Blog post: Why reading for others can be hard

[rosada]

Further thoughts...
Sometimes people ask for readings and expect you to be the all knowing psychic and they think it's real cute when you ask them to state their question, to say, "Aren't you supposed to already know that?" to which my standard answer is, "All I know is that my price just doubled." (They straighten up real quick.)
Speaking of which, knowing what to charge is another issue. I used to just ask for a donation but I found that made people uncomfortable, they didn't know what would be fair and ended up not getting a reading at all. Then I asked for $20 but when the consultation would go on for an hour - usually two - they'd feel bad about that, like they were taking advantage of me. Now I ask for $50 which is still a bargain but this way if someone wants to tip me they can and if they can't afford more that's okay too.
When I first started out doing readings 40 years ago (!) I thought it immoral to charge and was doing them for free. After about a week I had a dream where two angels appeared in my bedroom. They looked very troubled. Finally one of them spoke and said, "Rosada, you can do readings for free if you want to but we wont work for less than $5!" I started charging and immediately the quality of my readings improved as if I did indeed now have some angelic back up feeding me lines.
Speaking of angels directing a reading, I think it's helpful to tell people the I Ching is not just a book, it is an oracle and we are using it to connect with a higher consciousness, a consciousness that loves us more than anything we have ever been able to experience ever before. I believe this is true and saying so seems to help create the proper friendly, attentive attitude for a deeper consultation.

 

[butterfly spider]

I went tp a weekend workshop. We had to relay our experiences and our psychic knowledge. I said that I had used the I Ching for many years. The workshop leader said that really that was insignificant - that was hardly a psychic experience she said.

This lady was into trances and physical mediumship. I felt a bit uncomofortable about it all as if I was a bit of a retard, a delinquent, not really up there with the others...... posibly, my ego is not that I need affirmation. The lady who used to read tea leaves next door to my Nan, she was outstanding, but used tea leaves. She used to talk of angels and elementals in the back garden and the spirit of the rat that lived under the fire grate.

xxx

 

[hilary]

Hi,
I'm a little late to the conversation but I just thought I'd contribute my own frustrations with the whole reading-for-others challenge.
I think reading for others using the I Ching is a lot harder than when you're using methods like astrology or tarot cards. With the cards the person can see the pictures too and can get a sense of why you're answering their question as you do. With the I Ching the client most likely hasn't heard of the book and is only confused if you say things like "Bloody tears" and "Nose cut off, no blame." So first of all you need to be able to explain what the I Ching is in a way that creates enough faith and respect to get people to calm down and pay attention.

We know a website for that...

I find a surprising amount of Yi's imagery does speak for itself. I once gave someone a fairly standard introduction to the name of Hexagram 18 - venomous creatures in a pot, black magic, ancestral curses... - and had to pause because it was making her feel physically ill.

Some of the imagery's even the same as what we use in English. Just try to talk about what Hexagram 21 or 28 means without using the same imagery as the Yi. ('Take it in,' 'get your teeth into the problem'... 'Under stress,' 'Overwhelmed'...) 'Nose cut off' - 'You know we talk about "losing face"'? 'Carting corpses' - 'You've heard of having baggage, well...'

Another tricky thing about reading for others is that it's really a very intimate thing you're doing. People may approach you expecting a fun parlor trick and suddenly the IC's bringing up stuff they've been trying to keep hidden for years. Not a lot of laughs.

That one happens on the forum fairly regularly, doesn't it? 'I didn't give anyone permission to talk about that!' I've described it as feeling like being stripped naked in the supermarket. Not necessarily what you thought you were volunteering for.

It can also happen for people who know Yi perfectly well, and thought they were asking about a quite 'safe' topic. Yi is no respecter of compartments.

Or on the other hand they come to you with serious problems and maybe you get lucky and you're able to help. So then what happens? They come to you again with an even more serious problem and pretty soon their asking you if they can get away with cheating on their taxes or when will it be okay to unplug grandma from the respirator? Auuugh!

Not to mention how to get away with cheating on their taxes (and/or spouse). There's always, 'Sorry, I can't help you with that reading,' or 'I do not think that is a good question to put to Yi.'

But we love it, right?

jm2c.

Indeed we do.

Your last point is actually very important - as I have a friend who thinks I am very good at giving her advise based on a reading she did several years ago. Recently she is having romantic issues and thinks that by getting me to interpret her answers will solve all her problems.

For me that's a red flag, or at least an amber warning light. Time for a question like, 'What am I giving this person by reading for her?' maybe?

I went tp a weekend workshop. We had to relay our experiences and our psychic knowledge. I said that I had used the I Ching for many years. The workshop leader said that really that was insignificant - that was hardly a psychic experience she said.

