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Dilemma. 36.1>15 or 30.1.3.6>16

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Mariakroon

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Hello all!
Thank you Hilary for welcoming me to your community!
I asked iChing to shed some light on my current situation.
I asked "should I leave my husband after all of this?" Received 36.1>15
Or "should I stay?" Received 30 1.3.6>16
The answer with leaving seems to be unfavorable and with staying is more positive. But how can I stay if he strayed?
Confused beyond. My light will darken when I'm gone, but how can I unknow what know?
Thank you!
I appreciate your thoughts!
 

corvinnclaedh

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Before I begin what this means to me, in such a serious concern, I really urge you to make your own decision. A troubled marriage is never an easy issue. It takes a lot of thought, and it can be tormenting trying to figure out the best course of action. In either case, though, I feel you will rest easier knowing you made a decision you concluded was best on whatever terms are important to you.
Now, that said, "Should I leave?": hex 36 is about staying true to your nature despite a lack of support from the outside hex 15 further reinforces the idea of being true to yourself, Integrity with a connotation of being in a state of balance. the changing line here speaks of being wounded in the midst of elation (knowing the situation when you discovered this information would be interesting), but then persevering to your goal with such determination that you are able to fast for three days (obviously not literal here, simply a poetic way of saying you're able to persist through trying times).
what this means to me: leaving your husband will not be easy (i don't imagine it would be regardless of your reading, especially since you've expressed confusion), your inner light will have to be kept alive by your own will to succeed in being happy. this in itself is another challenge, but you have the ability to make it through dire straits and eventually return to a state of balance that is true to your intrinsic nature. a rocky, rocky road, but potentially very rewarding by way of empowerment.
"Should I stay?": i enjoy Hilary's image of hex 30 as a beam of unbroken light that shines from within to the outside world. It's the ability to maintain acute awareness. In your situation, this is the moment of discovery and the ability to see the truth of the situation in times to come. In this, it advises you to care for your resources "that give us the space even to think about cultivating our awareness or vision". in this matter, it's a bit tricky. perhaps these resources are in part whoever told you, suggested the idea, or helped you make this discovery (knowing how you found out would help clarify this part). I find the 1st changing line to be quite apt for your situation. it speaks of confusion in not being able to read the signs. to this, accept that you do not understand now, but in time it may become clearer. Line 3 warns of not getting caught up in wishing for "the good ol' days". Night may come, but day will always follow it. Line 6 suggests a course of action. obviously there is an issue here, what is it at its core? take care not to get caught up in the details and work on what is really at hand. and finally, hex 16. i see this as a double-edged sword. it is powerful motivation...if you know how to wield it. if not, it can lead to chaos within your life. part of knowing how to use it is knowing what it is. in your situation, what is it that inspires you to stay with your husband? figure out what reasons you may have for doing so, and you just may find yourself more confident in deciding to do so.
some side notes: i find it interesting that the leading hexagrams of both of your readings involve light, but in contrasting ways. one, the light is hidden, the other, it is shining brightly through and through. this seems to be a debate of protection vs. expression. do you want to prevent the possibility of further hurt by leaving him? or do you want to hash things out and try assert the importance of your light, your self? find out more about the situation, why he did what he did and how he feels about you and your relationship, then decide if you're willing to place your trust in him.
This got a bit lengthy, but I hope it helps and best wishes to you in this difficult time.
 

ginnie

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But how can I stay if he strayed?

Let some time pass so that you can get over the shock. It may take some time before things go back into perspective. All best wishes to you! :)
 
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Mariakroon

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Thank you guys!
Ginnie, why should I give it some time? Should I ask about all of this later?
Corvinnclaedh, thank you for taking your time and giving such an elaborate answer. You were talking about caring for the resources. The recourse was his iPad where I read about all of this with his friend (he was showing him naked pictures of the girls he received from them. And apparently his friend was trying to hook him up with a coworker of his. Could his friend be a recourse? And should I take care of him? And how?
 

corvinnclaedh

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Perhaps it is a reference to being able to look at his Ipad, his trust perhaps? What made you look at it in the first place? As far as his friend goes, if you're not comfortable talking about this with your husband yet, perhaps see if you can talk to his friend and figure if your husband has mentioned anything to him about why he's taken this course of action. I don't recommend this, as I feel that being upfront is a nobler method than going behind his back.
 
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Mariakroon

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I'm not sure why I looked at his iPad. Had no gut feeling or anything. I was dead convinced that my husband will never do something like that to me. I heard his iPad vibrating all night long while my husband was asleep. I chuckled to myself "let me be that shallow girl who is spying in her husband by reading his correspondence. Why can't I be one of those stupid ones?" And what I found was ..... Floored me basically. I confronted my husband. He said that since we were having problems, were distant for a loooong time he had to do what he had to do. I was in shock. He told me that it us a part of life, that spouses cheat, and he didn't want to do that, but he was in circumstances. Now I'm moved out. And even though I said I'm ready to forgive him and acknowledge me being a part of the problem. He still inactive and not accepting my offer to work in our marriage.
 

corvinnclaedh

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My deepest condolences to you. I know the pain of a distant significant other who does not wish to improve the situation and has found...other methods of fulfilment. I'm not sure how committed you are to him, but if he's not willing to put forth the effort, then perhaps it is best to consider conscious uncoupling. There is nothing worse than one-sidedly hanging on to a damaged relationship. I hope you find peace and happiness.
 
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