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Broken Relationship

Ncantabile

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Hello all

I have been struggling with a difficult situation here with the help of Yi, but I have been in this for a while and I'm start to lack confidence on my interpretation of the hexagrams and I would appreciate some outside opinion.

My girlfriend broke up with me in dicember 2015, I though we could work the problems through but she was tired and decided to broke up. After a week of the breakup I start to talk to her to fix our problems and get back, she agree to give it a try, but to keep open to see other people.

This are some of the question that I have been asking to the Yi that I hope you could give me your opinion:

1/05/2016: "What is going to happen with my relationship with X"
18.1>26​

She went to a long travel 2/08/2016

2/13/2016: "What is going to happen with my relationship with X when she comes back from the travel "
24.3.5>63​

2/15/2016: "What I'm going to get if I comeback to a couple relationship with X"
1​

We haven't spoken since 2/17/2016 cos the travel (no cellphone signal)

2/20/2016: "What should I do to improve my relationship with X so we get back as a couple"
32​

2/26/2016: "What is going to happen with my couple relationship with X if I do A, B and C"
42.1.2.5.6>7​

2/26/2016: "What I am to X in this moment"
64.3>50​

Those are the big picture readings of my situation, I appreciate any insights about the issue here Thanks!


Pd: English isn't my first language, so the question has been translated in case they sound wierd I'm sorry =(
 

diamanda

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Hi Ncantabile, and welcome.

Here's my take on your readings.

What is going to happen with my relationship with X?
18.1>26

I think that maybe she's with somebody new, perhaps someone younger than her.

What is going to happen with my relationship with X when she comes back from the travel?
24.3.5>63

She will pretend that she's trying to get back together with you, but she will not do that in the end.

What I'm going to get if I comeback to a couple relationship with X?
1

Not sure how to interpret this, because from the answers above, unfortunately I don't see that happening.
1 most probably symbolises here the fact that everything is now completely new and different.

What should I do to improve my relationship with X so we get back as a couple?
32

You're fine as you are, continue as you are.
32 also shows that the situation will continue as it is right now...

What is going to happen with my couple relationship with X if I do A, B and C"
42.1.2.5.6>7

It will appear to work initially, but very soon she will let you down.

What I am to X in this moment?
64.3>50

She is still not 100% certain of leaving you behind, and she's trying to 'secure' the new guy first.

Sorry to say this, but it doesn't look like a very promising situation to me.
 

Ncantabile

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Thanks diamanda for your insight, I think you are right and I appreciate your empathy thanks
 

altair139

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I dont think she fits your idea of love
she's trying to see other people to put you on a balance, and she will choose from there. Are you ok with that? To her you're just like some object, she doesn't treat you as a close friend, a soul, but something to benefit from. Without you in her life she can still move on with ease, your importance is no longer significant.
Move on, trust me, you will find your true other half if you're patient and keep your heart unshaken.
 

Tohpol

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It seems that some women prefer to keep a few guys dancing around them so that they have further options before a "break up". Some theorists believe this to be an unconscious survival strategy which has developed over many centuries of female oppression when women were used and dumped like chattel with little means to feed their kids. It appears to be hard-wired psychobiosocial response for many. Which is why some women can become apoplectic with rage if the guy ends the relationship before such a strategy is enacted. I think it's VERY common and guys need to figure this out to save themselves a lot of grief. (As to why this particular relationship came to be on the rocks is another question).
 

Trojina

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Not very plausible when you consider men also can be equally enraged when a woman ends a relationship and they are certainly at least as likely to string 2 or 3 women along as women are to string men along.

I've heard of enough women who are stalked or attacked, even killed, following the end of a relationship so I consider this 'hardwired psychosocial response' theory pretty suspect. Theories about 'women' generally are, as if they are some kind of sub-species like a breed of chimp or something. When presented with such theories I find it is always useful to ask 'do men do this too ?'. In this case I think it's an overwhelming 'yes they do'.
 

