Broken friendship? 11.3 and more

[nike michel]

Hello, a friend repeatedly invited me to visit him so I bought an expensive air ticket (despite having many doubts myself). After I bought the ticket, he started being colder, we had a discussion and we decided it was better for me to not go, but it was mostly him who - surprisingly - changed his mind. I expressed my disappointment, he apologized and we have not talked since.

I have asked the I Ching:

Is there any chance for us to ever talk again? 11.3 > 19
Is it possible that he will want to get in touch and us to be friends again, despite my NO contact, please? 2.1 > 24
Is he really going to send written explanations/apologies, as he said he would? 6.1,3,5 > 14
Is he seeing someone? 28.2,5
(interestingly, he is younger than me, as in the I Ching's answer here... and he told me he went out for drinks with another woman, one of the reasons I assumed he did not want me to visit him anymore)
Is there still potential for a romance? (besides developing a close friendship, there was a mutual attraction) 58 unchanging

The answers seem contradictory to me, so I would like to hear your opinion about possible interpretations.
Thank you for your help.

 

[nike michel]

I am still hoping to get some feedback on this. Perhaps my questions are not properly asked, I have read Hilary's recommendations only after casting.
Still, if you have some experience to share on this, I would appreciate it, thank you.

 

[Trojina]

Hello, a friend repeatedly invited me to visit him so I bought an expensive air ticket (despite having many doubts myself). After I bought the ticket, he started being colder, we had a discussion and we decided it was better for me to not go, but it was mostly him who - surprisingly - changed his mind. I expressed my disappointment, he apologized and we have not talked since.

What a pity, how difficult for you.


I think the only thing you have missed out is giving your own ideas about the readings which is really important

I have asked the I Ching:

Is there any chance for us to ever talk again? 11.3 > 19

Hard to say as so often I have seen 11.3 come up as a kindly consolation and of course a consolation only comes if there is reason to console so this could be a 'no'. On the other hand it really isn't a definite 'no', things rise and fall come and go and it's basically asking you not to mind rather than answer directly although I'd tend to see it more as 'no' than a 'yes' but we don't know that for sure.

However he has no reason not to talk to you surely ?

Is it possible that he will want to get in touch and us to be friends again, despite my NO contact, please? 2.1 > 24

Ah so you said 'no contact' ? Mmm with 2.1 how things are now become even more so in future. I wonder if he isn't going to talk to you unless you initiate it.

Is he really going to send written explanations/apologies, as he said he would? 6.1,3,5 > 14

Possibly.

Is he seeing someone? 28.2,5
(interestingly, he is younger than me, as in the I Ching's answer here... and he told me he went out for drinks with another woman, one of the reasons I assumed he did not want me to visit him anymore

Impossible to tell via the I Ching or any other divination method really. No one here can tell you that they/we don't know and it would be unethical to say if they thought they did know. No point in this question really. I think you'd do better to ask what is the best way for you to act/deal with all this now than to ask questions that can only result in guesses.

Is there still potential for a romance? (besides developing a close friendship, there was a mutual attraction) 58 unchanging

The answers seem contradictory to me, so I would like to hear your opinion about possible interpretations.

Hmm I don't think the answers are so contradictory. It's likely still possible to speak to him but maybe you will have to initiate it. I can see why you wouldn't want to though so in the long run you may be best off just dropping it. It may be the kind of scenario where the more you try to penetrate into the reasons why he so thoughtlessly dumped you the more hurt you get.

As I said the questions you haven't asked is what it is best for you to do/think/feel. That is something you can work with the Oracle with. 'What he will do' questions don't generally lead anywhere helpful.

58uc would show it's possible for open communication again I think and yet the situation doesn't look very promising.


Also beware of getting confused by asking too many questions along the same lines because at a certain point answers can become meaningless or rather answer your state of mind in asking rather than the question.

 

[nike michel]

Thank you for your insights, Trojina. I do seem to ask for advice here only when it comes to human connections, which I find difficult to interpret - it is the reason why I did not offer my readings.

My assumption is that dumping a friend would eventually lead to some remorse and that he SHOULD get in touch (moral law) to apologize and perhaps to feel less of an ass, if he is like me (loyal). But the point is, he is not me, so I really do not know who I am dealing with anymore. Besides, he insisted on adding a romantic aspect to this friendship that made things complicated and wrong. I am just hoping to have our friendship back.

I could ask the I Ching "what if I contact him" but as you understand, it does not feel right that I initiate a conversation with him and I have read Hilary's comment about not asking questions that are castle-building.

So, after reading again Hilary's and your suggestions, I have asked these questions today, trying to correct my previous confusing questions. Hopefully these are more definite and the answers seem more clear to me.
Is there still a potential for a relation here? 60.5 > 19
How does he see the situation? 36.6 > 22
What is the best attitude to take to this situation? 10.2,3,4 > 37

I did not find the answers very encouraging in terms of "and they were friends happily again", so I've asked a last question - which I know is silly from my part (but I did ask anyway ):
Will I ever hear back from him? 25.5 > 21

I would appreciate your feedback again, thanks.

 

[Trojina]

Sadly his actions speak volumes by themselves and my view is it is always going to be better to go by what he is showing you than by Yi's answers. It's a common thing to sort of keep things alive by asking more questions till in the end the relationship is happening via Yi when he's not even in the picture. I'm also of the view that trying to have relationships with people you never meet in the flesh is just not a good thing to get into at all because however much you are there for each other online you aren't, in reality, actually there for each other at all. He can't visit when you are sick or upset...it's all just words words words and when you did actually try to move beyond words he blew you off. It sounds to me like he wanted to keep the distance. I think people are so used now to being able to keep others at a distance and still call it a relationship they simply aren't capable of the real life relationship. I don't think I would now ever call anything a relationship unless there was a real meeting in the flesh.


