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Follow I Ching or what path my ego thinks is "right"? - reaching out to an ex

matchaa

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Follow I Ching or what path my ego thinks is "right"? - reaching out to an ex

I've recently started working with the I Ching, and of course started to bombard it with relationship related questions, haha. :)

I broke up with my ex in February (no regrets but I do miss him and still want to get back together later) and have talked to him here and there (my initiation) but not much.

About a month ago, I asked I Ching if my ex and I would reconcile and got Hex 58! I interpreted this as a good sign that we would.

Now since my ex's birthday is coming up... I asked 2 questions: "What will take place if I send a birthday message to him" and "What will take place if I DON'T send a birthday message"

Sending a birthday message: 14.2.6 > 55

Not sending a birthday message: 25.1.3.4 > 53

Looking at the 2, it seems sending a birthday message is clearly the recommended path to take as it has a much more positive outcome than not sending one.

However, I'm on the fence because I have some ego resistance to reaching out.

He never sent me a birthday message months ago. Also, I've reached out to him 2-3 times over the course of the year.. and he has disappointed me twice (first time he said he'd text me but didn't, then second time he suggested very excitedly that we should workout together but never followed up).

Given what has happened, I feel like "Why should I message him??" but I Ching indicates there would be success and I'd have help from the heavens.

What do you think? I don't really know what to do (his birthday is next week).
 

moss elk

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I've recently started working with the I Ching, and of course started to bombard it with relationship related questions, haha. :)
I hear this is a common way to start.

I broke up with my ex in February...
I do miss him.
So call him, and recognize that you broke up with him
(that is how I read what you wrote. correct me if I am wrong) and that you are now in 'friend' territory.

About a month ago, I asked I Ching if my ex and I would reconcile and got Hex 58!
Friend territory.

However, I'm on the fence because I have some
ego resistance to reaching out.
I suggest to stop using the general term 'ego resistance'
(because it isn't really helpful)
and instead name the feelings: 'my pride', 'my hurt feelings that he wasn't enthusiastic' .... etc

I hope you take this the right way:
You broke up with him and you expect him to be enthusiastic about you? Am I hearing this right?
 

matchaa

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Thanks for replying. Your response did shock me for a second as it was unexpected, but I really appreciate a perspective other than my own.

Just to clarify - one of the reasons I broke up with him was because I felt like he kept pushing me to be someone completely different (someone who's a hardcore go-getter, gets up at 5am, works all day, like him).

I can easily make those changes, but not when he made me feel like if I didn't do those things, he'd eventually break up with me because he wanted a more type A type of girlfriend (looking back, I think I was wrong to assume this).

So I don't regret the break to focus on business, but I regret not meeting with him to discuss it maturely as I just broke it off.

Which is why a month later, I called him but since he didn't pick up, I texted him to apologize. He didn't reply, and I completely understood that he didn't want to have anything to do with me.

Months later, I saw him at the gym I sometimes go to. He immediately approached and hugged me. It was very friendly, and even acknowledged he received my texts and email. He then asked if I had the same number. I said yes, he said he'd text me, and I walked away happy that we'd be touch. Of course, no text.

I saw him at the gym about a week later... same thing, he saw me again... came and hugged me. No mention of texting. That was it.

More months ago by, I accidentally emailed him something intended for a friend which was business related. He replied to let me know I sent it to the wrong person, but then once again, asked how I was doing... sounded really excited to talk to me...and then suggested we workout sometime. I was enthusiastic about it, said sure let me know anytime when you're free I'm available m/w/f. No follow up.

I'm really confused.

If he really didn't want to have anything to do with me - he really didn't need to 1) hug me 2) suggest texting me 3) suggest working out together.

If he was completely cold/distant in person and didn't care to ask how I was, I would have just given up and moved on.

Not sure where I'm going with this, but that's the story...
 

moss elk

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It sounds like he wants to be friends.
(or rather, just to be on friendly terms)
You asked about reconciliation and recieved 58 unchanging which says,
'Joins with friends'.
I'd ponder that.

Sending a message wouldn't do any harm, as long as you are not building up hopes for something you ended for the good reasons you stated. You said you weren't having regrets, but in a way, it sounds like you are exactly expressing regrets. If you explore the feelings though, you may find that it could be rather loneliness or anxiety masquerading as regret/remorse.
I think many people have these kinds of feelings after a relationship ends, we second guess our own judgement.

