Clearing up the Past. Advice?

[mythos]

I'm in the process of clearing out any detritus from the past.

Many years ago, I had a big fall out with my family, while refurbishing a 5 bedroom house in total disrepair, building a studio and my fledgling business was taking off, and experiencing insomnia, leaving me with no spare hours and a lot of emotional trauma.

I was also living abroad in a new country, on a new continent and didn't yet have friends I trusted. I wanted to build a community of like minded people so I invited various people to share my resources, thinking that this would result in everyone getting access to building their skills and in turn, I would have community.

Instead, people actually physically stole things, others stole work and generally it was just a really awful parasitizing experience that destroyed my finances and lost me the house, the studio, and my joie de vivre and drive to continue my business (though I did straggle along for a couple of more years)

I covered cash for 1 woman and never received payment from a man. Both of these people are money obsessed and it seems the only way to get them to pay any real attention is to use money as a centerpiece.

I returned to the relationships in 2013/14 and asked to borrow a small sum of money from each. Then instead of returning the money, I presented what had happened in 08 and all the money I'd put out for them and all the money they'd made from my work. In a sense, now holding 'their' money hostage.

I've not convinced the woman. In spite of her gaining thousands of pounds through my time and effort, using my work as her own and etc and my having paid a few hundred for her misdeeds, she claims this 100 she lent must be returned. She swears in her emails, changes the facts and ignores all the well presented facts in my initial email. It's interesting to see her as she really is. Not really.

The amount is tiny so it isn't an issue to return. She doesn't want it returned to her but given to her charity.

I asked the Yi

How should I approach X? 8.2.6>59
I take this to say no one will 'win'. Hold my integrity, examine the basis of my objectives but ultimately it can'g go anywhere so the process is of letting go, faith in the something greater

Should I return the money through the charity? 44 unchanging
There is something compulsive here. A temptation. To not engage with this.

Should I keep the money? 16.2.3>32
She's requested that I send her a breakdown of monies I believe she owes me (so, kind of missing the point but I paid 600 for her in 08 - I have no interest in guessing at how much my work earned her)
So stay with the decision I've made (to offset the 100 against the 600 that I paid for her) but line 3 I don't get. Perhaps, to do the breakdown asap.

Should I return it directly to X? 61.1.5>4
This seems to suggest in line 1 that doing this gives me disquiet but ultimately it is honourable to do this. 4 perhaps suggests something of the unknown or my learning.

For me, the issue lies in her acknowledging that her behaviours were not okay. And I am slightly uncool with my emotionally entangling with money in this way, for my own well being. I also don't want to roll over. I'm looking for the best way to release this whole issue from me forever but where there exists a balance or sense of Divine Justice.

So, finally:

How do I best disentangle from X? 5.3>60
Here it suggests that moving too quickly shows weakness and that I should restrict or limit activity.

I guess I'm a little baffled but it seems to be saying: Write the tallies out (owed from 08) and send this but also return the money out of a sense of keeping my own self pure. Thus, I'll convey the point but not entangle money emotionally or get myself dirty.

Thoughts are appreciated! Please, very welcome, indeed as I'm very focused on living a life of clean interactions and communications that are also fair, for others and also, absolutely, for me.

Meantime, I'm preparing my letter so to avoid missing whatever it is at 16.3

Thanks!!

 

[rosada]

I'm not real clear what you are trying to achieve here.
This person took advantage of you and after several years you sought her out. Why? To improve the relationship and get together or were you simply wanting to balance the books so you could move on?

You ask how you should approach X.
Your answer, 8.2.6 - 59 reads to me like you you should be very centered in seeking resolution.
Be straight with her. Be neither too demanding but also don't grovel.
I see 8.6 as saying assume there is no basis for further union. That is, at this time your attitude should be you just want to clear the karma and move on. You should not be trying to end up best buddies.
59.Dispersion suggests you will dissolve the blockage and get on with your life.

So I think you are being advised you should approach X with the attitude your goal is to disconnect. With that thought in mind you can now consider what action would most help you to disconnect.

