Do I go and when do I go?! 8.1>3 and 15.4.6>56

[ChangingOne]

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[rosada]

You say “once we have a baby we want to live together” Am I understanding that you are intending to become pregnant and then move in together? One of the key teachings of the I Ching is that one follows the proper order of things. I think if you consider what that would be in your case you will see your path opening up. How about moving out on your own first before moving in with your boyfriend? 8.1 is about being content with yourself before teaming up with a partner,

 

[Trojina]

I have been ever so afraid to tell my family that I want to move (I fear verbal and physical retaliation) but does this line tell me the importance of being honest with them? And that I have nothing to be afraid of?

Hang ooon.......you fear physical retaliation if you tell them? You should not be staying anywhere, as an adult, when you have a choice, where people see it as the norm to physically hurt you. If you fear don't tell them just go and tell them when you've gone. They don't deserve you. I understand things aren't always so black and white and there may be good in the relationship too but your priority here is to get out and figure all that out later.

I met someone a year ago out of the blue and I couldn’t be happier. We both want to start a family and we’ve decided once we have a baby we want to live together. He lives about 2 hours away by train and I would really like to move in with him. I like it where he lives, it’s so peaceful and also far away from the chaos I experience at home!

Also...hang ooon...why do you need to wait to till you have a baby to live together? You say you'd like to move in with him now but also say you need a baby to do that? I don't understand. Is he currently with someone else and has told you you'll move in together when you're pregnant?

I think these points could do with some clarification before trying the reading. Both of the above are worrying to me. I'm worried you've normalised the threat of physical violence to yourself and I'm worried about your focus on pregnancy as a condition of living together. Be careful you don't move out of one abusive domestic situation straight into another. Hopefully I've misunderstood and your boyfriend is being straight with you and will accept you moving in whether or not you are pregnant?

 

[rosada]

How to make sure my moving is done in the best way for my family?
8.1 - 3.
I’m seeing these hexagrams mirroring the 3.Difficulty at the Beginning you are having figuring out how to get this new 8. Union recognized.

 

[Trojina]

ChangingOne first I'm going to give my opinion without the reading - it's what I'd say to anyone who told me

The short version is that I feel extremely controlled in life by someone close to me (a family member). I feel trapped and have always wanted out but don’t know the best way to do this.

This is not okay. It's that simple. The family member should not be controlling you nor should you feel so trapped. If you can get out then get out and don't wait ....which is what 8 is saying here in this optimistic reading I think.

So I live alone and have done for years but I’m literally 2 minutes away from the family home and I’m there all the time because I help out everyday.

I'm glad you have your own space, that gives at least more freedom

The threat of physical violence is real, although this isn’t a common occurrence at all I’m dealing with someone who has mental health issues and can be unpredictable to say the least.

You shouldn't be living under threat of physical violence. Anyone who has experienced this long term tension of living with someone who can be violent probably knows how it can get to seem the norm where it doesn't seem so bad because it doesn't happen often. If it ever happens it's not okay.

I’m in my 30’s and have always wanted to start a family but held off in previous relationships because I didn’t feel I was with the right person to do that with. My current partner is like a breath of fresh air compared to previous partners. He’s been nothing but supportive since we met. He was divorced when I met him, no kids. He rushed into the marriage due to pressures from his partners family to propose and it all went wrong. They were 20 when they met. He’s now 34 so a little older than me. When we met he said he definitely wanted kids one day and I said the same. We both really want this and feel that now would be a good time to start trying because we’ve come so far in our relationship already.

Sounds lovely. And if you are in your 30s and want a family then decide is what 8 is saying.

I guess I don’t really have an answer for why I want to wait until I’m pregnant to move in together. In a silly sort of way I guess I feel I’d be safer in delivering the news to my family then. I also think if I tell them I’m pregnant and moving that it almost makes more sense to them that I want to move in with him because we’re about to be parents and I have to move on and have my own life and can’t stay here dealing with all this nonsense anymore.

For you to say you want to move out to be with the man you want to have a family with is a perfectly valid reason to leave but also you don't even need a reason you are a free human being. The fact you don't feel safe is quite tragic. Actually I feel it would complicate your life to wait till your pregnant to move I really do. What if you get pregnant and feel you can't...it seems a better idea to go to live with him then get pregnant.

My partner would have me there tomorrow and I would literally move in tomorrow but yet I’m waiting.

Please don't wait. You are sacrificing your own life and possibilities for people who bully and use you. Also it's just 2 hours away, you can still help them on a regular basis if you want to. To be honest my opinion is it's a mistake to think you need to get pregnant to go ahead with this. I have family 2 hours away and help regularly, many people do so it's not like they'd lose you altogether. However the threat of violence is something you should consider gone/finished/stopped now.

