Dare to stand up. 38.1.2.6<>16

[Cometta]

So I decided to go back to my city and accept an offer even though it is far from the best one but it allows me to restart my business again and return to my cherished life.
As I stated my decision and asked for a comment, I got 38.1.2.6<>16.
I think I am being encouraged to stand for myself and take the offer; I tried to find a common ground with my family and I was deceived, plus this association is less than fair but it is my only option. I don't know how to explain line 6, perhaps the deal is promising after all?
The overall feeling I get is to get ready to start my life again even from this low point and with the expected difficulties.

Hope you share my enthusiasm and interpretation of the reading.

 

[Cometta]

This morning, I came to the realisation:
Whether I leave or stay if I don't make peace and be happy no matter what, no condition will make me happy. No longer being affected by the outside is the solution.
Yi answered: 22.3<>27

Before the other part made the offer, I made two projetcts for him (the tendering I have mentionned in a earlier post that we still don't know if we won, for which I got 23.1.6<>24). So this offer could be interesting because I would become an associate, so I am really attached to the outcome for this reason and also because I need to know if my work is good.

So I again asked if I will get those projects, but before I had another realisation:

It's normal to be happy when your efforts achieve something. These results were proof to me that I am right, that my reasoning is valid, that I am not crazy as I am being treated. I didn't have this fear until I started looking at my life from the outside and judged the effects my choices had. I was happy to live according to life, to act when it's natural and to do nothing when it doesn't seem appropriate, happy with what happens little or a lot because I saw it in the grand scheme of life, which I love and live regardless of any outcome.

So I asked about the projects anyway and got:
12.1.6<>17.
Perhaps the answer was affected by my thoughts.
But it is strange that the fast movement from line 1 to 6 comes again.

But what I felt in the quote above was dominant; I really miss the love and freedom I had in my life and I am willing to let go of big ambitions if only..and again the thought of my family makes me angry, if only they are not in my consideration, if only they don't impose conditions on me in exchange of their love and support.

And I asked the ultimate question:
What is the problem with my parents?
36uc

I am not surprised Wing's name for it is censorship. And remember the story behind the hex, I am relieved from doubts because as it says:

Still, it is implied that your goals and convictions are in accord with what is best for your inner development and should not be abandoned.

Also what Ginnie said about not being able to change oneself made me cry. I tried a lot, with my head and neglected my heart and it didn't work, I was tortured by guilt when I lived alone by my choices.
The introduction Trojina wrote about artists is so heart warming, this times when I knew I was not welcomed and had this pain of estrangement was the most fertile phase in my life, but I have seen happy families and wanted that, doubted my feelings and was ready to negotiate, that was the beginning of depression and death. As in Hilary's comment my insights are not desired, I can't be with them unless I become someone else. And I am lost, how to keep my light alive in this adversity? Stay with them and find happiness in whatever happens, love them anyway? Run away again and suffer being alone in a society that suspects individuals?

I am sorry for the long and dark post. I needed to open up to you so you have the complete background of why I doubt myself continually and why I can be so rational and enthusiasticly cold.

Any insights of yours will be helpful.

 

[my_key]

Hi Commetta

here's some alternative perspectives that may assist you

38 <> 16
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou annointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.

22 <> 27

12 <> 17

36
Desiterata by Max Ehrrmann may shine a light

... of course, other interpretations are always available.

Good Luck

 

[Cometta]

Thank you Mykey
I love this verse. I will keep it close to my heart.. Also the poem, I don't know it, but it resonates in many occasions..with the tiny light burried in tons of earth.

The general theme I feel from your answer is a message to get back to innocence. Am I wrong?

 

[my_key]

Hey !! What!!
I've posted a couple of videos and a some words. Together they are all way too complex a weave for me to make any sense of , let alone guess at what they all mean for you. It is therefore, with great fortune. that only you can sink gently into the responsibility that resides within you and tune in to the message they carry. Trust your radio.

Good Luck

 

[moss elk]

Acceptance can help.

Accept that you have needed their help.
Accept that they are imperfect humans.
Accept that any family puts conditions on members 'under their roof' or tied to their wallets.

