continued relationship turmoil-- again need help

[folledeschiele]

It looks as if this year is bent on being a shaker-upper. Things were finally back on track with my fragile 8-year relationship after our worst crisis ever; I felt we had re-established our strong connection and were slowly building back trust. Then my partner left for a 5-week business trip, I welcomed a houseguest (a friend of a friend put this person in touch with me) and after spending lots of time getting to know her, I'm completely infatuated. It "feels" like being in love, although I'm too old and wise now to believe it's little more than an irrational seizure of chemicals.
We had an awkward conversation acknowledging that we were both experiencing feelings, but agreed that we should drop the subject, since we are both in committed relationships. However, yesterday she finally left my apartment to move in to her own place, and left me a note that once again revealed her feelings, albeit in a subtle way.
This has completely destabilized me, made me feel terribly guilty, and I'm completely overtaken with a desire to spend more time with her, because I don't know if I've ever felt a connection this overpowering. But I don't want to risk ruining my very real, mature partnership, which appears to have come out of a crisis intact.

Here are the questions I asked the I Ching:

---I feel an overwhelming desire to be with this girl, to be in her company. What should my approach be? --- received 20, Contemplation, no changing lines.

--Although I barely know this person, I'm feeling a kind of grief at the idea that this connection can never be explored, because it would be unethical to pursue it and I'm not willing to just give up on my relationship with my long-term partner, despite doubts. But it almost feels like I'm grieving this, however absurd... -- received hexagram 54.1, (The marrying maiden), leading to 40, Deliverance.

--This has made me doubt whether I am with the right partner, if my partner can give me what I truly need. -- received 39.3, Obstruction, leading to 8, Holding Together.

I would really appreciate any insight into this situation. I feel so guilty and fickle for developing such strong feelings for someone else after working so carefully to repair my relationship, and feeling things were going well. Thank you...

 

[diamanda]

20 perhaps means look at the situation from a different angle, try to
have a more comprehesive view. 20 means to see, and to be seen,
so i don't see any 'action' advised here.

54:1 sounds to me as if saying that, despite what you feel right now,
this situation is nothing serious, and very soon you'll probably be
wondering how come you saw it so strongly. And the grief will go
away (40).

About your partner - going back to your partner leads to union. It
sounds good to me, 8 is a very pleasant and fulfilling hexagram.

No need to feel guilty, we can't control feelings and chemicals, but
we can definitely control our actions, and you haven't done anything
wrong.

 

[willowfox]

What should my approach be? --- received 20, Contemplation, no changing lines.

You should stand back and look at this situation from a detached viewpoint, look at all the pros and cons of the situation unemotionally and see where all will lead before making any kind of move.

hexagram 54.1, (The marrying maiden), leading to 40, Deliverance.

Basically you have an infatuation going on here so it is in your interest, to think but not act and quickly resume your permanent relationship.

--This has made me doubt whether I am with the right partner, if my partner can give me what I truly need. -- received 39.3, Obstruction, leading to 8

Can anyone give to anyone what they truly need? The line warns you not to act on your feelings for her but to stay where you are and hex 8 speaks for itself, holding together is the right thing to do with your current partner.

 

[folledeschiele]

thank you for your candid answers, diamanda and willowfox. This was my interpretation too. It looks like I'm going to have to make an adult kind of choice here, rather than let the adolescent in me run amock.