Feeling very much like ABUSE.

[NemeanMagik]

I can't believe this situation is dragging on and on so excruciatingly painfully for me.

Just had visit from person doing investigation of my abusive treatment in mental health system. I asked

"Where will it go from here?" Response: Hexagram 19.4>54 (Sounds like I interacted in a constructive and appropriate way. But I am still feeling really very upset.)

Then, asked I-ching for update on therapist attitude towards me and got: Hex 10.6>58 (not altogether sure this is totally positive, but hey got 58 as secondary hexagram, Joy/Opening, so can't be bad).

Then, asked 'What will be the result of the meeting' (I will attend), and got Hexagram 26.2.3.6>24 ( which is all to do with hindrances leading eventually to liberation. That sounds positive on the whole too.)

So, here we are TWO AND A HALF MONTHS LATER, and the deliberations are still yawning on and on and on.

And my Care Plan basically is non-existent. (Except the one they want to impose is to be imposed by the very same people who have screwed me).

Any comments? And sorry if this also makes you yawn. Been in tears today. Really angry and exhausted.

 

[Trojina]

Well I remain optimistic that this is all for the best.

"Where will it go from here?" Response: Hexagram 19.4>54 (Sounds like I interacted in a constructive and appropriate way. But I am still feeling really very upset.)

Agreed yes sounds constructive. 19 often involves work. This is work.

Then, asked I-ching for update on therapist attitude towards me and got: Hex 10.6>58 (not altogether sure this is totally positive, but hey got 58 as secondary hexagram, Joy/Opening, so can't be bad).

10.6 is one I have thought about a lot. Right now I'd say this indicates that no harm is done. You find yourself in one piece

Then, asked 'What will be the result of the meeting' (I will attend), and got Hexagram 26.2.3.6>24 ( which is all to do with hindrances leading eventually to liberation. That sounds positive on the whole too.)

26.6 in particular is where nothing really stands in the way of karma/fate/destiny...you call it what you will. I have said before there is a bigger force moving through this than you know.

Do you think it would help to call it 'cock ups' rather than 'abuse'. In your title you have bolded the word abuse and my worry is terming it this way to yourself only makes you feel more victimised ?

You haven't had any worrying readings about this situation IMO

10.6 also you are in one piece . You are on the computer writing posts, that's a fact. What if you needed all them slightly less than you think you do ? I know you need them but that need also enslaves you a bit. Would you like to be slightly freer from needing them or does that thought alarm you ?

 

[NemeanMagik]

Thank you Trojina for responding to this. And this 'victim' thing is an issue I struggle with yes, you are right about that. However I am suffering in long term over this more or less constantly, and whilst I acknowledge the dependency aspect is not healthy and I understand that I would feel more liberated if I could let go a bit...........I am well and truly quagmired in this. I feel betrayed by my therapist who for some reason is making herself inaccessible. Those who are supposed to be helping sort out the mess seem intent on dragging it out and avoiding the real issue. I feel I desperately need clarity but am being refused it. I feel traumatized by mixed messages. I feel discounted. I cannot get myself understood, heard, responded to. I feel furious, then obsessed by Tao, desperately depressed.................extremely agitated..............and no one seems to give a ****. I do not know how to rise above it. I am not rising above it. At the moment I feel totally unable to find a way forward.... I don't understand the readings because I only know how much I am suffering and how much of a nightmare this experience is, and how negative it looks.....Nothing moves and whilst I have so far succeeded in not going berserk, I feel on the verge of breakdown over this... Totally stuck.

 

[Trojina]

I feel betrayed by my therapist who for some reason is making herself inaccessible.

She may have issues in her own life that cause her to be off work. She may be suffering illness or bereavement or family troubles. It's never easy for the one who is 'patient' to realise they are not the centre of the therapist's world because of course the therapy revolves around the patient transferring etc.

Talking very generally there as have no idea what kind of psychotherapy it is. But I imagine there are restrictions about what they can tell you about her situation. It isn't very humane but like I said before that is more due to the great clanking system probably than her betraying you. It's quite natural for you to feel she has betrayed you because of the issues you are dealing with. However previous answer of 7.2 showed she was not and I don't think she is likely to be deliberately betraying you.

I don't suppose that helps but there's not much more I can say

 

[NemeanMagik]

Hi Trojina. Yes, I know and you make some very valid points. It is analytical psychotherapy. The therapist is very much functioning and I really do not think there are any other problems. I very much want to trust and believe she still holds a light for me, but the complexity of formal relationships & failure to grasp the issues by senior staff... here makes explanations for behaviour very obscure, confusing, upsetting.

But thank you Trojina. I always value and appreciate your interpetations and comments.

 

[anemos]

maybe the system is different there , but usually after the termination of the therapy any other kind of contact is forbidden unless stated differently. I wonder if she ended the therapy suddenly or you had sessions to close that cooperation. Its a necessary step to prevent future problems. Did you had that chance Neme or she left you cold turkey without explanations etc ?

 

[goddessliss]

Why not put all this pent up energy into looking at where your responsibility lies in all of this? Seeking the truth about others only ties you up in knots and makes your self righteousness come to the fore.

I've yelled and screamed and made waves many times in the quest for the truth to come out but what I've learned happens is whilst you may get satisfaction out of it another thing will come into your life and you'll be on a crusade about that!! Plus dealing with authorities - they all back each other up, they don't want to even consider that their system is flawed.
I lost my job recently because I spoke the truth but the bosses didn't want to hear - I could've jumped up and down and gone round and round in circles but I chose to not do that - whilst I'm still quite peeved about it I've chose to let them uh 'rot in their own mire' cause they will - all these people know they're in the wrong and eventually it will catch up with them - try to believe that and move on to a more healthy life. - Liss

 

[NemeanMagik]

maybe the system is different there , but usually after the termination of the therapy any other kind of contact is forbidden unless stated differently. I wonder if she ended the therapy suddenly or you had sessions to close that cooperation. Its a necessary step to prevent future problems. Did you had that chance Neme or she left you cold turkey without explanations etc ?

No, the therapy ended as she planned at end of July, 2013. For 5-6 months seeing psychiatrist after this and cpn, following this. I was stable and a peace. It was only in middle of January, 2014 when the issue of review of therapy needs came up that all the confusion and distrust arose, and mixed messages from psychiatrist and therapist arose. Since then I have become more and more agitated. Senior staff are involved but constantly obfuscate and drag communications. All decisions are being made without reference to my wishes or needs. There are a string of posts on this. I am now questioning the whole basis of trust in my therapist and in the psychiatric department too. I am unable to resolve on any level.

 

[NemeanMagik]

What you say is largely true. Unfortunately I do not feel able to let go of this. I do not yet have any way of resolving it inside me.

 

[anemos]

i see. You worries are about whether you will get permission to return to her or not. Is there any chance that being transferred from therapy to the psychiatric care is a sign of improvement - a next step towards the resolution of what made you seek for help at the first place ? Have they made it clear to you why you had to change therapy and how can you benefit from this change ? I recall you were not happy about that change neither for the new team and its people. Do those people help you to deal with those feelings arose from the termination of the therapy with her ? do you accept such a help or there is no need as you wish and need to return to her? In your narratives I get this mixed message as one time you say you wish no to have any therapy anymore and then you ask if she will return or not. What is your wishes and needs ?

Again, there may be details you don't wish to share, that ok , i respect that . Just tossing some questions that might help to contemplate on them.