confusing romantic situation

[gael123]

Not long ago, I met someone 10 years younger than me (he's 23) and we really hit it off on a date. Nothing happened but we agreed we'd meet again. Long story short, he seems massively preoccupied with work and to have real trouble organising himself - and he's also looking for something open. I get all this actually - I'm not chasing a committed relationship. But I do feel something about him - a wish to help and protect him, mainly - and I can tell he feels something for me, too. But he's wary/semi-available/ambivalent. We come from very different social backgrounds and educational levels and he confided in me last time we met that he felt he was expressing himself badly, that he wasn't cultured enough for me. This is definitely not true and i have tried to make him feel more comfortable - he works in psychiatric nursing and I actually find what he does incredibly interesting and valuable, and I also like him a lot. I asked him to meet up again and he said he'd love to but he would get back to me when work was easier (a pattern with him, though he always does in the end.)

I may just withdraw from the situation completely, but the truth is i feel there's more there i want to explore - a connection neither of us is sure what to do with. He owes me a text arranging to meet; I'm not surprised he's been out of touch (it's been a week) but I wondered if it was ever going to go anywhere at all. So I asked the Yi. Here's what I got:

Will I hear from him again?

Hexagram 1 2.4.6 to 63

What do I most need to understand about his attitude to me?

Hexagram 28 3.5.6 to 64.

I thought these readings were interesting, and I definitely have no intention of putting any pressure on him as I think he is under some in his working life already. Anyway, I wondered if anyone had any thoughts. Full disclosure: we're both men.

 

[innertruth]

I would say yes, you would hear from him. 1 is pretty powerful. 63 it's decidedly so.

28 - unconventional relationship, maybe like you said - just for being with each other.
64 - he's assessing you possibly, and being a bit wary.

 

[Tim K]

Both readings give a feeling of flakiness, instability on his part.
1.4 dragon goes up and down.
47.5 maybe he wants more, maybe he doesn't.
"He is leisurely in his movements, however, and is satisfied." [Legge]
He is not eager to be more serious.

1)Yes he will call.
2)After some time either you or he will get tired of this 'to and fro' situation. (28.5 leading nowhere).
And then - 28.6 end of relation, [40.6 'killing the hawk', deciding not to choose], going away.

 

[gael123]

Two quite different views but I find both very helpful to reflect on. I quite agree that 28.5 seems to suggest there's ultimately no purchase here, but the reading also to me reflects quite well the strange feeling of something genuine being involved at the same time. 1 is full of energy after all isn't it? Hm. Thank you to both though.

 

[rosada]

I call hexagram 1. Inspiration.
l.2 Seeing someone who inspires you with thoughts of the possibilities.
1.4 But you've gone about as far as you can go with just the thoughts, now we need something more tangible, a sign from him that he sees a future here too.
1.6 Because just you feeling it should go further isn't enough.

63. After Completion.
You've completed all you can do, now the ball is in his court. The oracle doesn't say more than that you should probably arm yourself against disappointment but that's okay, seems like it's still worth hoping.

The question about the attitude you should take with this fellow and your answer, 28.3.5.6 - 64. I think you are being warned not to assume more of the responsibility for this friendship than is appropriate - it mustn't be a one way street. If you are able to hold off and match his pace until it has a chance to find it's level, I think the friendship has a chance at long term commitment. Launch this plane slowly - don't let it crash on the runway.

 

[gael123]

That's such a helpful response rosada, thanks a lot. It's actually really close to how I'm feeling: for whatever reason, I need to take this at his pace if it's going to move at all, and just accept that pace is very slow right now - or else make my own value judgement about it and move on as nicely as possible if it's not working for me. 6 is so often a line about caution in pinning things down I suppose...

 

[rosada]

Although you didn't receive hex 3 for your answer I do think it has some worthwhile observations for how conditions are at the beginnings. 3.2 talks about a suitor appearing but the maiden does not pledge herself. I think this sounds like your situation where you have appeared in this man's life but he is still just starting out in life and doesn't want to commit..

Thinking more about 28 as the answer to your question about what should be your attitude towards this fellow. I'm seeing 28 as a bridge and considering that there is an age difference between you as well as many other differences in position - education, social standing - I wonder if you should consider yourself a bridge for him to assist this intelligent sensitive soul to higher position so he is able to function more effectively? Simply put, perhaps if you see yourself as a father figure, mentor, guide you will understand your position better? 64 makes me think there is potential for a long term association - maybe even a suggestion that you should consider that you may know this fellow for many lifetimes to come so there is no rush to interact or do anything now. You're just sort of checking in on him..maybe say something like, "If you ever need some help or someone to talk to I want you to know you can call. Now or ten years from now."

 

[gael123]

Thanks Rosada that's very close to how I do feel. It does seem to correspond to a relationship where there is a join or a bridge - also where it falls in between categories, where it's neither quite one thing nor another, or it doesn't easily fit in a form. The timing point is a very good one...

 

[gael123]

I did ask the Yi how what effect I had on him, emotionally speaking, and I got this:

Hexagram 51.2.4 changing to 19.

Seems to pick up on the theme of uncertainty and prolongation!