did he? 3.2

[gael123]

I asked if my ex, who was very tender towards me but would never commit, ever loved me, and received 3.2. I guess it just reflects my answer back to me - he couldn't commit. Funny, I really felt he loved me - truly - I could never sort out the contradiction. Any thoughts on what this line is telling me?

Thank you.

G

 

[pooja123]

The initial attraction he had, diminished. He saw that he can't go forward with you. It is better to end it before resentment sets in.

 

[Liselle]

Were you by any chance very young when you were seeing each other? (Edited: or inexperienced in dating, no matter what your ages?)

The line does indicate that there was something worthwhile in this relationship.

'Now sprouting, now hesitating,
Now driving a team of horses.
Not robbers at all, but marital allies.
The child-woman’s constancy – no children.
Ten years go by, then there are children.'

Now, I don't think that has to mean the two of you will get back together. A possibility might be that eventually you'll understand what the relationship was "about," what role it played in your life, maybe how it helped one or both of you to "sprout"? I'm thinking of "children" metaphorically as "understanding" or "benefit of some kind."

 

[usilser]

This is one answer that I usually receive when iching wants to warn me about an unsuitable partner. So yes, iching answers to you... Move on...

 

[gael123]

Thank you, Liselle. In fact we are both quite experienced - I am in my late 30s, he in his early 40s. And yet with me he behaved like a nervous adolescent, which is to the point you make. He is still single, a year on, has not got together properly with anyone else. We work in the same town, in different jobs, but I collaborated on something last year with a couple of people in his office. Knowing I was going to be heading into his office that weel, I suggested a catch up drink (we had not seen each other since the break up). He was very enthusiastic by message but when we met he was stiff and distant, and at the end said something like, 'Well, let's meet again perhaps in a couple of months.'

I asked what if anything he had felt for me during our time knowing one another and received the following

17.3.4.6 to 37.

I wonder if he was ever sincere, to be honest. What do you think?

 

[rosada]

17.3 Interesting that you mention he was almost childlike when you were dating. This line would suggest someone trying to act like a grown up so perhaps he was uneasy with the child's impulse to surrender to his heart and instead felt he ought to step back and be more "adult" that is, in control.
17.4 Again, maybe it turned out it was the thrill of the chase that kept him engaged and when it was time to move up to a stronger commitment he found he wasn't clear where things were headed and this made him uncomfortable.
17.6 A desire to stay connected and yet wanting to be free of entanglements.

I don't see anything in this that suggests he knowingly lead you on, more like he didn't expect things to move so far so fast and broke things off when he realized what was happening. The second hexagram 37 makes me think he was sincere in suggesting you meet again, like you two are "family". But do you really want to be pals?

This second reading sounds pretty much like what was said in 3.2 which then changes to 60. Limitation. He may have been sincere but the potential for what is possible at this time is Limited.

You might get value from asking the I Ching what your attitude towards him should be now or "What do I learn from this?" I think in order to have the "breadth of character in order to carry the outer world" as described in the Image of hexagram 2 we have to become familiar with all the possible experiences detailed in the hexagrams. So now you know what the 3.2 experience is and thus you will be able to empathize with and have compassion for anyone else who is going through this same thing. One down, 384 to go! (64 hexagrams x 6 lines)

 

[Liselle]

Well...this is all very speculative, of course (please keep that in mind). But I'm actually not finding anything in either reading that indicates (to me) that he wasn't sincere. Maybe just that it was taking him a long time to commit, or to get to where you were?

17's 37, Following's People in the Home - you asked how he felt for you - maybe Yi's saying he felt he was following you, or being led by you, into domesticity? And he just wasn't ready, for whatever reason? Does that make sense in any way?

One thing that's interesting is how the first reading mentioned "ten years go by," and what's hidden at the core* of hexagram 17 in your second reading is hexagram 53, Gradual Development. 53-ish things can take a long, long time, and "ten years" in the I Ching is also "a long time." (It isn't meant to be taken exactly literally. There are various time spans in the I Ching: "three days," "ten days," "three years," "ten years," maybe more - you can think of them relative to each other, so ten years is the longest.)

I don't think the moving lines show any lack of sincerity, maybe some lack of readiness to commit.

Line 3
'Bound to the mature man,
Letting the small child go.
Following, there is quest and gain.
Settling with constancy bears fruit.'

Maybe he felt if he stayed in this relationship he'd have to let go his inner "small child" and become a "mature man"? Does it seem right to you that he'd consider that a big change? And since you did break up, it seems he wasn't ready for it. But (maybe) the last two sentences say eventually he might be? "Following, there is quest and gain. Settling with constancy bears fruit."