Tohpol

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Of course they do. Everyone is very familiar with men's behaviour on this. But we seldom hear about women's strategies in this sense, since they tend to be covert buttressed by the belief that men are the default cause and effect of male-female problems. And if we need any kind of "equality" of the sexes then we need to see beyond a strictly feminist discourse which has considerable blind spots within its beliefs.

And just because women get stalked or attacked - which they undoubtedly do - does not negate the hypothesis (I'd say reality) - that's just a straw-man argument.
 

Trojina

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I see your readings quite differently. I can give my impressions but they aren't hard predictions.



1/05/2016: "What is going to happen with my relationship with X"
18.1>26​

She went to a long travel 2/08/2016
I think there is a redeeming factor here. I think the line says 'if there is a son no blame' which suggests someone taking responsibility for past mistakes.

2/13/2016: "What is going to happen with my relationship with X when she comes back from the travel "
24.3.5>63​
Again I'm not fond of predictions for relationship questions but my impression here is that it's okay when she comes back. It's a bit up and down, maybe someone keeps changing their mind, not being steady enough, but overall it looks quite good to me.



2/15/2016: "What I'm going to get if I comeback to a couple relationship with X"
1​

We haven't spoken since 2/17/2016 cos the travel (no cellphone signal)
Hard to say, the question is a bit abstract so you have a somewhat abstract answer.

2/20/2016: "What should I do to improve my relationship with X so we get back as a couple"
32​
Continue on as you have been

2/26/2016: "What is going to happen with my couple relationship with X if I do A, B and C"
42.1.2.5.6>7​
This is a sort of campaign (7) which you aim to put a lot of energy in to. The 18.1 suggests it may be her who needs to change rather than you.

2/26/2016: "What I am to X in this moment"
64.3>50
Perhaps she sees the relationship as quite difficult, hard work. Well relationship are often hard work. But I think she may be willing to put the effort in.

I could be wrong. Relationship questions are notoriously changeful and can be hard to interpret if questions are from another's point of view. Also bear in mind she herself may not know yet what she wants. She has free will, she can change things, hence the readings may not be able to tell you exactly how it will be.

I thought the 18.1 was a good sign and the 63.3 because it shows someone willing to work through difficult times. Up to now she has just withdrawn but maybe she will decide to put some more work into it ? I can't be sure but that's my take on it.


You may find this link helpful for forming further relationship queries http://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/friends/showthread.php?12642-Blog-post-Advice-for-relationship-readings
 

Trojina

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Of course they do. Everyone is very familiar with men's behaviour on this. But we seldom hear about women's strategies in this sense, since they tend to be covert buttressed by the belief that men are the default cause and effect of male-female problems.
You speak as if it were a fact that there is a belief that men are the default cause of 'male/female' problems. (Not sure what you mean by 'male/female problems' I'm guessing relationship problems. ) I don't have this belief and I don't personally know anyone who does. In other people's relationship problems I don't generally feel qualified to know what the cause/effect was. Sometimes people just grow apart

And if we need any kind of "equality" of the sexes then we need to see beyond a strictly feminist discourse which has considerable blind spots within its beliefs.
Well there are many different kinds of 'feminist discourse' so I' not sure there exists just the one that has 'it's beliefs'. Radical feminists for example don't seek 'equality' in the same way that someone who simply wants equal opportunities.
And just because women get stalked or attacked - which they undoubtedly do - does not negate the hypothesis (I'd say reality) - that's just a straw-man argument
Well I thought it was a somewhat straw dog hypothesis which I guess boils down to it being an opinion or a theory. Nothing wrong with it being an opinion or a theory at all but the pseudoscience that often accompanies these things can pose as something actually scientifically true. It's not truly a scientific hypothesis because it is not quantifiable, cannot be tested to be confirmed or denied. Hence it's an opinion/theory.


