did a stupid thing, not sure what to do now hex 43 1.4. 48

[Lola1986]

Hi all,

Asked an ex if they wanted to meet for a coffee (first time since breaking - not a long relationship 1 month and it's been about 6 weeks since we saw each other). Slightly an experiment for me, I know this person socially and am scared I'll bump into them and it'll be super awkward, also just basically trying to neutralise my feelings so it's not like the sort of dark inaccessible hole I can't get to. So I asked today if he'd be up for meeting just to say hi, and he said yes to a coffee, and then I said ok cool that works - the messages have gone quiet (I guess I could have said, great well let me know when you're better and free or something since he is ill at the moment) - so we haven't sort of ended conclusively (he didn't, for example say, ok I'll be in touch when I'm better again or anything like that).

Anyway, I am in a panic now because his lack of response has made me question why are we meeting, is this just a stupid idea - what really are my motivations and would it not have been better to have just bumped into one another? It feels a bit cold on his side, like sure, if you want to meet we can but I'm not so fussed. Have I not made something that was healing itself way worse with my sort of desire to connect even though maybe it was better to just let things be and we'd see each other again when the time was right if at all. I was getting very mixed readings for iching in advance of making the suggestion so nothing was clear but the last one was abundance 55 so i thought oh well, I'll just send the message. My fear is that I am really meaningless to him and it'll actually hurt to meet rather than be helpful or nice.

So now I am doubting and regretting the whole idea of suggesting meeting and I asked:

please explain this stupid situation i've created and what if anything I can do about it?​

42.1.4 > 48

41.1 - going on without control leads to mistakes (this might refer to me reaching out because I'd heard he was ill? not really just waiting and then asking or something - or just leaving it alone. Or it is advice for me now to just chill, he'll reach out if he wants to). Another interpretation says just that I was premature in my action...(of asking??)
42.4 - chill out, wait, he will respond in his own time when he's feeling better. in the mean time get on with life

aah, please advise! Or if you think there's some other question I need/could ask.
L

 

[my_key]

please explain this stupid situation i've created and what if anything I can do about it?
42.1.4 > 48

To explain this stupid situation you need to look at how many times you have done this type of thing before and ask yourself what is making you behave in this way.

42<>48 The Blessing coming through The Well.

Your situation is urging you to gain real understanding of what it is you need to decrease to make life more balanced for you. Look deep and ask yourself "What is firing the thoughts or feelings around 'super awkward' and then leading you to 'doubt and regret' the wisdom of having this meeting?". Then gurgling up from The Well will come your Blessing In all this there is something niggling away at you that needs to be faced and then adapted or changed so that your life becomes more settled and based on firm foundations.

42.1 - Start from this moment and decide how you mean to go on.
42.4 - Staying balance around your new insights of this situation and maintaining them in the future will increase the peace and joy you experience in life.

What to do about it? The best advice comes from the Image of 42 . Something akin to

Notice the good when it occurs and follow it. When you notice things that drag you away from balance - feeling super awkward or filled with regret or doubt - stop, then follow a good path by making a change that will support you. Do less of that unbalancing behaviour in the future.

... or it might mean nothing like that your you.

Good Luck

 

[Lola1986]

Ok - thanks. That's helpful, if I've understood.

You wrote:
To explain this stupid situation you need to look at how many times you have done this type of thing before and ask yourself what is making you behave in this way.

I understand from this, the thing to ask myself is - why do things or behave in ways that cause me to feel unbalanced (like in this case maybe over reaching to someone, over extending to make things ok instead of leaving them to work themselves out in whatever way they do). And I'm not sure...maybe something around struggling to let go, wanting validation that someone I cared about/care about cared/cares about me - probably some abandonment thing! But also about needing things to be ok rather than accepting them as yes, if we'd bumped into each other maybe it would have been awkward, and so what!

But also, I'm understanding from what you said about 'what is firing the thoughts and feelings around 'super awkward' etc... that maybe it's not a bad thing to have reached out, the bad thing is my panic around it. So it's less about the thing, and more about how I relate to it - why does it throw me into such a tizz - what is it about the whole thing that triggers me so much? And this is the work I need to do, to sort of meditate on and figure out somehow - that there's something in there that I need to understand about myself better.

In a way I've done ok today, I read my Artists way, I did my pages and I've sort of moved on from the panic in the sense that I'm not letting it dominate my day - if he replies or reaches out after her's stopped being ill he does, if he doesn't he doesn't. That's the balanced place I need to maintain and try to sustain. And the way to do that, and to not obsess, is to just get on with my daily life and find all the joys and nourishments that are contained within it - so that's the solution. I just need to work on the 'problem' which i still don't really understand i.e. why did I create/panic so much about it in the first place!

