Contact from childhood friend 51.4.5 - 3

[Hujambo]

Out of the blue recently I received an online friend request from a guy who used to live next door to me as a child. I moved away when I was 16. We have been chatting most days well into the evenings and it's all been very surprising - interesting unfamiliar feelings have arisen. All in all, I feel great about his return on one hand, and quite unsettled by it all on the other hand. We are getting to the point where he is indicating we should meet...

What kind of relationship could we create here?

51.4.5 - 3

At this stage I should point out that I went a bit crazy over the past few days and asked a million questions of the I Ching which is indicating how unsettled I am. The first question I asked is the very same question I am posting now and the result was Hex 3 Unchanging. So there is something in Hex 3 I am not yet understanding. This is the last question I intend to ask for the next little while.

I can't settle into any kind of clarity about what I want/expect. There is no doubt that it's all a bit shocking, I am definitely stuck in the mud a bit, plus there is a new growth trying to happen here at a time when the rest of my life has been emptying out. We have a lot in common, but we have lived entirely different lives (approx 30-35 years since I've seen him).

Does anyone have any insights into Hex 3 in regards to a relationship or general feedback on the entire reading?

 

[Hujambo]

I've been for a walk in the park

...now it's a tiny bit easier to see a couple of connections:

Ewald Berkers...
3. Difficulties
A foundation for progress.
It is beneficial to persist.
No use going to the goal that is there.
It is beneficial to set a target.

From the commentary in Wilhelm for Hex 3...
When it is a man's fate to undertake such new beginnings, everything is still unformed, dark. Hence he must hold back, because any premature move might bring disaster.

Perhaps Hex 3 (I'm thinking it's context rather than outcome) is pointing to the profusion of new feelings and not being able to reign them in or bring order out of them yet - mainly because I don't have an acknowledged end goal. Thus my attention is, or perhaps should be, on what to do now rather than where it will all lead.

Now after typing that last paragraph I see that I am kind of smothering all these feelings (51.4) and when they recede I want them back. How retarded is that? The force/velocity of my emotions (passions?) is probably more of a shock than his surprise appearance.

I suspect he is going through something similarly difficult to wrangle judging by the things he's written. The experience is showing me aspects of myself I have never experienced before and eventually I'm going to have to revise my understanding of how I am as a person. This might be one way to see 51.5 in the reading - the clean up work.

Not sure why I am even asking about it since the relationship isn't really in form yet - but it feels like it is, and that's what's bothering me.

 

[Hujambo]

I couldn't accept that this is a negative reading, ie. stay right away. That's why I was futilely asking for assistance... and prior to that making futile attempts to get a more positive reading. Hex 3 is the futility hexagram.

 

[rosada]

51.3.4 -3 You were surprised to hear from this person and you wonder what the potential is because at this time everything is unsorted. You don't know what to make of it.

I don't think this is a negative reading - more like the I Ching is advising you not to be knocked off your current path. Don't think of it as a sign from God you should drop everything you're doing and follow his path. Look at this in a very straight forward fashion rather than fantasizing about what all the potential might be. That is, just look at it for what it is: someone you used to know has gotten in touch and after a bit of joking around you're thinking it would be fun to meet face to face. I think you're being told that at this point it's not possible or helpful to think too far ahead or read too much more into it than that.

It maybe that in the past you have had difficulties getting beyond the first introduction, perhaps jumping to romance before carefully considering what you're getting yourself into. So here you are once again being offered an opportunity to meet someone but this time having a chance to very consciously navigate whether you should invest more time.

Whatever, you're still at square one and the chance to connect with an old classmate and reminisce for an afternoon sounds kinda fun to me. Anyway, to just closed the door because the I Ching says "It's confusing" seems unnecessarily cautious IMHO.

In simplest terms this reading seems to say "This unexpected phone call has you confused." Duh.