(Please don't take any of this as a guarantee that eventually he'll decide he wants to get married or anything - he may or may not - among other things, he wasn't ready then, it seems he's still not ready now, and you have a say in this, too. You may or may not want to wait "a long time" while he progresses 53-ishly. Your question was about how he felt. You will have your own feelings about his feelings, so to speak.)

Line 4
'Following makes a catch.
Constancy, pitfall. With truth and confidence, holding to the path with clarity,
How can this be wrong?'

Not sure...maybe how he felt was that if he kept following you, and actually "caught" you, then what? Maybe it felt like too much "constancy" and it made him nervous? He felt he should stay on the path rather than getting to the end of the path? The line doesn't sound like this is a "bad" thing for him, necessarily - it does say "with truth and confidence, holding to the path with clarity, How can this be wrong?"

So Yi's perhaps indicating he knows what's "true" for him, he's clear about it, and it's not wrong for him. Remembering 53 at the core of 17, it seems possible this isn't a dilettantish attitude, that he's not trying to just string you along or anything, it seems more like a moving - very - slowly attitude.

Line 6
'Seized and bound to it,
And so joining and connected to it,
The king makes offering on the Western mountain.'

This line does have a lot of commitment words in it - seized, bound, joining, connected, making offering. A personal example is once when I was tackling a big, daunting housecleaning project, the advice I took from this line was to just "seize" some part of it and "bind" myself to that - and then, lo and behold to my surprise, once I did that, momentum developed and I actually ended up feeling "joined and connected," as if I was indeed making a worthwhile, important offering.

So...why Yi would say something like that to you about this, I don't know. In real life, he's eager to see you, but then when the meeting actually takes place he backs off again but still wants to see you in a couple months.

Another interesting factoid, since you mentioned him being enthusiastic about seeing you - in the Sequence of hexagrams, 17 follows 16, Enthusiasm. One meaning for this sequence could be that enthusiasm inevitably leads to "following" - being on a path. So again it might depend on how he feels about the path and following along on it, how ready he is or isn't (another name for 16, conveniently enough, is "Making Ready"). When you actually meet, maybe he's reminded of that again?





* this is called the "nuclear hexagram" - if you're not familiar with that, it's formed from the inner lines of your cast hexagram. Try drawing hexagram 17 on paper, and number its lines one through six, starting at the bottom - the nuclear hexagram 53 is formed by unfolding the inner lines of 17 like this: 2-3-4-3-4-5. What it signifies is what's hidden inside, the core, a seed or potential. So one way to think about it in this case might be that the core or potential of how he feels can be described as "gradual development."

 

[gael123]

Just unbelievable, Liselle. That is all so apt. I can't even tell you really. He talked a lot about his wish to live and be 'everywhere' - his fear of settling down and being tied. On one occasion, which I decided to be sceptical about, he told me he found something too special between us and it scared him. But I do believe that he genuinely wants to hang on to this untethered life of travel and ideas he has been living. His one commitment is to work which is huge - but his work takes him around the world, and he likes that. He likes to hover, or so he said. There is a little prince quality - a boy who won't grow up - but I'm quite sympathetic to it. I have some of those tendencies myself.

Wow I just am amazed by how close what you say is.

I won't wait for him, but I did want some explanation from the Yi as to the gap between the reality of our lives and the feeling which existed between us, which we spoke about, and I think this helped provide one. Thank you.

And yes, lots to learn.

 

[Liselle]

the gap between the reality of our lives and the feeling which existed between us

I think that's a good way to put it. Just because he's not (yet/ever) ready to settle down with you doesn't mean he doesn't have sincere feelings for you.

 

[marybluesky]

Hello gael!

I asked if my ex...ever loved me, and received 3.2.
I'd say the love had Sprouted(3) in this guy but something Restrained(60) him from going forward.
3.2: "Now sprouting, now hesitating,
Now driving a team of horses.
Not robbers at all, but marital allies.
The child-woman’s constancy – no children.
Ten years go by, then there are children.'
The line clearly talks about marital allies. He did love you but hesitated over openly showing it & committing himself to a relationship with you (as you mentioned). He hadn't been ready for it because of whatever reason, no matter how loyal you would have been.
The last line, however, talks about children after ten years; so something precious will come out of this love, materially or not. The relationship hasn't been in vain and it will be clear over time. If the story was to end fruitless among hesitation & difficulty, the line wouldn't talk about children after ten years.

Good luck!

 

[gael123]

Thank you so much Mary!! It would be nice if a greater understanding were to emerge.