience, this type of people thrive and feel victorious exactly when they
see you put in a lot of effort, and when you show them you are hurt. This is what
they wanted to achieve in the first place, with their moronic behaviour. Your best
bet is to not tell them they have managed to hurt you, neither to show it, neither
to put in any effort whatsoever, in the party or in them, but be standoffish in a
polite manner. And why put yourself under so much stress? Personally i wouldn't
even consider going to a party infested with pathetic bullies.

 

[em ching]

Too right.
But unfortunately I live where the party is being held
And by the time it comes around, I will actually be the only inhabitant left - they will have moved all their stuff out by then... hence my feeling vulnerable.
Grr can't believe it's come to this.

I know it's expecting a lot for a definite answer, but do you think, leaving before the party would in turn show my hurt and grant them a sense of defeat? Or the sensible thing to do considering... stand my ground or leave?

I really did think things were going to be ok not so long ago, but it seems they are still out to be-little me. Not all, but a couple, and that can turn the whole crowd it seems...

Thanks. :bows:

 

[diamanda]

You'll be the only inhabitant? Lol, perfect! Call it off then. Find a polite
excuse (eg something has come up and you'll have to be out of town,
so you'll have to reschedule it for 'some other time') (= never, but don't
tell them that). And they'll have moved all their stuff out, plus they have
invited someone who could possibly wreck the place, hmm... sounds bad.
And you'll be left with all the cleaning! Personally i would never go into
any trouble whatsoever for people who treated me in a rude manner.
Wait till they're all completely out, and then call it off

 

[em ching]

Lol yep hilarious isn't it.
The final insult which in my naivety I thought I'd escape.
Well, looks like I have no option.

My last opportunity to 'stand up for myself'
Hex 19 Approach - I think saying, approach this idea, rather than approach (pardon my french) Wankers.

Better go. (Long over-due departure from this mistake)

:bows:

 

[Trojina]

Too right.
But unfortunately I live where the party is being held
And by the time it comes around, I will actually be the only inhabitant left - they will have moved all their stuff out by then... hence my feeling vulnerable.
Grr can't believe it's come to this.

I know it's expecting a lot for a definite answer, but do you think, leaving before the party would in turn show my hurt and grant them a sense of defeat? Or the sensible thing to do considering... stand my ground or leave?

I really did think things were going to be ok not so long ago, but it seems they are still out to be-little me. Not all, but a couple, and that can turn the whole crowd it seems...

Thanks. :bows:

Right so they are holding a party in a place that they no longer live in...but they are technically still tennants so they can ? If they're not and you are the only tennant then tell them to sling their hook and go make a mess of someone elses property.

You've had so many answers to this so I won't respnd to those but my view is if a forthcoming social occasion was causing me this much angst, where i suspect i would be mocked and belittled etc I just wouldn't go. Now they are no longer in the house they have no hold over you anyway..you don't even need to ever see them again do you.
Do whatever is going to make you feel okay. Are they really worth the effort of you staying around to show them they can't push you around ? Do you want to be stressed out between now and the party worrying about it or just forget it and see friends who you trust and protect yourself from harm.

The thing i would say about 21.2 is one bites too hard through something thats quite squidgy so theres a danger of too much force in getting justice..like using a sledgehammer to crack a nut. And also Hilary says it can be that one is so close to an issue one can't see it..biting through pizza and getting it on your nose too..41 is about decreasing involvement

Regardless of readings its a choice between being at the party, disallowing the party (which if they still have tenancy you can't) or leaving yourself. And there isn't any should, you choose which you like the most.

 

[em ching]

Thanks for consistently helping me with this .
It feels like this is my one last chance to stand up for myself and show that I'm not oblivious to their open disregard and re-surfacing rudeness. I am going to do that by leaving - not waiting around so that they can throw a pary 'for me' which is actually just an excuse to allow disrespectful idiots to trash our house (however much they say I'm being paranoid, I know what people around here are capable of - I've seen it), especially as they have left me here alone now, despite my feeling happy here just a few days ago and thinking they were friends. But it's all come full circle - where there isn't a good beginning... I will definitely listen to my initial instincts and doubts about people in future!! Rather than think it's my lack of social skills.

I received 2.6 when asking about how to proceed: 'in a situation of activity he is passive and there is conflict' (I do actually feel like they are goading me to react so I am not going to pretend everything is fine between us) But I won't openly attack because I know I couldn't win - they'd twist things and never ever admit being in the wrong. Just indifference and retreat. It's not something I'm comfortable with, but I finally realise you Cannot be friends with everyone and nor should you try, especially if they are not nice!

Sometimes you do have to fight in life - some have to everyday! And I shouldn't be so afraid and disbelieving of the concept - you only have to read the news to know that evil does exist, so it's time I stopped burying my head in the sand, and turning the anger in on myself.

Time for a revolution!
(Hex 49!!!)

:bows: