...life can be translucent

Menu

future maybe relationship

psychonaut613

visitor
Joined
Dec 27, 2012
Messages
109
Reaction score
1
So I got recently a i ching reading suggesting I work on myself first, then try relationships.
In the meantime, I have been through some agonizing changes in my life, most important realizing that neediness, clinginess, and the hot-headedness that came with it was my major obstacle. And, just when I started internalizing this idea, after months of work, really doing the hard work to be it, I meet this new chick at work. And magic seemed to happen. As soon as we were talking, it was so easy and natural, I found myself saying things I wouldn't normally say, and she kept getting close to me. And everything seemed as if she felt the same. And I was in a state where I was ready to say, I'm not relationship material, don't get close to me, just to be honest, but the way I felt made me open up to her in ways I wouldn't have. For the record, I have had many "crushes" b4 that didn't amount to anything. This feels completely different.
But, she has a boyfriend. The evidence of interest IS there, ie she remembers stuff from the conversation the day we met. and I love being around her, and she suggested she loves being around me. I have been enjoying being around her and the yin-yang exchange we have...

However, a mutual "friend" just told me differently, things like, "she doesn't appreciate me 'hitting' on her" and other details she could have told him or he actually could have figured out, just to throw me off.
I have been hesitating to ask about her in the first place, bc I found a post on here saying something like how the person posting found that if they ask the ic about a love interest, well they found it better to simply express feelings to their 'beloved' rather than ask, and this gives the other person the confidence to make true decision. After that, I hung back, not asking.

However, after what the "friend" said, on gut feeling, I thought to ask the IC, is he trying to decieve me about her? and yes, he may have cause to be jealous....
After I threw the coins, b4 reading it, I had another gut feeling that said that, If I read it, it may change my future relations with her irrevocably, and maybe I shouldn't. I know sometimes women act this way even though they do have feelings for the guy, acting as if he is the one solely making advances. For the record, she is the only girl I ever was completely up front with. I took the chance and told her first week how I feel, I think she is sexy, etc., not the "gentleman" bullshit I would have normally said, in a way that was more authentically me. What she said back to me was always very positive. but, ???
What do you guys think? should I drop the matter? let it play out?
I guess the real thing that makes me question, just so you all know, and no amount of therapy or self work may completely get rid of it, I had a borderline personality girlfriend and the aftermath makes me always question things.

And, yeah, it's possible this "connection" I feel was only bc I am in the right state of mind to really make connections...
 
Last edited:

newlife123

visitor
Joined
Apr 5, 2013
Messages
239
Reaction score
0
First of all i think you should back off since ou know she has a boyfriend. Do you want a girl that would cheat on her boyfriend or leave ner boy friend just for some new romance at work? Second of all I think you should back off just to get your head right. Thats what I would do and am doing if you read any of my previous posts.
 

psychonaut613

visitor
Joined
Dec 27, 2012
Messages
109
Reaction score
1
I didn't really think I was being overtly forward or anything, just joking around with her a lot and being friends, other than that first week.
 

psychonaut613

visitor
Joined
Dec 27, 2012
Messages
109
Reaction score
1
Actually, my next question my gut says to ask: who I should talk to about this situation that will make it clear... I was actually thinking about one of my wise guy friends, but...

I got 57.2 > 53. I find it interesting that the first passage talks about the eldest daughter and she happens to be the eldest daughter in her family.... idk if that means anything. Just had a thought it was maybe about being direct instead of asking ic questions

I have already thought of the idea that I must tell her I need space bc I need to keep working on myself, iinstead of thinking about her. that may be where the real problem lies...

Thoughts please and thank you
 
Last edited:

littlebuddha

visitor
Joined
Sep 3, 2009
Messages
118
Reaction score
0
As i understand it, 57.2 to 53 here says not to make important decisions hastily and also not to be influenced by others' insinuations. On the other hand, indecisiveness and hesitation might result in an impasse, so the timing might be crucial here. It does seems though that for the time-being it's the best to keep being friendly and nice towards your colleague, without going overboard and becoming pushy.

If read quite literally, maybe it would be opportune for you to get a professional reading? (I mean to consult a trusted pro I Ching or other consultant.)

Hexagram 53 is about gradual progress, the eventual relationship will probably take time to develop, hence the opportunity to work on self awareness and on patience too.
Hope this helps.
 

anemos

visitor
Joined
Aug 5, 2010
Messages
2,316
Reaction score
1
So I got recently a i ching reading suggesting I work on myself first, then try relationships.
sometimes it works simultaneously,imo.

and no amount of therapy or self work may completely get rid of it
that's a biggie !!! I agree with that and maybe its what 57.2 refers too.


For when such elusive influences are brought into the light and branded, they lose their power over people.



 
Last edited:

kkappa

visitor
Joined
Dec 6, 2012
Messages
188
Reaction score
0
I guess the real thing that makes me question, just so you all know, and no amount of therapy or self work may completely get rid of it, I had a borderline personality girlfriend and the aftermath makes me always question things.
I must admit that's quite a pessimistic view of things - already setting yourself up for failure. Until the day you do not quite understand all the influences that were at play when (and WHY) you were involved with such a person, yes, this is going to influence your way of thinking. The first step, however, is to acknowledge your own mental traps, and then one day you'll go: "Meh, that's not me anymore." So good for you with choosing to work on yourself instead of getting involved. Least of all with someone committed.

Also, there's no need to be afraid of knowing the truth about your relation to her, even having brought this up in the first place changes the way you will have to relate to her. Asking about it will take the power her existence has over you away, and maybe this girl is literally only there to reaffirm your decision that YOU come first right now. So go ahead and ask: What is my best course of action in relation to her? or What do I need to understand about my relation to her? (might as well ask that about the ex too, maybe you'll gain new insight)
 
Last edited:

psychonaut613

visitor
Joined
Dec 27, 2012
Messages
109
Reaction score
1
I do understand the mentality that led to the relationship with the borderline and am working on it. Unfortunately for now, the fear of meeting another is still there, causing me to question

when I said I was thinking about telling her I need space, I meant in a we'll still be friends sort of way
 

newlife123

visitor
Joined
Apr 5, 2013
Messages
239
Reaction score
0
If it were me pychonaut, I would step away for a day or two and ask the oracle what is the best way to clear my mind. I think you maybe be over thinking all of this.
 

psychonaut613

visitor
Joined
Dec 27, 2012
Messages
109
Reaction score
1
I must admit that's quite a pessimistic view of things - already setting yourself up for failure. Until the day you do not quite understand all the influences that were at play when (and WHY) you were involved with such a person, yes, this is going to influence your way of thinking. The first step, however, is to acknowledge your own mental traps, and then one day you'll go: "Meh, that's not me anymore." So good for you with choosing to work on yourself instead of getting involved. Least of all with someone committed.

Also, there's no need to be afraid of knowing the truth about your relation to her, even having brought this up in the first place changes the way you will have to relate to her. Asking about it will take the power her existence has over you away, and maybe this girl is literally only there to reaffirm your decision that YOU come first right now. So go ahead and ask: What is my best course of action in relation to her? or What do I need to understand about my relation to her? (might as well ask that about the ex too, maybe you'll gain new insight)
sometimes it works simultaneously,imo.

As i understand it, 57.2 to 53 here says not to make important decisions hastily and also not to be influenced by others' insinuations. On the other hand, indecisiveness and hesitation might result in an impasse, so the timing might be crucial here. It does seems though that for the time-being it's the best to keep being friendly and nice towards your colleague, without going overboard and becoming pushy.

If read quite literally, maybe it would be opportune for you to get a professional reading? (I mean to consult a trusted pro I Ching or other consultant.)

Hexagram 53 is about gradual progress, the eventual relationship will probably take time to develop, hence the opportunity to work on self awareness and on patience too.
Hope this helps.
newlife, I think the only thing I am overthinking is my fears... As anemos suggested, working on this friendship IS working on myself and I have gained more in a few weeks than months of work. I never got the impression from any of our interactions that she would just up and leave her boyfriend for me, my gut feeling suggests as littlebuddha said, that if anything happens, it will happen over time as the IC suggests, she will eventually realize she wants to be with me, not bc I'm "better", but just bc she will. But this is IF.
The IC reading I got a couple months or so back when I asked about relationships was 59.5.6>7, suggesting surrender or letting go. So I don't think I will ask about her directly at this time. This is forcing my ego to take a back seat. Not knowing, being unattached to the outcome. I still get OCD about it sometimes and usually just tell my self that, bc she knows how I feel / where she stands with me, she can make an informed and confident decision if it comes to that and I let go of fears outcomes and worries. If I asked, I wouldn't be unattached. It is sometimes painful and excruciating, and yet very freeing. I don't think there is wrong in us being friends and pretty sure it will hurt her feelings for me to back out of the friendship now... And it's something the old me would do, get resentful and mad, blame her and maybe even blow up basically end the friendship bc I simply couldn't just be patient / let go.
I think I will ask about the ex though...

kkappa I am not setting myself up for failure; I feel the fear so much more right now BECAUSE I am facing it.

Oh, and littlebuddha, I thought indecisiveness was line 1? I don't see anything about it anywhere else...
 
Last edited:

Clarity,
Office 17622,
PO Box 6945,
London.
W1A 6US
United Kingdom

Phone/ Voicemail:
+44 (0)20 3287 3053 (UK)
+1 (561) 459-4758 (US).

Top