Anyway to the readings

So, after reading again Hilary's and your suggestions, I have asked these questions today, trying to correct my previous confusing questions. Hopefully these are more definite and the answers seem more clear to me.
Is there still a potential for a relation here? 60.5 > 19

I like this line, it's very civilised. There's respect for boundaries, comfort within those boundaries allowing both people to gain some satisfaction from the relationship. So yes within certain limits you both agree on I would say it is possible for a relation here. That's what Yi says I personally don't agree but then I'm not an Oracle

How does he see the situation? 36.6 > 22

Well Hilary might have recommended this question but it isn't one I would ever use. What's it meant to be, how it looks to him or how he feels I don't know....Some people here would be willing to tell you how he feels but I'm not one of them. IMO it's up to him to tell you that, that's the only way you'll know.


Having said that I see 36.6 as a line that describes going from one extreme to the other. He was all for you coming and that suddenly switched. 36.6 changes to 22 and I feel what this looks like can change very rapidly. One moment you are the flavour of the month, next month not and if you did anything wrong he isn't exactly sharing what it is because his feelings are based on an image of who you are rather than who you really are. It's the flip side of 'love at first sight'...well love at first sight quickly followed by indifference at second sight kind of thing maybe ? It's cruel because it has nothing to do with who you really are, it may be all projections and so on. However I think 60.5 is a good antidote to this since it shows a calm reasonable, possibly more realistic relationship is perhaps possible.

What is the best attitude to take to this situation? 10.2,3,4 > 37

A cautious one I think where you take fully into account how much this can hurt you. In line 2 it shows a solitary path is a peaceful one. Line 3 shows someone biting off far more than they chew. Line 4 shows a degree of success perhaps through caution and along with the 60.5 I think that's saying if you can manage this carefully very much respecting boundaries then possibly you can have some sort of relationship.


Again I personally don't agree with Yi and think it would be better to just dump him and save yourself a lot of angst and find someone near you can actually see and touch.



It's me versus Yi but of course Yi is the voice you need to hear.

I did not find the answers very encouraging in terms of "and they were friends happily again", so I've asked a last question - which I know is silly from my part (but I did ask anyway ):
Will I ever hear back from him? 25.5 > 21

If you asked for no contact then he may believe you so surely having said 'no contact' he may not contact. The answer I think says this is all far less of an issue or a problem than you currently feel and you don't need to do anything for it to resolve itself.

 

[nike michel]

Thank you not only for your help with interpreting the Oracle, but also for your personal advice, Trojina.

I do agree with you that long-distance relations are not only complicated but also less real. I take your own voice as very insightful, indeed one of the complications that arose in our last discussion was about long-distance, none of us wanted it.

He is a flesh and blood person that I met in the real world, and we had the pleasure to spend some time together as good friends and compatible people. He moved abroad for work and asked me to visit him.

With regards to your readings of the I Ching, they seem more open-ended than mine. I wanted to know from the I Ching if this experience can be considered concluded. In case the answer was "yes", just disentangle myself from it. I thought that 25.5 could suggest this: healing and moving forward. I also took it as a sign that I did not make mistakes. This is what he told me when I asked him.

It is interesting how you interpreted the 36 > 22. I can see that as going from extreme light to extreme darkness quickly and change your mind unexpectedly. However, he seems a fairly balanced person, structured and even a bit too rational, I would say, so I am not sure. Could it be that he was a bit naive and daydreaming about this whole story, and then suddenly landed back on earth/reality?

In conclusion, I guess you are suggesting that there is still a margin of reciprocal understanding and that a friendly relation may be restored (I am not interested in more than that). But again, it does not feel right for me to take any steps in that direction, nor the I Ching suggests that I should, right?

Thank you again, Trojina and have a good night.

 

[Trojina]

It is interesting how you interpreted the 36 > 22. I can see that as going from extreme light to extreme darkness quickly and change your mind unexpectedly. However, he seems a fairly balanced person, structured and even a bit too rational, I would say, so I am not sure. Could it be that he was a bit naive and daydreaming about this whole story, and then suddenly landed back on earth/reality?

There could be many ways to interpret 36.6 here. I just gave the one that came to mind but as I said it's not a question I'd normally ever use or ever respond to. It's just guessing how he feels - I don't know how he sees the relationship. His actions appear to say he is withdrawing from getting closer don't they ?


Nothing, no amount of divining, is going to be anywhere near as useful as a conversation with him.

He is a flesh and blood person that I met in the real world, and we had the pleasure to spend some time together as good friends and compatible people. He moved abroad for work and asked me to visit him.

Good, so it does have substance making it less likely he will totally abandon you.

In conclusion, I guess you are suggesting that there is still a margin of reciprocal understanding and that a friendly relation may be restored (I am not interested in more than that). But again, it does not feel right for me to take any steps in that direction, nor the I Ching suggests that I should, right?

Well 60.5 bodes well for communication yes. However I don't claim to know anything about the relationship at all. I don't see especially you need to do anything with 25.5...but I don't actually know

You may need someone else to help you I think as I'm not fond of getting enmeshed with relationship questions.


Why did I answer ? Oh because no one else had I guess.