 

[my_key]

The Artists Way is a good path to follow.

 

[Liselle]

Hi Lola,

42.1.4 to 48 isn't a casting. There must be a typo somewhere.

42.1.4 changes to 12
41.1.4 changes to 64
42 to 48 has lines 1, 2, 3, and 6 moving

 

[Lola1986]

oooh, you're right. it was 43.1.4 - 48....
so then that would be
43.1 i acted prematurely
43.4 things are tricky now but they may work out ok if i am patient?

the well - draw on my inner resources 48 to sustain myself through it..

 

[Liselle]

Somehow combining Deciding with the Well - for one thing, there's this sentence which fits really well:

trying to neutralise my feelings so it's not like the sort of dark inaccessible hole I can't get to.

You decided to get in touch in order so it wouldn't seem like a dark hole you can't get to.

Compare that to 48's oracle (underlining added by me):
"The Well.
Moving the city, not moving the well.
Without loss, without gain,
They come and go, the well wells.
Almost reaching, but the rope does not yet draw water from the well,
Breaking one’s clay jug,
Pitfall."

It's the same thing, isn't it? A key feature of hexagram 48 is that there's plenty of water, but you might have trouble reaching it.

Lines:

43.1
"Vigour in the leading foot.
Going on without control means making mistakes."

I think you're right (sorry) - this does seem either to acknowledge or confirm, I don't know which, that you probably could have been a little more careful, either making the call at all, or not to have it end in limbo.

But water over the dam. 2nd part of your question, what to do about it.

43.4
"Thighs without flesh,
Moving awkwardly now.
Lead a sheep on a rope, regrets vanish.
Hear words, no trust."

"Thighs without flesh, Moving awkwardly now" matches how you say you feel, doesn't it - beating yourself up, feeling awkward, maybe pacing the floor a little bit?

We're told by authors that "leading a sheep" was how people surrendered in ancient China. Quoting Hilary in WikiWing quoting Richard Rutt, this is how they'd "pledge fealty in return for mercy" after losing a battle.

So you'll have to surrender to this state of affairs: recognize you're in an awkward situation, there's nothing to do but admit it.

Then a little good news - if you do this, "regrets vanish."

"Hear words, no trust" - often I don't know what to do with this. Whose words aren't trusted, yours or his? And why is it at the end, why does it come after "regrets vanish"?

The answer to the second part might be (this is a guess) that it's like a parenthetical comment. There's a tiny story up to then: Did regrettable thing - felt terrible - surrendered - regrets vanish. Then Yi adds on a comment: Fyi, words weren't trusted.

I have no idea how to figure out whose words it means. You both spoke words. You asked, "Want to go for coffee?" He said, "Okay, sure." And then as you say there was no actual plan made.

Maybe we could assume it doesn't make much difference whose words it means, or that it was both of your words?

I think the advice is that one of you has to do something to fix this - call back and finish the conversation. Since you're the one Yi has said this to, Yi's probably suggesting you do it. (Yi could have given you a reading suggesting you give him more time or something, but it didn't.)

Just keep reminding yourself the omen is "regrets vanish." That might not mean everything will go swimmingly, but it's probably safe to say that no matter what happens, you'll feel better.

(I love how Yi gave you one line for each part of your question! It can't always do that, thus it's usually better not to ask two questions at once - but pretty nifty.)

 

[my_key]

oooh, you're right. it was 43.1.4 - 48....
so then that would be
43.1 i acted prematurely
43.4 things are tricky now but they may work out ok if i am patient?

the well - draw on my inner resources 48 to sustain myself through it..

43 talks to you of making a breakthrough through building your character. All the things you spoke about before in post #3 are still good things to be doing and mindsets to have.
43<>48
Changes will start from the inside and work outwards. So you need to notice when your mood is changing towards negative ways and adapt. Especially when you are feeling challenged by those around you. That's the time to dig deep into that well to keep your spirits up.

Remember the Artists Way is more than just journaling. Use all aspects of the support it offers to help you through.

... or it might be mean nothing like this for you

 

[Lola1986]

@my_key - yes agree, those observations and thoughts remain true. I am finding the artists way very good for grounding me for sure, and also simply something to bring me back to myself when I start freaking out about things like this, which I often do

@Liselle - wow - thanks for the detail. Yes - so I have since realised I also didn't quite understand his message, so don't know, maybe those are also words that were not trusted.

I did a few more castings, which were not so clear - some seemed encouraging to get in touch and clarify, others less so. I wouldn't want him to think I'm trying to sort of sneak back into his life which is not what he wants, and for me I don't want to be a sneak. I only would want to be in someones life who wants me there : )

Ok so shall I clarify or leave it
56.5.6 - 31
do it or don't - maybe it doesn't matter
56.5 - don't need to sort it out, it'll work itself out
56.6 - have gotten lost in all the details and need to sort of let go of the drama and stop worrying about it

Please advise what to do now
40.3 > 32
sort of be careful not to attract bad things (robbers) i.e. him? don't put yourself in a vulnerable position??

But then also:

Could I write and say oh the cold (this doesn't make sense but basically I just understood one of his messages that I hadn't understood so sent a slightly weird reply to!)
55.3.4 > 24
a misunderstanding (in the dark)
ah, you've understood, take steps to clarify

Lol - too many questions - probably lost ALL clarity now. Deffo lost in the drama. Anyway I guess and I hope some sort of clarity will come, I just never know sometimes if I'm being reactive or actually allowing 'the self' to respond and take responsibility - damn!

Thanks for input and if and when we do or don't meet will let you know!

 

[my_key]

Please advise what to do now
40.3 > 32

What to do now? 40 Image gives the ultimate best advice for you. Be kind to and forgiving of yourself and others too.

40 <> 32
Keep on keeping on and allow the things that need to change to change when the time is right. Don't rush just relax and stay calm.

40.3 - Line 3 speaks to your inner world - it is about you. The longer you ride along hanging on to negativity (burden attracting more robbers) the more you will be in for the same sort of distressing ride you are having now.

... or it might mean nothing like that for you

 

[Lola1986]

Well it might be too soon for feedback but I just left it, as in I didn't follow up or break the 'impasse' because I thought actually maybe I was partly wanting to meet to sort of reconnect which, given he said he didn't have very strong feelings for me which is why we stopped seeing each other, would probably be more painful than good for me really, or at worst humiliating. Anyway, I feel more at peace with the ending now so the need to meet has passed and we will I'm sure bump into each other and also I'm sure figure it out when we need to.

Weirdly though a few days after our initial conversation he 'sent' me a deleted message i.e. sent one and deleted it before I could read it. No idea what was going on. Again, I just left it (logic being if he wanted to get in touch he would send another and if he didn't then he wouldn't). So nothing since then (about a week ago).

Today I asked:
Please advise what to do about x?
17.1 - maybe this is me moving on and joining with other people, maybe him too, so the need is no longer there? Or as an action this is the advice, which is kind of what I'm doing
17.6 - not sure...the inner work I am doing?
12 - blocked - makes sense, very blocked communication for some reason.

So don't really understand this as advice for action but I'm understanding that communication is blocked. And maybe that's just the way it is

 

[Liselle]

I had this exact reading a few days ago and I don't understand mine, either.

17 usually means just follow along, don't try to take the lead or figure out "why." (17's pair and opposite is 18, which is the one that's about finding the causes of things. 17 is exactly not that.)

 

[Lola1986]

I had this exact reading a few days ago and I don't understand mine, either.

17 usually means just follow along, don't try to take the lead or figure out "why." (17's pair and opposite is 18, which is the one that's about finding the causes of things. 17 is exactly not that.)

Well i gues let's both wait and see! And we'll maybe have a bit more clarity when some time has passed and events have or have not happened : )

 

[my_key]

Please advise what to do about x?
17.1 - maybe this is me moving on and joining with other people, maybe him too, so the need is no longer there? Or as an action this is the advice, which is kind of what I'm doing
17.6 - not sure...the inner work I am doing?
12 - blocked - makes sense, very blocked communication for some reason.

12 has you wading through thick treacle up to your waist and calls for you to reverse the direction of your current thoughts and actions. 17 advises you that the best thing to do is turn towards the peace that you will find in your inner world. Maybe just go with the flow. Although this may not be easy for you, it is something to try as it will allow you, in time, to recuperate and to find a place of respite. Increase you contemplative moments as this will boost your strength of character and subsequently the negative thoughts you are having will slowly dissolve.

17.1 - Be the change you want to see.
17.6 - Things are culminating here with you being severely tied up. You need to really consider how best to disentangle yourself from all this. Remember though, it will take time for you to find the peaceful solutions you are truly seeking.

This reading seems to dovetail nicely into the 40 <> 32 that you had before. Although 17<>12 seems to carry a bit more urgency for you to take notice.

...or it might mean nothing at all like this for you.

