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End of affair? or ...???

asteriskandroid

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Hi, this is my first post. I started using the I Ching over ten years ago, but put it down for the last five or six years. I consider myself very much a beginner, going only as far as reading the primary hex, changing lines, and then the related hex.

I'd like some help getting perspective and understanding in a situation that is (or seems to be) very complicated. I apologize for the length of this post.

Early last year, I became involved with a woman I work with. She is engaged, and has a child for her fiancee, whom she lives with. I am single. We had a very intense relationship, a very deep connection. When it was good, it was magical. It often felt like love.

We've gone through a very messy and protracted breakup. Since then we have both worked very hard to communicate and repair some of the damage done during our breakup. This is a grand achievement in itself as communication and trust were issues that we always were tripping over.

Now that we have come through so much, and ameliorated much of the pain and suffering we inflicted on each other, things have grown a little confusing. We have started flirting again, and have even had a really really great make-out session. Just a couple of hours after that, though, she sent me a text saying that shee needs to stay away from me for awhile. But the next time I saw her, the flirtation was as intense as it ever was. Love mixed messages, yeah.

I have been consulting the I Ching about this, a lot.

Here are some of the questions/answers:
'Not sure I can trust X's motivations in this situation. Are they coming from the heart, from the loins...?
30, 1st and 3rd line changing, becomes 35.
Part of the trust issue I refer to here is based on a fear that I am being used, that all I am doing is stroking her ego, making her feel desirable, etc. Happily, this answer seems to point to her wanting to understand why things went so bad between us, and that now that she has that understanding she is able to move on.

'X has pretty much said goodbye. What is this about?'
10, 1st, 4th, and 5th lines changing, becomes 4.
Uhhh, I don't really get it. Perhaps 10 1, 4, 5 refers to the need to keep the relationship within the bounds of civility in order to avoid moving back into the romantic relationship? And 4 referring to me asking a little too often about this relationship?

'I feel like X is playing hard to get. What is she doing?'
33, 1st, 3rd, 4th, 5th, 6th lines changing, becoming 24.
On the surface this looks to me exactly like playing hard to get (go away/come close, or, come chase me). I really don't know how to read so many changing lines. 24 has shown up repeatedly while asking about this situation, but I'm not sure if it refers to returning to the way things were between us, or if it refers to getting back to myself.

'Feel like things could really be more honest between me and X. Is it worth it to overcome (the communication and trust issues)? How should I handle the situation?'
62, 3rd, 5th, 6th lines changing, becomes 12.
My feeling on this answer is that I am being told to back off, or else. Does 12 as the relating hex say, 'no, it's not worth it'?

'I feel a deep connection with X, but am confused as to its nature or direction. If not romantic, sexual, what? What direction is our relationship going?'
45, 4th line changing, becomes 8.
Um...I dunno. Perhaps this is saying that we are headed toward a normal co-worker relationship? I really don't think this is saying we belong together, as a couple or as lovers. Does it means friends? Perhaps 8 is referring to me figuring out what I really want in a partner, in my social circle...?

Thanks in advance,
aa
 

ewald

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Hi Asteriskandroid - This sounds like a pretty tough situation to deal with.

The general idea I get is that she wants to withdraw from what she has with you, and return (33>24) to her own fiancee. There is progress in the way you deal with each other (30>35), things not going easily at first (30.1), but nevertheless, what was there is ending (30.3). There is too little to go on with (62>12), so trying to overcome it will lead to obstruction and frustration (12). Perhaps things didn't go well in her relationship with her fiancee for some time, so she turned to you to get what she wanted (62.5). That however seems temporary.
 

asteriskandroid

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Thanks for the reply ewald. Your interpretation sums things up very well.
What makes the situation difficult is the connection that we share. While neither of us is interested in being the other's long-term partner, we still have this strange bond. Strange for its strength, its depth, and its endurance. There isn't enough there to live a life together, but there seems too much to just be friends. And far too much to just disregard. A unique confusion. I've never experienced anything like it.
The questions I still look for answers to concern the direction our relationship is going, will go, or should go. The answers probably begin with other questions, ones that I have yet to ask.
Thanks for helping me get the perspective I was loking for, ewald.

aa
 

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