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Dealing with a death

tabitha

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Hello -

My roommate just died - it was horrible - as she was riding on her bicycle and got hit by a truck -

We were just getting to know one another - and it is a shock - and I've never quite dealt with this before-

I am being healthy and sharing my grief - but privately, I am being obsessive about things and super self critical -

I asked the i ching to help me understand and move through this situation and my self- criticism - and received 20- 2

Please advise me if you can.

thanks
 

flor05

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Hi Tabitha,

First of all, I'm really sorry for your loss. When I was 19, I was in a car accident where a friend passed away, so I guess I can relate a bit to your feelings now.
I'm now in a very emotional state and I'm no expert with the Yi, but I'd like to give it a chance:

20.2 > 59

20: Contemplation. Looking, judging. This could mean looking at others, but mostly the meaning is looking in the mirror, examining one's life. I think this is portraying your current attitude: you are being judgemental of yourself.

Line 2: Prying perspective, looking through a half-closed door. This indicates you are not looking at things right. Your current point of view is partial, you are missing the big picture here. It could indicate that everything you see, you take it to yourself and to your own concerns.

59: Dispersion, dissipation. Dissolving egos, melting obstacles.

I guess the point that the Yi is trying to make here is that you are too self -absorbed, and that you are loosing perspective. May be you need a broader point of view? What are your beliefs about death? Do you have anything that would help you cope? The point is that you shouldn't feel this way, I guess. Not only there's nothing to blame yourself for, but you could actually use this very painful experience to grasp a more complete idea of life and move forward. Hex 59 talks about melting barriers. Sharing your pain and thoughts might be a good idea. Be honest about it, and try to see the big picture.

Hope this helps.

My very heartfelt support. Best wishes,

Flor
 
M

meng

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I asked the i ching to help me understand and move through this situation and my self- criticism - and received 20- 2
Seems like a rather cold answer. Sometimes the Yi is above all things unsympathetic. But, then one must look at the question: "help me understand." Well, cold or not, the way to really understand is to raise your bar of understanding above the purely subjective and emotional level. Again, I think the 'hardness' or 'coldness' of the answer was based on the pragmatic nature of your question.

Hang in there, I can imagine this is very unsettling. The shock will dissipate with time.
 

rosada

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Actually I see 20.2 as a very comforting response. I think the I Ching is telling you you are trying to understand by relating what happened to your own experiences and that's just not possible. There's just no way to know why her soul chose to die in this way at this time.
"59. The kings of old sacrificed to the Lord."
Light a candle and leave it up to God.

Best wishes,
Rosada
 
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maremaria

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Hi Tabitha,

I'm sorry for you loss. I can relate to what you say , because recently I had a loss too. I think I can understand those feeling you are talking about. For me, was helpful to share my grieve with people could handle a talk about death but also those feeling and get from them another angle to see things. It doesn’t help if I tell you “stop being critical”, I guess its something that you have to do and 59 those images.

Perhaps I’m repeating what others already said, but wanted to share my experience with you. During that period, I tried to talk with people that didn’t know or were not able to talk about death and that make me no able to share my feelings . Hex 20, among other things is about see and been seen, and I found very helpful the advice of a person that told me , talk to the ones can handle it and understand it and forget the rest.

Take care

Maria
 

bodhidogma

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Hello Tabitha. This is how 20, Line 2 reads from my Brian Browne Walker edition:

"Do not take the situation to heart. The workings of the Creative are complex and often unknowable."

Hopes this helps.
 

em ching

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Hello, I'm sorry for your loss.
I think 20.2 may have something to do realising that everyone goes through hurt and you can share your pain with others. I know you said that you are doing this but maybe the Yi is re-iterating that you needn't feel ashamed to seek help or share difficult feelings, because it might make others who are also grieving feel less alone. I think its about remembering that you need to dissolve your ego, which is perhaps making you feel that you are dealing badly with it, as this is a situation that was beyond your control. In some situations, tragedies, we are taken out of ourselves and shared grief unifies. Maybe saying that you have to lose yourself somewhat as the issue is bigger than you. Maybe its also saying that you have nothing to feel guilty about and so you shouldn't be self-critical at all, or that you're relating the unfortunate incident to somehow having something to do with you and you're own issues? What I mean is that if you step outside of your own hurts you'd see this as a seperate and external issue, and not let it be a catalyst to making you feel down on yourself.

I hope that helps in some way and that you go easy on yourself.
Maybe it's also reminding you that we're all a part of this human drama - all just as clueless as to why things happen, and helpless in the issue of life and death.

:bows:
 

tabitha

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Thanks everyone -

Just briefly, thank you for your sympathy and support - That's all for now .
 

chacha1

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Hi Tabitha,

I can't add anything about the hexagrams you received because I am refraining from offering input about other's circumstances( makes me sad if I'm wrong) but, I do want to offer condolence for your loss. I just thought of something though,( this came from a conversation that I had with my brother last night) whenever something like that happens it can bring reality to your door... and the reality, is that life is fragile. Tabitha, express to everyone who means something to you that you love them, that may help you come to terms with what you are feeling.
 
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tabitha

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reply - to posts

Hi again everyone to say thank you for your sympathy and support.

Self-criticism is a habit and getting beyond yourself includes letting that go -

Such is the situation that it helps you forget yourself and get together with others for something greater and sometimes unknowable.
 

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