Accept that you have normal wishes and dreams for independence that all young people have until they get out (and stay out) on their own.

In 38.6, one believes they are seeing demons but, it's just a mundane pig. The error is of a perception clouded by feelings and an internal disposition for battle.

 

[Cometta]

Acceptance can help.

Accept that you have needed their help.
Accept that they are imperfect humans.
Accept that any family puts conditions on members 'under their roof' or tied to their wallets.

Accept that you have normal wishes and dreams for independence that all young people have until they get out (and stay out) on their own.

In 38.6, one believes they are seeing demons but, it's just a mundane pig. The error is of a perception clouded by feelings and an internal disposition for battle.

In the family they call me the big hearted and it serves them untill I want to do something for myself then I am the mean one and their reaction is excessive, I spent 18 years rejected because of the dependent dynamics that hurts everyone. I tried to teach them gratitude as I am happy with whatever I have, I tried love instead of fear and ill ambition, I tried rebellion and dignity instead of servitude, they follow but the mean one tag sticks to me.
You can't imagine how I was thorn by this decison to come back to them. I did it as an act of kindness because they are old and lived their entire lives isolated. I could have chosen any job to provide for myself, but in one hand it was time to come back and resolve this old estrangement, my society doesn't tolerate individual freedom even though I was a pionneer back then, many people now are exposing this illness of parental authority encouraged by religion and many start to free themselves. My reaction was really kind compared to what I see now, I just went away and hoped they could accept me if... I succeed, again in their own terms.
In another hand they taught us to never demand anything from them that we grew up feeling unworthy and martyrs. So my return is a personal selfish need to understand those boundaries, and I think it might do them good as well. By what they expect from me I am ashamed, but it is a choice and I wish they understand that that is family, everyone needs a place, not because of despair but for the love we share.
You know sometimes I feel my desire to go away, as in the first time, is after all what they want. Many of my peers who struggled at work left years before me and returned to their families, they were supported and are now doing way more better. When I asked once if they could help me with a very small favor they refused, after more than a year where I have been taking small jobs to pay for my own needs, I am now sure they don't care for my career or don't believe in me, they only think of their own comfort and persons as they did when we were still kids. I really don't know who the kids are and who are the parents here.
So yes I accept them, and I am grateful they are here because I love them and want them to be happy, but my life is decreased and I can't count on them to understand, support me or love me as I am. I am not even allowed to express my thoughts without reprimands and fights and mockery. I forgive but I need to move away. When I remember how they treated the love of my life, I should have run with him instead. And how they told me I am not up to have a business when I was the first to have good projects, I should have trust those who believe in me instead.

 

[Cometta]

I thought the same about 38.6 but I don't know, in general my first reaction is guilt.

 

[moss elk]

Through their selfishness,
they control you with guilt.

Choices are simple:
Stay or go.

Feelings and thoughts and logistics:
Are complicated.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If I may offer:
It may help you to (silently) consider them as developementally disabled.
(This helped me in my life)
Empathy is a higher function that is developed over time. Selfishness develops 1st in humans: All babies cry when you take a toy or snack away from them.
They react with, "Hey! Me! Waaaaa"

In this way, you may stop trying to change them, knowing that you cannot get 'blood from a stone'
And you can start to give yourself that sympathy instead. And how would that look? By you paying attention to your own heart, and listening to and doing things to protect your heart and person.

In the U.S. in the 1960's, collection agency's used to make their job applicants take IQ tests. Then they would not hire people who scored high, because they are generally more empathetic as a group. And collections agents have to be unsympathetic.

 

[Cometta]

Your words sound like coming from my earlier happy life, like the voice of people who knew me and loved me.
Thank you Moss elk, from the bottom of my heart.

 

[Cometta]

Trust your radio.

Thank you!
I make the promise.

 

[Cometta]

I asked if this 'associate' with whom I work is trying to deceive me. The answer was: 14.3.6<>54

I think it means that although I feel secondary I should offer it to the son of heaven. Blessed, nothing that doesn't further.

Why I write this is because the transitional/hidden line is 38.6.
So in the first reading the line was in fact about him.