It appears to be hard-wired psychobiosocial response for many.
Who is to say who is is demonstrating a hard wired psychobiological response ? How do they know. You have a belief/opinion/theory you are quite entitled to but it's not a fact.

In some other thread a while back you said all young women did a certain thing and I thought 'no, I have actually been a young woman and I didn't do that'. I guess it is difficult not to generalise at times but we are all people.

Ah well I suppose we are well off topic. Better get back to this particular relationship question.
 

Tohpol

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You speak as if it were a fact that there is a belief that men are the default cause of 'male/female' problems. (Not sure what you mean by 'male/female problems' I'm guessing relationship problems. ) I don't have this belief and I don't personally know anyone who does. In other people's relationship problems I don't generally feel qualified to know what the cause/effect was. Sometimes people just grow apart
Sure. I wasn't necessarily talking about this particular relationship as definitive, rather as a spring-board for beliefs that do indeed exist if you do the research and appraise one's own experience and that of others. And yes, it is most certainly a fact that feminists in particular see men as the primary problem. And regarding the theory I mentioned, that doesn't necessarily mean I see it as fact but I do think it is compelling since I have direct experience of it and from my male and female friends. That you haven't come across this yet and don't know anyone that has, doesn't mean much. None of us know all there is to know - that's why it's so interesting.
Well there are many different kinds of 'feminist discourse' so I' not sure there exists just the one that has 'it's beliefs'. Radical feminists for example don't seek 'equality' in the same way that someone who simply wants equal opportunities.
Indeed. There are many different kinds of feminism (there's a belief for you) but I'd submit that most of feminism in general is achieving the exact reverse of equality. Radical feminism is simply a caricature of an aleady flawed "-isim." But that is a whole other subject though very much connected. You might get a good idea of some the reasons why many men and women object to the standard fare of modern, Western feminism in it's current form if you go here: http://womenagainstfeminism.com/ That's a good introduction prior to looking at more academic explorations and how this belief is rather corrosive to both sexes.

Well I thought it was a somewhat straw dog hypothesis which I guess boils down to it being an opinion or a theory. Nothing wrong with it being an opinion or a theory at all but the pseudoscience that often accompanies these things can pose as something actually scientifically true. It's not truly a scientific hypothesis because it is not quantifiable, cannot be tested to be confirmed or denied. Hence it's an opinion/theory.
Dismissing the hypothesis by jumping to women being stalked and attacked IS a straw man argument. The presentation of a hypothesis "some theorists believe" is not a strawman argument. An opinion is nothing more than that - something without evidence at all. Contrary to that assumption, there is a great deal of evidence from social science and case studies that such a hypothesis (something that has partial or limited evidence, thus a supposition) actually veers toward a possible truth. I'll be happy to supply you with the studies if you wish.

Yes, there is indeed a lot of pseudo-science around. But I don't consider this hypothesis such, but nor do I consider it an objective fact - yet. Similarly, to suggest this is a pseudo-science without it seems, having researched it - at length - isn't a fair evaluation. Psycho-biological theories take time to establish in much the same way that psychoneuroimmunology took much longer than expected. That was trashed as a pseudo-science too and it is now fast becoming a respected field. The same can be said for certain fields of social science and gender studies.

Who is to say who is is demonstrating a hard wired psychobiological response ? How do they know. You have a belief/opinion/theory you are quite entitled to but it's not a fact.
See above. And if you re-read my post I did not suggest it was a fact.

In some other thread a while back you said all young women did a certain thing and I thought 'no, I have actually been a young woman and I didn't do that'. I guess it is difficult not to generalise at times but we are all people.
Once again, I didn't say ALL. I am a man and I don't act in certain ways that many men do nor do some of my male heterosexual friends. Just because you didn't operate that way, doesn't negate a pattern of behaviour in others that can.

