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settan3579
visitor
- Joined
- Feb 14, 2022
- Messages
- 20
- Reaction score
- 8
Hey all,
So, if you've seen my past threads there is a situation with a girl that has been confusing and difficult for both of us. We both like each other a lot and tried to explore things, she wasn't ready but still wanted intimacy. At this point, we have been attempting to maintain a friendship, though it has been difficult since there is an attraction there on both sides. In my attempts to maintain boundaries with her, I've been fairly good, but emotions are still high on both sides.
I had a bit of frustration last night with her and where things are. Fairly unwarranted frustration, even if understandable given the clarity I have and her lack of clarity. It is a difficult situation for both of us. I sent some texts that were short (not actively putting frustration on her), and said that I thought maybe it was best if we didn't chat over the phone as we had planned. She hoped things were okay, and I mentioned that I was frustrated and felt like I was still giving too much in our dynamic. Then apologized because I was having a hard time letting go of my expectations, which were unreasonable given where we are. I apologized for bothering her and confirmed that she wanted space, mostly since I was talking about those expectations and seemed to be upset. I cleared up where I was at, which wasn't upset with her but simply in a frustrated state and trying to do what was best. She was trying to explain where she was at, which I understand. Then said she understands it was my own process but that telling her puts it on her and there's nothing she can do. Which I agreed to. She said, "the idea is that you don't need to show up" and that she doesn't have time and wants more space, and also that these conversations have put significant strain on our dynamic, making it harder to hang out.
We chatted a bit today, me apologizing for any upset I unintentionally caused. She said she wasn't looking for an apology and to just focus on the actions. She's a really good person and I clearly have been having difficulties with the dynamic. Ideally, I want to be able to show up as a better man in all aspects of my life and heal the connection that we do have underneath all of the confusion.
My queries were:
What do I do now with her to heal and rebuild our relationship?
The response was: 12.1.2.4.5 changing to 41
I gather from this that I need to focus on sincerity, taking responsibility, and gentle persistence given that she will likely be unsure if she wants to repair anything. By decreasing my habits and emotional reactions to the situation (most of which stem from childhood traumas), there is the possibility of repair even though progress right now is slow and seems stuck.
What is possible between her and me now, after these difficulties?
The response was: 22.3 changing to 27
These seem to call for sincerity and humility again, and to acknowledge my mistakes and set my sights higher for how I show up, and in doing that something good and positive can be nurtured. It suggests that harmony can be reestablished.
What should I focus on to be the best I can be and succeed in repairing our connection?
The response was: 36.2.3.5 changing to 60
This seems to again caution humility and openness while remaining committed to the goal of repairing a good friendship while relying on the support I have from the I Ching, my spiritual teacher, therapist, and other wise supports. It also is clearly saying to operate within the established boundaries of the situation, giving more space and allowing a healthy friendship to take the place of what was there in the past.
Overall, it is obviously a difficult and chaotic period, and change will happen slowly. But focusing on sincerity and taking responsibility (humility) will benefit. They always do. The situation seems to suggest that things can change if I am willing to let go of my emotional reactions a bit and give breathing room while remaining persistent and kind. This is usually the sort of man I am, and relationships are one of the hottest first of my spiritual practice and personal development. I hope to move forward courageously in this situation and repair what is certainly a positive friendship with a very good person. I'm lucky that she still thinks highly of me, even though my words and actions haven't been the highest as of late.
What do other people gather from this situation? I'm obviously a bit crazed by this dynamic, which is unusual for me. My character is usually seen by others as quite upright and wise, but this situation has tested me and shown me many shadow elements that could use some integrating. For that, I am grateful.
May your life go well,
Settan
So, if you've seen my past threads there is a situation with a girl that has been confusing and difficult for both of us. We both like each other a lot and tried to explore things, she wasn't ready but still wanted intimacy. At this point, we have been attempting to maintain a friendship, though it has been difficult since there is an attraction there on both sides. In my attempts to maintain boundaries with her, I've been fairly good, but emotions are still high on both sides.
I had a bit of frustration last night with her and where things are. Fairly unwarranted frustration, even if understandable given the clarity I have and her lack of clarity. It is a difficult situation for both of us. I sent some texts that were short (not actively putting frustration on her), and said that I thought maybe it was best if we didn't chat over the phone as we had planned. She hoped things were okay, and I mentioned that I was frustrated and felt like I was still giving too much in our dynamic. Then apologized because I was having a hard time letting go of my expectations, which were unreasonable given where we are. I apologized for bothering her and confirmed that she wanted space, mostly since I was talking about those expectations and seemed to be upset. I cleared up where I was at, which wasn't upset with her but simply in a frustrated state and trying to do what was best. She was trying to explain where she was at, which I understand. Then said she understands it was my own process but that telling her puts it on her and there's nothing she can do. Which I agreed to. She said, "the idea is that you don't need to show up" and that she doesn't have time and wants more space, and also that these conversations have put significant strain on our dynamic, making it harder to hang out.
We chatted a bit today, me apologizing for any upset I unintentionally caused. She said she wasn't looking for an apology and to just focus on the actions. She's a really good person and I clearly have been having difficulties with the dynamic. Ideally, I want to be able to show up as a better man in all aspects of my life and heal the connection that we do have underneath all of the confusion.
My queries were:
What do I do now with her to heal and rebuild our relationship?
The response was: 12.1.2.4.5 changing to 41
I gather from this that I need to focus on sincerity, taking responsibility, and gentle persistence given that she will likely be unsure if she wants to repair anything. By decreasing my habits and emotional reactions to the situation (most of which stem from childhood traumas), there is the possibility of repair even though progress right now is slow and seems stuck.
What is possible between her and me now, after these difficulties?
The response was: 22.3 changing to 27
These seem to call for sincerity and humility again, and to acknowledge my mistakes and set my sights higher for how I show up, and in doing that something good and positive can be nurtured. It suggests that harmony can be reestablished.
What should I focus on to be the best I can be and succeed in repairing our connection?
The response was: 36.2.3.5 changing to 60
This seems to again caution humility and openness while remaining committed to the goal of repairing a good friendship while relying on the support I have from the I Ching, my spiritual teacher, therapist, and other wise supports. It also is clearly saying to operate within the established boundaries of the situation, giving more space and allowing a healthy friendship to take the place of what was there in the past.
Overall, it is obviously a difficult and chaotic period, and change will happen slowly. But focusing on sincerity and taking responsibility (humility) will benefit. They always do. The situation seems to suggest that things can change if I am willing to let go of my emotional reactions a bit and give breathing room while remaining persistent and kind. This is usually the sort of man I am, and relationships are one of the hottest first of my spiritual practice and personal development. I hope to move forward courageously in this situation and repair what is certainly a positive friendship with a very good person. I'm lucky that she still thinks highly of me, even though my words and actions haven't been the highest as of late.
What do other people gather from this situation? I'm obviously a bit crazed by this dynamic, which is unusual for me. My character is usually seen by others as quite upright and wise, but this situation has tested me and shown me many shadow elements that could use some integrating. For that, I am grateful.
May your life go well,
Settan