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Friendship or Love

sbd

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I met a man. We started to become friends over a few weeks. I noticed myself developing feelings for him beyond friendship, but I didn't believe (or couldn't tell) if he felt the same. Then one day I told him I couldn't continue being friends, as it was uncomfortable for me because I had developed feelings. He never directly said one way or the other (that he did, or didn't, return my feelings.) He did say he didn't want to loose me in his life, I brought value to his life, and was important to him. He asked if he brought value to my life (yes, I said) then why would I want to let that go, he asked?

After a good cry, I realized a good friend was valuable and why walk away from someone I enjoy being with? Somehow acknowledging my feelings, it no longer felt uncomfortable to be around him.

Now, several more weeks have passed, and we have spent alot more time together. Talk about everything. Lots of compliments given and received. Very good communication. He has said a few times that he wants to become friends with a woman first, before getting involved. I haven't responded to this, just listened. I can't tell if I'm reading into this, or if he's trying to say something to me indirectly? Also tells me how much he enjoys spending time with me. He is attentive, considerate, thoughtful, cares about my feelings and what's happening in my life, and all the many things I would want in a partner. Personally, I've never had a close, intimate male friend like this, unless we were "involved." This is all unknown for me.

Recently I made an abrupt decision to accept a job out-of-state. I've told him this. He has been supportive, but also noted that I didn't seem excited about the move. (He was right.) He says he wants to get in as much time together as possible before I go. I've now decided (yesterday) against taking the job, and he doesn't know this yet. (My decision is not at all related to him. Also, this week he is out of town.)

Today I asked the Yijing about where things are headed with us. I received an answer of 35 with line 3 changing into 56. I believe 56 does not sound good for a relationship, but I also can't help but wonder if it comes up because he is currently traveling and (he still believes) I am moving. Or, maybe it means that we are both willing to travel into unknown and unfamiliar territory emotionally? I know that 35 is about sex, and seizing a bright opportunity. So again, this might be about us seizing an opportunity before I move? The line 3 seems to be about cooperation, and communication, and I assume that's between us?

When I ask about the best approach for me to interact with him, I receive 27 unchanging.

But when I ask about the outcome of doing 27, I get 49.1.5 ending with 28! What is that??

And, when I ask what his reaction will be to me staying, I get 32.6 going into 50. These hexagrams look great, but that changing line is worrisome!

People here seem very good at interpreting these kinds of situations, and so have at it! I realize that time will tell what direction things will go for us, and at this point I'm hesitant to say anything to him, or be the assertive one, and I do not want to loose this friendship. Truly, this man has become someone very important to me.
 

yly2pg1

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"When I ask about the best approach for me to interact with him, I receive 27 unchanging.

But when I ask about the outcome of doing 27, I get 49.1.5 ending with 28! What is that?? "

49.1.5 ends with 62,right?
 
C

candid

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Everything is going extremely well. Don't rock the boat but do enjoy the trip.

Take care of things near and far, and be careful not to get in over your head, or push to a conclusion prematurely. Lightening up a bit eases the way for this relationship, and for your own head.
 

yly2pg1

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Hi Sbd,

"And, when I ask what his reaction will be to me staying, I get 32.6 going into 50. These hexagrams look great, but that changing line is worrisome! "

BTW, do you know your friend background well?
I mean is he engaged or married?
Maybe, this is what Yi hints here?

Generally, Yi recommends 27 as a approach. A good communication and understanding will help you to make good decisions.
 

sbd

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I made a mistake, and it is 49 to 62, not 28! Well, this is somewhat better. What do you see in these lines and the meaning here? I am lost, and trying to understand the Yijing better.

27 is about nourishing words and deeds. Yes?

We have mutual friends and I know some of his history. No, he is not married or engaged. Do you see another woman in this reading? Do you get this from 32.6?

I have no interest in pushing this, although --- I have fantasized about kissing him, and even asked Yijing about that only to receive 14 unchanging. I never did it though, and I don't think I will. He will have to come to me.

Lightening up a bit, OK. It has been a long time for me since a good relationship. I am not impatient. I just don't want to be hurt if it turns out he only wants to be friends.
 

jerryd

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Well it may be ok in this case just to cut to the chase and ask him if he is free to have a drink and some lunch, as friends?
 

sbd

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Cut to the chase? What do you mean? We get together all the time as friends, lunch and dinner, etc.
 

sbd

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How can I remove this posting from this website?
 
J

jeanystar

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why do you want to, sbd? sometimes you can edit your posts by going to edit profiles.

My feeling is that 35,3 seemed to refer to the realtionship in context to pending job change........the relationship seemed nice but it was casual and temporary, and he was not asking you to stay.

27unchanging , in my opinion would be to consider how satisfying this state of affairs is for you.........Do you really want a man who is not pursuing you as a passionate love interest? do you want a buddy? (I think you already honestly said you dont, you want more...) these are things to consider...about your needs and your sources of nourishment.
49 means transformation.......maybe you will realize it is not enough, maybe you will even tell him so more firmly this time and say that no, the friendship is not what I want. At least find out your real chances. where you stand. Men who hold back are usuaully not that interested in going further, despite enjoying the friendship.

maybe he will transform, altho it doesnt sound likely, unfortunately

32.6 could mean the end of what has gone on , what has been continuing. the end of perserverance in this vein. 50 the cauldron could be the opportunity to cook a whole new stew, transform contents, start over, or do another dish altogther..

most impt thng: WHAT DO YOU REALLY WANT? answer that question and then insist on that, nothing less. just my opinion
 

sbd

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What I want is to remove this whole thing from this website. I didn't know it was available to search on the internet. I only thought it was available to search those who come to this site and register and sign in. I do not want this here. I have kids who search the internet. Please remove. I will never come back here again. Please remove.
 

pargenton

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I Do no understand your worries, sbd.
How is possible to identify you ?
Remove your email from profile if you are concerned, and that's all.
Peace
Paolo
 

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