Anyhow, I know this is a contentious issue. If you wish to discuss it further we can always take it to open space to prevent going off topic even further. :D
 
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Trojina

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Sure. I wasn't necessarily talking about this particular relationship as definitive, rather as a spring-board for beliefs that do indeed exist if you do the research and appraise one's own experience and that of others. And yes, it is most certainly a fact amongst many other hypotheses on a wide range of social science and gender issues which then often translate as beliefs. That doesn't necessarily mean I see it as fact but I do think it is compelling since I have direct experience of it and from my male and female friends. That you haven't come across this yet and don't know anyone that has, doesn't mean much. None of us know all there is to know - that's why it's so interesting.
It is rather suspect I feel to take exactly the same behaviour in people, ie rage at being dropped by someone, and attribute it to entirely different motives according to gender. So my argument about men also sometimes being enraged at being dropped and demonstrably acting that out at times, was not in the least a straw man argument. To state that there is a belief is not something that can really be proved or denied.


Indeed. There are many different kinds of feminism (there's a belief for you) but I'd submit that most of feminism in general is achieving the exact reverse of equality. Radical feminism is simply a caricature of an aleady flawed "-isim." But that is a whole other subject though very much connected. You might get a good idea of some the reasons why many men and women object to the standard fare of modern, Western feminism in it's current form if you go here: http://womenagainstfeminism.com/ That's a good introduction prior to looking at more academic explorations and how this belief is rather corrosive to both sexes.
I did quite a lot of academic exploration of feminism and philosophy as part of in my degree. I've not got a huge amount of patience with anti feminism.


Dismissing the hypothesis by jumping to women being stalked and attacked IS a straw man argument. The presentation of a hypothesis "some theorists believe" is not a strawman argument. An opinion is nothing more than that - something without evidence at all. Contrary to that assumption, there is a great deal of evidence from social science and case studies that such a hypothesis (something that has partial or limited evidence, thus a supposition) actually veers toward a possible truth. I'll be happy to supply you with the studies if you wish.
Well many things 'veers towards a possible truth' including the loch ness monster. One can find a bunch of studies to support any supposition. I don't think my argument was a straw man argument just a logical one. You said

Some theorists believe this to be an unconscious survival strategy which has developed over many centuries of female oppression when women were used and dumped like chattel with little means to feed their kids. It appears to be hard-wired psychobiosocial response for many. Which is why some women can become apoplectic with rage if the guy ends the relationship before such a strategy is enacted.
....and I pointed out some men can also become 'apoplectic with rage' if the woman ends the relationship and the evidence of this is plain to see. I only have to switch on the local news and some young woman has been murdered by her ex who clearly became 'apoplectic with rage' hence the attack.
So people often can very angry indeed when their partner ends the relationship...not generally to the point of attack thankfully but no one likes to be finished with.



Anyhow, I know this is a contentious issue. If you wish to discuss it further we can always take it to open space to prevent going off topic even further. :D
No thanks...I'm here for Yi ;)

....and you started the 'off topic ness' as your initial comment had no relation to the actual reading . I guess you were just offering a view of the situation to help the querent....

Toodlepip
 

Tohpol

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Fair enough. I guess we can agree to disagree. Toodle-pip back to ya. :bows:
 

altair139

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Human behaviours are mostly the same for males and females. Both genders feel the rage, sometimes to the extent of killing them, but accidents happen more with males, why? Mostly because of testoterone, frankly speaking males lose controls more easily which results in cases like murder or violence. Females usually feel the urge, but do not dare to do it. This does not mean females are always the victims. News nowadays focus more on female victims because feminism is popular lol. I have been investigating into child pornography and child abuse cases, yet boys receive less attention frankly due to feminism on the rise in our society.
Females also exhibit a lack of self confidence to be independent in the face of abuses, so instead they group up and become "activists", while males tend to deal with their problems alone or with a few cloae friends, this is also another reason for feminism to gain popularity.
 

Ncantabile

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Thanks you all for your contributions. I really appreciate the insight of all of you about the subject ;D
 

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