Evaluation and performance anxiety Hex 20.4 - 12

[dancingfox]

Hi folks

I have trouble with performance anxiety particularly when an evaluation is at hand. I suffer through minor panic attacks and hyperventilation. My anxiety was much worse at the start of my studies, I have made some progress but it keeps biting me in the heels.

I asked what to expect for my midterm evaluation this week at my new internship.

Hx 20.4 to 12

• Hex 20: Contemplating and being seen. The ruler who contemplates the law of heaven above him and the ways of the people below, and who, by means of good government, sets a lofty example to the masses.
• Line 4: Contemplation of the light of the kingdom. It furthers one to exert influence as the guest of a king.
• 12: Stagnation

20: There is talk of the ruler, his kingdom and the guest in the kingdom. I would see my mentor as the ruler of the kingdom (my internship) and myself as the guest (intern)
My mentor sets a lofty example and contemplates above and below. Up to me to follow my mentors example.

4: As the intern or the guest it will further me to exert influence. The guest understands the secrets by which a kingdom can be made to flourish.
As an intern it is my job to learn to understand the secrets by which my internship (the kingdom) can be made to flourish.

12: Stagnation: could be relating to my performance anxiety. I am obviously blocking myself in this way.

Seems a general overlook of the situation. Also I think it says for me to take a step back and contemplate. I worry and fret about the dreaded evaluations, even though I have great scores generally.

Any thoughts? Will keep this thread updated. :bows:

 

[radiofreewill]

Hi dancingfox,

When I look at 20, I 'see' the attached picture and think of the benefits of meditation.



Lines 1-4 represent the washer machine, while lines 5 and 6 stand for contemplation.

When you are feeling anxious, you have fallen into the washer machine and are thrashing about with worry ~ that's your small-self, the guest.

When you are steady and calm, even in the midst of difficulty, then you maintain your clear view into things as they are ~ this is your True Self, the ruler.

Line 4 changing suggests that you become of two minds ~ Heaven above rising, and Earth below sinking ~ so that you can clearly see your choices for the good government of your kingdom, your Awareness.

I find that inner stillness cultivated through meditation tends to put a check on runaway anxiety by balancing awareness with the calm of presence.

I hope this helps.

 

[mirian]

Hi there,

I honestly don't see anything in your reading for you to be anxious about this appraisal. Hex 20 seems apt, as it is related to observation and perception, a process in which both you and your mentor are involved.
Line 4 seems to indicate that your mentor is a capable person, and as such a good "ruler", and also has got the capacity to recognise your abilities. As far as your internship is concerned you seem to be in the right place and the interaction between you and your mentor seems to add to a positive result.

Just a few ideas, hope it helps :bows:

 

[dancingfox]

I had my evaluation yesterday and it was great. The rational part of me expected this result but a darker part of myself keeps expecting the worst.

Perhaps I should rephrase my question an and ask how I can get rid of my anxiety problem.

 

[radiofreewill]

Congrats, dancingfox, and nice call, mirian!

Definitely, keep observing Anxiety with the help of the Yi, and you'll bring it to a standstill.