 

[rosada]

Should you return the money through a charity? The simple fact this response has no change lines, meaning nothing changes, makes me feel no, you should not. It would change nothing. Furthermore, 44 is an energy pattern that seems to never stop or come to rest - the disturbed feelings this incident has caused would not come be resolved or come to rest simply because you gave money to a charity (sounds like that would be doing what you were warned not to do - grovel - in 8.2)

 

[rosada]

Should you keep the money?
16.2 If you believe it's yours than yes you should.
16.3 If you can't be at peace keeping it than no, you should return it.

If writing out exactly how she owes you would make you stronger in your confiction that you are doing the right thing than by all means send her an accounting. Just don't expect her to agree with you.

32. Enduring. It looks like everyone will continue with their own mind set whether you keep the money or return it.

 

[rosada]

Should you return the money directly to her?
Inner Truth - Fool:
It's entirely up to you. What will give you the most peace of mind.

 

[rosada]

Best way to disentangle?
5.3 - 60.
Waiting in the mud - Limitation.

Know that being involved with this issue will only make your life miserable. You need to decide to either keep the money or give it back - not because either choice is the right thing to do but because you don't want to be playing this game any longer.

In summation it seems to me that while a very valid case could be made for not returning the money it sounds like you don't have the stomach for this drama.You probably should have considered when you first took the loan that this woman would not see things your way and decided then if you could handle her being pissed. Anyway, whatever you do it doesn't sound like you'll ever be best friends so do whatever works for you.

Rosada

 

[mythos]

In no way do I want union from her. She behaved like carrion and is totally unapologetic.

She also used my studio and caused damages that I had to pay for but didn't recoup from her. She then used my work as her own and earned a great deal from my efforts and work. She didn't include me in any of the rewards or possibilities and she never offered to return anything.

For me, that someone I thought originally was my friend, went on to do all this, was somewhat incomprehensible. So, I actually just let it go for a long time but it really continued to weigh on me.

This 100 was a way to look a the issue a little more critically.

Her upset over the 100 throws into stark relief what she's always been. There's 600 outstanding from the damage to the studio that i paid so frankly, it's as simple as recouping those damages.

More important is that I don't serve her behavior and I find it useful to say something against it as I'm sure not to be the only one she encounters like this. By not standing up to her and against her, I felt blocked by it until I finally did what I've done. Just as a person on this planet, I think I have a role in clearly calling out imbalances.

Yes, my objective is to dissolve the block and disconnect from her, from that past, from anyone like her.

 

[mythos]

Should you return the money through a charity? The simple fact this response has no change lines, meaning nothing changes, makes me feel no, you should not. It would change nothing. Furthermore, 44 is an energy pattern that seems to never stop or come to rest - the disturbed feelings this incident has caused would not come be resolved or come to rest simply because you gave money to a charity (sounds like that would be doing what you were warned not to do - grovel - in 8.2)

Ah, I appreciate this interpretation. And I agree. In no way would this release the block or damage for me.

Given the imbalance in existence, this is just an attempt at conquering, domination, control and by using a charity, it's a way of playing innocent.

 

[mythos]

Should you keep the money?
16.2 If you believe it's yours than yes you should.
16.3 If you can't be at peace keeping it than no, you should return it.

If writing out exactly how she owes you would make you stronger in your confiction that you are doing the right thing than by all means send her an accounting. Just don't expect her to agree with you.

32. Enduring. It looks like everyone will continue with their own mind set whether you keep the money or return it.

In writing it all out, as I have done, and doing the accounting, no, there is nothing that I owe her. And as I want nothing more to do with her, nothing that she owes me. Again, simply it is the 600 in damages that are more than 100. I don't really feel that there's any point her arguing 600 is less than 100.

I did have to write it out though and be clear and send this message to release it.

"Should you return the money directly to her?
Inner Truth - Fool:
It's entirely up to you. What will give you the most peace of mind."

To be fair to myself, respect my time and energy and where, in doing this, I let go of abuses from the past in energy dynamics that I'd come to see as normal through patterns repeating since childhood.

In allowing the 600 to eat the 100, I let go of the damages from the past and kill a cycle of ... I like how you've put it 'groveling' ...

In respect to 5.3, I chose to do this, because battling through her was battling through an old pattern I'd become accustomed to, in myself. It was about finally calling up everything that had occurred and being honest about how badly I'd treated myself, lifting myself back up and building my life with a sense of self value and integrity with respect to all the energy and effort I do put into my work, my relationships and my life.

Thank you :bows: