emotional pain 51.1.4>2

[goddessliss]

Hi to all lovely members,

Today I experienced a very emotional breakdown. It made me realise how much I am always holding things together mentally, emotionally and otherwise.

I am fine with all that I have learnt over the last couple of years as it has been a lot of healing and inner growth but still I have moments where I just want to die - literally, and today was one of them but it gets worse every time it happens.
I am so sick of doing everything one my own and no matter how many things I try in the hope of making new friends and hopefully meeting a new partner, I still feel so alone - not necessarily lonely but alone and at times desolate.

what can I learn from this emotional pain I am experiencing

Hex 51.1.4>2

I feel this only describes how I'm feeling.

Why am I experiencing such a feeling of hitting rock bottom

Hex 8.2>29

I understand this to say it is the lack of intimate closeness in my life.

I have a gf who can be supportive but also can be a bit uncaring sometimes.

We have organised to go out a couple of times and each time at the eleventh hour she has made excuses and we haven't gone. Tonight she is going out with a friend and there is absolutely no reason that I couldn't go but she made an excuse why she couldn't invite me when she knows it would probably help my state of mind a lot.
I understand she is not responsible for me or my state of mind but we have been friends for a long time.

Why didn't J want me to go out with her tonight

Hex 52.6>15

Not sure about the answer here

Thks for your help - Liss

 

[angelatlantis14]

Hi to all lovely members,

<snip>

what can I learn from this emotional pain I am experiencing

Hex 51.1.4>2

I feel this only describes how I'm feeling.

Why am I experiencing such a feeling of hitting rock bottom

Hex 8.2>29

I understand this to say it is the lack of intimate closeness in my life.

<snip>

Why didn't J want me to go out with her tonight

Hex 52.6>15

Not sure about the answer here

Thks for your help - Liss

Hi Liss,

sorry to hear that you are not feeling well! I am sending you my best wishes

For your questions, here's my interpretation for what its worth:

what can I learn from this emotional pain I am experiencing
Hex 51.1.4>2

Hex 51 is indicating a period of upheaval and disturbing events - well, like you did not know that already But the important thing to me is that 51 means a dark shocking period, in order to gain peace and strenght later on provided you stick to your plan of healing and development ( he does not let fall the sacrificial spoon and chalice)
Doubled thunder has a connotation of a new beginning, a spring, and would that not be what you want?
LIne 1 points out how close shock and fear are to relief and happiness. So even though it may not look like it right now, joy and happiness might be right around the corner, where and when you least expect them.
LIne 4 is difficult, whenever I get it I take it to mean that the shock waves do not go to the outside, but are absorbed within myself, and that is not a good thing. Are there ways for you to transport the shock to the outside - by talking to someone, taking action or anything else? (Come to think, you are already doing this by posting here!)
The changing hex 2 may be saying to stay just receptive, despite the negative things pounding on you right now.


Why am I experiencing such a feeling of hitting rock bottom
Hex 8.2>29

I agree with your analysis that this is pointing out the desire for closeness and community, and its lack dragging you down. Line 2 (Hold to him inwardly. Perseverance brings good fortune.) seems to be saying that if you manage to get this feeling of community with yourself, then the rest will follow. I know that is always a pretty easy thing to say, and not so easy to do!
Hex 29 is a dangerous, difficult situation and the only advice here is "Hold your heart fast. Success."

As for your last question, I don't think you need a reading for it - from your description this person J is simply not a good friend to you, and trying to figure out what her shallow reasons for treating you carelessly are, is not a good use of your time and emotions.

So best wishes to you from the other side of the globe and hope you feel better soon

maui

 

[kkappa]

That is a seriously worthless friend you have, in fact, I'd even just say worthless person to have around. You are right in saying that taking care of yourself is your responsibility, and as far as I can tell, you are doing that, but good friends, the ones who have your best interests in mind, would never desert you. Maybe this is a case of having to let go of the bad apples in your circle so that the good apples would have room to come into your life? It's like you said, you have been friends for a long time, but maybe it's time to start questioning that friendship, and possibly others too?

