Family jumping down my throat? Hexagram 54.1.5 to 47

[jp78]

Why is my family jumping down my throat about not having a girlfriend? Hexagram 54.1.5 to Hexagram 47.

Not sure what this means, but hexagram 47 is right about me being exhausted from hearing about it. Someone always tells me its my fault, my personality, and my attitude. I don't think its a big deal, but apparently it is.


Should I apologize to my brother? Hexagram 59.4 to Hexagram 6

I think this means getting away from the situation in hexagram 59? And hexagram 6 implies if I apologize I will cause more problems/arguments to open up? I should stand my previous position/spoken words since I believe in them otherwise if I apologize I could undermine my point.

 

[Trojina]

Why is my family jumping down my throat about not having a girlfriend? Hexagram 54.1.5 to Hexagram 47.

Not sure what this means, but hexagram 47 is right about me being exhausted from hearing about it. Someone always tells me its my fault, my personality, and my attitude. I don't think its a big deal, but apparently it is.


Should I apologize to my brother? Hexagram 59.4 to Hexagram 6

I think this means getting away from the situation in hexagram 59? And hexagram 6 implies if I apologize I will cause more problems/arguments to open up? I should stand my previous position/spoken words since I believe in them otherwise if I apologize I could undermine my point.

'Why' questions are often problematic, I mean the answer is hard to understand. You need to know how best to feel about/respond to why they are pressuring you into having a girlfriend. Why they are may be very complex. 54 shows one in a subordinate position...it could be they see you as belonging to them like a possession and they want you to be a certain way, often because they want you to be like them. This happens in families. If you do things your own way they can take it as a criticism of their way.

54.5 may show that in the end this situation will be reversed. Your role in the family though subordinate now and somewhat restrictive will in the end be transformed.


How ?


Well 59.4>6 shows one must be apart from one's group to get a clear view of things. To me it doesn't suggest you need to to apologise to your brother in the sense that you do actually need to get some distance between you and your family. That's a genuine need, especially if they are dragging you down.

Siblings can be very keen on making sure you feel smaller ! Siblings can be jealous. In order to see clearly you need to separate from them somewhat and find your own group. All the negative things they say can undermine your self esteem.

I think Yi is saying it is right for you to do your own thing and there is no need to apologise for that. They may not understand that. 59.4 suggests they may think you are mad or weird or something....but you aren't you are just being you. There is never any need to apologise for being who you are.

Of course if you take some time out you may feel you do owe him an apology if you hurt him. But think about it. If what you are being asked to apologise for is simply being who you are then no no need to apologise.


Frankly whether you have a girlfriend or not is none of their business.

 

[jp78]

Thanks trojan. Sorry for the late reply. My mom is asking me to apologize for the way I spoke to him in front of the family. He was basically making fun of the fact I could not get a single date on this ridiculous dating site (match.com) and that I have wasted his money (was suppose to be birthday gift). It made me so angry that he thinks he know better than me, and even though he means well, he keeps bringing it up. He did this when no one but my dad and brother was around. But then 2 minutes later I go downstairs and...

I told him off in front of the entire family including his wife saying he dated in the past unfriendly, mean, manly-looking women, and that basically gives him no right to think he knows better than me. (pretty harsh) Then I went on the say most women on the dating site just want attention, and are superficial and a waste of time (since I've sent so many emails and the conversations lead nowhere). Wrong of me to generalize like that, but was just my frustration. After I said those things, he just says to my mom, "well, he's just angry since he cannot get a single date", which in my opinion is not the most intelligent thing to say when he can see someone is pissed. I probably should not have said those things but I was so angry at him telling me how to do things and that I have wasted his money. He always criticizes everyone and comes off as "a-know-it-all". I wanted to make a point and make sure that all family members (other brothers soon to be wife was there too) heard my message and anger so they know exactly who I am.

I think I need space from the family and they suck up too much energy - I think its best for me to move.