 

[Hujambo]

Thank you rosada. We have communicated every day since the end of January and it went deep really quickly. I like the way he seems to think and see the world, but that's not the same as interacting in person.

What prompted me to start doing readings about it was his repeated mentions of me being on his mind for 35 years. When I asked why and why did he contact me, he said when he was a kid he was in love with me - you know, puppy love and he hasn't stopped thinking about me all this time. He says he has looked at my photo what seems like 1000 times since we reconnected. I also had a mad crush on him and used to follow him around a lot, but I didn't know that it was mutual even though we were pretty close from when I could first walk right up until I changed high schools.

In a way I am trying to understand his agenda and consider whether that would work for me. He keeps saying, you are one of us, which has a profound effect on me. Words I would have given my left arm to hear as a kid. I had to deal with a lot of bullying from the older kids in our neighbourhood growing up, his older brother in particular.

So the things you've said here have prompted me to start thinking about how it might be possible to see him in person whilst maintaining the right distance so we don't fall into something that might not be good for both of us. I know he wants something, not sure what. From my perspective, it makes me happy to chat with him, but the situation confuses me.

I would rather resume the friendship than abandon it. Where to draw the boundaries is the question that I don't have enough information to answer and was trying to use the I Ching to focus on. Futility, LOL.

...at this point it's not possible or helpful to think too far ahead or read too much more into it than that.

So true.

Thank you very much, rosada, I really appreciate your feedback and wisdom.

 

[Hujambo]

Confirmation that you are again spot on, rosada...

What is the best way to approach any possible meeting with him?
56.3.4 - 23
Just passing through.
From Hilary's commentary on 23...
"It’s no good, at such times, to imagine the future and make plans. You need to bring your energy back to the centre and honour the process: this is a time to be transformed, not to act. Moreover, until the old is so utterly stripped from you that you have no choice but to think in new ways, you will only be able to re-create the old patterns."

Made me so sad, but I can't deny those words resonate with me. Even though I have learned a lot from this set of questions. I am inclined to bar myself from further readings (on any subject) if I'm going to continue to be so obtuse about the results I get.

 

[rosada]

Yes, sometimes consulting the I Ching repeatedly can drain all the enthusiasm out of a person. I think of it as similar to taking a blood sample to check on a person's health. Take too many and no matter what the reading is the patient bleeds to death!
As far as how to approach the possible meet up with your old friend I think the I Ching is encouraging you to have the attitude that you are first and foremost meeting to complete the past. Considering what a rough time of it you had back then that might be a very good reason to meet.
I just kinda feel sorry for the guy - sounds like he's had his whole life on hold because of you! If you do decide to get together I hope you'll let us know how it turns out...

 

[Hujambo]

Yes I will let you know either way. He actually just messaged me to point out what a beautiful day it is and say some lovely things that put the smile right back on my face. His life hasn't been on hold (he's a grandpa) but I think he's been lonely for a while which tends to put us into a state of reflecting on the past. Yes, the IChing can be a tool or a crutch and sometimes a weapon for self harm depending on the attitude it is approached. I am capable of all three.

 

[Hujambo]

Wow! I'm literally blown away... I just received a message from him, he wants to buy me a drink. But because he is on the other side of town, working today and tomorrow, he wants to ring up and pay for some drinks that I can go pick up and relax with this evening (and chat to him again). I am the only other person I know who would think of something like that. Regardless of the outcome of anything, he makes me smile a lot.

 

[altair139]

51.4 > 24
His sudden return in your life can't make much of an impact at this point of time now (just like how thunder strikes into mud)

24.5 > 3
He will visit you frequently (line 5) but your relationship will be difficult to improve. I can't possibly know the reason for this but find out for yourself maybe.

 

[Hujambo]

Thanks altair, I think that's what was behind the reading frenzy. I am not sure I want the relationship to go anywhere in particular, yet all indications (outside of readings) show that it could happen. To have him available as my friend would be wonderful, despite the attraction. To just enjoy the moment is all I can ask for. I prefer be mindful when dealing with people's feelings. As you can see from my posts, I'm a bit all over the place with this one.