Sorry for shocking you with my first post.
I do that sometimes. But I'm rather harmless.
Like an occassionally grouchy puppy.

Welcome to Clarity. :bows:
 

matchaa

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Thank you for the warm welcome Moss. ;) No harm done, good to get to know you and your way of expressing. I find your perspective so helpful in helping me understand my situation.

I've asked myself the same questions - "Do I just want to get back because I'm lonely? Why am I second guessing my decision? Do I really want to be with him?"

For the longest time, I just had no clue. I have moved on in my life, have dated other people here and there, but at the end of the day still miss him, still adore so many things about him, still wish we could build a life together.

But at the same time - I don't want to reconcile if certain things don't change (his impatience and his temper).

So when I discovered I Ching, I thought it would give me some clarity, some certainty of what I should do.

I asked I Ching its thoughts on me getting into a new relationship and got 29.6 > 59. I interpreted this as - it was a bad idea since "One cannot find the way for three years" sounds like a huge warning sign not to. Not quite sure how hex 59 fits into it, so maybe I didn't interpret it correctly.

I asked I Ching yesterday if I'd be happier if I just moved on to another guy (rather than wait around to see what would happen with my ex) and I got hex 52.

I interpreted that as a "no"/stay where I am/don't do anything different. I kind of expected something more encouraging along the lines of rainbows and puppies.

Probably shouldn't ask re feelings but I was too curious: "How does my ex feel about getting married/having a family with me?"

Got 55.1.3.4.5 > 8!

Does this seem like a "friends territory" casting?

I really don't know anymore. The more I ask I Ching, the more confused I get because I'm open to a new relationship and moving on (have actually gone on a few dates recently), but I'm getting answers that I think are "no don't do it."

I'm stuck in limbo - not quite making progress with my ex, but not being able to jump into a new relationship with all my heart.

Sorry to bother you, but if you can shed some light on my situation and help me get unstuck, I'd love to hear it!
 
M

maggie may

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I agree that from your readings and your story about the situation that your ex is in "friend zone." No waiting or chance meetings at the gym is going to change that. You broke up with him. Why would he even think that you want him back? Unless of course you tell him. There is a sticky at the head of this forum about relationship questions. It is worth a read. There is no I Ching reading that can replace communication with the person of your affection. Can you call him or meet him? Tell him you miss him. Tell him you have been thinking about it, and you wonder if there is anything between the two of you. He can't even make a proper decision without having the honest information of how you feel. His answer may or may not be what you want to hear, but at least it will be real.

If you don't want to tell him how you feel and take a chance, then forget it. He is not coming back because you broke up with him. In that case, give yourself time to get over it. Seek you own pleasure and joy. Life is not ONLY about getting a guy. Your description of dating sounds a bit like seeking outside yourself for fullfillment. The more you know yourself the better you are able to be you within a relationship.

if I'd be happier if I just moved on to another guy (rather than wait around to see what would happen with my ex) and I got hex 52.
H52 is neither moving to the next guy nor waiting around for your ex. Mountain over mountain is about being still, meditation, and individuality among other things.

All the best.
 

matchaa

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Why would he even think that you want him back? Unless of course you tell him. There is a sticky at the head of this forum about relationship questions. It is worth a read. There is no I Ching reading that can replace communication with the person of your affection. Can you call him or meet him? Tell him you miss him. Tell him you have been thinking about it, and you wonder if there is anything between the two of you. He can't even make a proper decision without having the honest information of how you feel. His answer may or may not be what you want to hear, but at least it will be real.

H52 is neither moving to the next guy nor waiting around for your ex. Mountain over mountain is about being still, meditation, and individuality among other things.
Thanks for all your advice maggie may, you're absolutely right he has no idea I want to get back with him. I can't come out and just say I want to get back with him though, because I'm not fully prepared to reconcile right now (for health / financial reasons, though mainly health).

But I still do miss him, feel like we could make it work later, so I wanted us to keep in touch. I feel that if we don't keep in touch in the meantime, it would be much more difficult to get back together in the future.

Just to update this thread, I did end up sending that birthday message to him. No response yet (it's been 2 days). It's supposed to lead to a positive outcome (as indicated by 14.2.6), but I'll just sit tight and see what happens.

I asked I Ching about it in this thread: http://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/friends/showthread.php?23695-What-s-stopping-him-from-contacting-62-2-3-5-gt-47&p=233974#post233974
 

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