Good Luck

 

[Lola1986]

12 has you wading through thick treacle up to your waist and calls for you to reverse the direction of your current thoughts and actions. 17 advises you that the best thing to do is turn towards the peace that you will find in your inner world. Maybe just go with the flow. Although this may not be easy for you, it is something to try as it will allow you, in time, to recuperate and to find a place of respite. Increase you contemplative moments as this will boost your strength of character and subsequently the negative thoughts you are having will slowly dissolve.

17.1 - Be the change you want to see.
17.6 - Things are culminating here with you being severely tied up. You need to really consider how best to disentangle yourself from all this. Remember though, it will take time for you to find the peaceful solutions you are truly seeking.

This reading seems to dovetail nicely into the 40 <> 32 that you had before. Although 17<>12 seems to carry a bit more urgency for you to take notice.

...or it might mean nothing at all like this for you.

Good Luck

Ok, thanks. I guess what's the change I want, for things to be easy and with no hard feelings? So maybe I just need to enact that in myself somehow and move on truly?? Or just be at peace maybe is more accurate, be at peace with whatever outcome and stop trying to control things or make them be a certain way. I see what you mean about dovetailing 40>32/// what is strange to me is I did nothing between this reading and the more urgent 17>12 - but perhaps its just referring to my inner state more than anything else since nothing else happened on my part, aside from the text he sent and then unsent.

So basically strive for inner peace, let it go, forget about the worrying and just get on with life and try to be at peace in myself with whatever comes. Which indeed I do find very hard!

Thanks

 

[Chris_22]

Hi all,

Asked an ex if they wanted to meet for a coffee (first time since breaking - not a long relationship 1 month and it's been about 6 weeks since we saw each other). Slightly an experiment for me, I know this person socially and am scared I'll bump into them and it'll be super awkward, also just basically trying to neutralise my feelings so it's not like the sort of dark inaccessible hole I can't get to. So I asked today if he'd be up for meeting just to say hi, and he said yes to a coffee, and then I said ok cool that works - the messages have gone quiet (I guess I could have said, great well let me know when you're better and free or something since he is ill at the moment) - so we haven't sort of ended conclusively (he didn't, for example say, ok I'll be in touch when I'm better again or anything like that).

Anyway, I am in a panic now because his lack of response has made me question why are we meeting, is this just a stupid idea - what really are my motivations and would it not have been better to have just bumped into one another? It feels a bit cold on his side, like sure, if you want to meet we can but I'm not so fussed. Have I not made something that was healing itself way worse with my sort of desire to connect even though maybe it was better to just let things be and we'd see each other again when the time was right if at all. I was getting very mixed readings for iching in advance of making the suggestion so nothing was clear but the last one was abundance 55 so i thought oh well, I'll just send the message. My fear is that I am really meaningless to him and it'll actually hurt to meet rather than be helpful or nice.

So now I am doubting and regretting the whole idea of suggesting meeting and I asked:

please explain this stupid situation i've created and what if anything I can do about it?​

42.1.4 > 48

41.1 - going on without control leads to mistakes (this might refer to me reaching out because I'd heard he was ill? not really just waiting and then asking or something - or just leaving it alone. Or it is advice for me now to just chill, he'll reach out if he wants to). Another interpretation says just that I was premature in my action...(of asking??)
42.4 - chill out, wait, he will respond in his own time when he's feeling better. in the mean time get on with life

aah, please advise! Or if you think there's some other question I need/could ask.
L

42.1.4> 64 NOT 48. I have disregarded the following comments - ALL wrong!

 

[Liselle]

We straightened that out and fixed the title - Lola said it was 43.1.4 to 48. So most of the comments are about the right casting.

(Although re-reading I saw it differently and that I came to the wrong conclusion, so please do disregard that part )

---

added for anyone reading later - anyone who finds things like this (wrong castings that weren't corrected; any such thing), please tell us with the report button.

The report button can be used for lots of things. It's not only for bad behavior.

 

[Lakewater]

At a glance

Altogether: Resolving the well

As liselle pointed out could also be resolving feelings, i.e avoid awkwardness and calm emotions so they're still accessible

scared I'll bump into them and it'll be super awkward

trying to neutralise my feelings so it's not like the sort of dark inaccessible hole I can't get to.

Please explain this stupid situation i've created

43.1

Hilary Translation: Vigour in the leading foot. Going on without control means making mistakes.

Hilary Commentary: You're eager to cross the line and prove yourself, and bring about much needed change. However, this doesn't mean you can sustain the journey your feet are itching to take. Your desire to get underway needs to be matched by a broader awareness - and some control - of where you're going.