Do you think I’m being told that I shouldn’t wait? I’m worried about the misfortune if I do. I feel like this reading is telling me so much and I can’t get my head around it all. Bottom line is that I love my family and have worked for years to help everyday to make life easier for them but it’s only run me into the ground and now I’m stuck. My family are aware I’m in a relationship but they always make jokes and say things like “oh she’ll never leave us it’s ok” and “if they move in together he will have to move here and live with her because she can’t leave us”. It makes me feel so guilty when they say things like that because secretly I do want to go and I just know I’d be happy. His family are wonderful, they’ve taken me in as one of their own and I have a great relationship with his parents and sister. I feel like this whole life is waiting for me but I don’t want to burn bridges at home or risk anyone I leave behind getting hurt (one of them has been suicidal in the past)

Yes, they're manipulating you into feeling guilt really when you owe them nothing at all. I mean a person owes their parents some care but that really doesn't mean they cannot go and start their own family. The misfortune would be a loss of this opportunity. You may be signaling to this man that your family is more important to you than he is and in the end perhaps he may not want to go on being second best. You need courage now because it could be the one chance in life you get to start a life with him. Start putting him first. Your parents have had their life, they started a family and left their home didn't they. They do not have the right to throttle your young life. Also if you want a family it's getting later, you aren't 22 and the fertility timespan is short so no you can't wait. Lots of women wait forgetting biology doesn't change because the world changes. Yes you might get pregnant at 40 but it could be a great deal harder.

If they burn bridges, which I doubt they will as you are useful to them, then they don't love you. Go to the people who do love you. I'm not saying your family don't love you but it looks to be a contaminated kind of love if you are controlled by them and physically threatened by them.


The reading

Oracle

'Seeking union, good fortune.
Retracing the oracle consultation to its source: fundamental, ever-flowing constancy.
Not a mistake.
Not at rest, coming on all sides.
For the latecomer, pitfall.'


So it's all coming at you, everything is pressing you to make a choice, it's not time to rest and dallying brings misfortune. Where it says 'retracing the oracle consultation to it's source' it means ask yourself why you asked this question, ask yourself what was at the root of this question.

Your question was

I asked how I can make sure my moving is done in the best way for my family. I got 8.1>3.

The root of the question is the wish to move and this is what the answer is about and what is the best way for your family isn't relevant, it's not what Yi addressed. You don't need to consider what is best for them but for you and him. If you go on considering them then you rob yourself of happiness.

8.1

''With truth and confidence, seeking union (with it)
No mistake.
With truth and confidence to overflow the vessel
The coming completion brings more good fortune.''

Well it encourages you to be true and confident and complete what you are planning.

Same with the 15 answer

When I was told to ask again if I was ready/strong enough to facilitate the move, I thought it might say I wasn’t. But to me 15.4.6>56 is positive. Hexagram 56 I’m really unfamiliar with but it talks about the wanderer and mentions the traveller. I feel like it’s trying to tell me something really specific to my question here but I don’t know what. Maybe my partner is the travelling stranger here? He has to go away for work on a monthly basis.

Yes you are 100% strong enough to make the move. I think 56 here is quite literal, you are the stranger who is travelling to him. 15 has integrity and does what needs to be done. The lines are lovely

Line 4
'Nothing that does not bear fruit,
Demonstrating integrity.'

Line 6
'Integrity calling out
Harvest in mobilizing the army
And bringing order to the city.'

So 15 isn't about being all humble it's about dealing with things just as they are, being honest, doing what needs to be done. Sometimes this involves humility and other times this involves assertion and strength if that is what is needed. You need to mobilize your army, gather your strength, bring order.


I hope you will go to live with him and not let your life slip by. They will manage without you, people have to. You have a life to live and a family of your own to have so make haste and be very clear with him that you choose him over them, that is where your loyalty is. I think 8.1 refers to that, showing loyalty to him, he needs to know you are committed and if you are slow and prioritize your own parents it's unfortunate for you. Do what you want to do first. As I said 2 hours isn't very far away you could come back to them every few weeks to help if need be but you have your own life now and a very lovely one is sounds it will be.

Are you sure of him? You don't want to throw everything in with him if you are not - that's me saying that not the reading btw. You sound sure though

 

[Trojina]

I want to keep this post on here so I can come back and tell everyone how I’m getting on but I’m worried it will be seen. My parents are Sometimes on here and I want to tell them in my own way and don’t want them reading this so I will take it down in a day or 2. But, I promise I will come back and even though this won’t be here I’ll make a new post letting you know when I’ve moved.

Your parents do the I Ching and read this forum?

There are a lot of threads here and this one will be sinking down the pile with the other billion threads every day while other news threads come up so unless they know your name as 'ChangingOne' how would they know unless they stalk you to the extent they read every single thread here.

The thing is you can't delete your own threads if others have replied. If you ask them if they don't mind their replies being deleted then moderators can delete the thread but it seems a pity to do so.

It's not a good idea therefore to post a thread with the idea you will remove it a few days later since you can't remove replies.

Anyway see how you feel in a few days and then decide what you want removed.

I do hope it works out for you and look forward to hearing what happens.

Take care

 

[rosada]

If you Google the hexagram line you are interested in, a list of various sites and interpretations comes up. Often when I don’t connect to a line if I read about it from several different writers perspectives I’ll get a feeling for it.
Anyway, looking into what a few others have said about 8.1 I see it as emphasizing the need for truth in this situation. Like if you are seeking union with another country, seeking to negotiate a treaty, you would want to be able to be as honest an up front as possible. So you have to calculate, “How much can I tell them, how far can I go before I’ve bump into difficulties?” How about starting out with something really small, something almost insignificant to test their reactions. Like the next time they laugh at the mere thought that you might leave, smile and say, “Aw gimme a break! Just you wait and see, someday my prince will come!” Even if they snicker they will have considered your idea and you will have planted a seed…