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Fall out of love 28.1.3 > 58

MadameOak

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I’m in a bind where I’ve fallen in love with someone, who also has strong feelings for me, and I am married and he’s engaged. We work together and are very close friends. It would be impossible to completey avoid one another. The attraction is on an emotional, intellectual and physical level. I’ve never experienced a connection on all those levels. I am confused and heartsick. I asked the iching, “How do I stop loving him?” I received 28.1.3 > 58. Can someone please help me interpret?
 

MadameOak

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Any help? I am not proud of my predicament and I’m feeling very confused. 28 is Excessive Pressure or Critical Mass or Preponderance of the Great. Line 1 = To spread white rushes underneath. No blame. Line 3 = The ridgepole sags to the breaking point. Misfortune.(which sounds intimidating). This changes to 58 = The Joyous or Empowering
 

radiofreewill

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Hi MadameOak,

"How do I stop loving him?"
28.1.3 to 58 ~ Try regulating your love for him, instead.

I get the sense that all of your warning lights are flashing yellow at the moment ~ warning that you are in danger of acting on your feelings ~ sans self-regulation? This toss says that if you take that step, then you risk pulling the whole arrangement down on both of you?

Instead of denying what you are feeling deep down ~ very possibly 'authentic' resonance with this guy ~ cultivate that feeling to stay between innocence (line 1) and sinfulness (line 3) ~ and that way you can continue to share the extraordinary, sustained pleasure of 'being' together (58.)

This is from Liu Ming's "Changing":

28 ~ Da Guo ~ Excess

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A sagging roof beam means excess, reaching limits and not turning back. It may mean overexertion or crisis. Da Guo is about extraordinary situations and unusual relationships where eccentricity or strenuous efforts can lead to success. It is about unusual means.

Auspices

Excess, and the burden it brings, is generally inauspicious. Don't set your hopes too high. Expect setbacks. Things go well despite the odds.
Good for perseverance, the underdog, and the unorganized.
Bad for those habituated to excess, fantasies, travel, and marriage.

Liu's Comment:

Group efforts and conventional behavior are often the advice of the Zhouyi. Though being excessive or habituated to the extraordinary is considered inauspicious; there can be exceptional, if modest, outcomes from strange situations.

Da Guo contains instructions on how to avoid disaster in heavy, grave or weird and unconventional circumstances. When you get entangled in excess, going forward with caution may be the best thing to do. Excess and eccentricity have their place. Something greater than the usual mechanical sense of cause and effect is at work in Da Guo.

Line 1 ~ "White mao grass for offering mats. No harm."

You need to make humble preparations. The mao grass mats represent simplicity. In this case, simplicity avoids misfortune.

Line 3 ~ "The roof beam sags. Inauspicious."

The situation is too much for you to handle. Do not take responsibility for things you cannot manage. Excess is threatening (sags) stability. Do not go forward.​

~ and ~

58 ~ Dui ~ Pleasuring

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Dui is about the simple nature of pleasure ~ an exchange with nature. When ordinary happiness is found, it can expand and turn into the more profound feeling of joy. Joy is the radiance that rises naturally from the happiness derived from synchronicity and harmony. Dui is delicate and not a thing to be won by force.


I hope this is helpful ~ Good Luck ~ I know it's easier said than done! :)
 
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MadameOak

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Thank you radiofreewill. You have helped me on this forum, in the past. You recommended I read The Untethered Soul, which I did. It resonated with me. I also have the Thread of Dao and Tao Te Ching on my reading list, per your recommendation. I know this is part of my journey and this person was put in my path to teach me something about myself... and it’s a tough lesson in my attachment to others. We are both trying really hard to honor our commitments and just enjoy each other’s company, so the idea of balance and walking the middle path seems like a realistic option, at this time. It’s my own thoughts I need to tame... I’ve greatly increased my daily meditation to exercise the detached witness mind. Oh my heart, though. Just pulling, pulling, pulling.
 

radiofreewill

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I'm glad you read The Untethered Soul ~ thanks for following up on that suggestion!

I think you'll love Thread of Dao and the Tao Te Ching (pdf), too?

It has to be the hardest thing in the world to be so 'resonant' with another person that it feels naturally 'intimate' to be with them ~ sharing physical space, emotions and the tweakings that good friends give each other just to keep things lively...

But, but, but ~ How to keep it on the playing field between the foul posts is the real challenge?

Imho, the discipline or self-regulation called for here is moderating back from the edge of over-indulgence ~ the timeless advice that too much of a good thing is bad?

In your case, it's easy to indulge in non-contact energetic intimacy with this guy? So, the burden is on you to regulate how often you show up at his door asking for a cup of sugar, so to speak? And, the burden is still on you when he shows up at your door asking for a cup of sugar, too?

In my experience teaching meditation, adopting rigidly specified systems of moral codes (such as Confucianism) offers only limited resistance to strongly felt resonances?

Far, far better, imho, is to cultivate your own inner stability in the witness position through a spiritual practice ~ so that you can always act as the conscious Sovereign over your own Awareness ~ no matter how strong the resonances may be?

Who knows what you might choose to do ~ you're the Sovereign of your Awareness, and you could choose to do anything ~ but, at least you'll do it consciously and presumably responsibly?

Imho, to consciously ~ effortlessly ~ do the Right thing moment to moment is better than struggling against your own desire to try and do the so-called 'right' thing according to a fixed black and white moral code?

Imho, we can't truly be said to have free will unless we are also responsible for the consequences of our intentional actions, too? Can you have a precious gift that is beautiful to excess, but too delicate to touch?

I send a deep bow of respect and gratitude for your sharing.

Many Blessings
 

diamanda

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How do I stop loving him?
28.1.3 > 58


Put a yoga mat on the floor (28.1). That will stop him from fancying you (28.3). He will exchange you for another lover (58). That will definitely put you off.
 

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