Oh, with all due respect, to the workshop leader. One of the things I enjoy about Yi is that it renders all snobbery about psychic gifts irrelevant. You do not need to 'be psychic' to use it, just willing to pay attention. True, 'willingness to pay attention' can take you to unexpected places. But if that happens, and if it leads to startling insights, it still doesn't look much like a special personal 'gift', more like something that just tends to happen when people talk to oracles. So yes, with bells on.

 

[Liselle]

jm2c.

Rosada, if you don't mind saying...what does that mean? Am curious.

 

[Trojina]

Just my 2 cents

 

[Olga Super Star]

I have started helping people in understanding what they get.

The problem is there are some people literally telling me it's bullshit and I shouldn't depend "on a book" but still want to cast and know what "the book" is saying.

 

[moss elk]

The problem is there are some people literally telling me it's bullshit.

Just smile and walk away.
There is no reason to argue or 'defend' the book.

I remember the first reading I did for someone. Man A had never heard of the book but wanted to have a reading. Man B was of the 'everything' is b.s. mindset.
Man B tried overtalking man A and I to show us a card trick. (he aquainted yi with a sleight of hand trick) I just kept talking to Man A, who asked about what would be good to focus on in his life. He got 37.4 and immediately said he knew what it meant, and he look a little awe struck.
Man B watched, became quiet, then walked outside to smoke.

 

[hilary]

Oh yes, what Moss Elk said. Helping someone with the Yijing is one thing, and arguing with someone about the Yijing is another thing, and good luck trying to do both at once - I can't see that ever working. You might even be doing them a favour if you just neutrally ask them what they think it might be referring to. 'After all, this is your reading, you asked the question, the reply is talking to you, so you're the best person to understand what it says.'

 

[rosada]

Anyone care to share how they go about introducing/explaining what the I Ching is in a brief paragraph that doesn't leave the listener staring at you like you're off your meds?

 

[hilary]

Is the 'not leaving the listener staring at you like you're off your meds' part really essential?

"It's an oracle: that means it's a way you can have a conversation with the cosmos. You ask a question, and it speaks to you. How? Let me show you..."

(Insert substitute words for 'the cosmos' according to your audience. 'God', 'Spirit', 'Truth', 'the Real'...)

(And see https://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/learn/beginners/1-what-is-the-i-ching/its-nature/ and related pages.)

 

[moss elk]

Anyone care to share how they go about introducing/explaining what the I Ching is in a brief paragraph that doesn't leave the listener staring at you like you're off your meds?

I have a favorite poem.

 

[maggie may]

I sometimes help friends with readings. I find that it helps to remind myself that I can have a dialogue with the person either about the question or about the answer. Its not all up to me to intuitively understand the question and give an answer. For example: if a friend asks: 'What should I do about my situation at work?' I would ask questions or get them talking about the situation at work and why it is an area of concern. In the same way, in going over an answer, I would get them talking about what images come to mind for them in the answer. This back-n-forth dialogue or feedback can also open up further ideas for me to share with them.

 

[Liselle]

I have a favorite poem.

I'm feeling like I've missed something, sorry...are you saying that's what you'd say to someone? That the I Ching is a favorite poem of yours?

 

[hilary]

I sometimes help friends with readings. I find that it helps to remind myself that I can have a dialogue with the person either about the question or about the answer. Its not all up to me to intuitively understand the question and give an answer. For example: if a friend asks: 'What should I do about my situation at work?' I would ask questions or get them talking about the situation at work and why it is an area of concern. In the same way, in going over an answer, I would get them talking about what images come to mind for them in the answer. This back-n-forth dialogue or feedback can also open up further ideas for me to share with them.

Yes, very good point. When I first started, I only did readings by email (there wasn't really an affordable way to talk to people abroad). Adding calls was an eye-opener. A reading is a dialogue, by its nature, and so conducting it as one really does work much better.

 

[moss elk]

I'm feeling like I've missed something, sorry...are you saying that's what you'd say to someone? That the I Ching is a favorite poem of yours?

Well, it is a poem, with rhyme and meter. I don't have a 'one size fits every person' answer besides that.

 

[deflatormouse]

You might even be doing them a favour if you just neutrally ask them what they think it might be referring to. 'After all, this is your reading, you asked the question, the reply is talking to you, so you're the best person to understand what it says.'

I feel there's a difference, especially when reading for another diviner, between being asked for interpretive assistance OTOH, and being appointed to read for them on the other. It may be a thin line in certain ways. But interpretation is a creative process and when you ask someone to perform a creative service for you, hopefully what that communicates is 'I love what you do and I want what you do to be a part of my reality'. So it depends on the individual and their reasons for involving me, but there's a question of whose language the reading is in. I am less inclined to subordinate my own interpretive parameters to another diviner I have asked for help understanding my reading, and more willing to relinquish that control when I've charged someone else with reading for me. In the latter case I am happy to sit back - even if I can't trust the diviner, I might trust the Yijing to skew the reading to another or their methods.

And noted the 48.5 and the implications of transparency there and in this thread, but that's not the same thing as neutrality.