Also, it's okay to feel the aloneness and sadness - how about you take some hours off, if a day is not possible, and just feel EVERYTHING you feel without judging yourself in terms of "no, I shouldn't be feeling like this because blah blah blah". We always want to seem strong and feel strong, but in reality we may be really down that the things we wish for ourselves are taking a hell of a long time. Maybe it'll help clear the air for you internally?

Lots of love and light,
K

 

[goddessliss]

Thank maui and kkappa -
Funny how you guys can understand when a long term friend prefers to look the other way in this time of need. - Liss

 

[jasmines]

My friend,
I’m sorry that you are sad and hope that so soon you will be relieved.
You certainly got a worthy advice from K and I concur with her in a sense that you do not need a reading to figure out the source of your pain. The friend you mentioned is hard to consider a friend. People who look for excuses to exclude you, they do not care much to be with you. Based on my experience, people desires are strong drivers to act. We tend to excuse who we love/like all the time to stay around them but I assure you most of the time it turns that they do not care. Care for yourself and without doubt you will find people as wonderful as you to be with you.
JasmineS

 

[goddessliss]

What is the point of me continuing to live - Hex 43.4.5>11

I had written a long spiel about what was going on but I finally realised it is just all about a whole lot of dysfunctional people around me in my immediate environment that is having an adverse affect on my mental and emotionally well being - to change that I would have to move. - Liss

 

[goddessliss]

Update: _ I am feeling a sense of renewal after a kinesiology session late last week.
She confirmed what I thought,which is pretty well I have unconsciously held on to the thought that I
can't move on from the past particularly my exhusband and it doesn't matter what I do or how I try to improve my life nothing will change until I let go of the thought.
So far I can see a number of signs external and internal that are allowing me to move forward.

- Liss

 

[kkappa]

Update: _ I am feeling a sense of renewal after a kinesiology session late last week.
She confirmed what I thought,which is pretty well I have unconsciously held on to the thought that I
can't move on from the past particularly my exhusband and it doesn't matter what I do or how I try to improve my life nothing will change until I let go of the thought.
So far I can see a number of signs external and internal that are allowing me to move forward.

- Liss

Very glad to hear that!

 

[rosada]

What can I learn from this emotional pain?

51.1.4 - 2 Learn to let it be.
You've had some shocks and realize you want to make changes but have gotten bogged down in the middle. Like when you decide to clean your closet and pull out all the boxes and then run out of energy and now the whole room's a mess and you have to sit with it for awhile.

Why feeling at rock bottom?

8.2 - 29 It feels dangerous to be alone.
8.2 You think you need a partner but you really need to get comfortable with yourself all by yourself now.
29. No one else can navigate this time for you, although as you work through it you may learn lessons that will make you able to help others in similar straights ("The superior man carries on the business of teaching"). When you hit rock bottom you stand on solid ground.

Why didn't my friend want to go out with me?

52.6 - 15 Your friend had gone as far as they could go with you. (52 is the mountain, 52.6 is the mountain top.)

Nothing in this line says your friend was disloyal or a bad friend, only that they couldn't go any further with you that night. Maybe it was just for that evening or maybe in general you are asking more of this friend than they can give.

Why go on living?

43.4.5 - 11
You are suffering from an "inner restlessness..[you] would like to push forward under any circumstances, but encounter obstacles. Thus [your] situation entails an inner conflict. This is due to the obstinacy with which [you] seek to enforce [your]will. If [you] would desist from this obstinacy, everything would go well." (Wilhelm)
43.5 "One must go on resolutely and not allow himself to be deflected from his course." (Wilhelm)

All in all these readings suggest to me that you are actually better off being on your own just now. Perhaps if you consider that idea you will find some sense of 11.Peace.
I sure hope so.

Best wishes,
Rosada

 

[precision grace]

Hi, sorry have only just seen this and hope you are feeling much improved.

I believe all your readings reflect your existential crisis - and 29 pretty much sums it up in saying - life is a sea of emotion that we navigate as best we can because that's all there is to do - i.e. life is about/for living (the good the bad and the ugly) so including your and everyone else's emotional ups and downs. Lots of 15 means always trying to get back to your center, after every departure, come back to your center.

Keep having alt therapies, they really do work! xx

 

[goddessliss]

***** - this is the third thread that tells me I haven't thanked a couple of you - what is going on? Anyway thank you for your replies - Liss