I get this line when I make mistakes due to rushing. 43 wants to make a decision wants to resolve things but it's only line 1, it's just started out making the decision so its too early for a definite resolution, line 1 also leads to 28, great exceeding, there might be a lot to consider or deal with (thus wanting things decided quickly). The advice I think is in order to avoid mistakes make sure to take your time so things don't get away from you. In answer to your question the situation you made was making a decision to meet but rushing ahead too soon, not taking for the various things you'd need to consider and thus making the mistake of not proposing any follow up calls or plans during the call. It's a benign reading, the error can be solved by just going back and double checking, but anyway you asked a second question so I will look at that.

And what if anything I can do about it?

43.4

Hilary Translation: Thighs without flesh, Moving awkwardly now. Lead a sheep on a rope, regrets vanish. Hear words, no trust.

Hilary Commentary(abridged): Rather than talking about it, it's better simply to let your actions speak, like the man who leads out a sheep to show his surrender. Regrets vanish when, instead of fighting the present reality, you go to meet it with acceptance. This truly demonstrates resolve.

Hear words not trusted makes me think he said yes to a coffee but somehow you didn't trust those words, lead a sheep on a rope suggests it would be best to accept those words and follow along and if I was to go by Hilary's commentary actually go forward with making plans, which coffee shop to go to days and times that are best, if you'd like to do anything before or afterwards, where and how to meet up. 43.4 leads to 5 waiting, where you are waiting confidentially with food and music, taking preparatory action and nourishing yourself with those things that imbue a positive state of mind so that when the moment you are waiting for arises you are ready. So in answer to what you can do you can make plans while you wait for him to get better.

Just to add, I was thinking since it's avoiding awkwardness and establishing calm you're going for could you perhaps invite others along so it's a group meeting and a nice day out, I don't see that in the reading it's just a suggestion, just to make the whole thing a lot lighter and less heavy.

 

[Lakewater]

Ok so shall I clarify or leave it
56.5.6 - 31

56 is just a temporary affair, the traveller has places to go so makes sure that wherever they go to keep matters clear and to the point and not drag them out.

56 image

Legge Translation: The superior man exerts cautious wisdom in his punishments, and does not permit prolonged litigation.

Blofeld Translation: The Superior Man employs wise caution in administering punishments and does not suffer the cases brought before him to be delayed.

Liu Translation: The superior man is careful and clever in imposing punishments, and does not delay the cases brought.

Hilary Translation: The noble one is clear and thoughtful in administering punishments, and does not drag out legal proceedings

Shall I clarify?
56.5>33

Wilhelm Translation: He shoots a pheasant. It drops with the first arrow. In the end this brings both praise and office

Hilary Commentary (abridged): it does mean you have useful work to do. This is the time to be as direct as an arrows flight: see what is needed that you can do, and be single-minded in doing it.

Yes. Don't drag it out, clarify, give it a shot you'll probably get what you're after.

Or leave it?
56.6>62

Legge Translation: The sixth line, dynamic, suggests the idea of a bird burning its nest. The stranger, thus represented, first laughs and then cries out. He has lost his ox-like docility too readily and easily. There will be evil.

Wilhelm Translation: The bird's nest burns up. The wanderer laughs at first, then must needs lament and weep. Through carelessness he loses his cow. Misfortune.

Liu Translation: A bird's nest burns. The exile laughs in the beginning, laments later. He loses his cow by being careless. Misfortune.

No do not just leave it. The image in 56 advices caution and being careful. In line 6 the traveller incurs loss by not being careful enough, this is in contrast to line 5 where the the traveller makes an attempt and is rewarded. In the 6th line they burn their nest and while the traveller may feel better for a moment ultimately the loss leaves them in emotional turmoil.

 

[Lakewater]

Please advise what to do now
40.3 > 32
sort of be careful not to attract bad things (robbers) i.e. him? don't put yourself in a vulnerable position??

At a glance I would read it as you're in the middle of letting go (line 3) in 40 if you need to take action you take it as soon as you can to relieve tension or if you don't need take action you let the matter go, in 40 there's also a sense of forgiving ourselves and others. I would read it as don't sit around with your baggage, get up and walk, i.e take practical measures, down to earth measures, walk can also be take independent action. Get out of the idea that's keeping you sitting there, i.e let go of the idea that's keeping you sitting there with all you baggage and act, something to relieve the tension.

 

[Lakewater]

I've realised this is an old thread, so I have done 43.1 myself, but hopefully what's written will be helpful for someone.

 

[Liselle]

Well, Lola is still around, which makes a difference. (Tap anyone's username on any post of theirs and you can see when they visited last.)

Lola, would you be willing to share how this one played out for you, with 3 years hindsight?