 

[Hujambo]

Quick update. I have reconsidered the interpretation of the first reading based on further discussion with this person. What has evolved is that we are getting together next weekend. And by that, I mean really getting together.

I know it's weird to have a discussion about a relationship this early on, but we have been apart for years, not the same as having only just met. So what was really happening is that I was trying to find reasons to block the way I felt, to escape the possibility of being open to a relationship. Judging my feelings as only there to mislead me, because as rosada put it, I have jumped to early conclusions in the past and things have gone nowhere quick. Those others weren't right for me, this one, however, I don't even care whether he is right for me, I really want to be with him. Particularly after the nature and extent of our discussions last night. We can talk about anything and there is an instant trust and depth of feeling between us.

There are all kinds of patterns coming to the surface that require a bit of a revamp, such as believing that it is not possible to find any happiness within a relationship, therefore avoiding all potential serious partners and only going for those with whom it won't work. Not saying this will be different, saying that now I can see these patterns I have an opportunity to redress my choices.

I still think Hex 3 is Futility (as in pointless trying to choose a direction too much is going on) and I also think Hex 3 is Fertility at the same time. In relation to the second reading, I think that journey is mine and I am burning down the relative safety of the inn, plus getting the ax (keeping myself safe) really doesn't make my heart glad. Even though my old way of doing things works for me to an extent, I don't belong in that place forever. Time to move on which requires stripping things right back down to the truth.

The truth is I want this, I want to love another human being with everything I have - it's been 25 years since I've tried to do so. My previous partner died when he was 25. That is a long enough mourning period I think. We will take it slow of course and probably devise numerous escape clauses and make all kinds of mistakes. But first of all I had to remove the blockage within me. The disbelief in my own feelings, the fear of my own inner compass, and not just in the sense of my love life, in many areas, I am starting to see the same pattern that has come up here. Even if things don't work out with him, they might have a chance to work out with someone else in the future. It was impossible before these last few days of trying to understand the reading.

So a thousand flip-flops later, I am now quite settled and comfortable with the direction things seem to be heading. Recognising that I am a very passionate person who allows no outlet for that passion... it's like getting reborn.

 

[Hujambo]

Okay that was a long update, my bad.

 

[Tim K]

C'mon Hujambo, that was a comprehensive and very useful update, if only everyone else would write replies like this. In your posts you always reflect what's on your mind, what's the underlying matter, what do you think it means and it gives a complete picture of the situation. Keep up the good work, each letter is valuable

H3 is not futility in my mind, just not an easy start. Got it many times concerning my cargo-truck driving lessons. I've got my license but the instructor and the school itself weren't up to my standards. Oh and the truck was old (30 years I suppose) and in a bad shape (steering and especially gearbox was a pain).

 

[Hujambo]

Aww thanks, Ash. I like your Hex 3 example, it adds even more to my understanding of the reading.

I did another couple of readings, one just before I wrote the update: 64.2 - 35 which I read as, have patience, there is still a little more work to do. Let myself catch up with things.

And one quite a few hours later when I'd had a bit more time to sit quietly and observe the ebb and flow of my thoughts and feelings: 37.4.5 - 30 which kind of speaks for itself.

 

[Hujambo]

Update

We did not get together that weekend but we stayed in touch. Out of the blue he came to see me last weekend. It really was/is a wonderful thing that is taking time to grow into whatever it may be. Time that I needed. There is no more apt description of how things have evolved/are evolving than Hex 3. None of the moments seem perfect yet each one feels like a gift. It has so many of the elements of an old-fashioned courtship which is odd in this day and age, but entirely welcome.

The lines I received in Hex 51 make perfect sense now because I did not plan or allow for these developments at the time of the initial reading. I'm pretty sure I had thought I wasn't doing enough to "drive" my life prior to his re-appearance... yeah right